tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70913916014580031682024-03-12T23:07:49.271-04:00The Nordic LinkSandberg Features. Articles, reportage and comments from Hans Sandberg. Topics include USA, China, Sweden, computers, information technology, science and education, research, economics, politics etc.Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.comBlogger427125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-48573548976810986952024-03-10T13:49:00.000-04:002024-03-10T13:49:10.544-04:00Taking a Bus from Stockholm to New Delhi in 1974<div style="border-bottom: solid #4F81BD 1.0pt; border: none; mso-border-bottom-themecolor: accent1; mso-element: para-border-div; padding: 0in 0in 4pt;">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm_JERkJ6eHkIN75QGGk1HDdCr9NTzd0a6ZU6-K8uyOzx6GoBti0p0QLn7M-fjzhcCqRVU99EiMIJhixHM0bEfSEM_WTnFbgXIQ7L_0XZdyV39nYEYD9NDnoNKP7yE_V3KszkoCA6weAM/s1600/001-Indienresan+1974-04+015c-med.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="205" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm_JERkJ6eHkIN75QGGk1HDdCr9NTzd0a6ZU6-K8uyOzx6GoBti0p0QLn7M-fjzhcCqRVU99EiMIJhixHM0bEfSEM_WTnFbgXIQ7L_0XZdyV39nYEYD9NDnoNKP7yE_V3KszkoCA6weAM/s1600/001-Indienresan+1974-04+015c-med.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><i>Swedes on the way to India. Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</i> </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: right;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: right;"><i>(First posted in August 2014, revised in March 2024)</i></div><div style="text-align: right;"><i><br /></i></div></div><div class="MsoNormal">There I was, waiting for the bus that was to take me on a 7,000-mile ride from Stockholm to New Delhi. It was September 3rd, 1974 and I was three months shy of 21. With me was my friend <b>Elisabeth</b> and 39 other young travelers, half of which were women. Around us were parents and friends who were there to see us off on our three-and-a-half month adventure. Eventually, Bill and Bull – two blue weathered Scania buses – arrived and parked on the railway overpass by the northern entrance of Stockholm’s Central Station.</div><div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal"><div class="MsoNormal">We said our goodbyes, picked up our luggage, and stepped onto Bill. There were seats in the front, but those in the back had been replaced with particle boards topped with thin foam mattresses. Elisabeth and I chose a bed on the left side and made ourselves as comfortable as possible in what was to become our home for the next six weeks.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">I brought a large, light-blue, and ultra-light Fjällräven backpack that had my red sleeping bag strapped to the bottom of the frame. I had strategically packed the bare minimum of clothes and personal items, a couple of books, notebooks, a thermos flask, a water bottle of metal, malaria pills and charcoal tablets for diarrhea. A burlap bag from an army surplus store held my two cameras, a Rollei 35 and a Nikon F with a flash and two lenses, 35 and 200 mm. I had stuffed 55 rolls of film – 30 Kodak Tri-X, 10 Kodak Plus-X and 15 Kodachrome II for slides in the side pockets of my backpack. My passport and $400 in American Express traveler’s cheques rested in a thin nylon pouch under my shirt along with $100 dollars in cash.</div></div>
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That was it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">I didn’t own a credit card, and we had no mobile phones, no email, no World Wide Web, no Wi-Fi, no Skype, and no Facebook. MP3s were not around yet, nor were portable Walkman cassette players, so we had to make do with the radio in the bus – if the reception was good.</div><div><br /></div>
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Back then, the world was analog.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl5vMlViAO6ZURqcMKDaFPpDCI35CzyDCXCLcp__pL9IXflcQJttPmfDcLzDqoIUPTtVL0UrT7StNAqPs3FX_QbygC2xztgr-1wXBz_-mJkpZvhB8TvAijU2dcPD-LiOlMPH7TKzpRyJ4/s1600/Journey+to+&+in+India+1974.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="322" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl5vMlViAO6ZURqcMKDaFPpDCI35CzyDCXCLcp__pL9IXflcQJttPmfDcLzDqoIUPTtVL0UrT7StNAqPs3FX_QbygC2xztgr-1wXBz_-mJkpZvhB8TvAijU2dcPD-LiOlMPH7TKzpRyJ4/s1600/Journey+to+&+in+India+1974.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Our 1974 journey to and in India.</span></i></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqVhDs23v-jyVq91Bt8Uh_rEAizL-3EQjINvUG1cKOt2-wq4vKIw0AhyphenhyphenwqV3qFSKDk38c1rmZAv6fIEu1Z4Qhky4nh8jW-KbZd1h4vri8AVXMmm5ALoYqcg5pmMpIW27TS-m4rK75lkjk/s1600/002-India+Journey+1974+001.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="246" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqVhDs23v-jyVq91Bt8Uh_rEAizL-3EQjINvUG1cKOt2-wq4vKIw0AhyphenhyphenwqV3qFSKDk38c1rmZAv6fIEu1Z4Qhky4nh8jW-KbZd1h4vri8AVXMmm5ALoYqcg5pmMpIW27TS-m4rK75lkjk/s1600/002-India+Journey+1974+001.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>The first morning on the road. Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</i> </span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjZj30x4Uy-dPgJXG1Wh_6bc_gxYPO2roZvUp996aNLuPS3JeS0mAq3SuX2S5T9eDyvtQ727MB0CmK9Lglvy4p5wUssT7W3MVLjghrAn8Mg-Cpf0mlZbzvTSwq8sXX9SQNxEc90OftM6Q/s1600/043-Indienresan+1974-06+027-med.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="258" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjZj30x4Uy-dPgJXG1Wh_6bc_gxYPO2roZvUp996aNLuPS3JeS0mAq3SuX2S5T9eDyvtQ727MB0CmK9Lglvy4p5wUssT7W3MVLjghrAn8Mg-Cpf0mlZbzvTSwq8sXX9SQNxEc90OftM6Q/s1600/043-Indienresan+1974-06+027-med.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: small;">Somewhere in Eastern Turkey. Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table><br /><div class="MsoNormal">Fifty years have passed since I stepped onto that bus, and I ask myself: What were we thinking? The truth is that we didn't think. My friend Elisabeth had heard of a guy who drove people to India and back for a very good price. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">We were young and naïve, and simply said, let's go! </div>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><div class="MsoNormal">What would I have said if my two sons wanted to go on a trip like that when they were 20? It makes me wonder about my parents. I can’t recall any words of caution or doubt. They never tried to stop me. The only plausible explanation I can come up with today is that they thought it was a good idea for us to travel, and that they probably took comfort in the fact that the journey to and from New Delhi was an arranged tour, not just us hitchhiking to Asia.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Besides, this was not my first trip. I learned to walk in France on my family’s first car trip to Bretagne and southern France. They had a Citroën B11 pulling a small red and yellow caravan. That was 1954. Four years later my family, which besides me and my older brother, now included my younger brother, set out on a European camping trip in a Volkswagen Beetle, which somehow fit two adults, three young children, and a tent – plus a sandbag under the hood to prevent the car from blowing off the autobahn if the winds got too strong. And in 1967, we went on a seven-week journey in an Opel hatchback pulling a new caravan that my father had traded a painting for. We drove through Germany, cut over to France, visited Paris, and then crossed the Alps on Route Napoleon, ending up in Menton on the French Riviera.</div><div><br /></div></div><div class="MsoNormal">
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In the spring of 1948, my parents boarded a small freighter for a two-week sea voyage from Sweden’s west coast to Paris via Rouen. It was only two and a half years after the end of World War II, and Europe still lay smoldering. My father wrote in his diary about the eerie views of rusty and blown-up wrecks in the River Seine as they approached Rouen. After a month studying and exploring the art scene in Paris, they continued by train to Switzerland and then Italy. <o:p></o:p></div>
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My grandparents had pulled up their roots several times to
start over in new places. My maternal grandmother, whose husband had
abandoned her and their eight children, encouraged two of her seven surviving
children to move to America in 1946. Mom told me that grandma didn't want
her only son to be enlisted in case of another war. And then there were
the million Swedes who left for America in the late 19th and early 20th
century. They may have been afraid, but they didn't let fear stop them. What
were they thinking? Maybe they didn't think much about it at all, like me when
I was 20. They just did it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Taking a bus from Europe to India was one of those things
you could do in the mid-seventies. <o:p></o:p></div>
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We were a mix of university students, nurses, workers,
teachers, and young people in search of self, or simply curious about the
world. We were not hippies, even though a few of us talked about smoking pot
while sitting on a roof somewhere in Nepal. The trip was just a trip, an
opportunity that had presented itself to us and one that we took, but we were
also part of a growing stream of European and American overland travelers
heading for Afghanistan, India, and Nepal. The Canadian travel writer <b>Rory
MacLean</b> wrote in his <i>"Magic Bus – On the Hippie Trail from Istanbul to India"</i>
(2006) that 90,000 visitors arrived in Afghanistan every year by the
mid-seventies. Most of them would continue on to India and Nepal. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The name Hippie Trail evokes images of the fabled Silk Road,
which had attracted adventurers, spies and explorers in the early 20th century,
but was actually neither a road nor mainly about silk. It was the German
geographer<b> Ferdinand von Richthofen</b> who in 1877 came up with the German name “Seidenstraße” as
he explored a possible path for a railway between Germany and China. There was
however, never a road stretching from Istanbul to China or India, but a series of trade routes over land or over water, where merchants,
diplomats, explorers, bandits, warriors, and pilgrims had travelled for two,
maybe three thousand years. <b>Marco Polo</b> knew of no Silk Road, and neither did
the Nestorian monk and diplomat <b>Rabban Bar Sauma</b> who also travelled in the 13th
century, but in the opposite direction, from Beijing (then called Khanbalik) to
Jerusalem, Baghdad, Sicily, Rome, Paris, Bordeaux, and Genoa before settling in
Baghdad. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The land routes from Europe to Asia lost their importance
when the Ming Dynasty closed the doors on foreign trade and with the European
discoveries of new sea routes to Asia in the 16th century. However, geopolitics
and the growing interest in oil and natural gas made the area hot again in the
19th century, although not so much for trade as for imperial rivalries like the
British and Russian “Great Game” over Persia and Afghanistan. <o:p></o:p></div>
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When the British adventurer and writer <b>Robert Byron</b> traveled
through Persia and Afghanistan in 1933-34, he found the “Silk Road” in a sorry
state (<i>“The Road to Oxiana,”</i> 1937) with vanishing roads and collapsed bridges.
<b>Jan Myrdal</b>, the Swedish writer, painted a similar picture a quarter century
later in <i>“Kulturers korsväg: en bok om Afghanistan”</i> (1960) and then in <i>“Gates
to Asia – A Diary from a Long Journey”</i> (1972), two books based on a series of
journeys he did with his wife <b>Gun Kessle</b> in a Citroën 2CV. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Many in the first postwar wave of overland travelers to India were
inspired by the Existentialists, Beat poets and writers like <b>Allen Ginsberg</b> and
<b>Jack Kerouac</b>, but this was only a trickle compared to the second wave, which
started in the late 1960s and peaked around the time we drove East through
Turkey, Iran, and Afghanistan. This wave was broader and more diverse,
consisting of young people who had come of age in the wake of the social and
cultural uproars of the 1960s and early 1970s, the age of rock & roll,
sexual liberation, the Vietnam War, May 68 in France and the Soviet occupation
of Czechoslovakia in August 1968. And everything was televised. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Underneath it all – at least in Western Europe and North
America – was a search for something else, a rebellion against the parental
generation’s nervous conformism and materialism. Many young people had joined
political and anti-war movements, while others turned inwards, exploring drugs,
new religions and meditation. The Beatles discovered transcendental meditation in
1966-67 and visited <b>Maharishi Mahesh Yogi</b> in India in February 1968. Before
long, India was swarming with youth from Europe and America. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I doubt that any of us riding Bill and Bull had heard of the
Beat generation, although we were familiar with the hippie movement. For me,
India was a social and political challenge rather than an existential problem. It is
true that I too had walked around in Jesus sandals in ninth grade, considering
myself a “Mod,” a Swedish term for long-haired young men who liked rock music.
But I never saw myself as a hippie, a term that I associated with an apolitical
lifestyle of drugs and navel gazing. I was politically active on the left and
saw India as a poor country with extreme social and economic contrasts; a
country that had been plundered by the British colonialists and now was held
back by Western imperialism, religions and the caste system.<o:p></o:p></div>
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We were lucky to take the trip when we did, because the
Hippie Trail would soon be shut down, or at least very dangerous following a
pro-Soviet coup in Kabul in April 1978 and the 1979 fundamentalist Islamic
revolution in Iran. When we traveled through Afghanistan, things were
relatively calm under <b>Mohammad Daoud</b>, who in July 1973 had toppled his cousin and
brother-in-law <b>Mohammad Zahir Shah</b>, who had been king of Afghanistan since
1933. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Before Inter-Rail, kids hitch-hiked across Europe. I myself hitchhiked 400 km (250 miles) to visit a Swedish girl I had met in March 1972 on a homeward-bound ferry from Leningrad (now St. Petersburg) and in the summer of 1973, I hitchhiked 350 km (220 miles) from the city of Kalmar on Sweden’s Southeast coast to Copenhagen, Denmark, which was the starting point for a month-long solo journey across Europe by train. Dad gave me a ride to a drop-off point on the European Highway E4, where I subsequently stuck out my thumb. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">My 1973 trip was a journey without a purpose and I set out alone as a friend I had planned to go with bailed on me. Like tens of thousands of other kids, I took advantage of the new InterRail Pass, which made the European railway system accessible to so many young people. All I had with me was my passport, my $70 Inter-Rail ticket, traveler’s cheques, my backpack, and my Nikon. The trip would take me to Rome and Venice, and then back north and west along France’s South coast to La Rochelle on the Atlantic coast, where I took a ferry to Île de Ré, and spent a week hitchhiking to seven small towns on the island hoping to meet the girl I had met on the boat from Leningrad. She had dumped me over the phone while I was in the army but had suggested that we stay friends. Before I set out on the journey, she suggested that I meet her on Île de Ré, but she never showed up. During my stay there, I met a German chamber orchestra and was invited a family dinner by one of the members who was from the island. From La Rochelle, I headed to Paris and then Calais, where I took a ferry to Dover and spent a week looping around England and Scotland before heading back to Sweden. I traveled with the wantonness of youth, letting the road show me the way.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Originally, I had planned to go on a second InterRail trip that summer but didn't have enough money, so I took a job at Standard Radio, an American-owned manufacturer, dipping electronic circuit boards in a series of acid baths. The pay was good, but the monotonous job hurt my back and so I quit after a couple of months and decided to study. A friend from high school, Radja, suggested that we go to Uppsala University, which he thought was nicer than Stockholm University, situated in six famously ice-blue office-like buildings. I signed up for Political Science and managed to get a dorm room a short walk from the university. My friend, whose dad was from India, ended up signing up at Stockholm University. <o:p></o:p></div>
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It was during the new student introduction that I spotted Elisabeth. We were shown
around the University and Skytteanum, the 18th Century building with oak beams
in the ceiling that was home to the political science department. She had a
pretty face, long dark brown hair – and most importantly, she returned
my looks. By April we had decided to take a bus to India. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The tickets were cheap – 2,300 Swedish kronor (about $400) per person – and the fact that we would sleep on the bus saved us the cost of staying at hotels, but we still had to prepare for the journey, purchase film and other supplies, have enough money for food, plus local travel, and accommodations after being dropped-off in in India. And that was money that we didn’t have, so we visited the local government employment office in Uppsala and checked out their lists. There were a number of jobs in the hospital sector, but the pay was low, and we only had the summer to save, but then we discovered a job at Farmek, a coop meat processor. They had a large slaughterhouse and offered better pay, so we visited the factory and were hired after each of us had been put through a two-hour long interview. For the next three months we earned a piece work rate of about 17 kronor ($3) per hour. It was hard work, but we persisted and earned the money we needed.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdjw-B5pNORza6D5BBeuRM1lKjhyphenhyphen8QGkwJ11UeokiyplEYoRMOtiF5j_GzflqhXUDPuc-YOaAw6YPp3FaKxA93BNTM9W_dNFl9N-Ay6ytDsO0Ak2cuJ7UCTxdU2Xyj1rPca-uQQOAmL4Y/s1600/023-Indienresan+1974-06+002+Hans+in+Greece.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="color: black;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdjw-B5pNORza6D5BBeuRM1lKjhyphenhyphen8QGkwJ11UeokiyplEYoRMOtiF5j_GzflqhXUDPuc-YOaAw6YPp3FaKxA93BNTM9W_dNFl9N-Ay6ytDsO0Ak2cuJ7UCTxdU2Xyj1rPca-uQQOAmL4Y/s1600/023-Indienresan+1974-06+002+Hans+in+Greece.jpg" width="153" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me in 1974.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>There was at least one more reason why we ventured out on such an adventure. I can’t remember being afraid of many things as I grew up in Sweden. I felt safe, and that was true for most of the world. The only place that was kind of scary was America, which seemed to be a very violent place where people and presidents got shot in the street. Once I moved to America, most of that fear dissipated, but on some level, I still feel safer in Europe. Sweden was a small, relatively homogeneous society during the 1960s and 1970s, and Swedes tended to be “open” to exploring the world. The relatively egalitarian Swedish society also made it less important for parents to control who their children played with or dated. When I compare my experience from the United States with that of my old friends, I have noticed that they let their children venture out on their own much earlier without worrying too much, compared to American parents. Teenage sons and daughters take off on long journeys to Australia, California, Brazil, and Spain as if it were nothing. Is it because they live in a small and fairly safe place or that their parents belong to my generation, which came of age after 1968, a time when our parents had lost track of what era they lived in.
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I’m not sure.<o:p></o:p></div>
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1974. It was the year when ABBA won the Eurovision Song Contest, an event that most people remember much better than a more important, but less flashy event, which occurred at a supermarket in Troy, Ohio, namely the first scanning of a barcode. In May, India detonated its first nuclear weapon, the "Smiling Buddha." The military junta in Greece (which had grabbed power 1967 in a coup d’état and was backed by the United States despite its systematic use of torture) staged a coup on Cyprus in July, which triggered a Turkish invasion of the island, causing a fiasco for the generals that quickly ended the dictatorship. In the United States, In the United States, President <b>Nixon</b> resigned to avoid
impeachment for the Watergate affair. The Vietnam War was still raging, and we had no idea
that it would soon be over. Meanwhile China was preoccupied with an intense
ideological struggle between two 2,000-year-old schools of thought, the
Confucian and the Legalist, a campaign that actually was a cover for a power
struggle initiated by <b>Mao’s</b> wife <b>Jiang Qing</b> and her three radical partners in
the "Gang of Four."<o:p></o:p></div>
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I wrote the first version of this story in August 2014, channeling my younger self, a task that requires a fair amount of intellectual, emotional, and factual digging – an exploration of the mind that was once me. It’s been hard work as I simply don’t remember as much as I would like to remember. It’s not like a movie that you can rewind and watch again. Certain things and events I do remember, as they have latched on to some mental structure or were dramatic or exceptional enough to reinforce enough synaptic connections. But most things you do and think seem to be stored in places where the next wave, or the one after that, washes them away. This is why I had to rely on documents and artifacts much like an historian or archaeologist would have done. <o:p></o:p></div>
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My digging began with a search for three large maps, one of
Europe, one of the Middle East, and one of India. I had marked the bus route on
them with a marker, but I only found the map of Europe. Next, I re-read the two
black notebooks where I had taken notes from books and magazines, and kept a
diary, but like many diaries they were filled in inverse proportion to how much
was happening and how good I felt. Add to that a couple of my letters home that
my mom had saved and gave to me after my father's death in 1983. <o:p></o:p></div>
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My main tool for remembering would be the photos I had taken
during the trip, but I would have to scan them into my computer, so
I invested in a new flatbed scanner that had advanced software and could scan
prints, negatives, and slides. It was still a laborious process since my color
positives were mounted between two pieces of thin glass, but this new machine
made it a bit easier. I had once read in a photography magazine that glass
frames protected the pictures from dust and scratches. I can tell you this is
true. What it didn't say however, was that the glass itself would collect dust
and oil over the decades, forcing me to take each frame apart, remove the positive one by one, and mount them again in frames without glass.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Next it was time to do a rough sort and enumerate the
digitized pictures. Every photo had then to be reviewed and retouched, dust
removed, scratches fixed, shadows lightened, highlights darkened, and colors
corrected. One of the hardest tasks was to organize the digitized photos. I had
marked the color slides with small stick-on numbers, but this didn't tell me
where the pictures were taken. This was less of a problem for the first part of
the journey as it was easy to tell whether a photo was from Dubrovnik,
Istanbul, or Herat, but that was not the case with the slides from India.<o:p></o:p></div>
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There were frustrating instances where I couldn't figure out
where I had taken a certain picture. For example, I had a series of photos of a
caravan passing in front of an old fortress. I knew that I had shot the photos
between Kabul and Kandahar, but I couldn't locate the fort. I visited my local
library and bookstores searching for picture books, or at least a guidebook,
but they didn't have any. I searched the web for images from Afghanistan, and used
Google Earth to hover over the road while looking in all directions, but as
amazing as it was to retrace my trip virtually, I could not find the fort. I
posted pictures on Facebook, hoping that my friends who had been to Afghanistan
more recently would recognize it, but they said that they had taken planes as
these roads were not safe. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I also tried the Facebook page "The Afghanistan I
Know," where a man suggested the fort in Ghazni, and posted a photo he had
taken in the 1960s. But my photos didn't match Google's satellite images of
that fort. However, a few weeks later I got a message from a Swedish friend who
lives across the Delaware River in Pennsylvania. “It is Qalat in the Zabul
Province,” he wrote. He knew because his American wife's son had been stationed
there and had immediately recognized the fort from the photos.<o:p></o:p></div>
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My first memory of the trip, which I only recovered thanks to my photos, was from the first morning on the road. The buses were parked along a highway in Denmark and we used water from the water tanks to brush our teeth and wash our faces. We must have bought some breakfast before we continued into Germany. The German autobahn was certainly efficient, but left few traces in my mind. My next memory, also triggered by a photo, is from inside a large beer hall, probably in Munich, and the next is from the Austrian town Villach, where I fought valiantly in broken German to complain about an undercooked chicken dish that Elisabeth had been served. </div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">Our next stop was Ljubljana, which
today lies in Slovenia, but this was fifteen years before the collapse of the
Soviet Union and the subsequent breakup of Yugoslavia. <b>Josip Broz Tito</b>, who had
led the resistance against the Nazi occupation, and then fought off Stalin’s
agents and military threats, was still in charge. I
wrote in my notebook that it was hard to keep up with politics as I only
occasionally could find English language newspapers, but I did learn of a
conspiracy against Tito, with Soviet maneuvering in the background hoping to
get a more “friendly” government.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Yugoslavia’s economic system was an unorthodox mix of
capitalism and socialism. It was a poor country where workers were allowed to seek
work in other countries. It was also relatively open to
the West and welcomed tourism. I noted in my diary that they sold Coca Cola and pornographic papers
in the newspaper kiosks, and that a movie theater in Ljubljana played
“Goldfinger.”<br />
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Opatija, a small town just north of Rijeka, was our first
stop at the Adriatic Sea. It was morning and customers were inspecting crates
full of fish that the fishermen had unloaded from their boats. A little later
we were back on the buses heading south on a road that was winding its way
through a rocky landscape that at times looked completely dead. In the distant,
the Dinaric Alps seemed to be floating in a blue haze. The thermometer in the
bus read 100° F. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The landscape became more green and lush as we approached
Dubrovnik. We entered through the Pile Gate and fell in love with the
old city as we explored its narrow <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">alleys</span>. In the evening we
happened upon a discotheque located in the ramparts facing the harbor. The
place was crowded with young people. Cool guys in tight-fitting clothes were
shaking to disco strobe lights in crowded, dark, and smoky rooms. The heavily
made-up girls were trying hard to fulfill their roles as subservient sex
objects. Most couldn't find a place on the dance floor, or dared not go, but
instead sat there half-drunk and staring. Just like home, I wrote in my diary. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The road left the shore and turned inland just north of Albania, and heading for Titograd and Skopje, the latter an ancient city that had been devastated in the 1963 earthquake. We only made short stops in the area, which is now part of the Republic of Macedonia. As we crossed the border to Greece, we were welcomed by bouzouki music coming in over the bus radio.
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Our next stop was Thessaloniki, the second largest city in
Greece. We parked next to a street market where a hefty butcher in a white
apron slammed his meat cleaver so hard that one could almost feel the thuds in the air when the steel hit the
chopping board. Chunks of meat, turkeys and chickens
were hanging in front of the small shop. A cacophony of sounds bounced off the
walls as the sellers advertised their products and prices. Men of all ages, but
only men, sat at a café as an old woman dressed in black hurried by with a loaf
of bread in her hand. People were generally friendly and asked where we were
from, and where we were going. They smiled when they heard that we were Swedes
and not Americans, but their smiles vanished when I told them that we were on
the way to Istanbul. One butcher made a
sign with his hand signaling that the Turks would cut off our heads. Istanbul
was a dangerous place, they said.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKtaKdgPrhV_KGJhJnkyGKggElQg6sFbBR48jM-gKGh-khwE85z3_EAS9qGa5rWLeVTp5gBA5A8bwbyin2pdw4Kz5YyeqwEwCSkZB960ScaRMfM9tA-a3edK3Dr0tLoDbtTB0LqVLFImIFtdnM9WZ7l7C_BlsbU7fvcIefgC4vSHtOooxWg3FCc97-RhA/s1147/A%20Stairway%20to%20Poverty%201974-2023.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="761" data-original-width="1147" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKtaKdgPrhV_KGJhJnkyGKggElQg6sFbBR48jM-gKGh-khwE85z3_EAS9qGa5rWLeVTp5gBA5A8bwbyin2pdw4Kz5YyeqwEwCSkZB960ScaRMfM9tA-a3edK3Dr0tLoDbtTB0LqVLFImIFtdnM9WZ7l7C_BlsbU7fvcIefgC4vSHtOooxWg3FCc97-RhA/w400-h265/A%20Stairway%20to%20Poverty%201974-2023.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">We had no guidebooks, knew very little about Turkey, and couldn't afford a guide, but we met a couple of students who showed us around. Of course, they had a side interest, to attract us to the family's clothing store, but it didn't matter so much because they were very generous with their time and proud to show off their city.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">It so happened that I revisited Istanbul in the summer of 2014, but this time I arrived with my family on on M/S Nieuw Amsterdam. We had sailed through the narrow strait of the Dardanelles and across the Sea of Marmara before the ship docked at Karaköy, just north of the Galata Bridge.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">*</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Intellectually, I was ready this time, but unfortunately I didn't have much more time than in 1974. That's often the case when traveling. You only have time for a fraction of what you want. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">*</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Another difference between then and now was information technology. Our cell phones gave us access to the Internet wherever we managed to get onto a WiFi network. I had a small, but advanced digital camera and never had to think about how many rolls of film I had left. Our mobile phones also doubled as digital cameras. As soon as we had WiFi, we were able to post our photos on Facebook and send emails and messages, which is why we were in constant contact with family and friends. In 1974, airmail envelopes and stamps were the order of the day.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">*</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="MsoNormal">Back in 1974, I was sitting in front of the bus when we approached Istanbul on a busy highway that climbed one soft rolling hill after another. Finally we crossed a crest behind which we could see central Istanbul with its famous mosques. I still remember the feeling of being sucked into a maelstrom as the traffic got more and more intense. Besides buses and trucks, we were struck by all the large American cars. As we crossed the Galata Bridge over the Golden Horn we saw silhouettes of several large mosques with their minarets pointing to the sky. Our buses were parked near the Hippodrome, and just a few steps from the Blue Mosque. We had entered Istanbul from the street level in the middle of a huge city that to us felt chaotic with its intense traffic and mesh of streets and crooked alleys. It was a stark contrast to my second visit in 2014 when I from my balcony on the ninth deck calmly could take in the Seraglio Point with the Topkapi Palace, the Bazaar Quarter, and behind them Sultanahmet with its amazing mosques. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt9qZZRpQZwERwsvofHksb8Jsx_EQNFSAAVzHsu9jL5jAIfyv9N5SLgssaOS8J3s9ay6jnnUCipYAstOlNQYpvBt7STpwAjFbn2Su8IQ1tyW7LGygpdGnYRwLZ_1ZjQj-ADHHCU1OvnxM/s1600/035-Indienresan+1974-07+024+Istanbul.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt9qZZRpQZwERwsvofHksb8Jsx_EQNFSAAVzHsu9jL5jAIfyv9N5SLgssaOS8J3s9ay6jnnUCipYAstOlNQYpvBt7STpwAjFbn2Su8IQ1tyW7LGygpdGnYRwLZ_1ZjQj-ADHHCU1OvnxM/s1600/035-Indienresan+1974-07+024+Istanbul.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: small;">Street scene from Istanbul. Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzUVs6dESYBKWkmMGz-SS3KbGxpM_FxBZ1VOse2rgg9QIv4SSoxge_C7yIoraYGB2zPR3CRBb6HTFigyTbc6M7AfBwTc-GnqoE1yDR09TA7dSAaDVTCg2QIsoKTNfghAdD3lzItjEO6sFlpdcGF1_DYpUGkLEH96cX7tq9cgz1cFGfaoaxKvemcOl9Y5g/s3165/India%20trip%20BW%201974%20011%20Galata%20Bridge%20Istanbul.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1957" data-original-width="3165" height="248" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzUVs6dESYBKWkmMGz-SS3KbGxpM_FxBZ1VOse2rgg9QIv4SSoxge_C7yIoraYGB2zPR3CRBb6HTFigyTbc6M7AfBwTc-GnqoE1yDR09TA7dSAaDVTCg2QIsoKTNfghAdD3lzItjEO6sFlpdcGF1_DYpUGkLEH96cX7tq9cgz1cFGfaoaxKvemcOl9Y5g/w400-h248/India%20trip%20BW%201974%20011%20Galata%20Bridge%20Istanbul.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i>The Gala Brdige in 1974. Photo: Hans Sandberg.</i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div></div></div></div><div class="MsoNormal">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQWMStkIIvVvpe8XorjxbqtIgzZQ6led8_A9NIpEKI8GJDgbHTrfVOkGs1JUWjTJHzOfA_f4ecgRvRwwh0jRkaGvAx5gObx2Z_4SCD3FjJ5guI2CqUtV37eZLwFjvbAUbCAlrBmPYqdnU/s1600/Istanbul+1+02.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQWMStkIIvVvpe8XorjxbqtIgzZQ6led8_A9NIpEKI8GJDgbHTrfVOkGs1JUWjTJHzOfA_f4ecgRvRwwh0jRkaGvAx5gObx2Z_4SCD3FjJ5guI2CqUtV37eZLwFjvbAUbCAlrBmPYqdnU/s1600/Istanbul+1+02.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: small;">Istanbul's old town seen from the ship. <br />Photo: Hans Sandberg, 2014.</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdspfbf3vP84XMucZcHsbqVqlgt9_Z-Krj6bhVcJs9LZwhfYBXZ-IMNqwU6TXjYtWfd-9JhmHlvS6I8aV5shnjzblrjmlr-zaEFEeIt6jJ6E55EBYKde9P1NQnt7VTDO4wLYf8_fUU3o0/s1600/Istanbul+views+10b.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="203" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdspfbf3vP84XMucZcHsbqVqlgt9_Z-Krj6bhVcJs9LZwhfYBXZ-IMNqwU6TXjYtWfd-9JhmHlvS6I8aV5shnjzblrjmlr-zaEFEeIt6jJ6E55EBYKde9P1NQnt7VTDO4wLYf8_fUU3o0/s1600/Istanbul+views+10b.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: small;">Topkapi, Hagia Sophia and the Blue Mosque. <br />Photo: Hans Sandberg, 2014.</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: left;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: left;">
<i>Note. The text above is an excerpt from a book that I am writing about my 1974 overland journey to India. </i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfgB5eH0GPD1GwIWYK_dorICiWIHezHvtsyAYfvp6rrsuQC4cxJGKj9_4AQq1XFWvp2tqcq87Cbh4l5N2TSl0PpAtZuqGRKS0SB58H68Eu_KdgndA8GLt43mUnkKibhFXE-6_Idn00ZcSfes-jqOZ99Qebe_w1YZL2tWHwfkD7mA1T66LjGxrqAJwcX2A/s592/An%20Overland%20Journey%20from%20Sweden%20to%20India%20(1974)%20front.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="592" data-original-width="590" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfgB5eH0GPD1GwIWYK_dorICiWIHezHvtsyAYfvp6rrsuQC4cxJGKj9_4AQq1XFWvp2tqcq87Cbh4l5N2TSl0PpAtZuqGRKS0SB58H68Eu_KdgndA8GLt43mUnkKibhFXE-6_Idn00ZcSfes-jqOZ99Qebe_w1YZL2tWHwfkD7mA1T66LjGxrqAJwcX2A/w399-h400/An%20Overland%20Journey%20from%20Sweden%20to%20India%20(1974)%20front.JPG" width="399" /></a></div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuqng-nxFpmCkgWkIhQFpy-HTeYHZCWqo1r5XYMMr7HGGIP8buHnjbtdYOtEnkn7RqII7nJcBKY15TKPqAT0CCVQUCfmvaI3sV4FTvGLAk0_NPIVHVxUWW8VLBmV8dAZ2xVqGxm74YlqgP9CS4Yge02Dzp0kJbqIhGeJldQE-Y6fGxB0aSsSh_I7cr-4A/s593/An%20Overland%20Journey%20from%20Sweden%20to%20India%20(1974)%20back.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="592" data-original-width="593" height="399" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuqng-nxFpmCkgWkIhQFpy-HTeYHZCWqo1r5XYMMr7HGGIP8buHnjbtdYOtEnkn7RqII7nJcBKY15TKPqAT0CCVQUCfmvaI3sV4FTvGLAk0_NPIVHVxUWW8VLBmV8dAZ2xVqGxm74YlqgP9CS4Yge02Dzp0kJbqIhGeJldQE-Y6fGxB0aSsSh_I7cr-4A/w400-h399/An%20Overland%20Journey%20from%20Sweden%20to%20India%20(1974)%20back.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><br /><i><br /></i><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div></div></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-54316484985822175512024-02-26T09:59:00.008-05:002024-02-26T10:08:19.742-05:00Nomads in Western Afghanistan (1974)<p style="text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkmqL5KEYR9Y-5P-Z8TNDUYCEqN0JUK6NW9N11vrf1fwIXaxS0LUyZpT5zzeGAFRt1tVyDIscsM_kHLtr9h2L73v02QOzRl0EdOtQxR0E_8BOpk1Xtp8asBjSpSpetBCixdQp0FpwmBhDZ/s1600/131-Indienresan+1974-12+026.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkmqL5KEYR9Y-5P-Z8TNDUYCEqN0JUK6NW9N11vrf1fwIXaxS0LUyZpT5zzeGAFRt1tVyDIscsM_kHLtr9h2L73v02QOzRl0EdOtQxR0E_8BOpk1Xtp8asBjSpSpetBCixdQp0FpwmBhDZ/s1600/131-Indienresan+1974-12+026.jpg" width="400" /></a></p><p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5a7yQ4a0caQHfSYNNG2CiIKATyItiJGyIB-MQ4AT74Vv9Vh336iRSgNECDFiBvWCnmGj_mEihP0jtZjjtba0bXU9xJZJ2WkiwfC_XX2X5WJCXpN6U0xBR4Ba0pEXe3h-n5JzXcUSOC4RF/s1600/124-Indienresan+1974-12+020-med.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5a7yQ4a0caQHfSYNNG2CiIKATyItiJGyIB-MQ4AT74Vv9Vh336iRSgNECDFiBvWCnmGj_mEihP0jtZjjtba0bXU9xJZJ2WkiwfC_XX2X5WJCXpN6U0xBR4Ba0pEXe3h-n5JzXcUSOC4RF/s1600/124-Indienresan+1974-12+020-med.jpg" width="400" /></a></p><p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZabtuJ8SEPJ8-GZSS5kGrpJGrHVjl-lBsokCTQOfDZdDOMSmxPDT48oY80DSbsmHm4LFN72MBu60PKK9fEPTc_zpAaMr1iMeMNl2EEnZNZM258aCv6Qm81DieOvH6oOd-oD2hFSSdXTM_/s1600/125-Indienresan+1974-12+021d.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZabtuJ8SEPJ8-GZSS5kGrpJGrHVjl-lBsokCTQOfDZdDOMSmxPDT48oY80DSbsmHm4LFN72MBu60PKK9fEPTc_zpAaMr1iMeMNl2EEnZNZM258aCv6Qm81DieOvH6oOd-oD2hFSSdXTM_/w400-h640/125-Indienresan+1974-12+021d.jpg" width="400" /></a></p><p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbEL56CJGS5AHwlzWxTNJrnTnfJKWPTheaKZEwSiUhKLYW5clsr1DXsKXBFaf07K5fhX0YF5IUk2HwQ6Z2LahBRpLN9m2hIwLAVRKz1B5YvstjEcv7XM1nNdaJUmfTc-tRdlIAsfr3MJxE/s1600/126-Indienresan+1974-12+022.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbEL56CJGS5AHwlzWxTNJrnTnfJKWPTheaKZEwSiUhKLYW5clsr1DXsKXBFaf07K5fhX0YF5IUk2HwQ6Z2LahBRpLN9m2hIwLAVRKz1B5YvstjEcv7XM1nNdaJUmfTc-tRdlIAsfr3MJxE/s1600/126-Indienresan+1974-12+022.jpg" width="400" /></a></p><p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisi9WC47NNJTzYwiobjwEDpNipMvA65an8l3JSlmniSnyQnz4-h18XdIJCuX3QOX4SgUsPe71L_zGDo1bCq4_liWM3tSaCvUjoGP6faz5hFTBlk3SFsYMFw_RFr7wMq_mWDBUm6BvS5S2P/s1600/129-Indienresan+1974-12+024b+Nomads.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="253" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisi9WC47NNJTzYwiobjwEDpNipMvA65an8l3JSlmniSnyQnz4-h18XdIJCuX3QOX4SgUsPe71L_zGDo1bCq4_liWM3tSaCvUjoGP6faz5hFTBlk3SFsYMFw_RFr7wMq_mWDBUm6BvS5S2P/s1600/129-Indienresan+1974-12+024b+Nomads.jpg" width="400" /></a></p><p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV0A6d65QOHDwYl8sYtmH36kXqjLfXhz9F5HBYKM5tZhYMYjnSSsuaC3vyL_8O9KkWKVlih5JzGWTcVJB6Unnc7ym38bmaUaZ0EYdh3fzPuBzCJ1hFOKgKbEf65B1fFjlDuVGsfeaxdhyphenhyphen0/s1600/130-Indienresan+1974-12+025b+Nomads.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="253" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV0A6d65QOHDwYl8sYtmH36kXqjLfXhz9F5HBYKM5tZhYMYjnSSsuaC3vyL_8O9KkWKVlih5JzGWTcVJB6Unnc7ym38bmaUaZ0EYdh3fzPuBzCJ1hFOKgKbEf65B1fFjlDuVGsfeaxdhyphenhyphen0/s1600/130-Indienresan+1974-12+025b+Nomads.jpg" width="400" /></a></p><p style="text-align: center;"><i>Copyright: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</i></p><p style="text-align: right;"><i>This post was <a href="https://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/2014/09/nomader-i-vastra-afghanistan-september.html" target="_blank">first published on Sandberg Hörna</a> on September 30, 2014)</i></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-63039413620695754062024-02-24T13:33:00.002-05:002024-03-03T21:15:29.946-05:00A Visit to Gazar-Gah Outside Herat (1974)<p>We also took a horse-drawn gaddi for half a mile along a dirt road to the village Gazar-Gah, to visit the Shrine of Khwaja Abd Allah honoring the Sufi saint and poet <b><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abdullah_Ansari" target="_blank">Khwaja Abdullah Ansâri</a></b>. He lived 1006 to 1088 and the memorial was built during the Timurid period.</p><p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjt5_XMI1I7AcBOfIBIcBOpumgqval2BiO7nHUM3Hf8FKtiFN1IiJiamT7EzpCxYyJZNdhlAvwqxMnkM4vpSQQDitxZpU18i44n6tWaza59xVU9kxfIS7QmjsvnA2OXICgkUlyHP-h6ILfx4eoDgrzqAffgzi4qyGcCkS5zNum6z0dKT4eEO1Zgv-WQjJg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="265" data-original-width="399" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjt5_XMI1I7AcBOfIBIcBOpumgqval2BiO7nHUM3Hf8FKtiFN1IiJiamT7EzpCxYyJZNdhlAvwqxMnkM4vpSQQDitxZpU18i44n6tWaza59xVU9kxfIS7QmjsvnA2OXICgkUlyHP-h6ILfx4eoDgrzqAffgzi4qyGcCkS5zNum6z0dKT4eEO1Zgv-WQjJg=w400-h266" width="400" /></a></p><p style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Riding a gaddi to the village Gazar-Gah.<br />Ph</span></i><i><span lang="SV" style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;">oto: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</span></i></p><p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaDADRDkZCoGAtNIA9sK1cKLtkxhHTFaNHvgqv-pJP2JklkQ29JoxaurFCdo9mIt_wbDnMQ1G6sJntaUT0x2GTM8tS0QoI1ARLHu4g_W2z5_y4j1OJsH67kpD0PKCXCorFAD4xn_2SpoZkecZu7w-u_L112b6mWady3cv0SDKDR2n6Mxvn70vzunk1nlA/s1512/116-India%20Journey%20Till%20Gazar-Gah%20Afghanistan.jpg" style="font-style: italic; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1015" data-original-width="1512" height="269" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaDADRDkZCoGAtNIA9sK1cKLtkxhHTFaNHvgqv-pJP2JklkQ29JoxaurFCdo9mIt_wbDnMQ1G6sJntaUT0x2GTM8tS0QoI1ARLHu4g_W2z5_y4j1OJsH67kpD0PKCXCorFAD4xn_2SpoZkecZu7w-u_L112b6mWady3cv0SDKDR2n6Mxvn70vzunk1nlA/w400-h269/116-India%20Journey%20Till%20Gazar-Gah%20Afghanistan.jpg" width="400" /></a></p><p style="text-align: center;"><i>The road to Gazar-Gah. Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</i></p><p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDXhwfsK4nTgGAXdmxv6XCXtJXZzg3alKfUUajUnUoeLCCMDdStgk_aHq_xZVpcdpj8zTx8dKl_raAqmNZr2GnQ6mMbb0QcufBudjTtm4HHfQAS3A9ZVy49ka_oIeS1smwrf6BdL8GRmurCDz7Z-z3SXp2NXYRn6gItxdbPCZ4ma0x3ouIWWrI5CTlCqg/s1643/Indienresan%201974-12%20012%20Khwaja%20Abdullah%20Ansari%20shrine.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1643" data-original-width="1056" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDXhwfsK4nTgGAXdmxv6XCXtJXZzg3alKfUUajUnUoeLCCMDdStgk_aHq_xZVpcdpj8zTx8dKl_raAqmNZr2GnQ6mMbb0QcufBudjTtm4HHfQAS3A9ZVy49ka_oIeS1smwrf6BdL8GRmurCDz7Z-z3SXp2NXYRn6gItxdbPCZ4ma0x3ouIWWrI5CTlCqg/w413-h640/Indienresan%201974-12%20012%20Khwaja%20Abdullah%20Ansari%20shrine.jpg" width="413" /></a></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i>The shrine of Khwaja Abd Allah in Gazar-Gah.</i></div></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i>Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf_JY23rI1ESinFkMEL9-piaEJ9QzQ1kXyXSA7y9vigJ-iLyLo7IFm9n4WXwIAc23JiezP0dC-oU_yYJ3Rr2iLqjj-I8oboFuKBYM-7HmoGm0eaZVPDqlSfRwm6JTy5Ln5CtdRocw4ASrvKebAvgbI56iX2z30r1jSTNIcepGC78GFppkpH5VJuRWetb0/s1640/123-Indienresan%201974-12%20018%20Gazar-Gah.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1043" data-original-width="1640" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf_JY23rI1ESinFkMEL9-piaEJ9QzQ1kXyXSA7y9vigJ-iLyLo7IFm9n4WXwIAc23JiezP0dC-oU_yYJ3Rr2iLqjj-I8oboFuKBYM-7HmoGm0eaZVPDqlSfRwm6JTy5Ln5CtdRocw4ASrvKebAvgbI56iX2z30r1jSTNIcepGC78GFppkpH5VJuRWetb0/w400-h255/123-Indienresan%201974-12%20018%20Gazar-Gah.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i>The shrine seen from the back.</i></div></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><i>Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><i><br /></i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">While in Gazar-Gah, we explored some "back alleys" and met friendly people, curious about the strange visitors.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidTtCWNIGs_icfJV31lRMiCqNk_pzjF-VVf5yAxLNyjMRq-ghk75wlR7FjDY3PizhAzURdJ3ly4WJOepM2FATFTCUAU9fjZhmcsNiH57_OY5ccxppPjkg4Xg80KuldIksOdIwdBMWOxQaoJ0pQ7dfAwh2dJldIt3rGgaWoRBpyCLBE22slTQ3FuRJbfWE/s1335/118-Indienresan%201974-12%20013%20enhanced.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1013" data-original-width="1335" height="304" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidTtCWNIGs_icfJV31lRMiCqNk_pzjF-VVf5yAxLNyjMRq-ghk75wlR7FjDY3PizhAzURdJ3ly4WJOepM2FATFTCUAU9fjZhmcsNiH57_OY5ccxppPjkg4Xg80KuldIksOdIwdBMWOxQaoJ0pQ7dfAwh2dJldIt3rGgaWoRBpyCLBE22slTQ3FuRJbfWE/w400-h304/118-Indienresan%201974-12%20013%20enhanced.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_EBeii47G6UUhNmpfO0E_KkvgFm_vmTcC3bhMxBYtngOpFunmrjMz5myGjL6luezGASLcoLToHqjs2kPtmFRen-sb0dLCAFW9La4vePZHUxkfKyvKbIJK4O8pC7PEh7d2KQnOMfQn2j5YaZj4DNNlpuO7MyDB-zZYoIWqopBQVRcivL2G18o32iREVfg/s1512/119-India%20Journey%20Northern%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1512" data-original-width="997" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_EBeii47G6UUhNmpfO0E_KkvgFm_vmTcC3bhMxBYtngOpFunmrjMz5myGjL6luezGASLcoLToHqjs2kPtmFRen-sb0dLCAFW9La4vePZHUxkfKyvKbIJK4O8pC7PEh7d2KQnOMfQn2j5YaZj4DNNlpuO7MyDB-zZYoIWqopBQVRcivL2G18o32iREVfg/w422-h640/119-India%20Journey%20Northern%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" width="422" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2OZdEsPLb9FlQHQqvS9KetuJDTXJWT2mkbd6hKBuPqWqtcrUsuxZQFbWMHP5ahdGXB0JxvS9Vgu3BSf9zL_AOnZIXsAJeyW6fLL3t83AqbqTX8zhCnPpdsRIv-sqb2c2qnJcvJ9j9pBq6AC3YA-uwzyf_HaS8A9FHcYbQMSjZV_oHL0nrjzMYuOPMEWw/s1643/120-Indienresan%201974-12%20014b.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1043" data-original-width="1643" height="254" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2OZdEsPLb9FlQHQqvS9KetuJDTXJWT2mkbd6hKBuPqWqtcrUsuxZQFbWMHP5ahdGXB0JxvS9Vgu3BSf9zL_AOnZIXsAJeyW6fLL3t83AqbqTX8zhCnPpdsRIv-sqb2c2qnJcvJ9j9pBq6AC3YA-uwzyf_HaS8A9FHcYbQMSjZV_oHL0nrjzMYuOPMEWw/w400-h254/120-Indienresan%201974-12%20014b.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZBQwJBT-dLWDfgNFEK09ZE4UbbdrJ03XQfk98WslkGaYUZe71bUFwD9R4g3RmgoUj7fgDEOU3oZhAeRAxOat4oxN_K-R1wnEJm0obaMcLFTjdFMOOvjny2s-IVvcd4bjd6-7tPiAZhk-eARuSRNcIPCNDWkKek-pGosqbsb6lxU0C-IMv5_MHBS1apEM/s1643/121-Indienresan%201974-12%20015.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1043" data-original-width="1643" height="254" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZBQwJBT-dLWDfgNFEK09ZE4UbbdrJ03XQfk98WslkGaYUZe71bUFwD9R4g3RmgoUj7fgDEOU3oZhAeRAxOat4oxN_K-R1wnEJm0obaMcLFTjdFMOOvjny2s-IVvcd4bjd6-7tPiAZhk-eARuSRNcIPCNDWkKek-pGosqbsb6lxU0C-IMv5_MHBS1apEM/w400-h254/121-Indienresan%201974-12%20015.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZE_4jDw5GDh47yESpFAO63QQ_4QNaDLVMaxSKyCTr4W85jpNswt5ao76GJMtOGDcnG7DavlC3w8B4V-CqItFqSRjHgd0hyZ8OqGqvlkDMPdPtr8X-p2_ecwRpxbwG0UnvRMF1IakdXVWxrqsyjLpjJWCDCXsd3J7TAOVmdOovreilDLwKAT9j9dTd-Pw/s1639/122-Indienresan%201974-12%20017.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1043" data-original-width="1639" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZE_4jDw5GDh47yESpFAO63QQ_4QNaDLVMaxSKyCTr4W85jpNswt5ao76GJMtOGDcnG7DavlC3w8B4V-CqItFqSRjHgd0hyZ8OqGqvlkDMPdPtr8X-p2_ecwRpxbwG0UnvRMF1IakdXVWxrqsyjLpjJWCDCXsd3J7TAOVmdOovreilDLwKAT9j9dTd-Pw/w400-h255/122-Indienresan%201974-12%20017.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i>Back streets of Gazar-Gah..</i></div></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><i>Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</i></div></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-12486875072032300472024-02-24T10:46:00.010-05:002024-02-27T18:57:14.136-05:00We Have Arrived in Herat (1974)<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiCKJwLmlFnTTGZFGqeXiZNrz_LR1KYOj-Xq4UlpJH99c2IrQpJEuZr5FTMBC5EDGa_uopc-aVBGeVN0F4TgxoW6PXXQfxqsn0qGyOatzSxwCmh51ul9aPeVYpCfUOQlQ6I1gPois-hqgiVavtlHVs10NFkT2yDok2lhpZWMrxASrD89JbvlYoPNd5beQ/s3032/096-India%20Journey%201974%20016%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2047" data-original-width="3032" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiCKJwLmlFnTTGZFGqeXiZNrz_LR1KYOj-Xq4UlpJH99c2IrQpJEuZr5FTMBC5EDGa_uopc-aVBGeVN0F4TgxoW6PXXQfxqsn0qGyOatzSxwCmh51ul9aPeVYpCfUOQlQ6I1gPois-hqgiVavtlHVs10NFkT2yDok2lhpZWMrxASrD89JbvlYoPNd5beQ/w400-h270/096-India%20Journey%201974%20016%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" title="The city of Herat sits in an oasis by the river Hari Rud, between the desert in the southwest and the mountains in the north.. Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974." width="400" /></a></p><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>The city of Herat sits in an oasis by the river Hari Rud, between<br /></i></span><span style="font-size: small;"><i>the desert in the southwest and the mountains in the north.</i></span><span style="font-size: small;"><i> <br /></i><i>Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.<br /></i></span><br /></div><p>September 30, 1974</p><p>Finally in Afghanistan! We have left <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SAVAK" target="_blank">SAVAK's</a> reign of terror behind us. The Afghan border guards and customs officials wore tattered clothes but looked prouder than the Shah's well-uniformed soldiers.</p><p>Herat. There are no words for this city. It’s probably one the most beautiful cities in the world.</p><p>We didn’t see many cars, but plenty of gaddis, i.e. horse-drawn carriages adorned with bright red tassels and bells. They trot along wide dirt roads lined with trees. The city is full of life. We only saw a few advertising billboards which were gathered at one street. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD1KPCQqu0zLpbvlWMLR3KIEvdKaBVCU_-LZtzSmjy2us2mEsrm5UQ4IhJWyYQ3C7tmSxkFIVydGwlpwd7HLlRirx9l-HWDei_OqYcHrhItbSWqPBRxPk0xoCYhx_-jK6sX5livZoBiDqcOCHIH-_tHIPsZTBJYg3CH_nQShRncRJJm0v0h3TQLWc2BtM/s1512/107-Indienresan%201974-10%20026b%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="962" data-original-width="1512" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD1KPCQqu0zLpbvlWMLR3KIEvdKaBVCU_-LZtzSmjy2us2mEsrm5UQ4IhJWyYQ3C7tmSxkFIVydGwlpwd7HLlRirx9l-HWDei_OqYcHrhItbSWqPBRxPk0xoCYhx_-jK6sX5livZoBiDqcOCHIH-_tHIPsZTBJYg3CH_nQShRncRJJm0v0h3TQLWc2BtM/w400-h255/107-Indienresan%201974-10%20026b%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGLNB4V6uG_Lt0kH78SN7T4hol-DEpvB0vMEtJ7Qmmk9gZNYejsS2rtlv97Lwpo3pdZZIklfkPPnBWbWyh0m4JG_d8fgR4s7GWa8uU3NfeFNMCpuUnChacrI3ALWrSUOH4vVatBYLiwIjfmenm6Jdyyn8qTsLWmXShFEXBuLeaGWrbZS59m85WmRJwSQs/s1394/108-Indienresan%201974-10%20028%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="934" data-original-width="1394" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGLNB4V6uG_Lt0kH78SN7T4hol-DEpvB0vMEtJ7Qmmk9gZNYejsS2rtlv97Lwpo3pdZZIklfkPPnBWbWyh0m4JG_d8fgR4s7GWa8uU3NfeFNMCpuUnChacrI3ALWrSUOH4vVatBYLiwIjfmenm6Jdyyn8qTsLWmXShFEXBuLeaGWrbZS59m85WmRJwSQs/w400-h268/108-Indienresan%201974-10%20028%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjoN5tsm69uBP_WvZxEa96LZw8x8gZMikcgc6RptFV0Wwh06JdMhN44PC90F1n2PGkPXjuOnU2xdwe-wh89r_eadIFIGWexyyMdx09cIk88V76wwIOrA236hjwPy_5WwbB8vbOFRbZeR9Obrjr7oJ5uM7Q-xMNb5gnC_Iu2eJn0LZUAxLpEYy27g6L_-8/s1640/108-Indienresan%201974-10%20029%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1043" data-original-width="1640" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjoN5tsm69uBP_WvZxEa96LZw8x8gZMikcgc6RptFV0Wwh06JdMhN44PC90F1n2PGkPXjuOnU2xdwe-wh89r_eadIFIGWexyyMdx09cIk88V76wwIOrA236hjwPy_5WwbB8vbOFRbZeR9Obrjr7oJ5uM7Q-xMNb5gnC_Iu2eJn0LZUAxLpEYy27g6L_-8/w400-h255/108-Indienresan%201974-10%20029%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i>Street life in Herat. Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><p style="text-align: left;">We also saw terribly disfigured beggars. A 15-year-old boy comes crawling with his twisted body and stumps for arms and legs. </p><p style="text-align: left;">Women are completely veiled from head to toe. Not even the nose sticks out. The eyes and nose are covered by a cloth mesh. We are told that a man can have up to 9-10 wives here.</p><p style="text-align: left;">It is a primitive city. There are no multistory buildings or conspicuous class differences. But we so see some luxury villas at a distance on the way to Gazar Gah, maybe owned by landlords or hashish merchants. </p><p style="text-align: left;">The Afghans have been hospitable, generous, and independent minded.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP7biMvkKNHVs41ioXUcPNJzIPmd2wBT5Ok3VDzbOiCNj9scOWNyQt-4S2Jj05qgsaLzapK6MBAVLBVlM-XDzx54Jo2Pc3R6NEj2AOGHXepBGYZ8n3y9Zs8FraouSGTEBvgP42S9sLiZqUxaKCNiaRGjuI9Fp8DckVsXB6iX2k6hyOZVfLEFVrXMgdlP0/s1458/100-India%20Journey%20Jama%20Mashid%20in%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="972" data-original-width="1458" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP7biMvkKNHVs41ioXUcPNJzIPmd2wBT5Ok3VDzbOiCNj9scOWNyQt-4S2Jj05qgsaLzapK6MBAVLBVlM-XDzx54Jo2Pc3R6NEj2AOGHXepBGYZ8n3y9Zs8FraouSGTEBvgP42S9sLiZqUxaKCNiaRGjuI9Fp8DckVsXB6iX2k6hyOZVfLEFVrXMgdlP0/w400-h266/100-India%20Journey%20Jama%20Mashid%20in%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i>The Friday mosque, Jama Masjid. </i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i>Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</i></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;">We visited the beautiful Friday mosque, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Mosque_of_Herat" target="_blank">Jama Masjid</a>. A bearded old man with a white turban invited us in and showed us a mosaic workshop inside the mosque. At the other end of the workshop, a well-built craftsman was sleeping on the floor. The old man who asked us in knocked on the door, and after a while it opened. We were let in and shown how the mosaics are made. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigBZyD8UY5oIBgQxURyyv3TXj6235wkky58Zv5MY9_rrSmZPQs3NJK1F1rFeyZF8RvrGEV46SeRjLBBWQz_9W95mfzUFIIiyBdRIO88nkFhfMbuV7yiCTWgKh2zmhjRh1WvXTY-XmBIyWg-SjnXADmF297FxzMtV1MxB53iltRsZ-Ngze_opTYZVscCjs/s1512/102-Indienresan%201974-10%20030b%20Jama%20Mashid%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1512" data-original-width="954" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigBZyD8UY5oIBgQxURyyv3TXj6235wkky58Zv5MY9_rrSmZPQs3NJK1F1rFeyZF8RvrGEV46SeRjLBBWQz_9W95mfzUFIIiyBdRIO88nkFhfMbuV7yiCTWgKh2zmhjRh1WvXTY-XmBIyWg-SjnXADmF297FxzMtV1MxB53iltRsZ-Ngze_opTYZVscCjs/w405-h640/102-Indienresan%201974-10%20030b%20Jama%20Mashid%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" width="405" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYB_XYQ-OsKzddQU361odMBOpz20dHExbTVetFDvDiT6yJElX1ZjlDCxRe_oKzyqmI1H2fRSTHtcX90Ih-1ebTvfou_PXqx13RMIYoCKGGEHArp1Kfhnl6BzVnoVXXNfUd_c6XMvpWhVLamqcP5GEdI5rY_98Av0o1h5QlQTDVUTDo-K2Sdi0P-d_sGLE/s1512/105-Indienresan%201974-10%20033b%20Jama%20Mashid%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1512" data-original-width="964" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYB_XYQ-OsKzddQU361odMBOpz20dHExbTVetFDvDiT6yJElX1ZjlDCxRe_oKzyqmI1H2fRSTHtcX90Ih-1ebTvfou_PXqx13RMIYoCKGGEHArp1Kfhnl6BzVnoVXXNfUd_c6XMvpWhVLamqcP5GEdI5rY_98Av0o1h5QlQTDVUTDo-K2Sdi0P-d_sGLE/w408-h640/105-Indienresan%201974-10%20033b%20Jama%20Mashid%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" width="408" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ4wLcAsv0SoD3nDX01zkSo5-41h_8tCpHFBTtTg4SNKlO31A1sXEaRQAVBcSd02OvJuAgBqZVOgxBRyqbfDnR4CGl6oyKxMwNm87_JlMRuAGILyeaabAMyR2xsm1bXQ6akAp41bRPB5qLIsLdJlD9uTXt4AEn0FKJCkoYBaQjFzDuQacV-uTjm_N2pH8/s1512/104-Indienresan%201974-10%20032%20Jama%20Mashid%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="964" data-original-width="1512" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ4wLcAsv0SoD3nDX01zkSo5-41h_8tCpHFBTtTg4SNKlO31A1sXEaRQAVBcSd02OvJuAgBqZVOgxBRyqbfDnR4CGl6oyKxMwNm87_JlMRuAGILyeaabAMyR2xsm1bXQ6akAp41bRPB5qLIsLdJlD9uTXt4AEn0FKJCkoYBaQjFzDuQacV-uTjm_N2pH8/w400-h255/104-Indienresan%201974-10%20032%20Jama%20Mashid%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" width="400" /></a></div></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz4mNrHYiedexW0E3RRGHYaZno_iP9J8cJQwM2fVbVnG8AEU2EIgtM3Nip2VEVAVzMHFrzUuo8NwSqPSRlvk2hqhuz_zzN033KqVNnZE64N5JaDiDQpfsGFk3atiyMwe7DoXZTgLnC8ohkwjutqA0OxUg1PVRvT2M5pHQ9zF_kf3HAmfPVyEkznhnv81k/s1512/103-Indienresan%201974-10%20031%20Jama%20Mashid%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="961" data-original-width="1512" height="254" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz4mNrHYiedexW0E3RRGHYaZno_iP9J8cJQwM2fVbVnG8AEU2EIgtM3Nip2VEVAVzMHFrzUuo8NwSqPSRlvk2hqhuz_zzN033KqVNnZE64N5JaDiDQpfsGFk3atiyMwe7DoXZTgLnC8ohkwjutqA0OxUg1PVRvT2M5pHQ9zF_kf3HAmfPVyEkznhnv81k/w400-h254/103-Indienresan%201974-10%20031%20Jama%20Mashid%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i>We visited a mosaic workshop in the Friday mosque. <br />Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div>On the way back from the mosque we entered a room with two looms. At one of them a man was weaving silk fabrics. </div><div><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgQVtZqCvdn_hrKOi6HqGJAxyHjZtspaazPKUSvpP_vwoy2lxjnB_yXcqx54yYaJoo6La_pEf8tRIF0POBGz8CiQhQVPpW5xg5qvFz3TKe3YmRfFJF2IHbfO0UTRlnni2GwqD7aLOy9MMbEMNuFYsL6QYOHB6XLz_NGLpc-3yKlzdQD5szu-v44Ju62tk/s1512/110-Indienresan%201974-10%20037b-med.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1512" data-original-width="962" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgQVtZqCvdn_hrKOi6HqGJAxyHjZtspaazPKUSvpP_vwoy2lxjnB_yXcqx54yYaJoo6La_pEf8tRIF0POBGz8CiQhQVPpW5xg5qvFz3TKe3YmRfFJF2IHbfO0UTRlnni2GwqD7aLOy9MMbEMNuFYsL6QYOHB6XLz_NGLpc-3yKlzdQD5szu-v44Ju62tk/w408-h640/110-Indienresan%201974-10%20037b-med.jpg" width="408" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i>A man weaves and a boy is keeping an eye on <br />the foreigners. Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</i></div><div><br /></div>We saw the Musalla complex from a graveyard where six or seven children were begging. From there we could see a large part of Herat, and some farms just below.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR2tBRX6oIqlWwu7FbuS_aOlTtzSgCpFVIm2gvLBpGHKmf410f2mvq3PUUhTsoX3U6kLhuDJ9BDsWkJoFokOQdVpWO0gp6UysY1y_fQq_rqL7HKCMFfikWnVUrUYDftV_MU8yQpTyJ3TKK6bouIDYchRGpUujS6pbV4amZQMyEgdFRUFEWC0g6SVVkHss/s1643/111-Indienresan%201974-12%20002%20Graveyard%20in%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1040" data-original-width="1643" height="254" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR2tBRX6oIqlWwu7FbuS_aOlTtzSgCpFVIm2gvLBpGHKmf410f2mvq3PUUhTsoX3U6kLhuDJ9BDsWkJoFokOQdVpWO0gp6UysY1y_fQq_rqL7HKCMFfikWnVUrUYDftV_MU8yQpTyJ3TKK6bouIDYchRGpUujS6pbV4amZQMyEgdFRUFEWC0g6SVVkHss/w400-h254/111-Indienresan%201974-12%20002%20Graveyard%20in%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeSofNFjM8CdTeZ58akMXUNi0Q2qQtuuQwOCiFoxonggrlenwol_wHmtVUysW7dRUUeXy4BWFsToyeiCZslXq-nF5FoPzt3dDCkM9Ioob16OX2yZt7Q26j1uhQYGxrjVmtwPczMQV_9Tki3xW5kSQGN23FRUfcgeafganEjIKisChlhC5C7d1BAZV6JfA/s1644/112-Indienresan%201974-12%20006%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1040" data-original-width="1644" height="253" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeSofNFjM8CdTeZ58akMXUNi0Q2qQtuuQwOCiFoxonggrlenwol_wHmtVUysW7dRUUeXy4BWFsToyeiCZslXq-nF5FoPzt3dDCkM9Ioob16OX2yZt7Q26j1uhQYGxrjVmtwPczMQV_9Tki3xW5kSQGN23FRUfcgeafganEjIKisChlhC5C7d1BAZV6JfA/w400-h253/112-Indienresan%201974-12%20006%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEaJp8YSh1gZ8tHjjqXLVKkyRoq5kw6rA8viIqx1IY9c3dC-CoxM4IqyNcO_yFzW7AQKCXNEQwFDVcpN2kDd9Q5Q8BUCXEUA3W30XLopD2McHQFGAz-2XJ5T7wHo94XwGOoK-mop7Y4s73v4uF55CCb4YnfX5fARG8XNp1k0i1UZ5LQpmrkq_sIVjfuuI/s1532/113-Indienresan%201974-12%20007%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1056" data-original-width="1532" height="276" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEaJp8YSh1gZ8tHjjqXLVKkyRoq5kw6rA8viIqx1IY9c3dC-CoxM4IqyNcO_yFzW7AQKCXNEQwFDVcpN2kDd9Q5Q8BUCXEUA3W30XLopD2McHQFGAz-2XJ5T7wHo94XwGOoK-mop7Y4s73v4uF55CCb4YnfX5fARG8XNp1k0i1UZ5LQpmrkq_sIVjfuuI/w400-h276/113-Indienresan%201974-12%20007%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i>Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">About half-past five we went to a shop so that I could order an Afghan dress consisting of shirt and trousers made to measure. The fabric is woven in cotton and silk. The owner asked us to come back to the shop at half past six so that he could treat us to tea. Before then he was not allowed to eat and drink since it was Ramadan. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">When we returned, he rolled out three red carpets for us. We sat down and he asked if we wanted green or black tea. Before he started eating, he went to the window, poured water from a jug, and washed his hands. He told us that he was married, had two children, and about how he had managed to afford the dowry of 120,000 Afghanis. His said that his father had chosen the woman for him. That was 4 years ago.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; line-height: 17.12px; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Later a student came in who ran the shop next door with his brothers. He and I discussed politics openly with each other. He said that there were many Maoists in Afghanistan. We also talked about Soviet, which seems to be the biggest threat to the country. The Soviets buy natural gas cheaply, refine it and then sell it back at a high price. He said that Soviet prevents Afghanistan from choosing its own trading partners. For example, they hindered Afghanistan from selling natural gas to West Germany. He also said that Soviet was behind <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1973_Afghan_coup_d%27%C3%A9tat" target="_blank">the coup d'état</a> in the summer of 1973, when <b><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mohammad_Daoud_Khan" target="_blank">Mohammed Daoud</a></b> seized power. </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-DdhqleSMgXCALeuPNZWwFyJqPDWW58JoazLYy7y6bckUXy1mMKJEkmSkpgM5-DmNTttShLKfr6VxqqKuGZ35fhQGzdxUvi57Ua4diamSO_XPyQ_X6OUrcDNP0GvU6wzMF-lxQT9-30u7Y9YiT8juRW5VW9tDV8Mx7OeF8By-RJN4V5iqEz-fuuugalU/s1512/097-India%20Journey%201974%20017%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1021" data-original-width="1512" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-DdhqleSMgXCALeuPNZWwFyJqPDWW58JoazLYy7y6bckUXy1mMKJEkmSkpgM5-DmNTttShLKfr6VxqqKuGZ35fhQGzdxUvi57Ua4diamSO_XPyQ_X6OUrcDNP0GvU6wzMF-lxQT9-30u7Y9YiT8juRW5VW9tDV8Mx7OeF8By-RJN4V5iqEz-fuuugalU/w400-h270/097-India%20Journey%201974%20017%20Herat%20Afghanistan.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Herat has been a marketplace for thousands of years. </i><br /><i>Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; line-height: 17.12px; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">One of the highlights of our time in Herat was the ruins of the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Musalla_complex" target="_blank">Musalla complex</a> with its five minarets and the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gawhar_Shad_Mausoleum" target="_blank">Gawhar Shad Mausoleum</a> </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;">built under Queen </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gawhar_Shad" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;" target="_blank"><b>Gawhar Shad</b></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;">in the early 15th century. Her husband</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shah_Rukh" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;" target="_blank"><b>Shah Rukh</b></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;">, was son of</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timur" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;" target="_blank"><b>Tamerlane</b></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;">, founder of the Timurid Dynasty. Shah Rukh moved the Timurid capital from Samarkand to Herat in 1405. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">The Gawhar Shad Mosque was one of the great masterpieces of Islamic architecture and, according to </span><b style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Byron">Robert Byron</a></b><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">, even more beautiful than her mosque in Mashhad, now part of the </span><b style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imam_Reza_shrine" target="_blank">Imam Reza complex</a></b><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">. Byron wrote in </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Road_to_Oxiana" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><i>The Road to Oxiana</i></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> that the buildings in Herat "were the most beautiful example of the use of color in architecture ever created by man to honor God and himself." That didn't stop the British colonial army from blowing up the entire complex with dynamite in 1885 in order to give them a clear view of an expected Russian attack that never happened. It was part of Russia and Britain's imperialist enterprise known as 'The Great Game'.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;"><i style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxL9IVcTszP4B79lt8EqfpZwmsv8ZYGFW5xxbjmbbgVK5IqPozRfbJ-3JR68FvgwTi9O8yatFRuBTgIR9ljUbQnT5YKIx7Ar-qKnvJ9Ve5yhJuaVAwamOwaNExr1lG7O6YRytMJRTGl8uU-ahboZBSnzT3bb2I6s8P2myTg7rY3iHlh703bUnXYHgZH7U/s6288/Afghanistan%201974%20004d.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4111" data-original-width="6288" height="261" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxL9IVcTszP4B79lt8EqfpZwmsv8ZYGFW5xxbjmbbgVK5IqPozRfbJ-3JR68FvgwTi9O8yatFRuBTgIR9ljUbQnT5YKIx7Ar-qKnvJ9Ve5yhJuaVAwamOwaNExr1lG7O6YRytMJRTGl8uU-ahboZBSnzT3bb2I6s8P2myTg7rY3iHlh703bUnXYHgZH7U/w400-h261/Afghanistan%201974%20004d.jpg" width="400" /></a></i></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;"><i style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">The Musalla complex in Herat. Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</span></i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 17.12px; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> </span></span></p><span style="font-size: small;"><div><p align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">(Translated from my <a href="https://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/2014/09/det-finns-inte-ord-for-den-har-staden.html" target="_blank">September 30, 2014 post</a> on
Sandbergs hörna)</span></i></p></div></span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-72052732818665607682024-02-22T20:04:00.002-05:002024-02-25T21:11:05.779-05:00Heading Home Through the Khyber Pass (1974)<p style="text-align: left;"><b>November 20, 1974</b></p><p style="text-align: left;">We stayed a few more days in New Delhi, shopping in the tourist shops around Connaught Circle while we waited for our departure. I bought six meters of silk fabric, thick and dark blue with gold thread woven in, and several meters of white silk. This was for my Mom who eventually used the blue silk for curtains and made a shawl of white silk fabric.</p><p style="text-align: center;">*</p><p style="text-align: left;"></p><div style="text-align: left;">I don't remember the actual departure, even though it must have been a big event for us after six weeks traveling from <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Srinagar" target="_blank">Srinagar </a>in Kashmir to <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thiruvananthapuram" target="_blank">Trivandrum </a>in Kerala. I do remember us driving through a dusty city among people, cyclists, rickshaws, horse-drawn carts, and taxis. The sun seemingly set where the street ended. But was that a real memory, or constructed based on a black and white photo I took from the bus? </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxntR29GWcVjkPHfpb66FD66N-DtX8nhY7eLoZV1HcpNy8XltKdjYDo1y74FQLAga9jtcuK3bCpbtuasw7Zjp4oytnkespUAWUeO2Se1a1Sxgjrypa1MEQ6wG8xYf-aFG4Qjhy2kkakalwxktKUQmjVDCN5R8GjsIwHvvr9Ns6xXLgsW5TuKQaEgJZeJ8/s3335/Indienresan%201974-27%20010%20Islamabad.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2127" data-original-width="3335" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxntR29GWcVjkPHfpb66FD66N-DtX8nhY7eLoZV1HcpNy8XltKdjYDo1y74FQLAga9jtcuK3bCpbtuasw7Zjp4oytnkespUAWUeO2Se1a1Sxgjrypa1MEQ6wG8xYf-aFG4Qjhy2kkakalwxktKUQmjVDCN5R8GjsIwHvvr9Ns6xXLgsW5TuKQaEgJZeJ8/w400-h255/Indienresan%201974-27%20010%20Islamabad.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: small;">Sunset somewhere in Pakistan. <br /></i><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: small;">Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: small;"><br /></i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white;"><div>The next thing I remember is that we stopped in a small town to buy freshly baked bread. It was cold and frosty in the morning. The flat bread was long and big, and very tasty. They baked the bread on the inside walls of a small wood fired ovens that were sometimes built into the ground. </div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: small; font-style: italic;"><br style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal;" /></div></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: small;"><br /></i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: small; font-style: italic; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOKCk0ek6M6q4E5ueOr-l8ty5kd9GPjFlldO1TvciJNpvCH9kslO3BRYdIsz6X8WGvjxy5UtuphyAb4O_YQQtqtD3GZdtI7KN1zNj_k-7xUtcowVqhTDG51lUcbY_dStLHhuqmmfLU68PkIAbAaCevIYFOGAUTAOtOejf_-J6RLL9YKLuTG-V8dncygM0/s3152/India%20Journey%201974%20130.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2056" data-original-width="3152" height="261" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOKCk0ek6M6q4E5ueOr-l8ty5kd9GPjFlldO1TvciJNpvCH9kslO3BRYdIsz6X8WGvjxy5UtuphyAb4O_YQQtqtD3GZdtI7KN1zNj_k-7xUtcowVqhTDG51lUcbY_dStLHhuqmmfLU68PkIAbAaCevIYFOGAUTAOtOejf_-J6RLL9YKLuTG-V8dncygM0/w400-h261/India%20Journey%201974%20130.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: small; font-style: italic; text-align: center;"><i>Probably near Peshawar, on the way to the Khyber Pass.<br />Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: small; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif;">Now began the journey north through the Khyber Pass where the mountain walls rose straight up into the sky with us at the bottom and in between.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKH8uLVkmceLNeuQxslspK5Y2-fQYU4YMs6YzP8uDcu_uud_53XpaHGT0t2HpNEfsBAoaBXs4APPGFCd0YJljdoyAe1BrB3YqN8tSN9cRb3aEWpv0_dq2wh4WcjchAAdpb0sn0SeTJGOJrEeUKUTRyl9-kBEBNewEVVI7YGD_Gx3wG74vPdsMukSse7Sk/s2887/Indienresan%201974-27%20024c.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2887" data-original-width="1493" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKH8uLVkmceLNeuQxslspK5Y2-fQYU4YMs6YzP8uDcu_uud_53XpaHGT0t2HpNEfsBAoaBXs4APPGFCd0YJljdoyAe1BrB3YqN8tSN9cRb3aEWpv0_dq2wh4WcjchAAdpb0sn0SeTJGOJrEeUKUTRyl9-kBEBNewEVVI7YGD_Gx3wG74vPdsMukSse7Sk/w331-h640/Indienresan%201974-27%20024c.jpg" width="331" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: small;">The bus Bull heading north to the Khyber Pass. </i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: small;">Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: right;"><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: small; text-align: center;"><i style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; text-align: right;">(Transl. from my <a href="https://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/2014/11/en-dromedarkalv-klarar-sig-med-nod-och.html" target="_blank">November 20, 2014 post on Sandbergs hörna</a>)</i></i></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-90996211639584146452024-02-19T22:05:00.086-05:002024-02-21T12:42:10.134-05:001968 - The Year When We Were Born Again<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI3enJr-zS1xFZZt4VAyKX2zAkzbgc1bjzeIveHJp1OfxZaRLJL1VZdnYezMGFSt0I98KpB0yz7YPhuarNOcXqgBhgcVf8JTlcy-7dXDOvYKfbTd16hR1eAXXC1j8bBs92njFZqDyMMxemUjl0o6YWK_GePTXzyZPQmoZ6n9_hXAnOEyw4mRx-O4UP7QQ/s1648/Protest%20mot%20ockup%20av%20Tjeckoslovakien%20(7).jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1059" data-original-width="1648" height="258" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI3enJr-zS1xFZZt4VAyKX2zAkzbgc1bjzeIveHJp1OfxZaRLJL1VZdnYezMGFSt0I98KpB0yz7YPhuarNOcXqgBhgcVf8JTlcy-7dXDOvYKfbTd16hR1eAXXC1j8bBs92njFZqDyMMxemUjl0o6YWK_GePTXzyZPQmoZ6n9_hXAnOEyw4mRx-O4UP7QQ/w400-h258/Protest%20mot%20ockup%20av%20Tjeckoslovakien%20(7).jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i style="text-indent: 24px;">Stockholm in August 1968. </i><i style="text-indent: 24px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A protest against <br />Soviet's invasion of Czechoslovakia.<br />Photo: Hans Sandberg</span></i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i style="text-indent: 24px;"><br /></i></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 120%; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: 0in .25in .5in .75in 1.0in 1.25in 1.5in 2.0in 2.5in 3.0in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: 0in;"><b><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; text-indent: 0in;">The year 1968 took us by storm, especially if you were a teenager. We had been awaken to the world's unfairness and now change was in the air. We followed the news about the Vietnam War, the May Revolt in Paris, Black protest movements in the U.S.A., and the invasion of </span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Czechoslovakia. And we took to the streets to protest.</span></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 120%; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: 0in .25in .5in .75in 1.0in 1.25in 1.5in 2.0in 2.5in 3.0in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: 0in;"><b><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 120%; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: 0in .25in .5in .75in 1.0in 1.25in 1.5in 2.0in 2.5in 3.0in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Segoe UI";">We were born-again even though we didn't believe in God. I had lost my childhood faith when I was eight years old. I cursed God and hid under my pillow, but nothing happened. That's how easy it was to see through the supernatural, but it was different with the <b>Jesus</b>, the human. I remember saying prayers, singing psalms in the morning and thanking God for the food at lunch time. It must have been in second or third grade. We had an </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0.25in;">illustrated blue textbook that told stories about the twelve-year-old Jesus who debated the learned at the temple, and how he as an adult fed the poor when
the fishermen came in with their catch. Maybe most of all, I remember how he cast out the merchants
from the temple.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 120%; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: 0in .25in .5in .75in 1.0in 1.25in 1.5in 2.0in 2.5in 3.0in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">The step from Jesus to <b>Marx </b>was not as long as one
might think. This maybe even harder to understand here in the US, where
religious sects and churches had grown through competition with other beliefs
or interpretations. Christianity was the largest faith in this diverse
religious marketplace, but it came to be dominated by a branch that drew narrow
circles around the groups that were to be included in the </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">“brotherly love." It was a
Christianity that took part in, or closed its eyes to, the genocide of the native population, to the slavery, the oppression of women, racism and lynchings, exploitation, and imperialist wars. It’s
true that there were other branches who fought against slavery and for
equality, both before and after Martin Luther King Jr., but the loudest branch
was the one that today takes <b>Trump</b> as its savior.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 120%; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: 0in .25in .5in .75in 1.0in 1.25in 1.5in 2.0in 2.5in 3.0in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">We who were awakened in the years around 1968 actually had
a lot in common with the early Christian church and later popular awakenings.
The Christian socialist and theologian <b>David Bentley Hart</b> recently raised the question of whether the first Christians
were not in fact communists. They sold their property and shared their
wealth so that everybody had what they needed. The rest was owned
collectively. They loathed private property, which to many modern believers are
more important than the Golden Rule.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 109%; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt; margin: 12pt 0in 12pt 0.5in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: .5in .75in 1.0in; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 109%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">“The
great John Chrysostom frequently issued pronouncements on wealth and poverty
that make Karl Marx and Mikhail Bakunin sound like timid conservatives.
According to him, there is but one human estate, belonging to all, and those
who keep any more of it for themselves than barest necessity dictates are brigands
and apostates from the true Christian enterprise of charity.”</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 109%; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt; margin: 12pt 0in 12pt 0.5in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: .5in .75in 1.0in; text-align: right; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 109%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Segoe UI";">(</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 109%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">Are
Christians Supposed to Be Communists?</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 109%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">, David<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bentley Hart, New York Times, November 4,
2017)</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-align: left; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 120%; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: 0in .25in .5in .75in 1.0in 1.25in 1.5in 2.0in 2.5in 3.0in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">Marx may not have been as radical as <b>Chrysostom</b>,
but he shares the first Christians' dream of an equal society. He borrowed words from the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">New
Testament</i> when he in 1875 wrote that the society of the future would </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">“inscribe on its banners: From
each according to his ability, to each according to his needs!”</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 120%; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: 0in .25in .5in .75in 1.0in 1.25in 1.5in 2.0in 2.5in 3.0in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">Maybe it wasn</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">’t a coincidence that we let our hair grow and walked
in Jesus sandals. The world I grew up in had taken shape after
the second World War and its moral foundation had cracked in the shadow of the
Vietnam war and 1968. This raised questions that the old generation and society
could not answer, fundamental questions that were particularly challenging for
us youths. <b>Mark Lilla</b>, an American
author and professor, wrote about the process in a personal essay in 2005. He
had grown up as a Catholic in Detroit during the 1960s and turned atheist at
thirteen only to discover the Bible after having attended a Christian rock
concert. He found faith after a night reading the New Testament and soon found
himself among a group of born-again Christians.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 109%; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt; margin: 12pt 0in 12pt 0.5in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: .5in .75in 1.0in; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 109%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">“This
group was my substitute family throughout high school in the early 70's. I
spent most nights with them, at prayer meetings, or guitar practice, or just
sitting around on the shag carpeting of their living rooms, Bibles open on our
laps. Ours was a rolling theological seminar devoted to interpreting the
biblical message, and an open psychotherapy session where we helped each other
adjust to being born again.”</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 109%; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt; margin: 12pt 0in 12pt 0.5in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: .5in .75in 1.0in; text-align: right; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 109%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Segoe UI";">(</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 109%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">Getting
Religion</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 109%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">, Mark Lilla, New York Times, Sunday Magazine,
September 18, 2005)</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-align: left; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 120%; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: 0in .25in .5in .75in 1.0in 1.25in 1.5in 2.0in 2.5in 3.0in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">He described how the Bible became his only path at age fourteen.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 109%; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt; margin: 12pt 0in 12pt 0.5in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: .5in .75in 1.0in; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 109%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">“Then
I discovered the strange new world of the Bible. That discovery might have led
me to other books, but there was no one to guide me onto that path. So the
Bible became my only portal into the realm of ideas — ideas about morality,
justice, cosmology, psychology, eschatology, mortality. The Bible posed all the
important questions, questions that were vaguely forming in my adolescent mind,
but that now took on shape and contour. And, of course, it answered those
questions.” (ibid)</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 120%; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: 0in .25in .5in .75in 1.0in 1.25in 1.5in 2.0in 2.5in 3.0in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Segoe UI";">For
us young revolutionaries </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">The
Capital</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;"> was our <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bible</i>
and <b>Mao</b></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;"><b>’s </b></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">Little
Red Book</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;"> our <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Small
Catechism</i>. We too sat around in circles with the books that explained
everything in our laps. Lilla wrote that </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">“all teenagers are dogmatists; a teenager with a Bible
is simply a more intense teenager” and related how he would wander around in
his school with a Bible at the ready, looking for sin and spiritual degeneracy,
thinking that he did his victims a favor. I used to walk around with Mao’s
Little Red Book at the ready, looking for bourgeois ideas. </span><span face=""Segoe UI",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 120%; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: 0in .25in .5in .75in 1.0in 1.25in 1.5in 2.0in 2.5in 3.0in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">Over time our passions ossified around Mao</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">’s version of Marxism-Leninism.
It became our canon and Beijing became our Jerusalem, just as Mecca, Paris,
Washington, and Moscow had been to earlier generations.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 120%; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: 0in .25in .5in .75in 1.0in 1.25in 1.5in 2.0in 2.5in 3.0in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">It was relatively easy to keep the faith when Mao
was alive. He was like a living God who hadn</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">’t hesitated to send a flood against the party he had
founded, but ten years into the Cultural Revolution, we began to receive
conflicting signals from the Middle Kingdom and Mao’s meeting with Nixon was
followed by the Theory of the Three Worlds, which replaced the revolutionary
class struggle with an international alliance against the two superpowers.
Reactionaries and brutal dictators were now seen as allied in the struggle
against the Soviet social imperialism. And when <b>Deng Xiaoping</b> had established
himself as China’s leader a year after Mao’s death, the course shifted even
more radically. China’s peasants were allowed to sell their surplus on free
markets and foreign companies were welcomed to Special Economic Zones.</span><span face=""Segoe UI",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 120%; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: 0in .25in .5in .75in 1.0in 1.25in 1.5in 2.0in 2.5in 3.0in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">And as if that was not enough, Vietnam invaded
Kampuchea at the end of 1978 and installed a puppet regime which led China to
invade Vietnam in February 1979. Deng said that China wanted to </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">“teach Vietnam a lesson.”</span><span face=""Segoe UI",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 120%; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: 0in .25in .5in .75in 1.0in 1.25in 1.5in 2.0in 2.5in 3.0in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">We didn</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">’t immediately understand it, but it was the beginning
of the end of Maoism. At first, we tried to patch-up our broken faith, but
every time we thought we had the pieces right, the puzzle fell apart again.
Everything was now open to debate. We had preached that<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>wars were caused by capitalism and
imperialism, but how could you then explain what was happening in IndoChina?
And if Mao’s Cultural Revolution had not been able to prevent the corruption of
socialism — was there any guarantee at all? We were convinced that the
dictatorship of the proletariat was a democracy for the people and a temporary
dictatorship over the former oppressors, but had not the people been oppressed
during the Cultural Revolution?</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 120%; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: 0in .25in .5in .75in 1.0in 1.25in 1.5in 2.0in 2.5in 3.0in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">To a seventeen-year-old it was easy to live for the
revolution. It felt meaningful to attend meetings, sell magazines, and lead
study circles. The tiredness you felt when you came home from a long work session was not the tiredness of a wage slave, but the proud tiredness
of a fighter. What others took as unselfish sacrifices was for the believer a pleasant
duty. But when doubt set in, the many meetings and heavy tasks began to feel
like sacrifices, colliding with other interests.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 109%; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt; margin: 12pt 0in 12pt 0.5in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: .5in .75in 1.0in; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 109%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">“…the
spell that transformed costs into benefits will be broken and the more usual
kind of cost accounting will reassert itself. … As a result, the citizen will
feel that he has vastly and unnecessarily overextended himself into the public
domain and that a ruthless cutting down is in order.”</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="right" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 109%; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 12.0pt; margin: 12pt 0in 12pt 0.5in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: .5in .75in 1.0in; text-align: right; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 109%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Segoe UI";">(Albert O. Hirschman, </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 109%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">Shifting
Involvements</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 109%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">, 1982, p 126)</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-align: left; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 120%; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: 0in .25in .5in .75in 1.0in 1.25in 1.5in 2.0in 2.5in 3.0in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">We had however invested so much in the revolutionary
struggle that our first reaction was to persist and push harder than ever. And
if a comrade slacked, the rest of us would step in. We read and debated even
more in search of the correct analysis of the situation and the right path
forward. We spent almost all our time at meetings and campaigns, why we didn</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">’t see much of our families, friends or partners.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 120%; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: 0in .25in .5in .75in 1.0in 1.25in 1.5in 2.0in 2.5in 3.0in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">A decennium had passed since 1968, and the revolution we had dreamt of never came. The cultural revolutions and protest movements of the 1960s had been followed by a reaction that gave us Reagan and Thatcher. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 120%; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: 0in .25in .5in .75in 1.0in 1.25in 1.5in 2.0in 2.5in 3.0in; text-autospace: none; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt;">Instead of saving the world, it was now about investing in yourself.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 120%; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: 0in .25in .5in .75in 1.0in 1.25in 1.5in 2.0in 2.5in 3.0in; text-align: left; text-autospace: none; text-indent: 0.7pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Segoe UI";"><o:p> We tried to hold on to our faith as long as possible, but in the end you could not escape reality.</o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 120%; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: 0in .25in .5in .75in 1.0in 1.25in 1.5in 2.0in 2.5in 3.0in; text-align: left; text-autospace: none; text-indent: 0.7pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0.7pt;"><span> </span>Some switched side and became conservative, many became social democrats, while others tried to deal with their disappointment. Yet others came to wrestle with understanding what had happened. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 120%; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; tab-stops: 0in .25in .5in .75in 1.0in 1.25in 1.5in 2.0in 2.5in 3.0in; text-align: left; text-autospace: none; text-indent: 0.7pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Segoe UI";"><o:p></o:p></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Segoe UI";"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLpbXjMOGR34XV3y7ponxFBXdqLSGoT6Zu5g_iBn3R-snHhyphenhyphenaY4O7qsF8v-pmIn9iegWaDNreVWmwYZeaz4Lklluz83WRyzj42-UVcR3nL1dKPIMr98BHnjz1qu2ikM_E2La_iAx8sdjDy855LNbN0JoxE1dosw7wKPbm9uz58R5l0t7r5kDAOtcj8cdo/s1643/Lars%20L%20posters%20(2).jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1048" data-original-width="1643" height="204" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLpbXjMOGR34XV3y7ponxFBXdqLSGoT6Zu5g_iBn3R-snHhyphenhyphenaY4O7qsF8v-pmIn9iegWaDNreVWmwYZeaz4Lklluz83WRyzj42-UVcR3nL1dKPIMr98BHnjz1qu2ikM_E2La_iAx8sdjDy855LNbN0JoxE1dosw7wKPbm9uz58R5l0t7r5kDAOtcj8cdo/s320/Lars%20L%20posters%20(2).jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 120%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI"; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Segoe UI";"><i>Posters in Stockholm. Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1969.</i></span></div><p></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-18013697673141665442024-02-18T14:59:00.012-05:002024-03-12T23:07:16.481-04:00We Swam in the Caspian Sea Before Getting Stoned in Golestan (1974)<div style="text-align: left;">On September 29, 1974, I wrote in my diary that we had passed by a village whose mud houses had domed roofs. We had left Mashhad in northeastern Iran, a large city that was once an oasis on the Silk Road, and later became a major destination for Shia pilgrims. I remember an old man in turban waving angrily at me when I took photos from across the street of the Imam Reza shrine. A young guy offered to guide us through a museum within the shrine, but he rushed us through the rooms and didn’t seem to know much about the objects. The only thing he knew was that everything was worth millions of dollars… </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM2X1fvknNT4_0-OLwgjumq7uQrfOQ1jzw6p6KfEvKMQlrER9HyEj8qixF9MrrkGl5QFVfM2K9wuVQ8RJNhbKGhV9F_MJpZ1pEIWTicVSmsCwn-q2h_1oxKMu_WD-JiAcu6sqBvh6kHTFV_7plF0EhtQRXBPPGPSQ9ips87khb8Y6uBXl5_LTo0iANtwI/s1512/086-India%20Journey%201974%20010%20Mashhad.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1016" data-original-width="1512" height="269" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM2X1fvknNT4_0-OLwgjumq7uQrfOQ1jzw6p6KfEvKMQlrER9HyEj8qixF9MrrkGl5QFVfM2K9wuVQ8RJNhbKGhV9F_MJpZ1pEIWTicVSmsCwn-q2h_1oxKMu_WD-JiAcu6sqBvh6kHTFV_7plF0EhtQRXBPPGPSQ9ips87khb8Y6uBXl5_LTo0iANtwI/w400-h269/086-India%20Journey%201974%20010%20Mashhad.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><i><div style="text-align: center;"><i>The Imam Reza shrine in Mashhad, Iran. <br />Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</i></div></i><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Before we knew it, we were at the exit, and he showed us that he expected a tip for his service. I don’t remember if we gave him anything, but maybe we did to get rid of him. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The road from Mashhad to Herat in Afghanistan went southeast through a desert plain with mountains on both sides. The landscape was mostly sand-colored, except for where the land had been plowed making it dark brown. The only vegetation consisted of low bushes and tufts of grass.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCp8cVJ_7VPsUbaxzFIXSDz1JxUO4mpzsGLwSpOvRn_Tl2keQWtLuUIlKmRtUsRZWWI-3I1NzRRyaZSYnUIhNyeSDQNrPKgynR0mwKhm5vd-sHc9srwVnkjn7xVFNIvkaDLtxvU2tLk6DZhcp3OvSgzPrKOYRpj6efPomipII3brHwsec-bsxigRjSxh4/s600/092-Indienresan%201974-10%20020%20Afghanistan-eb.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="385" data-original-width="600" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCp8cVJ_7VPsUbaxzFIXSDz1JxUO4mpzsGLwSpOvRn_Tl2keQWtLuUIlKmRtUsRZWWI-3I1NzRRyaZSYnUIhNyeSDQNrPKgynR0mwKhm5vd-sHc9srwVnkjn7xVFNIvkaDLtxvU2tLk6DZhcp3OvSgzPrKOYRpj6efPomipII3brHwsec-bsxigRjSxh4/w400-h256/092-Indienresan%201974-10%20020%20Afghanistan-eb.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i>Between Iran and Afghanistan. Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: left;"><div>For some reason I didn’t write anything about the time when we were stoned by local kids in a Turkmen town. It must have been the previous day. We had driven north from Tehran, across Mount Damavand, and once we had descended from the mountain, we were met by a green and lush riviera on the southern shore of the Caspian Sea. After a break for swimming, we continued east towards Gorgan, capital of the Golestan province. Our drivers drove into a small town, hoping to find a restaurant. They parked the buses on the main street, and we left the buses to take a look at the town but were soon surrounded by a dozen young boys who soon began to grope the women, who in their eyes were indecent as they did not wear the burka. Several boys stuck their hands between the girls' legs. The situation quickly escalated, so the girls retreated into the buses, while a couple of us men formed a chain to hold back the rough kids. The buses slowly began to move. Once all the girls were safe on board, we ran after the buses and jumped in through the open front doors. We could hear rocks falling all around us and some hit the buses, but none of us were hit.</div><div><br /></div><div>It was a nasty experience, and we were shocked to have been treated with such hostility. The only explanation I could come up with at the time was that the British colonialists once had staged a massacre in the area, which <b>Jan Myrdal</b> had written somewhere. But that was a long time ago, and it was more likely that the aggression reflected cultural intolerance and Islamic fundamentalism. Recently, I learned that the area at the south-eastern corner of the Caspian Sea has been subject to a long series of invasions, including one by <b>Alexander the Great</b> (ca 330 BCE.) If we had continued north, we could have visited the remains of the Great Wall of Gorgan – 195 km of fortifications – which protected the Iranian Parthian Empire from attacks by the nomads to the north at about the same time as the Chinese built the Great Wall of China for similar reasons. (For those who want to delve into the long and dramatic history of the nomads, I recommend <b>Kenneth W. Harl's</b> fascinating lecture series <i><a href="https://www.thegreatcourses.com/courses/the-barbarian-empires-of-the-steppes" target="_blank">The Barbarian Empires of the Steppes</a></i> published by The Teaching Company/The Great Courses in 2014).</div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">*</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">We arrived at the Islam Kalah border station on a paved road through a flat, dry, and desolate desert landscape. We first stopped at the Iranian side and continued a short distance through no-man's land until we entered the Afghan side where the soldiers walked at their own pace, wearing uniforms that had not seen an iron for many years. I re-read Myrdal's Afghanistan book where he describes his and <b>Gun Kessle's</b> visit to Islam Kalah in the summer of 1958. They had slept in their Citroën CV2 on the Iranian side, and were happy when they entered Afghanistan, where the customs chief offered tea and introduced his brothers to the long-distance guests. We didn't get any tea, but we there were 41 of us in the two buses, so it was perhaps a bit too much to ask for. I interpreted the Afghans' behavior as bold and proud. They didn’t bow to worldly authorities in the same way as in Iran, I thought, influenced by my Swedish prophet.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">When customs were completed, we set off in the direction of Herat, which for millennia has been located in the strategic and fertile valley of the river Hari Rud. This location has been both Herat's fortune and curse. Over and over, the city has been invaded, looted, pillaged, and the population slaughtered. The city was always rebuilt, but its bloody history continues to this day. Herat was called Artacoana and was the capital of Ariana, when Alexander passed by in search of the satrap <b>Bessus of Bactria</b>, who was fleeing after having murdered the Persian ruler <b>Darius the Third</b>.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin-cLfAnKMwbHGldx67IEHvUP-OiLixIVEZYD0WKtKqfKh9uhsCgSCUGLbOLzWmjmUwDrQP4L8Sy5SKE1_R9L_jCuvtcnTL6bOk13ZzIa_Uw5hmr35XM7eafgLy7d1NDdUBCuTM1LcbCNBGgiu4mSiuF7S3vIlk2pz3aFaGKP3oruCdrUZ_F9QuMBVWuw/s1337/Indienresan%201974-12%20008.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="807" data-original-width="1337" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin-cLfAnKMwbHGldx67IEHvUP-OiLixIVEZYD0WKtKqfKh9uhsCgSCUGLbOLzWmjmUwDrQP4L8Sy5SKE1_R9L_jCuvtcnTL6bOk13ZzIa_Uw5hmr35XM7eafgLy7d1NDdUBCuTM1LcbCNBGgiu4mSiuF7S3vIlk2pz3aFaGKP3oruCdrUZ_F9QuMBVWuw/w400-h241/Indienresan%201974-12%20008.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><i style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">The Citadel in Herat. First built under Alexander the Great,<br />the fortress was destroyed many times. The current building<br />was built in 1305. Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</span></i></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; text-align: left;"> </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div></div></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-54476451282354929432024-02-18T12:33:00.003-05:002024-02-18T12:39:28.538-05:00A Thousand Year Old Thoughts About Love<p><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/54/WarnerUBL.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="570" height="320" src="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/54/WarnerUBL.jpg" width="229" /></a></div><p style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.6em; margin: 0px 0px 0.75em;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px;">Abū Muḥammad ʿAlī ibn Aḥmad ibn Saʿīd ibn Ḥazm al-Andalusī -- better known as <b>Ibn Hazm</b> -- lived in Andalusia, Spain, between 994 and 1064 (except for a period of exile in Mallorca after 1040.) </span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.6em; margin: 0px 0px 0.75em;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px;">He wrote a book about love in 1022 under the suggestive title </span></span><i style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ring_of_the_Dove" style="color: #5588aa;" target="_blank">The Ring of the Dove</a>.</i><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px;"> I don't know if he had read </span></span><b style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px;">Aristotle's </b><i><span style="color: #5588aa; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicomachean_Ethics" target="_blank">Nicomachean Ethics</a></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px;">,</span></span></i><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px;"> but I sense an echo of the latter's reflections about friendship in the learned Arab's text. </span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.6em; margin: 0px 0px 0.75em;">Here is a part that captivated me. </p><p style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.6em; margin: 0px 0px 0.75em;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px;"></span></span></p><blockquote><p style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.6em; margin: 0px 0px 0.75em;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px;">”The noblest sort of Love is that which exists between persons who love each other in God either because of an identical zeal for the righteous work upon which they are engaged, or as the result of a harmony in sectarian belief and principles, or by virtue of a common possession of some noble knowledge. Next to this is the love, which springs from kinship; then the love of familiarity and the sharing of identical aims; the love of comradeship and acquaintance; the love, which is rooted in a benevolent regard for one's fellow; the love that results from coveting the loved one's worldly elevation; the love that is based upon a shared secret which both must conceal; love for the sake of getting enjoyment and satisfying desire; and passionate love, that has no other cause but that union of souls to which we have referred above.</span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.6em; margin: 0px 0px 0.75em;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px;">All these varieties of Love come to an end when their causes disappear, and increase or diminish with them; they are intensified according to the degree of their proximity, and grow languid as their causes draw further and further away. The only exception is the Love of true passion, which has the mastery of the soul: this is the love, which passes not away save with death.” </span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.6em; margin: 0px 0px 0.75em; text-align: right;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px;">(<i>The Ring of the Dove</i>, Ibn Hazm)</span></span></p></blockquote><p style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.6em; margin: 0px 0px 0.75em;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px;"></span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.6em; margin: 0px 0px 0.75em; text-align: right;">Note to the illustration: Manuscript to <i>The Ring of the Dove</i> can be found in the Leiden University Library.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.6em; margin: 0px 0px 0.75em;"><br /></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-19246240501772769152024-02-15T10:03:00.004-05:002024-02-26T09:44:31.025-05:00Tea, Hashish, and an Arabic License Plate<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4DO_iToFLlwgEAS7XWAdFEpAUgna3mD3TZKd22Hum_OoyNwPt06XEBp88dF_BXD3UC3O7JUm2FqGbxru2GbK-gi1K6wfa6z9xdNsG8rJ4fXjn4EDh0zvNpe4GAuKDcKT4d_WsLTBuockBGzwNBmyBFCcR2Ho4_dWSO2bEvfXEmYNoaYWVj1C3uc299s4/s3271/Indienresan%201974-12%20029b.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3271" data-original-width="2088" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4DO_iToFLlwgEAS7XWAdFEpAUgna3mD3TZKd22Hum_OoyNwPt06XEBp88dF_BXD3UC3O7JUm2FqGbxru2GbK-gi1K6wfa6z9xdNsG8rJ4fXjn4EDh0zvNpe4GAuKDcKT4d_WsLTBuockBGzwNBmyBFCcR2Ho4_dWSO2bEvfXEmYNoaYWVj1C3uc299s4/w408-h640/Indienresan%201974-12%20029b.jpg" width="408" /></a></div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i style="text-align: left;"><span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif;">Leaving Afghanistan.<br />Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</span></i></div><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent;"><b>2014</b></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent;">I’m searching for the name of the border crossing between Afghanistan and Pakistan. I remember that our buses rolled into a dusty customs station and parked at some distance from the administrative building. I don’t think there were any other vehicles there. After googling for a while, I find Torkham, which in 2014 looks like a very different place than when we arrived in 1974. The once sleepy customs station is now full of armed soldiers. Google shows images of long queues of trucks and cars, as well as many people waiting. No camels or goats, but burning or burnt-out trucks, explosions, dead soldiers. I also find news reports of wars and attacks, most recently </span> <a href="https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2014/6/19/afghan-taliban-fighters-strike-nato-post" target="_blank">a Taliban attack</a><span style="background-color: transparent;"> on a NATO convoy near Torkham, which occurred on June 19, 2014. It destroyed 37 trucks carrying fuel and supplies.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We arrived late in the
afternoon on October 4, 2014, and were told that we could not continue the same
day. We had to wait until the morning since it was too
dangerous to cross the <a href="https://www.dangerousroads.org/asia/pakistan/4187-khyber-pass.html" target="_blank">Khyber Pass</a> at night. There were bandits and
robbers, and one of the villages along the way was called the "Den of
Thieves".<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Elisabeth and I were dead tired and fell asleep early in our bus. When we woke up the next morning, we were told by the others that the customs chief had invited everybody to a party in the customs building where they danced and were served hashish and tea. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The next morning, one guy traveling with the other bus was caught while trying to steal an Arabic script license plate from a wreck behind the customs house. We were told that he normally should go to jail in Kabul, but the customs officer was a friendly man and let us move on once every one of us had apologized for our fellow traveler's behavior.</span></p><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">"I see that you
are nice people and will let it pass, but be careful in the future," the
customs officer said.</span></div>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">We all shook hands with
him and two other officials. Then they walked us out and waved us off.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Later that day we begin the descent along a road that twists and turns through hairpin bends and tunnels. Behind us we see the silhouettes of the mighty mountains in the moonlight. The landscape is becoming more and more green. We are approaching Pakistan and are met by cultivated fields and long stretches where the road is lined with trees.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1MR93MPNwPiqjtaXTtAGiVEbLxVG2Y9Rt03lHDIBWDDrWG0N5Ew1GNI1Pc9kSudfIZzFmYcsGeoL1-VfyHosz_eHBHmwTFK7jnssGY9HYGWpKR6GfzpL3RB9kxRMgqC1jPzM3PY4SG3kljmFNQC1Zh9oP39S1qhrOqzDDH7mseLfw780V6FkiepfWIGo/s1512/143-India%20Journey%20Pakistan.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="956" data-original-width="1512" height="253" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1MR93MPNwPiqjtaXTtAGiVEbLxVG2Y9Rt03lHDIBWDDrWG0N5Ew1GNI1Pc9kSudfIZzFmYcsGeoL1-VfyHosz_eHBHmwTFK7jnssGY9HYGWpKR6GfzpL3RB9kxRMgqC1jPzM3PY4SG3kljmFNQC1Zh9oP39S1qhrOqzDDH7mseLfw780V6FkiepfWIGo/w400-h253/143-India%20Journey%20Pakistan.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i>In Pakistan we are met by water and a green landscape. </i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><i>Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><i><br /></i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Footnote: There are about 40 languages in Afghanistan, with Dari and Pashto as the most common. Both are written in Arabic script.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><i><br /></i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: right;"><i>(Translated from my <a href="https://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/2014/10/en-tullstation-dar-det-bjods-pa.html" target="_blank">October 4, 2014 post on Sandbergs hörna</a>)</i></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-85205963161921570102024-02-14T10:50:00.014-05:002024-03-03T11:06:24.292-05:00On the Way We Traveled to India in 1974<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_6RUUkMboOeowZxmau4WTYt2F1gcReU3UNxY5U1kOPrkEMGBEJL2gh2EP5exdplMBDJLQvw-dMKeZRdqXnZZn7Kl7Xy-R8_GouUlFcy2rl4joDTGz1o0YxQi7hZIY9SEURGsbgEijnlKJlcKP0hPXKF3ric2IpHVnTiTmODx_k1bAv4RauGSZJmK2C_A/s600/141-India%20Journey%20Khyber%20Pass-eb.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="403" data-original-width="600" height="269" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_6RUUkMboOeowZxmau4WTYt2F1gcReU3UNxY5U1kOPrkEMGBEJL2gh2EP5exdplMBDJLQvw-dMKeZRdqXnZZn7Kl7Xy-R8_GouUlFcy2rl4joDTGz1o0YxQi7hZIY9SEURGsbgEijnlKJlcKP0hPXKF3ric2IpHVnTiTmODx_k1bAv4RauGSZJmK2C_A/w400-h269/141-India%20Journey%20Khyber%20Pass-eb.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><i><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Approaching the Khyber Pass. The road is washed away.</i></div></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Photo: Hans Sandberg, 1974.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div><b>January 2015</b></div><div><br /></div><div>We traveled privately,
without power. We were not spies, emissaries, traders, scientists, explorers,
diplomats or luxury tourists. We traveled on two old buses to and from India, and then by train and local buses.</div>
<p><span>Each mode of traveling
has its pros and cons, whether you walk to India like <b>Thomas Coryat</b> in
the 16th century, or travel with caravans like <b>John Mildenhall</b> in the
17th century, or cycle, hitchhike, drive, take a bus, train, plane, or boat. Of
course, walking or cycling from Stockholm to New Delhi would have been
possible, but it would have taken a long time and been risky in more ways than
one.</span></p>
<p><span>Hitchhikers are
constantly meeting new faces and have a good chance of getting to know local
people, but traffic was often quite light through eastern Turkey, northern Iran,
and Afghanistan. Of course, on trains you can also meet interesting people, but
you might as well spend days isolated in a compartment where no one speaks
English. Moreover, there were no railways in Afghanistan, a consequence of the
fact that the British never managed to colonize the country.</span></p>
<p><span>The advantage of
taking a charter bus was that it was cheap and allowed us to gradually approach
Asia instead of getting on a plane in Europe and landing in New Delhi 12 hours
later. The flight is fast and efficient, but you don't experience any of the
countries you fly over. On the bus, we spent much of the time looking out the
window and experiencing the changes in landscape and culture. Besides, we had
to go out among the common people every day to buy food and beverages. The
disadvantage of travelling by bus was that we were stuck with the group and
always had to return to the bus. We couldn't join people we met along the way
or stop at a place we found exciting. The journey had to go on.</span></p>
<p><span>Maybe it would have
been better to go by car, or take local trains and buses, but that would have
been much harder, required more time, experience, and preparations. In
contrast, a cruise I took with my family in the summer of 2014 included visits
to Istanbul and Ephesus in Turkey. This is, of course, a very comfortable way
to travel, but the ship locks the traveler into a world that he can leave only
briefly and temporarily. The boat docks, you go ashore, take a tour,
photograph, eat and shop, but then you must get back on board. It’s almost
impossible to break out of the safe bubble of the boat to reach people on land.</span></p>
<p><span>You might think our
journey was slow – five weeks to New Delhi – but it was hardly slow enough for <b>John
Ruskin</b>, a highly influential English art critic in the Victorian era. In <i>The
Art of Travel</i>, <b>Alain de Botton</b> recounts Ruskin's critique of travel
at the time.</span></p>
<p><span>”He deplored the blindness and haste of modern tourists, especially
those who pride themselves on covering Europe in a week by train (a service
first offered by Thomas Cook in 1862): ‘No changing of place at a hundred miles
an hour will make us one whit stronger, happier, wiser. (…) The really precious
things are thought and sight, not pace.’” (p 218)</span></p>
<p><span>The only way to truly
appreciate beauty was, according to Ruskin, to understand it and it was through
writing or drawing that one gained this insight. The most important and
underrated of the two was the art of drawing, which is why he founded the <b><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ruskin_School_of_Art">Ruskin School of
Drawing and Fine Art</a></b>. The school's mission was not to teach the art of
drawing, but the art of seeing.</span></p>
<p><span>Ruskin was, according
to de Botton, initially enthusiastic about photography, but would soon conclude
that photography easily became a way of not seeing.</span></p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><span></span></p><blockquote><span>”The camera blurs the distinction between seeing and noticing, between
seeing and possessing; it may give us the option of true knowledge, but it may
also unwittingly make the effort of acquiring that knowledge seem superfluous.”
(de Botton, p 220)<span> </span></span> </blockquote><p></p>
<p align="center"><span>*</span> </p>
<p><span>As for myself, I kept
a diary on my journey, but the quality of my notes was low, and they were too
egocentric. I had no professional training in either travel writing, drawing or
photography. And I hadn't read Ruskin, so I didn't understand the importance of
drawing to see. <b>Rory Stewart</b>, in his account of traveling on foot through
Afghanistan after the fall of the Taliban, <i>The Places Inbetween</i>,
describes how he works with drawings and systematically describes what he sees,
whether it's the inside of a room where he's staying or the nature he's
traveling through. I would be surprised if he hadn't read and learned from
Ruskin.</span></p>
<p><span>Anybody who has reflected
on photography knows that there is a conflict between taking pictures and
experiencing. I've often thought while looking through the viewfinder that I
should put the camera aside and just watch, just experience, but it's a difficult
choice, especially when you're traveling fast and don't think you have time.</span></p>
<p><span>We write, draw, and take
photos because we know our memory is limited and therefore sacrifice experience
for documentation. The advantage of writing a diary, of course, is that we do
it after the fact, but it also means we miss things that we simply don't
remember. A drawing happens in the moment. And a photographic image replicates
a two-dimensional slice of an experience. But in defense of photography – and
Ruskin agreed – the camera allowed me to capture a piece of reality, at least
virtually. When I go through my images from the India trip forty years later,
it becomes a journey of discovery, a detour, allowing me to see what I was not
ready to see at the time. The camera was only a complement to my experience,
but today it is this complement, combined with print and digital resources,
that allows me to reconstruct the journey and dig out memories that have been
lost.</span></p><p style="text-align: right;"><i>(Transl. from my January 17, 2015 post on my Swedish blog, <a href="https://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/2015/01/om-sattet-att-resa-indienresan-1974.html" target="_blank">Sandbergs hörna</a>.)</i></p><div><i><br /></i></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-8433750587743537542024-01-18T19:07:00.003-05:002024-01-18T19:18:11.175-05:00USA: Media Cynicism Is Behind the Hatred of Politicians (Pressens Tidning, 1994)<p style="text-align: right;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Published in in 1994 in Pressens Tidning (a Swedish newspaper trade paper)</span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Clinton's problems
with the press are just one example of how ruthlessly the US media treats its
politicians. But the media goes too far
and contributes to the growing contempt for politicians, says Thomas E. Patterson,
a media researcher at Syracuse University in New York State.</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">The autumn election
campaign in the US was characterized by cynicism, excesses, and large buckets
of populism. Radio, newspapers, and television were filled with sports style
news and reports of the public's growing dissatisfaction with their politicians
and Clinton in particular. Now hatred of politicians is nothing new in American
politics, nor is the mutual distrust between the press and politicians. But
several leading journalists and media scholars have recently spoken out to criticize
the widespread cynicism among journalists. They have also pointed to the
media's responsibility - or rather lack of responsibility - for what they serve
to the public. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">"If we describe
the world from a cynical perspective and assume that everyone is Machiavellian,
driven by self-interest, we invite readers and viewers to reject journalism as
a form of communication, because it must also be cynical," mass media
scholar Kathleen Hall Jamieson told the New York Times (October 9, 1994).<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Perhaps the sharpest
criticism of the mass media's political coverage comes from Thomas E.
Patterson, who last year published the book <i>Out of Order - An Incisive and
Boldly Original Critique of the News Media's Domination of Americas Political
Process</i> (Vintage Books, 1994). <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">According to him, the
US media play a unique role in organizing the election campaign, but it is a
role for which they are not suited. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Paradoxically, giving
the media such a central role was an attempt to get away from the previous domination
of bosses in American politics. The democratization of the nomination process
meant that candidates had to address voters directly at an early stage, with
the media taking over the kingmaker role of the increasingly weakened political
parties.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">But the news media's
focus on the negative, on crises and disasters, and its search for excitement
and drama makes it a poor tool for building coalitions and conveying complex
messages. Maintaining public interest during the more than year-long campaign
is also not an easy task. You can only write about the candidates' programs so
many times before people get bored. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">The media have
therefore chosen to describe politics as a horse race, where the content is
reduced to a tactical game to come first. This perspective is attractive to
journalists, as news can always be found about who did what and how his/her
chances are affected by this. But it also contributes to the blurring of
politics and public frustration.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">"It is the
negative news that is valued in journalism and the worse the revelation, the
better the reporter's reputation," says Patterson.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">"News coverage
was 60 percent negative during Clinton's first 18 months in office," he
says. (The corresponding figure for George Bush was 51 percent, my note HS).<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">"There are those
who say that it's because of Clinton, that he hasn't done anything, or hasn't
stuck to his guns and so on, but if we compare what he promised to do during
his campaign with what he has done, we can see that he has done quite well.
Last year he won 88% of the vote in Congress, which was the best figure since
1965 when Lyndon Johnson was president. Reagan had a year when it was over 80%.
Neither Nixon, Ford, Carter nor Bush reached over 80 percent. "Political
reporting, however, ignores such facts and focuses on a few issues on which
Clinton blundered," says Patterson, who argues that it is a misconception
that politicians make promises they cannot or will not keep. In his book, he
argued that, on the contrary, they usually do their utmost to fulfill their
election promises."<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">“The Whitewater
scandal is an example of digging up relatively small things and blowing them
out of proportion. I see this as a manifestation of today's journalism.
Reporters are driven to produce the kind of dramatic stories that hurt
politicians.” <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Thomas Patterson also
attributes the shortcomings of today's political journalism to Watergate and
the Vietnam War. Journalism became increasingly aggressive, and the healthy
skepticism was replaced by a professional cynicism, an "adversarial
culture". <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">“The press isolated
itself and came to identify with ‘the other side.’ It came to define itself
negatively.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">To put it crudely, the
recipe for a successful political shotgun journalist in the 1990s could be
summarized as follows: It's all a game, it's all a scam, they're all egoists
and I'm going to expose them! <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">One might expect
journalists to be equally critical of their own institution, but this has not
been the case, says Patterson.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">"The
self-criticism is extremely mild and, like other groups such as doctors and
lawyers, they do not want any transparency in their activities. It is an
irresponsible elite, with insufficient tools for feedback. It is possible to
vote out a politician we don't like, but what does the public do when it gets
angry with the press?”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Many reports have
highlighted public skepticism about the media. Most recently, an independent
media think tank called Freedom Forum, in its report <i>'Politicians and the
News Media'</i>, said that public trust is declining in both the media and
politicians. They are perceived as children of the same spirit: just like
politicians, they are only after power and money. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">It's not surprising
that this perception is common, given that television's star reporters earn up
to $6 million a year, in addition to taking $20,000 to $30,000 every time they
hold an event. (David Gergen, the Republican who switched sides and became
Clinton's press advisor, earned $466,625 in 1992 as a speaker alone.)<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">It was television that
turned top journalists into celebrities, which in turn led them to increasingly
put themselves and their opinions at the center of the story.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">“Journalists have,
perhaps unintentionally but not unwillingly, gained more and more power over
the election campaign. For every minute a candidate was allowed to speak on the
evening news during the 1988 and 1992 campaigns, journalists spoke for six
minutes," says Patterson. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">That's why Clinton
relied heavily on talk shows during the 1992 campaign, which of course raised
the ire of many political journalists. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">"It turned out
that the public who attended these shows were interested in completely
different things than the journalists. They were more interested in factual
issues than the possible sexual affairs of politicians.”<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">But this is not an
all-weather solution. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">“Public town-meetings
with the president work better when the president's popularity is high than
when it is low. People are less likely to watch them, and the audience's
questions tend to be more hostile. For example, Clinton tried to turn the
health care debate around in the final stages via CNN, but it didn't
work," he says.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">The most common
defense of the media against criticism is that they are just doing their job.
They have no choice but to continue as before. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">“The only people who
believe that are the journalists themselves. I do not believe for a moment that
the news is only a reflection of reality. That argument doesn't hold water.
There is certainly much more public concern and anger today and there is
nothing wrong with reflecting that. Politicians themselves also bear some of
the blame, but the press tries to evade its responsibility by saying that we
only report on what politicians do.” <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Thomas Patterson
suggested in '<i>Out of Order</i>' that the election campaign should be
radically shortened to allow coverage to focus on the issues and better present
the candidates' policies. But the chances of such a reform passing are not too
high.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">"I am quite
pessimistic in general about the media. There are some newspapers that are
experimenting with more responsible journalism, but these are just
undercurrents," says Patterson, whose next project is a comparative study
of the press in five countries, including Sweden.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><b>By Hans Sandberg</b></span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-56346730576601059452024-01-10T12:23:00.071-05:002024-02-14T09:05:04.560-05:00Shifting Passions - A Synopsis<p><i></i></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJfq-vmcNRy6Bsk3rKmbO6ofQ7zD20xBkr3j_ocLpbzLGgX60WYSXXRyo8j2yxPfhxrNlqgwOAudKTirKPFzGHQm1dFspYdA5AhPmk5VzKTd9o0tDFuuex3NJQBWBM9fIret8mvsmPWa6zqO_RiM2Scj4IOVpOrj7h8uiFrR9ZV8cHwHaCTm-CjmOFm58/s1824/Shifting%20Passions%20-%20cover.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1824" data-original-width="1152" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJfq-vmcNRy6Bsk3rKmbO6ofQ7zD20xBkr3j_ocLpbzLGgX60WYSXXRyo8j2yxPfhxrNlqgwOAudKTirKPFzGHQm1dFspYdA5AhPmk5VzKTd9o0tDFuuex3NJQBWBM9fIret8mvsmPWa6zqO_RiM2Scj4IOVpOrj7h8uiFrR9ZV8cHwHaCTm-CjmOFm58/s320/Shifting%20Passions%20-%20cover.jpg" width="202" /></a></i></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Shifting Passions</i> is a Bildungsroman about a young man’s search for love and a meaningful life. The story begins during a time rocked by youth revolts and protests against the Vietnam War, collective passions that culminate in 1968, only to be followed by a turn to private passions, which in the 1980s gave us Thatcher and Reagan. After the hippie, the yuppie. After Mao, Deng.</span></p><h2 style="line-height: normal; text-align: left;"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Part 1: My Future Is With the People</span></b></h2><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">American B-52’s bomb Vietnam, students protest, the Cultural Revolution rages in China, the Soviet Union invades Czechoslovakia, and the Beatles sing <i>All You Need is Love</i>. This is the year when fourteen-year-old Johan becomes aware of the unfairness in the world. In eight grade he is elected chair of the student council and begin to read Marx, Lenin, and Mao. In high school, he throws himself into politics while wrestling with puberty and an unrequited love. On the way back from a trip to Leningrad in the spring of 1972 he meets Susan. They fall in love but live far apart and he enters his mandatory military service, so their relation relies to a large degree on their letters. He thinks he has found the love of his life, but she dumps him right before his discharge from the army. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">The Vietnam War ends in April 1975, a victory that is followed by confusion. What now? After a stint as a factory worker, Johan enters Stockholm University and joins a Maoist student association. In 1976, he meets Cecilia who shares his political beliefs, but Mao dies on September 9, and soon after his wife is arrested. “What’s going on in China?” his father asks. Johan finds himself dumbfounded. His certainty is gone.</span></p><h2 style="line-height: normal; text-align: left;"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI";">Part 2: Love without a Compass</span></b></h2><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Cecilia moves in with Johan and he trades his inner-city studio for a two-bedroom apartment in a working-class suburb. When the editor of the Maoist student magazine leaves, Johan is appointed editor. It turns out to be an all-consuming job. A series of events in late 1978 and early 1979 undermine their relationship, which was built on a shared political ideology. Deng Xiaoping assumes power and introduces capitalist economic reforms. Vietnam invades Kampuchea and China invades Vietnam. Johan struggles to fit the pieces together, but he ends up losing his faith in Maoism and Marxism, while Cecilia begins to dream of starting a family. He is on the other hand overtaken by a private passion and falls – unhappily – in love with another woman. Then his father dies, deepening his existential crisis. He leaves Cecilia and moves in with his mother to give her support.</span></p><h2 style="line-height: normal; text-align: left;"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI";">Part 3: Trying to be Normal</span></b></h2><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Johan is now thirty years old, and he has cut off his ties to the Maoist movement. He is a graduate student and supports himself as a journalist at a large newspaper; but it’s only as a temporary job. He has also resumed his search for a woman. He meets Penny and they end up in her bed that same night. She’s not interested in politics but is generous and sensual. His feelings grows and he proposes to her during a trip to Crete. She tears up but asks for time. Realizing that she looks for safety in a man, he gives up his graduate studies in economics and takes a job as a computer journalist. He waits patiently for her answer, but she breaks up with him after having found another man, one with a good job, a car, and a house. “It was you trying to be normal,” his old friend Carl says. Johan continues his work at the computer paper, but he is elected leader of the local union and ends up in a conflict with the owner. He wins the fight for a contract but leaves to become a freelance journalist.</span></p><h2 style="line-height: normal; text-align: left;"><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI";">Part 4: Zigzagging in the Middle Kingdom</span></b></h2><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Adrift and lonely, Johan sets out on a three-month long journey to China, seeking answers to questions lingering from his youth and collecting material for articles about its economic, cultural, and political transformation under Deng. There are signs that China might be opening up not only to foreign investments and technology, but also to new ideas, and maybe even democratic ones. Can socialism and democracy co-exist, like China’s dissidents hope? Could this be the next collective passion? He has spent the much of his youth first admiring and then studying China. Now he sees the country with his own eyes, and meets many Chinese, and gets to hear their stories. But he is also searching for love. Two months into the journey, he meets an American woman in Beijing. Their paths only cross for two nights, but they fall in love and begin a correspondence that confirms and deepens their feelings. Having written and sold his stories, he flies to New York where she welcomes him. He proposes, and she says yes.</span></p><p></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-27706380434720554982023-12-17T21:29:00.012-05:002024-02-03T09:19:13.762-05:00Shifting Passions - Prolog<div class="WordSection1"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVRTPsdbTDBO71BGFRc2vSVQAEutcm4ujunJpgMdQauOjoEnxelS15UHuLdteVDLCOCs5qLwymraH_L8T4IJO5FkWhxNAlnMSlFpbRu1Z_rueHR5pbd6Ts90K5YxunFDfoYOxP33tN6whyphenhyphendToUIwomM8cEnU90YPUH1K_vDBl-9PbNGTXgrVHm3pLYTB0/s1824/Shifting%20Passions%20-%20cover.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1824" data-original-width="1152" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVRTPsdbTDBO71BGFRc2vSVQAEutcm4ujunJpgMdQauOjoEnxelS15UHuLdteVDLCOCs5qLwymraH_L8T4IJO5FkWhxNAlnMSlFpbRu1Z_rueHR5pbd6Ts90K5YxunFDfoYOxP33tN6whyphenhyphendToUIwomM8cEnU90YPUH1K_vDBl-9PbNGTXgrVHm3pLYTB0/s320/Shifting%20Passions%20-%20cover.jpg" width="202" /></a></div></span><div class="WordSection1"><div class="WordSection1">
<div style="text-align: justify;"><div class="WordSection1" style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;"><h1 style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-align: center;"><a name="_Toc153550278"><i>1968</i></a><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 18pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></i></h1></span></div></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">Raging hormones. I was neither child nor adult and every morning I struggled in front of the bathroom mirror to keep my pimples in check, or at least hide them with Clearasil. I was shy, blushed easily, and my voice tended to crack when I had to speak in front of the class.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">I had gotten a Beatles haircut in the summer of sixty-seven, wore Jesus sandals and tight jeans that I had rolled-up over my ankles. On my left shoulder hung a Nikon F. I had given up on the dream of becoming an astronaut and now wanted to become a photographer like Thomas in the movie <i>Blow-Up</i>, a job where you were not only surrounded by beautiful women but could expose the evil in the world. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">This was the year when God had been declared dead, Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert F. Kennedy were murdered, American B-52’s bombed Vietnam, students protested, the Cultural Revolution raged in China, the Soviet Union invaded Czechoslovakia, and the Beatles sang <i>All You Need is Love</i>. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">It was also a year when we talked over the phone. Texting was done with pens or pencils. Every home normally had one phone line and there were no answering machines. Telephones were mobile, but only as far as the wire allowed. There was one television channel, and it broadcast in black and white. We had tape recorders and record players, but not video recorders, so if you missed a show, that was it. </span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p></div></div></div><div class="WordSection1"><div class="WordSection1"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><a name="_Toc153550279"><i>2018</i></a><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 18pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></i></h1>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">Carl waited patiently on the steps of the Dramatic Theater. I was half an hour late since I had landed the day before and still was jet lagged. I had woken up at three o’clock, taken a glass of Jack Daniels and written in my diary before falling back asleep. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“It takes longer to adjust these days,” I said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“Yes, it’s the same thing for me. Age takes its toll,” he said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">We crossed Nybroplan by the bus stop and continued along Strandvägen. In the background we could hear seagulls, tourists, and lapping water. Once the sun peaked out, it felt warmer in the air. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“The last time I was here we had Obama and looked forward to the future. Now we have Trump.”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“Everybody here thought Hillary would win.”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“So did she. After all, it was her turn.”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“It would have been nice to have a female President though.”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“Sure, but the arrogance was a bit too much,” I said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“As I saw it, she had the knowledge and skills needed,” he said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“Sure, but the enthusiasm was terribly low. Obama nailed it when he said that Hillary was likeable enough, but the democratic party’s leadership had decided that she was invincible,” I said. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“She would have won if the electoral system had been fair,” he said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“Certainly, but all the experts and strategist know how the system works. It was arrogance that led her to bungle the campaign. I remember a giant billboard in Hoboken which said, ‘I’m With Her’ as if voting was a declaration of feminist loyalty. She was tone-deaf as far as ordinary people goes.”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">We crossed the bridge to Djurgården and continued east along the northern side of the island. It was leafy and nice and many sun bathers on Lejonslätten. A family had parked their baby carriage near a large oak tree and spread out a blanket in the grass for a pick-nick. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“It’s fifty years since 1968,” he said. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">”It feels like a very long time ago,” I said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“That’s my point. It’s as far to 68 as from 68 to the end of World War one,” he said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“We experience time subjectively but measure it objectively. I began to take interest in politics in the spring, but I wasn’t politically engaged. When I was asked which party I would vote for, I said Folkpartiet (the liberal party) since I hadn’t thought much about it.”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“For me it was a done deal. Capitalism was a rotten system and socialism the solution. I was a Marxist and were planning to vote for Vänsterpartiet kommunisterna in the school election,” he said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">”Do you remember the poster we did?”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“It was Mikael’s idea. He felt we had to act fast,” he said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“The message was simple — Stop! Think! — written in all caps. I borrowed Dad’s spray paint so that the text would come out looking psychedelic. How on earth could we have thought that two words could save the world?”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“Like, Jesus comes!“</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">”The next morning, I rolled up the poster and brought it to school. Mikael and I were afraid that some teacher would discover us when we put it up with tape,” I said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“It was a pretty lame protest, but it was at least a beginning,” Carl said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">”If people just understood the state of the world, they would start protesting.”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“As I saw it, politics was about organizing people. That’s why I joined the student council.” </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“Why didn’t you become chairman? You liked to be a leader, which I never did. Why did you nominate me instead?” </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“It was a tactic from my side. I had opened my mouth too many times, and I was afraid that somebody would nominate a right-winger if I was a candidate. You were radical too, but not as known, and you were more diplomatic. And it worked,” he said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">We had planned to have lunch at Djurgårdsbrunns Wärdshus, but the wait was impossibly long, so we turned back the same way we came. Fortunately, we found a café near Skånska Gruvan where we got beer and sandwiches. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“Why did we become so radical when we had it pretty well overall?”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“The fifties’ optimism had been punctured by the Vietnam war and left a vacuum behind,” he said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“To us, this optimism looked really naive. Unlike our parents, we had no clue about what it was to live during war or threat of war. They had lived through a depression and a world war. Collective needs had been prioritized, while private needs had been rationed. Dad told me that he used to trade his liquor coupons for coffee coupons. Then came peace and freedom. They had children, bought a car, and moved to a bigger apartment. It must have been a little bit like China after Mao. God was dead and materialism ruled. Private interests were no longer a vice,” I said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“It was such a positive time despite the Cold War. Welfare Sweden grew like crazy and life improved. We had enormously good artists and we won silver at the 1958 Soccer World Championship after having lost to Brazil, which was nothing to be ashamed of. People loved the US and everything that came from the US, but then the wind turned. Was it the Cuba crisis, McCarthyism, or the race riots after the murder of Martin Luther King?”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“I don’t think it was a single thing that awoke us, but a kind of mental domino effect that culminated with the Vietnam war protests,” I said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“The US had been seen as a moral example, but the B52s and the napalm bombs could not be matched with the moralism the US was preaching. It was the same thing with the racism,” he said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“Our reaction had a lot to do with television. I spent a week with a friend who lived outside Eskilstuna during the summer of 1968. I remember one night when we watched student protests on the TV news. His dad said that it was terrible, but I thought that they did the right thing,” I said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“The older generation didn’t understand what was going on. They had been taught to shut up and obey, but young people began to talk back and raise questions.”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“We stepped out of our childhood and into a world that had lost its footing,” I said. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“And the pop musicians who used to be neat and well-dressed let their hair grow and turned up the volume so that it hurt the ears of the adults. That was the real cultural revolution. The music gave us an identity that was entirely separate from the adult world,” he said. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“We joined Vänsterns Ungdomsförbund (VUF) that autumn,” I said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“There were a lot of nice people there, but now and then some dude would pop up and declare that everybody else were misinterpreting Marx which led to ideological wars and splintering. We got a lot of new political acronyms,” he said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“Once we had five different groups peddling their papers outside the Systembolaget in my neighborhood. It was VUF, KAF, KFML, KFML(r) and DFFG. People laughed when they came out with their bags,” I said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“It wouldn’t surprise me if the Salvation Army was there too,” he said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“You had to read a lot just to keep up. All groups had their own newspapers and theoretical magazines where people threw quotations at each other,” I said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“I dropped out when VUF split up. After that I spent a lot of time sitting at home playing on my guitar while you went to your meetings. I didn’t understand it then, but the ship had sailed. The revolution was over. I didn’t like the dogmatic fights over text interpretations and all the talk about the people and the masses. That’s why I joined the Social Democrats who had roots in the real working class. That’s something I have never regretted,” he said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">”My life would have turned out very differently if I too had dropped out at that time instead of ten years later.”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“You wasted a decade that you could have used in a much better way.”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“True, but it was not easy to escape the maelstrom, especially not when you thought you were surfing on the waves of history,” I said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“Like Jesus comes,” he said.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">“We told ourselves that we had the situation under control, and we had excuses for all setbacks.”</span></p>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><div style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>The above texts form the prolog to a novel in progress called Shifting Passions.</i></span></div></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-25705966658583686572023-11-27T20:43:00.010-05:002024-01-28T15:22:21.572-05:00Shifting Passions - Excerpts<p><b><span style="font-size: medium;"></span></b></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-size: large;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-weight: bold; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></div></div></div></div></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;">I:<i> </i></span></b><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;"><i>My Future Is With the People</i></span></b></div></div><p style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 0.75em;"></p><blockquote style="border: none; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0.75em 0px;"><i><a href="http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/2023/02/revolution-in-ninth-grade-from-draft.html" style="color: #5588aa; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Revolution in Ninth Grade</b></span></a></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0.75em 0px;"><i><a href="http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/2023/02/high-school-passions-excerpt-from-novel.html" style="color: #5588aa; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>High School Passions</b></span></a></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0.75em 0px;"><i><a href="https://sandberghans.blogspot.com/2023/02/interrail-excerpt-four-from-novel-in.html" style="color: #5588aa; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>InterRail</b></span></a></i></p></blockquote><b style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;"><div><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;">II:<i> </i></span></b><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;"><i>Love without a Compass</i></span></b></div></span></b><blockquote style="border: none; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0.75em 0px;"><i style="color: #0000ee;"><a href="http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/2023/07/the-cook-and-cannibal-love-without.html" style="color: #5588aa; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank"><b>The Cook and the Cannibal</b></a></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0.75em 0px;"><span style="color: #0000ee; font-family: inherit;"><i><a href="http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/2023/07/desiring-impossible-love-without.html" style="color: #5588aa; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank"><b>Desiring the Impossible</b></a></i></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0.75em 0px;"><span style="color: #0000ee;"><b><i><a href="https://sandberghans.blogspot.com/2023/07/the-body-remained-love-without-compass.html" style="color: #5588aa; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">The Body Remained</a></i></b></span> </p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 0.75em;"><b style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;">III: <i>Trying to be Normal</i></span></b></p><blockquote style="border: none; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0.75em 0px;"><a href="https://sandberghans.blogspot.com/2023/07/a-fools-confessions-trying-to-be-normal.html" style="color: #5588aa; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><b>A Fool's Confession</b></i></span></a></p><p style="margin: 0.75em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><a href="https://sandberghans.blogspot.com/2023/07/into-labyrinth-trying-to-be-normal.html" style="color: #5588aa; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank"><b>Into the Labyrinth</b></a></i></span></p><p style="margin: 0.75em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><a href="http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/2023/07/to-betray-and-to-forgive-trying-to-be.html" style="color: #5588aa; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank"><b>To Betray and to Forgive</b></a></i></span></p></blockquote><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0px 0px 0.75em;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;">IV: <i>Zigzagging in the Middle Kingdom</i></span></b></p></div><blockquote style="border: none; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div><i style="font-family: inherit;"><b><a href="https://sandberghans.blogspot.com/2023/06/change-money-change-money-excerpt-two.html" style="color: #5588aa; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">Change Money! Change Money!</a></b></i></div><p style="margin: 0.75em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><b><a href="https://sandberghans.blogspot.com/2023/06/three-days-on-yangtze-river-excerpt.html" style="color: #5588aa; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">Three Days on the Yangtze River</a></b></i></span></p><p style="margin: 0.75em 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><b><a href="https://sandberghans.blogspot.com/2023/06/filling-vacuum-zigzagging-in-middle.html" style="color: #5588aa; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">Filling a Vacuum</a></b></i></span></p></blockquote><p style="font-size: large;"><br /></p><p style="font-size: large; text-align: right;"><i>If you would like to read <br />a pre-publication digital copy of the novel, <br />please send me an email at h4sweden@gmail.com </i></p></div></div></span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-60837696368648475372023-11-25T10:11:00.001-05:002023-11-25T10:15:42.085-05:00When Premier Zhou Enlai Sacrificed His Adopted Daughter Youmei<p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">The <i>New York Review
of Books</i> (December 7, 2023) has a very interesting article by Professor <b>Perry
Link</b> where he discusses <b>Ha Jin’s</b> <i>The Woman Back from Moscow. </i>The<i> </i>novel tells the tragic story of Premier <b>Zhou Enlai’s</b> adopted daughter <b>Sun
Weishi</b>, who called herself <b>Youmei</b>. The book provides insightful into what Link calls “the Communist superelite” under <b>Mao Zedong</b>, who despite
professing to serve the people, never forgot about themselves. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-left: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">“From the dusty caves of Yan’an in the late 1930s to the red-hot ‘class
struggle’ of the late 1960s in Beijing, there are always maids to peel pears,
orderlies to deliver lunch boxes, and guards to watch doorways, and when a
child arrives the family goes out and hires a nanny.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Life in China
under Mao could be extremely brutal and full of hardship, but the elite enjoyed
a protected life as long as they were completely loyal to the prevailing power.
Link writes: <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-left: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">“They live in a cocoon, but the culture inside is hardly protective. It
is tense and bereft of trust. Familial affection is present, but it gives way
to politics whenever necessary. President Liu Shaoqi is willing to derail the
marriages of two of his children, who have non-Chinese partners, because of ‘revolutionary
needs.’ Zhou Enlai clearly cares for his adopted daughter. He coaches her in
how to survive: ‘Just be careful about what you say in your letters. Always
assume that some other eyes will read your letters before they reach me.’ But
during the Cultural Revolution, when Zhou is faced with the dilemma of whether
to sacrifice Yomei in order to protect himself from Jiang Qing, he signs a
warrant for her detention that leads to her torture and death in prison. An
aunt of Yomei’s, observing Zhou’s maintenance of a suave exterior, calls him a ‘smiling
snake.’<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-left: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Zhou is no anomaly. He lives in an environment where, in the end, people
can trust only themselves. The distinguished Australian Sinologist Simon Leys
once observed that comparisons of the CCP elite to the mafia are in a sense
unfair to the mafia, in which a certain loyalty to ‘brothers’ does play a part.
Losers of political battles at the top of the CCP generally are not relegated
to comfortable retirements—they go to prison or worse. Zhou did not wish to
seal Yomei’s fate; he was forced to when it became clear that it was either him
or her.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Living under an
authoritarian system leaves little room for moral considerations, and people
respond by developing a ‘split consciousness.’<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-left: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">“This distinction between unofficial and official life holds from the
bottom of society to the top. The actual life of the red elite that Ha Jin
depicts could hardly differ more from its officially projected images of giving
speeches, doing inspection tours, and in other ways focusing on ‘service to the
people.’ The questions ‘What best fits the system?’ and ‘What best serves my
interests?’ are asked in parallel by people at all levels, and they seldom have
the same answers. In his memoirs the dissident physicist Fang Lizhi recalls how
Teng Teng, vice-chair of China’s State Education Commission in July 1989,
summoned American ambassador James Lilley to berate him about how the US was
allowing Chinese students who had spoken out against the Tiananmen massacre to
remain in the US indefinitely. An hour after returning to the embassy, Lilley
got a telephone call from Teng Teng’s secretary asking him to give special
attention to Teng’s wife and children, who were seeking that same ‘indefinite
residence’ status in the US. There are plenty of other examples like this. The ‘split
consciousness’ of Chinese people in recent times has been widely noted.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Although common in
authoritarian systems, the roots of this phenomenon do in China's case go back two thousand
years to the era when Shi Huangdi conquered the “warring states” and formed the
Qin Dynasty. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">The French
Catholic missionary Abbe </span><b style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Huc</b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> who lived and traveled in China and spoke Chinese discussed
the impact on the citizens and rulers of this system in his 1855 book, </span><i style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">The
Chinese Empire</i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .25in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.25in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">“The inhabitants of the Celestial Empire,
being wanting in religious faith, and living from day to day, without troubling
themselves either about the past or the future, profoundly skeptical, and
totally indifferent to what touches only the moral nature of man, having no
energy for anything but the amassing of sapecks (money), cannot, as may easily
be supposed, be well induced to obey the laws from a sentiment of duty. The
official worship of China does not in fact possess any of the characteristics
of what can properly be called a religion, and is, consequently, unable to
communicate to the people those moral ideas that do more for the observance of
the laws, than the most terrible penal sanctions. It is, therefore, quite
natural that the bamboo should be the necessary and indispensable accessory of
every legal prescription, and the Chinese law will consequently always assume a
penal character, even when it has in view objects purely civil.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal">
</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .25in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.25in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Whenever a legislature is compelled to be
lavish of punishments, it may certainly be affirmed that the social system in
which it is in force is vicious, and the Penal Code of China is an illustration
of the truth. The punishments awarded by it are not graduated according to the
moral gravity of the crime, considered in itself, but merely on the amount of
damage that may be occasioned by it. Thus the punishment of theft is
proportional to the value of the object stolen, according to a scale drawn up
expressly to that effect, unless the theft be accompanied by circumstances that
bring it under some other head. The penal legislation of China is based on the
utilitarian principle, and this need not excite any surprise, for Chinese
materialism does not consider the act so much in a moral point of view, as with
respect to its consequences.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">”</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .25in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.25in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><a href="https://www.nybooks.com/articles/2023/12/07/a-fallen-artist-in-maos-china-the-woman-back-from-moscow/">Perry
Link: A Fallen Artist in Mao’s China (NYRB, December 7, 2023)</a><o:p></o:p></span></p><p></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-63426348035237872432023-08-08T23:31:00.002-04:002023-08-09T21:53:32.370-04:00Mark Weiser’s Quest for Calm Computing <p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvyQREZudjEF9DQoMJN6pJ8weLBnqScy1ZUlMP9Apj-ZWouytw_rvmckOSowXwd7vnFTP4nNRcEspTVeMRdeuFZXiO47io1tOjL6j1_QOuuuxSi2t6E_r_uDRWs669eqA0iEzsyTb-BWHdgDqig4ZHbMnrpS72AcLpWjpCjhtJVclfSXwZGTWUKhnh7TY/s4080/The%20Philosopher%20of%20Palo%20Alto%20-%20Cover.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4080" data-original-width="2790" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvyQREZudjEF9DQoMJN6pJ8weLBnqScy1ZUlMP9Apj-ZWouytw_rvmckOSowXwd7vnFTP4nNRcEspTVeMRdeuFZXiO47io1tOjL6j1_QOuuuxSi2t6E_r_uDRWs669eqA0iEzsyTb-BWHdgDqig4ZHbMnrpS72AcLpWjpCjhtJVclfSXwZGTWUKhnh7TY/s320/The%20Philosopher%20of%20Palo%20Alto%20-%20Cover.jpg" width="219"></a></div><p></p><p>I never cried before when I read a book about computers and their creators, but this time I did. <b>Mark Weiser's</b> <a href="http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/2023/08/remembering-mark-weiser-who-wanted-to.html" target="_blank">death from cancer in 1996</a> was both sad and tragic, but he imbued his last few weeks with meaning by making a choice demonstrating what his life's philosophy had been all about, to be present and engaged with his fellow human beings, in particular his family, friends, and colleagues. When he was diagnosed with cancer and told that he had only three weeks to live, his first thought was to isolate himself and write the book he had always dreamt of writing, laying out his philosophy behind ubiquitous computing, an approach to computing that wanted to get them out of the way, so that they didn’t become a distraction from our humanity and human social life, but in the end he decided to spend the time with his ex-wife, daughters and friends. On the brink of death, he chose to be present.</p><p><i>The Philosopher of Palo Alto</i>, written by <b>John Tinnell</b>, director of digital studies and associate professor of English at the University of Colorado at Denver, captures Mark Weiser's long struggle to keep the exploding new information technology from overwhelming us as humans. </p><p>Wherever you look in 2023 it seems that he lost his battle as parents and children, friends and lovers, stare down at the mobile phones to count Facebook likes or laugh at Tik-Tok videos rather than look at each other, talk and listen. But the battle is not over, and Mark Weiser's ideas are still simmering and nurturing many information technology developers, researchers, and critics.</p><p>It was at Xerox PARC's legendary research lab that Mark Weiser developed the concept of <i>ubiquitous computing</i>, a radical paradigm for what computers could and should do, as well as what they should not do. He was influenced by philosophers such as <b>Michael Polanyi</b>, <b>Martin Heidegger</b>, and <b>Maurice Merleau-Ponty</b>, an influence that made him question the impact on computer research and development of the Cartesian split of mind and body. </p><p>I <a href="http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/2023/08/mark-weiser-on-ubiquitous-computing.html" target="_blank">interviewed</a> Mark Weiser at his Computer Science Lab in early 1992, and he immediately made a strong impression on me, and I would never forget his basic ideas infused with humanity as they were. Half-way into the book Tinnell writes about Mark Weiser's visit to the MIT Media Lab where he was going to challenge the rest of the panel, which included the Lab's founder <b>Nicholas Negroponte</b> who touted software “butlers” that knew what their master’s wanted. It is a dramatic moment as he took on the more well-known and established digiterati. At this point, I found myself quoted in the book. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggh9GylncNUojlHCUPAAcDUK1zDvs_XfXyk6bYJYPmud-lzCF3Rz7juIqEHmdYCEocRK88D8v9FVBC9Njw-F_7wqJVh23KV-lsbVopjNOyeWEi3kMvNZjtviNQdHgYtgphFb86otpDwmGD0lM6J90qUre70tGOzF6v9Eug5tc8UZgdtzSgZV3cL0U_veg/s3504/Datateknik%20_0017.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3504" data-original-width="2548" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggh9GylncNUojlHCUPAAcDUK1zDvs_XfXyk6bYJYPmud-lzCF3Rz7juIqEHmdYCEocRK88D8v9FVBC9Njw-F_7wqJVh23KV-lsbVopjNOyeWEi3kMvNZjtviNQdHgYtgphFb86otpDwmGD0lM6J90qUre70tGOzF6v9Eug5tc8UZgdtzSgZV3cL0U_veg/s320/Datateknik%20_0017.jpg" width="233"></a></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p style="text-align: left;">"Weiser, meanwhile, sporting a rare tie and his trademark red suspenders, waited for his turn to address the crowd, aware that the other speakers were likely aligned against him. Weiser had picked fights with a few of them in his interview with reporters over the summer. Most pointedly, for example, he told a Swedish technology magazine shortly before the symposium: ‘I feel sick when I hear Alan Kay, Apple's research guru, talk of intimate data processing as the next step. Computers are a part of my life, like paper, pens, and chairs, but I don't want to become 'intimate' with them.’" (A footnote points to my 1992 article in Datateknik. John Tinnell, <i>The Philosopher of Palo Alto</i>, University of Chicago Press, 2023, p 156)</p></blockquote><p>This was a time when the computer world was centered around personal computers or workstations, linked by local area networks, and maybe networks connected to universities, corporations, or government agencies. Lacking such a connection, you relied on CompuServe and America On-Line to get access to their respective and separate online worlds. It was before WWW, laptops, tablets, and smartphones, and a time when many industry players thought television would be the center of the connected and interactive home.</p><p>The book continues by exploring how the computer lab tried to move beyond the initial success for the concept of ubiquitous computing by collaborating with Xerox PARC’s inhouse anthropologists. Despite serious attempts on both sides, the two groups never quite connected since they had very different cultures and perspectives. Maybe one could say that it was a collision between anthropological fieldwork and engineers sprouting ideas in their labs. The problem for the engineers was that they must build the prototypes of ubiquitous computing with a technology that had a long way to go before it could be viable. During my visit, I was shown the three key components that illustrated the concept – tabs, pads, and boards, that is small, handheld devices with limited but context-aware functionality, electronic notepads, and finally a large electronic whiteboard. They were all connected through a primitive network that still enabled the user to pick up his work on a pad in another room or an electronic board, provided he had brought his tab with him. A fourth element in this model was a badge, that worked as an electronic ID-card, which could open doors and signal where a person was. The big difference between Mark Weiser’s approach and the rest of the computer world was that he didn’t want the system to spy on the user, not collect data that then could be used to influence or control the user. </p><p>John Tinnell shows how the project lost some of its steam partially due to technological limits and the fact that the industry was heading in another direction. With the birth of the Web, and the explosive growth of both users and content, the world of information technology spun out of control. Mozilla became Netscape and suddenly Yahoo! was on everybody’s lips and screens. The old research labs funded by monopolies like AT&T and Xerox began to fizzle, and money started to flow from venture capitalists that had little patients for ideas like those of Mark Weiser.</p><p>All eyes were now on MIT Media Lab which became the shining star of the emerging digital age. On the one hand, projects like Thing That Think reflected some of the ideas behind ubiquitous computing, but the dominating trend was to use the new technology to track and predict what the users would do. Instead of freeing people from being stuck in front of screens, they were about to be sucked into a world where they were staring at screens of all sizes at every waking hour, which was more of a ubiquitous nightmare than anything else. An example of this brave new digital world was wearable computers, which the MIT Media Lab showed off at a big event in October 1997. It was quite a circus with <b>Leonard Nimoy</b> kissing a photo model on stage, causing his wearable gadget’s biosensors to signal more emotions in red lights than one would expect from Mr. Spock. </p><p>Both I and Mark Weiser attended the event, but I was not aware of his presence, so I missed a chance to interview him, but later did <a href="http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/2023/08/mark-weiser-on-wearbale-computers-email.html" target="_blank">an email interview with him on wearables</a>.</p><p>In chapter 10, A Form of Worship, Tinnell explores the foundational beliefs that led Mark Weiser on his unique path as a computer researcher and the “philosopher of Palo Alto.” He wanted engineers to recognize uncertainty, the bottom of the iceberg. </p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><p style="text-align: left;">“If you were sure that your invention would be for others exactly what it was in your blueprint, then you were thinking only about the visible tip of the iceberg. You were presuming to know more than you did-your knowledge of other people was always incomplete. Even <i>their </i>own self-awareness was largely tacit, as was your own. Better to acknowledge these uncertainties, Weiser advised, than to presume yourself into an illusory state of omniscience. Adhering so doggedly to the pretense of certainty could push you to dismiss variables beyond your control or, worse, warp them to serve your design. Instead, Weiser urged his fellow engineers and technologists to cultivate an attitude of ‘deep humility,’ which ought chiefly to encourage ‘humility toward the role of [our] artifacts in other people's lives.’" (John Tinnell, <i>The Philosopher of Palo Alto</i>, University of Chicago Press, 2023, p 274)</p></blockquote><p>It's a deeply humane and well researched book about a remarkable man who fought to “fit technology to humans.” (p 272)</p><p><b>Hans Sandberg</b></p><p><b><a href="http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/2023/08/mark-weiser-on-ubiquitous-computing.html" target="_blank">Mark Weiser on Ubiquitous Computing (Datateknik, February 18, 1992)</a></b></p><p><b><a href="http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/2023/08/mark-weiser-on-wearbale-computers-email.html" target="_blank">Mark Weiser on Wearable Computers (Email interview Oct 17, 1997)</a></b></p><p><b><a href="http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/2023/08/remembering-mark-weiser-who-wanted-to.html" target="_blank">Remembering Mark Weiser who Wanted to Get the Computers Out of the Way (May 26, 1999)</a></b></p><p><b><br></b></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-69451310649315662792023-08-08T23:23:00.001-04:002023-08-08T23:23:42.004-04:00Remembering Mark Weiser who Wanted to Get the Computers Out of the Way (May 26, 1999)<p style="text-align: right;">(A brief article for Datateknik, May 26, 1999)</p><p><b>Mark Weiser</b> was just 46 years old when, on April 27, he lost his battle with cancer that was discovered just six weeks earlier. Doctors had first given him a year and a half, then three months, and finally only days to live. He tried to use his remaining time to write a book on Ubiquitous Computing, the concept he introduced ten years ago, and which is now becoming a reality. But there wasn't enough time for even a first draft of the book. </p><p>Mark Weiser's death shook many in Silicon Valley and beyond. Not just because he was the technical director of Xerox's famous lab, PARC (Palo Alto Research Center), but because of his character. Mark Weiser was the "soul and conscience" of Silicon Valley, and "he used his institution to remind anyone who would listen that in the battle between man and machine, we must let man win," wrote MSNBC's Bob Sullivan on May 5, 1999. </p><p>I interviewed him during a visit to PARC in early 1992 and fondly remember his generosity and broad intellect. He and his team were prototyping a new kind of computing environment where computers were everywhere but not allowed to control our behavior. It was a foretaste of the "third wave," which he saw coming after the PC era, just as it replaced the mainframe era. </p><p>"The old kind of computers, the ones that sit on your desk, require you to enter their world," said Mark Weiser, who was inspired by the German philosopher <b>Martin Heidegger</b>.</p><p>In an <a href="https://graphics.stanford.edu/courses/cs428-03-spring/Papers/readings/General/Weiser_SciAm91.htm" target="_blank">essay for Scientific American</a> (No. 9 1991) on the computer era of the 21st century, he wrote about how writing technology faded into the background so that people stopped thinking of writing as technology. Similarly, he wanted computers to be, but not to be seen. He didn't like the idea of building even more personal, even "intimate" computers.</p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p style="text-align: left;">"It makes me sick when I hear that! Getting intimate with our computers is not the right way. We want to get computers out of the way! They should be part of our lives, like paper, pens and chairs, but we don't want to get intimate with them." <span style="text-align: right;">(Datateknik, No. 5 1992.)</span></p></blockquote><p>In the mid-90s, he coined the term <i>Calm Computing</i>, as a necessary complement to ubiquitous computing.</p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p style="text-align: left;">"With computers everywhere, we will want to use them while doing other things and have more time to be purely human. We will then have to radically rethink the goals, context, and technology of the computer and all the other technologies that intrude on our lives. Calmness is a fundamental challenge for all technological design in the next 50 years."</p></blockquote><p style="text-align: right;"><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span>(Mark Weiser and John Seely Brown, head of PARC, wrote in <a href="https://calmtech.com/papers/coming-age-calm-technology.html" target="_blank"><i>The coming age of calm technology</i></a>,, Xerox PARC, October 5, 1996.)</p><p><b>Hans Sandberg</b></p><p>US Correspondent for the Swedish computer weekly <i>Dagens IT</i> (Today’s IT)</p><div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-54080338997692832832023-08-08T23:21:00.002-04:002023-08-08T23:25:19.439-04:00Mark Weiser on Wearable Computers (Email interview Oct 17, 1997)<p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b>Email interview with Mark Weiser on Oct 17, 1997:<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">At 10:48 AM 10/17/97 PDT, you wrote:</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Hi Mark,<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I am a Swedish journalist based in Princeton, New Jersey,
and I visited PARC five years ago or so for a story on Ubiquitous Computing. I
just visited MIT Media Lab's symposium on Wearables, and I couldn't help but remembering
what you told me about wanting the computers to disappear. What do you think
about the wearable concept?</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Sincerely,</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p>Hans Sandberg</o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br /></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><b>Mark Weiser's response:</b> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The wearable idea is terrific: one more way the computers
are becoming ubiquitous.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Ubiquitous computing names the third wave of computing,
where there are lots of computers in the environment, and they get lots easier
to use.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is ever more clear that the
twenty-first century will be the age of ubiquitous computing, as I first said
almost ten years ago. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There are a few things that I think are dangerous in some of
the wearable ideas. One insidious one is that idea that wearable means a safer,
more private future, because all of my personal information will be on my body instead
of trusting a server somewhere. (Ubiquitous computing as a concept is inclusive
of either the server or the personal implementation.) What is insidious is
thinking that there will *not* be data about you elsewhere, that keeping a
computer close to your body makes you safe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No, we will have to face up to serious new individual data privacy laws,
and wearing a computer to solve privacy is a form of playing ostrich with your
head in the sand. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A second thing that I don't like about some of the wearable
work is the extent to which it increases the obtrusiveness of the computer. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Translating mime language into English is pretty intrusive
and anti-artistic, in my opinion. Having a 1-1 relationship with a special worn
computer does not really make it very invisible to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As long as there is a special computer in
your life, it is still the personal computer paradigm, not the ubiquitous
computing paradigm, even if the computer is worn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Invisibility means not just (and not
necessarily) *physical* invisibility -- the most important thing is mental
invisibility. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Recently I have begun to focus on how we will feel as we use
these ubiquitous computers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Today
clearly computers make us more frantic and overloaded.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I talk about the age of "calm
computing", and how to bring it about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>See paper at<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://www.ubiq.com/hypertext/weiser/acmfuture2endnote.htm">http://www.ubiq.com/hypertext/weiser/acmfuture2endnote.htm</a>
(Note 2023: The link is dead, but The paper can now be found at <a href="https://calmtech.com/papers/coming-age-calm-technology.html">https://calmtech.com/papers/coming-age-calm-technology.html</a>)<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I hope this helps.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">-mark</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">P.S. Xerox is a sponsor of some of the MIT Media lab
wearable work.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><br /><p></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-3913811920329096412023-08-08T23:21:00.000-04:002023-08-08T23:21:14.172-04:00Mark Weiser on Ubiquitous Computing (Datateknik, February 18, 1992)<p><b><i><u></u></i></b></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b><i><u><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJGKDafTdWvjrLSDP4lG1O6iD6B4bghW6OuDcPL7NTIxuQjeP8O1mDKC7P2iZ_hk6AHJ3D89nH1C-hkt_9HdghueMpUU2663MecNIRqnW77MBuStFyNA2gruMUY1ELGVL3nP9wgjGKvZ4h3zrI_-zK_dDmp1wmDGpbUbXarI9rumRahTm1WNMoQs9X0Cc/s3504/Datateknik%20_0013.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3504" data-original-width="2548" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJGKDafTdWvjrLSDP4lG1O6iD6B4bghW6OuDcPL7NTIxuQjeP8O1mDKC7P2iZ_hk6AHJ3D89nH1C-hkt_9HdghueMpUU2663MecNIRqnW77MBuStFyNA2gruMUY1ELGVL3nP9wgjGKvZ4h3zrI_-zK_dDmp1wmDGpbUbXarI9rumRahTm1WNMoQs9X0Cc/s320/Datateknik%20_0013.jpg" width="233" /></a></u></i></b></div><b><i><u>Mark Weiser, Xerox PARC:</u></i></b><p></p><p><span style="font-size: x-large;">Computers Should be, but not be Seen</span></p><p>With ubiquitous computing (UC), Xerox's famous PARC research center is trying to turn the way we use computers upside down. Mark Weiser, head of PARC's computer science lab, wants to make computers ubiquitous and anonymous at the same time. </p><p>Like most innovators, Mark Weiser is dissatisfied with the status quo. </p><p>"The old kind of computers, the ones that sit on your desk, require you to enter their world," he says. </p><p>"It's the computer at the center, instead of the person and their work. In extreme cases, as with "virtual reality" systems, you must put on a helmet and gloves to use them. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKkUQ8yLtSZxkVjN3djoOUJhxPCle0Nzjb_xlPXIpXwnFhXAX1HoL487p64n2PI0x7wCoqiBGExkjmmUq4a2KkWkbpWCYa3UG5NvvF5a7weJzBi45D4Kzy2jfw2nRcKWxh4ooM82mrQqV60TBUcFEdoaT965JUq7vakVvT5DNCsleUrKMF7YzsdcaMKaA/s3504/Datateknik%20_0014.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3504" data-original-width="2548" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKkUQ8yLtSZxkVjN3djoOUJhxPCle0Nzjb_xlPXIpXwnFhXAX1HoL487p64n2PI0x7wCoqiBGExkjmmUq4a2KkWkbpWCYa3UG5NvvF5a7weJzBi45D4Kzy2jfw2nRcKWxh4ooM82mrQqV60TBUcFEdoaT965JUq7vakVvT5DNCsleUrKMF7YzsdcaMKaA/s320/Datateknik%20_0014.jpg" width="233" /></a></div><br />At PARC, which is a neighbor to Stanford University in Palo Alto, California, they are trying to do just the opposite! <p></p><p>The goal is an integrated computing environment, where computers are everywhere and always available. Instead of one computer on your desk, you will have dozens, of varied sizes and functions. Each room can accommodate hundreds of computers. We should not have to drag the computer with us when we go from one room to another, because we can just pick up one of the computers in the other room and continue what we were doing in the first one. Computers should know where they are and where you are and be constantly ready to serve you. This will create radically new conditions for collaboration and increased productivity in tomorrow's offices. </p><p>It is, in short, the dream of ubiquitous but never conspicuous computing. </p><p>Against this background, it may be easier to understand why Mark Weiser wrote in the September issue of Scientific American that "the very idea of a 'personal' computer" is misplaced. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbmiFtx9fiiC4nhfYp1eFv4CM5xrJmJgPDGJ5_hfv4_Bnrinj8R-dmirhAjVMZwCt5QOPfzIStMB3Mv98PZoR7W9m9RyfIUjBk79yEHLvZl8B8Vrlo_Ah6LfzZ6txwSqYoRtHIgTuXqEyW89jEM9OOe5P1zDwHFlryGXFqLwKi_StQca9a0zNaVOcbz2o/s3504/Datateknik%20_0015.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3504" data-original-width="2548" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbmiFtx9fiiC4nhfYp1eFv4CM5xrJmJgPDGJ5_hfv4_Bnrinj8R-dmirhAjVMZwCt5QOPfzIStMB3Mv98PZoR7W9m9RyfIUjBk79yEHLvZl8B8Vrlo_Ah6LfzZ6txwSqYoRtHIgTuXqEyW89jEM9OOe5P1zDwHFlryGXFqLwKi_StQca9a0zNaVOcbz2o/s320/Datateknik%20_0015.jpg" width="233" /></a></div><br />"The old-style computer visionaries are trying to radicalize personal computers and make them even more personal," he said. <p></p><p>“Alan Kay talks about intimate computing as the next step. It makes me sick when I hear that! Getting intimate with our computers is not the right way. We want to get computers out of the way! They should be part of our life, like paper, pens, and chairs, but we don't want to get intimate with them. It's pushing the personal and individualistic to its extreme," says Mark Weiser and asks pointedly: </p><p>“Are you intimate with your pen?”</p><p>(Alan Kay was one of PARC's founders and is today one of the leading researchers in Apple Computer. He coined the term "dynabook," which Apple popularized with the term "knowledge navigator.") </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGw3GerDH3-lmq-WJaw8ahTc198SSlkT7_hnESrMQhNCQ0yi5EZo5DTFtxdL8H9ak2DHMe5QsiVast2QoOzwhzA5CEi-b6SKv1fQcqHoHZyrGf6N6fzxhi7bPysCCNlZrAZNawkhY-w2wIwt5P-8L3Q0zlw0dt6PLuneFKgC3zP1868UDwwwiuzAvdbY8/s3504/Datateknik%20_0016.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3504" data-original-width="2548" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGw3GerDH3-lmq-WJaw8ahTc198SSlkT7_hnESrMQhNCQ0yi5EZo5DTFtxdL8H9ak2DHMe5QsiVast2QoOzwhzA5CEi-b6SKv1fQcqHoHZyrGf6N6fzxhi7bPysCCNlZrAZNawkhY-w2wIwt5P-8L3Q0zlw0dt6PLuneFKgC3zP1868UDwwwiuzAvdbY8/s320/Datateknik%20_0016.jpg" width="233" /></a></div><br />Paper and pencil are also technologies, but we have stopped seeing them as such. We unthinkingly take them for granted, which for Weiser is a sign of how deeply a technology has taken root in our society.<p></p><p>“Ubiquitous computing is the first attempt to apply in-depth what we have learned about humans over the last 20 years," says Mark Weiser.</p><p>“It is often psychological insights that drive changes in computing. For example, screens and computer graphics are responses to input from psychologists.” </p><p>“Ubiquitous computing could only happen in a place like PARC, where you have computer scientists and anthropologists under the same roof. I came up with the concept when I was thinking about how we could respond to what the anthropologists were telling us. They studied how people use technology and talked about 'situations.' They said that we had misunderstood technology; that we had overlooked the myriad details of real situations, real spaces. About relationships between people in a room and the cultures they come from," says Mark Weiser. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7i0PvYhkstwmFrlqpiJp4C63Mo9kKE7hSPlnVZuymF1vDeBar_lYBLdX-tDlriXqWdo2HqsP85tkUtN4ounrl7Ru8IHSXCMGrlB_eFzpZNTInxWsFc0hYEyeJyZ-EDITZPhMFDE8FJH4TtsUk-cfBTBWZMtpclBvcPraMoMoP4I6_FwsVc80cT2QIbz0/s3504/Datateknik%20_0017.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3504" data-original-width="2548" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7i0PvYhkstwmFrlqpiJp4C63Mo9kKE7hSPlnVZuymF1vDeBar_lYBLdX-tDlriXqWdo2HqsP85tkUtN4ounrl7Ru8IHSXCMGrlB_eFzpZNTInxWsFc0hYEyeJyZ-EDITZPhMFDE8FJH4TtsUk-cfBTBWZMtpclBvcPraMoMoP4I6_FwsVc80cT2QIbz0/s320/Datateknik%20_0017.jpg" width="233" /></a></div><br />This led to a radical rethink of the way we use computers. Mark Weiser and his colleagues realized that rethinking details such as the graphical user interface (GUI) would not be enough. <p></p><p>“Since a serious model of ubiquitous computing requires us to consider the details, we had to try to build elements of it and start using them as soon as possible. This was not something you could study theoretically, it had to be studied practically.”</p><p>“We eventually came up with some stuff that indicated where we are going. We know they may not be exactly the right things, but they are different enough from the current computers to help us along the way.“</p><p>At first glance, PARC's model of the UC doesn't look particularly remarkable. We have a large electronic drawing screen ("Liveboard"), which you can draw on with a digital "marker." We have many pen computers ("Pads") and a variety of small pocket-sized digital notebooks ("Tabs.")</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixl2Ve8eJi1y23IuDgz_kw15gW0uuGvi5xViWpFPp-uBXs2Aevf7b53YkYIELAsFqE2fqmL4L7H5niH1AWoO5njvLtFG_1jVT4q_1wi9fudKoRJLwk80Aw6siHgE7R1GVidooXvHXxX6Pclw8RdEngExNse_jgnjRgsb4cFZsS52EwGxc_LkqzivxRlBY/s3504/Datateknik%20_0018.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3504" data-original-width="2548" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixl2Ve8eJi1y23IuDgz_kw15gW0uuGvi5xViWpFPp-uBXs2Aevf7b53YkYIELAsFqE2fqmL4L7H5niH1AWoO5njvLtFG_1jVT4q_1wi9fudKoRJLwk80Aw6siHgE7R1GVidooXvHXxX6Pclw8RdEngExNse_jgnjRgsb4cFZsS52EwGxc_LkqzivxRlBY/s320/Datateknik%20_0018.jpg" width="233" /></a></div>“We've created three sizes of computers: a few inches, a foot and a yard ("inch-, foot- and yard-size computers,") which we see as a natural scale, similar to what we have in the office and in the home. (If anyone wonders where to find a yard-sized information screen in a home, Mark Weiser points to the refrigerator door, which in the US is the standard bulletin board.) <p></p><p>The first thing that makes me raise my eyebrows a bit is a special application of the smallest piece of this puzzle: the "active" ID tag that Mark Weiser wears on his chest, which is computer with a built-in infrared transmitter. This smart badge, developed in collaboration with Olivetti researchers, is constantly communicating with small antennas on the ceiling of each room. </p><p>Smart badges can be used to both control and serve people. They can be part of a system that selectively opens doors; they can direct telephone calls and electronic mail to a person regardless of which room he is in; they can inform the computers in a room who is there. </p><p>They can also create automatic diaries, with the system continuously recording where you are (unless you put the ID badge in a pocket, which blocks its infrared signals). The system creates an automatic log of where you've been and who else has been in the same place, a list that can be a valuable memory aid. (Mark Weiser is aware that many fear that this is an invasion of privacy -- "Big Brother is watching you" – but he believes that this can be avoided through social norms about how the system is used and by allowing individuals to control such private information themselves.)</p><p>The smallest computers in the UC system, let's call them tabs, are intended to function as a very simple writing tool, an electronic scratch paper. Once could compare them to simple pocket calculators. Mark Weiser imagines a hundred such tabs in a typical office room.</p><p>The next step in the scale is "Pads," electronic notebooks. (I refrain from suggesting a translation of this term!) They are similar to pen computers, but serve a different function, as illustrated by the fact that a room can have 10-20 "Pads." Just like in Windows you can have several programs open at once, you can have several "Pads" active on your desktop. The difference is that the previous window environments are crowded on one and the same screen, while the PARC model can have them lying next to you in full scale. </p><p>Each room will also have one or two "live boards", which can be used for communication (e.g., video conferencing) or presentations. </p><p>The basic elements of "ubiquitous computing" are based on technologies that either already exist or are imminent. Lightweight handheld computers, pen computers and projection screens with a pen input system (an infrared camera records the movement of the digital "pen"), a largely wireless local computer network, and a number of networked computers.</p><p>What makes the system as a whole unique is the total integration of such a large number of computers, all communicating with each other in a uniform way and each part knowing where it is. </p><p>While Mark Weiser is drawing on his "big screen," I can give him written comments, directly from my "Pad." They will appear on his screen. I can also take the content of his screen and save it as an icon on a "Tab" to later call up the same image on another "big screen". The system is everywhere, and I can access it no matter where I am in the building. It's completely different from carrying a pen computer from room to room and connecting to a local network.</p><p>"Some people think we're going to get there anyway, more or less automatically, but I don't think so," says Mark Weiser. "Instead, we're going to have clusters of networks communicating in different niches, like pagers, mobile phones and personal computers of various kinds. Compare that to the access we have to literature in this room. We have immediate access to all the words in the room, without having to worry about what format they are printed in. As long as we (in the computer world) are dominated by these niches, we will never have "seamless" access to the world of information, where you can pick up a scrap computer and just start working. </p><p>It is important to remember that UC is still only a research project, which may change considerably before Xerox decides to try to bring it to market. First, some of the difficult technical challenges the system faces must be addressed. </p><p>"We're going to need much more wireless communication than any company today can imagine," says Mark Weiser. "We need connections between hundreds of computers in a building, whereas companies in this field think in terms of one person, one computer.</p><p>PARC researchers have therefore had to develop their own wireless networks with tiny cells, each covering a room.</p><p>Another problem is building a stable system, with so many loosely linked computers. </p><p>“You must make sure that the whole system doesn't collapse if one computer fails, something that current distributed computing systems are poor at. We need a much more robust technology for networked computers," he says. </p><p>Both computer operating systems and window management technology need to undergo major changes to enable ubiquitous computing.</p><p>The third challenge is the ability to build small. This is a prerequisite for producing sufficiently small, lightweight, and inexpensive tabs. </p><p>Even if the Xerox researchers in Palo Alto succeed in meeting these and other technological challenges, it remains to be seen how the parent company meets the market challenges. In the 1970s, Xerox managed to fumble a series of brilliant inventions, losing both its geniuses and the markets they created. </p><p>Hopefully, the 90s harvest from PARC will not suffer the same fate.</p><p><b>Hans Sandberg</b></p><p><br /></p><p>Background:</p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Xerox: Not only copiers</span></p><p>But what does Xerox have to do with computers? Quite a lot and for three reasons. </p><p>First, because in 1970, CEO Peter McColough set up a research center to study how complex organizations use information. This center, the Palo Alto Research Center, located in a hilly area near Stanford University, would prove to be extremely creative. For example, the first Alto personal computer/workstation was invented here in 1974. Although a commercial failure, it introduced many concepts that would shape the personal computer revolution and Apple's successful Macintosh: overlapping windows, icons, mouse, bitmap graphics. PARC also led the development of local area networks with its Ethernet and was the birthplace of the first object-oriented programming language, Smalltalk.</p><p>The second reason is that Xerox for a long a time had the ambition to become a computer company. In 1987, it gave up on selling its own computer systems and exclusive operating systems in favor of Sun's SPARC computers and the SunOS operating system. Today it focuses on developing and selling applications for office automation and in particular advanced desktop publishing and image processing. </p><p>The third reason is that Xerox digital copiers are computers. They contain networks of microprocessors and advanced software, including expert technical monitoring systems. </p><div><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-40372789575153687162023-07-31T19:46:00.002-04:002023-08-16T09:00:30.717-04:00Media Circus - Trying to Be Normal (Excerpt 5)<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4wba1NZPIwSJbW1bCMKDkH8RFEH9u7KQ1dSHwLK6gJAoYySHeFE3LmhjIpzXh2J97NSZEORPX1hHd-lqGzkZa4l7GC7EWmsJqG90cOywN7hwEVEtmz1mrRrohhGwf-QRCvuQJ6d4KXPp6gqqFmSaY4W6oLSFDkF9Fb5N8ZA8iwYt4obMkiK4LJt5UWm8/s1824/Trying%20ro%20be%20Normal%20-%20SP%20Part%203.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1824" data-original-width="1152" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4wba1NZPIwSJbW1bCMKDkH8RFEH9u7KQ1dSHwLK6gJAoYySHeFE3LmhjIpzXh2J97NSZEORPX1hHd-lqGzkZa4l7GC7EWmsJqG90cOywN7hwEVEtmz1mrRrohhGwf-QRCvuQJ6d4KXPp6gqqFmSaY4W6oLSFDkF9Fb5N8ZA8iwYt4obMkiK4LJt5UWm8/s320/Trying%20ro%20be%20Normal%20-%20SP%20Part%203.jpg" width="202" /></a></div></div><a name="Conflicts" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">August 25, Monday</span></a><p></p><div class="WordSection1">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It was a grim Christer who emerged
from the meeting with Granat. He went straight to his desk, picked up his car
keys and disappeared from of the building. We heard him start the engine and drive
off in his Volvo. Minutes later, Lapri came over and asked me to manage the
production. Two hours later, Christer came back, and asked me to meet him in
the kitchen. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"You know the new circulation
figures came out this morning. We're now the biggest computer newspaper and it's
all thanks to me. Per-</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Åke congratulated me this morning,
but he's actually going to take full credit for the success," he said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Later in the day, Granat called a
meeting to inform us journalists about the circulation success, which he
intended to celebrate with a party. We would be there, but he reminded us that
the feast was for the guests and not for us.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Thursday was the "big day"
and we helped set up two big tents in the parking lot for the buffet. When we
had finished, I wrote a short letter to Granat requesting a meeting to discuss
some union matters. These included the need for a petty cash fund, noise
reduction screens in the office, Ann's salary which should be converted to a
monthly salary, and the fact that we had not received the holiday allowance. I
put the letter in Granat's inbox and five minutes later he showed up at my
workstation. He didn't want to risk any hard feelings at the party, so he said
he was open to specific suggestions, but didn't think there were any in my
letter. As for Ann's terms, he referred to Hurtig who said that Granat would
not allow him to do anything, and when I asked him again, he referred to Lapri,
who in his turn referred to Hurtig! </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"But this is ridiculous! Is this
some kind of game you're playing," I told Lapri.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Okay, Johan. You'll get a
decision on Friday," he said.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We journalists felt completely left
out of the party. When the advertisers and publicity people started to trickle
in, Micke Reija went over to the buffet and brought back two full glasses of
white wine. He gave me one and we toasted. The rest of the reporters soon did
the same thing, and when the glasses were empty, we went back for more. At
three Granat took the microphone.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Welcome, dear friends! We have
all gathered here today because we all have the same goal, to make money,"
he began, and then gave the new circulation figures, but did not say a word
about Christer's or anyone else's efforts.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Christer didn't come to work on Friday,
so I called him at home. He said he was so depressed that he had called in
sick. He didn't give a damn about the production even though we were already
far behind because of Thursday's party. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">“Johan,
what do you think we should do with Christer? Isn't there some way we can cheer
him up?" said Granat when he came by half an hour later.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Why not send him and his wife
to Mallorca for a couple of weeks in recognition of his efforts," I said. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">He jumped, but didn't answer, and
went back to his office. An hour later he came back and handed out leftover
bottles of champagne. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">August 26, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Pekka Neiman showed up with the pay
envelopes at two. I got 6,034 kr after tax, but Ann only got 2,200 kr, compared
to 3,600 kr the month before. I went with her to Neiman's office to look into
the matter, but he said he was in a hurry for a wedding. Then I went to Lapri.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Why haven't you resolved the
issue of Ann's salary?"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"It's been so busy because
Christer has been making trouble."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"That not right. You promised to
fix this. There is only one acceptable solution, and that is to give her a
full-time job and 8,000 kr per month," I said. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Okay," Lapri said, and
walked in to Granat</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s office. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">He came back an hour later and asked
to speak to me. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"It is not possible to make a
decision today because Christer has not submitted the personnel plan requested
by Granat for two months." </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"No, no, you can't keep going
back and forth like this. You can't treat a person like this," I said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Yes, I understand, and I agree.
We will have a decision on Wednesday. You can tell Ann that she will get her
full-time position and a pay rise."</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">August 28, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Ann finally received the news of her
full-time job and the new salary. It was undeniably a victory, because I had
told Hurtig that I would not give an inch here. At three we had a meeting with
Granat who promised to fix the vacation allowance quickly.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"In the future, could you warn
me if you include something in the agreement that you suspect that I might not
like," he said at the end of the meeting.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 2, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">When I came to work this morning, I
was told that Christer had resigned. Micke, Torsten, Ann, and I met in the
kitchen, where the ad salesmen Johnny and Johan were sitting, as well as M</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">årten
from the Personal Computer magazine. Eventually Lapri showed up with a joke on
his lip, but no one laughed. I called him to account for the latest crisis, but
he downplayed it and said it was due to Christer's family problems. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"And we are supposed to believe
that? Doesn't anyone see that something is wrong when one after another jump
ship?"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">He was under pressure and replied
that they had to reorganize the editorial team. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"First you'll have to call a
meeting to negotiate," I said. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">While we were discussing, Christer
showed up.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Why did you quite?" I
asked.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Who told you that?" he
first replied, but then admitted that he had resigned.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"What happened?"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I can't tell you." </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We in the editorial team decided to
keep working, but not to make any extra effort to save this week's issue. The
management had to take responsibility for the crisis, which Lapri did by
throwing himself into production and involving the other editorial teams.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 4, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Granat called and asked me to come
into his office. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Johan, I hear there are
problems in the newsroom," he said as I sat down at the large mahogany
conference table. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"We are upset that Christer left
and think the management should take this as a sign that something is
wrong." </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Johan, you have to understand
that we work with a well-thought-out philosophy at this company. It</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s
often difficult for entrepreneurs to take the leap from a small company to a
medium-sized one, and that is where we are now. If we are to succeed, we all
need to pull together. It would therefore be good if you could define the
conflict that you seem to see between me and Christer since I’m not aware of
it. It seems that we have been hit by psychological problems at the
company," he said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I don't think this is a
conflict that you solve with psychotherapy. I would suggest that you engage in
some introspection," I said. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"It's sad that you have such a
negative attitude," he said.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 6, Friday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Christer withdrew his resignation on
the promise that he could continue to run the newspaper as he did in the
spring.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Johan, can you spare a
moment?" Granat called out. He was talking to Lapri and Christer. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I went there and was met with the
next question:</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Did you say that it is clear
that Ann has a monthly salary?"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Are you going back on your
promise?"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"No, no, it will be fine, but if
we expand one position from part-time to full-time, we have to reduce another
from full-time to part-time," he said.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">They left for lunch without waiting
for an answer. I thought about it for a while and then wrote a letter
explaining that I considered Ann to be a full-time employee from September 1 and
pointed out that Lapri had complained last week that Ann had left half an hour
before five "now that she has a full-time job." She had been working
full-time for a long time and was therefore to be considered a full-time
employee according to Swedish labor market practice. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">He received the letter after lunch.
Then Ann went in and talked to him. He promised that she would be informed
before five o'clock, and indeed she was: full-time and 8,100 kr per month. We
celebrated with dinner at Caf</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">é Opera. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I called Penny from the caf</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">é.
She was a bit suspicious and warned me not to do something I would regret.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Ann was so lovable, and her eyes
shone with intelligence and human warmth. She wants to be a writer and I'm sure
she will be. My conversations with her give me an intellectual kick, which
makes me think about my relationship with Penny.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 9, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Granat seems to have decided to
micromanage the paper. Ragnar called in sick this morning, presumably in
protest at the imposition of a new layout. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Ragnar is probably feeling
ignored," I told Granat when he asked where he was.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 10</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Were you sick yesterday,
Ragnar? I'm curious, because Johan says you were away because you were unhappy
with the new layout," he said over his morning coffee in the kitchen.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I didn't feel so well
yesterday," he replied.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Do you hear that Johan? I think
we should be careful about trying to read into what</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s
happening here." </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Of course, the situation
affects my heart," said Ragnar.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I don't see why the atmosphere
should be bad," said Granat. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"No, that's obvious," I
said and left the room.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The day progressed quietly. Christer
lay low and took no responsibility, sitting at his desk and writing news
stories under a pseudonym. The rest of us did what we had to do. Granat
occasionally came by to promote some idea he had cooked up.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 11, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Today one could tell that Christer
had something up his sleeve, because he was suddenly on the ball again. He said
he had met Granat last night and thought he would get tired of micromanaging
the paper.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 16</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Granat has measured the articles in
the last issue. I wrote 137 cm, Anders 53 cm, Martin 42 cm and so on. He was
disappointed because the average was too low in his eyes.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 17</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Granat stuck his head into the
kitchen at around four.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Is Christer gone?"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"He hasn't been here since
yesterday afternoon," I said. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Did he say anything?"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Yes, he said he's not coming
back until the issue is resolved."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"It was strange. I thought
everything was fine now," he said. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"It's just the usual, but I
won't say anything, because I don't want to contribute to any
misunderstanding," I said.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 18</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Wednesday afternoon down at Sj</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">öcaféet
by Lake Mälaren. The sun is shining, and a gentle wind is blowing. The lapping
sound from the boats is calming. Pink pansies on the café table and Gunilla von
Bahr's solo flute at low volume. It’s heavenly peaceful and a much-needed
contrast to the circus at work.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 26</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Ann and I left around four. She took
a day off and I wrote in the time log that I would buy a dictionary for the
newsroom. It was a beautiful fall day, and the sun was shining. We took bus 41
to </span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Östermalmstorg
and walked to Akademibokhandeln. Later we ended up at Café Panorama where we
talked about writing, life and other deep things until the place closed. She
gave me a kiss on the cheek when we parted in the subway under the Åhléns
department store. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I called Penny after watching the
news show Rapport. It took a long time before she answered. I wondered what I
should say about the afternoon, but she showed no signs of jealousy, which
disappointed me. Instead, she was depressed as she had a fever, the programming
practice had been difficult, and she had received a gloomy letter from her
mother. We talked about Friday night, when she was going to a party. She said
she wanted to go alone, which hurt me.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">October 1, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="BlockQuote" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"It
is expected that each reporter submits at least 5 good proposals for articles
and justifies them." <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="right" class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: right; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(Memo from Granat.)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I spoke to Lapri who promised less
direct involvement from Granat... if we just did exactly what he wanted!</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">October 8</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Our new "star reporter"
Nicke has distinguished himself after only a few weeks. He has no concept of
journalism and knows nothing about computers but is shrewd and selfish. He
borrowed a Macintosh indefinitely from Apple and got another company to lend
him an ergonomic office chair.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">October 13, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I spent the day alone since Penny is
studying, and I need time for myself. Strolling through the city I enjoyed a
cold an crisp day. The sun stood quite low. Winter is approaching. I had coffee
at the R</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">ålambshov
Park, bought a magazine at Fridhemsplan, and took the subway home. Read Zhao
Ziyang's preface to the report on the seventh five-year plan, and then the
entire report, which was promising. If implemented, China will be transformed
into a Keynesian market economy albeit with public ownership.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Cecilia called me on Saturday and
asked me to help her move. She was friendly and it was easy to talk. I promised
to do it.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I'm still sore from spending Thursday
night with Penny. I must have pulled a muscle pretty bad and could barely get
out of bed on Friday morning. My coworkers were amused by my discomfort since
they knew where I had been the night before.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">October 15</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"This doesn't look good. We need
to have more eye-catching headlines! And why don't you have a bigger picture of
IBM? It's one of our biggest advertisers." </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Granat was back from his vacation in
Spain, and bursting with energy. He sat in the kitchen reviewing last week's
issue while Ragnar puffed on a cigarette. Just before nine, Anders came in to
make himself a cup of tea. At first Granat followed Anders with his eyes as the
latter poured tea water into his cup. Then he struck. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Anders, I thought you knew that
we take a coffee break at ten o'clock here."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"But I'm just going to have a
cup of tea and besides, I worked overtime all weekend on the new issue,"
he replied, his hands shaking and spilling tea on the floor. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"That has nothing to do with it.
In this company we stand for our principles. And I think it would be nice if we
clean up after ourselves when we spill," Granat said with a boyish smile.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Anders poured out his tea into the
sink, wiped up the spill and disappeared from the room red-faced. Meanwhile, I
stood with my back to the room and prepared the coffee maker. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"That goes for you too,
Videmark," Granat said sharply.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I turned and looked with disdain at
the little man with his slick hair, round face, and the fluttering hands. He
dropped his eyes and pretended to look at his papers.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Can I take a cup of coffee back
to my desk," I asked.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Yes, but then you can't take a
coffee break at ten," he replied.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I finished preparing the coffee
brewer and left the room. Anders was still shaking when I came by his desk.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">October 16, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The negotiation with Granat lasted an
hour and a half without any agreement. He said he supported the agreement but
did not want to pay the contractual increase to everyone. This was especially
true for Ann's salary, as he said he had recently adjusted it. I told him that
he had to increase everyone's salary according to this year's contract between
the Newspaper publishers</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’ association and the Union of
journalists. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"But that is completely
unreasonable. As I see it, those who want an increase should ask for it,"
he said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"We don't accept that," I
said. "Everyone should get the contractual wage increase and starting with
the October paycheck!"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Johan, why don't you try to
find work at a place where you feel more comfortable? Last spring, I thought
you were open and positive, but I was wrong, because it's clear that you are
belligerent and can't take criticism," he said. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"It seems to me that you have
never heard of the word dialog. There is something called feedback, but you
don't seem to be interested in that," I said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The newsroom was empty when I came
out from the meeting, and I felt a little disappointed that they hadn't waited.
The only person left was Nicke, who was sitting in the corner with his
Macintosh.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"How did it go?" he asked,
smiling.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Bad! He doesn't listen to
anything we say," I said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Then Ann came running towards me. She
said that the whole gang was waiting for me in Christer's car.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">October 17, Thursday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Granat did not show up at the office
before noon and looked troubled when I and the rest of the editorial team
returned from our lunch. At three M</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">årten came over and asked if I had
"problems" in my chemistry with Granat.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"No, I don't have a problem, but
he has a problem with everyone here, except possibly with you."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It was obvious that Granat was using
M</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">årten
as his lackey. He had previously refused to hear about the union, but when the
club was formed, he joined. And now he called for a union meeting to discuss
"the problems." I said that we had called for negotiations because
Granat did not want to follow the contract. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"But if we wait until January,
it's easier, because the cost will be in next year's budget," M</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">årten
said, adding that he had already spoken to Granat about this.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"We can't accept that," I
said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"But are you sure the others feel
the same way?" he said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Yes, everyone here at Data
Sweden," I replied.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">October 18, Friday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Johan, we're sitting here
working on the agreement. Can you come in for a minute," said Granat,
calling from his office. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I armed myself with a pad and pencil
and went in. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">There he sat behind his elegant desk
with his lawyer R</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">ådvill, a reformed hippie in a cream
corduroy suit. They had talked to the union, but there were a few issues left,
including Ann's salary. I insisted that we had no agreement to exclude her.
Then Granat changed the subject and asked if I share what we discuss during the
negotiations. I suspected that he tried to frame me for breach of
confidentiality, so I kept quiet and let him elaborate a bit. It was the
incident with Anders' tea that was at issue. He said that Anders had pressured
Kristina Kohl after hearing about my conversation with Granat. I replied that I
had to talk to Anders since the insinuations against him were so serious.
Granat had claimed that he had been sick on nine occasions over a short time. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"It's hard to avoid that his
colleague could have gotten wind of this," I said.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">November 2, Saturday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">One year and 11 months with Penny.
Where now? What will she do when she finishes her education?</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Ann and I went to Caf</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">é
Opera last Thursday evening. We talked about life and work. She is a wise and
keen observer. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Too bad you're not my big
brother," she said on the way there.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Granat asked if I had "five
minutes." He was worried about Tuesday's club meeting but approached the
issue gently and asked if the "chemistry" had improved in the
newsroom. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I don't want to preempt the
meeting, but one thing is certain and that is that your decision not to give
Frans, Torsten and Ann their pay rises is not helping," I said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">He responded with a little speech on
how to manage companies, and how important it is for advertising revenue that
everyone arrives on time in the morning. In his scenario, the laxity of the us
in the newsroom threatened to spread to other departments. I said that I find
it difficult to see a direct link between late arrival and advertising revenue,
but that I had no objection to people being on time.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">November 10, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I invited Penny to dinner. She had
bought me another birthday present even though my birthday isn't for a couple
of weeks. I got two scarves, one turquoise and one burgundy.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">November 14, Thursday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I called her from the Press Club
during the club meeting and heard that she sounded upset. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I thought you left me because I
was out last night," she said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I had said at the beginning of the
week that I would stay at home on Tuesday evening, and go to the club meeting
on Wednesday, but the meeting had been moved up a day. Her worry made me so
happy!</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Christer went ballistic again. He had
suggested that we rotate the job of proofreading and introduce a 12-hour
working day on Tuesdays for the news reporter on call. I told him that this
might be a reasonable suggestion, but that he needs to negotiate the issue. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"What kind of fucking contract
masturbation is this? If you're going to keep claiming all the positive things
in the contract, I'll make sure you get the negative ones too. You are a bunch
of lazy overpaid assholes! You can make your own damn newspaper," he
shouted and rushed out of the meeting. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">When calm was restored, Lapri took
over and tried to lead the meeting, but he soon gave up and disappeared into
Granat's office. After an hour, he came by with letters to several of us. The
one to me was unforgiving and inappropriate. He wrote that I had refused to work
and had not submitted the five article proposals requested by Granat, but I had
given him eleven proposals a few days earlier. When he was asked to justify why
they were not counted, he could not come up with anything. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">“Make
sure you're on better footing before you threaten dismissal. It's
pathetic," I said and walked away. </span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">November 18, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">What else? Palme's tax affairs, an
earthquake in Mexico, a volcanic eruption in Colombia, and Reagan meets
Gorbachev.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The day before yesterday she talked
about traveling to England for Easter to see her parents. What does that mean?
That she loves me?</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">November 23, Saturday.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I am considering going cutting back
to working three or four days a week instead of five.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">December 2, Monday.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s two years since we met. We
celebrated yesterday as she had to study for an exam today. She called me just
as I walked in the door to congratulate me, and then told me that she had
passed the data structures exam with distinction.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Ann was walking on clouds today. She
is in love and went out to dinner with her beloved last Friday, but also said
that her new man has two mistresses. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I hope he doesn't intend to
keep them," I said.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">December 10, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">At the end of the day, Granat came
over to me, red-faced and struggling to put on his dark green loden coat.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"What kind of notices are you
putting up?" he said, referring to a note I had put up on the notice
board. It was titled "Union member information," and said that Granat
had threatened layoffs. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Is this how you as a union
leader try to build a relationship of trust?"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Well, trust is a two-way
process," I replied.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"That's really hurting a
business," he said and walked away.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"What you do is hurting
humans," I shouted back.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">A little later I suggested that I
resign as chairman in favor of Martin, as the infected relationship with Granat
makes it difficult for me to do anything useful. In the afternoon, Nicke said
that he wanted to join the union. Then came Kohl, who usually says that she
hates unions.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">December 11, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Penny and I have now been together
for two years, and she still shows no sign of choosing me. She will leave me
before the summer.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">December 13, Friday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We had a Lucia party at work.
Granat's wife Annette talked to me for a long time, which was both surprising
and nice. She told me that she bakes all the bread herself, eight loaves at a
time. Their household consists of seven people and consumes eight liters of
milk per day. She said that her parents are from Sm</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">åland
and that she keeps in touch with some elderly people in her neighborhood, and
usually invites them to the family Christmas dinner. She wants to preserve a
culture of responsibility, order and personal relationships.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">December 19, Thursday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Martin and I went into the conference
room and sat down on one side of the table, while Granat and Lapri sat on the
other. Then I handed over a paper with the salary demands specified for Ragnar,
Kalle, Ann and Frans. Granat acted surprised (although Pekka Neiman had been
informed well in advance) and referred to special agreements with Kalle and
Ragnar. He requested an adjournment for a "technical" examination,
and we agreed. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">When we met again, he repeated his
claim that he had reached a verbal agreement with Ann, which she had vehemently
denied. Since he refused to budge, I told him that the club has the right of
interpretation here, and that he has ten days to take the issue to the Union
centrally. (He was later heard to describe this moment to Lapri as having been
punched in the stomach). </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">After the negotiations, the other
journalists were let in. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"The company is not doing well,
and Data Sweden is doing particularly badly," Granat said, proposing a cut
of four editorial positions. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">However, he did not want to negotiate
this since then he would have to follow the principle of rotation and fire his
pet Nicke first. He therefore urged everyone who could to look for other jobs
or reduce their working hours.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">During the night I got sick and woke
up at half past one with chills. Went to the toilet and vomited violently. I
had a fever of 41 degrees. The next morning the chills had subsided, but the
fever was high. Only on Wednesday could I resume studying. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I called Kalle Tapp and Ragnar to see
if Granat had pressured them. Tapp said that he had had a long conversation
with Granat and written a letter in which he "washed his hands." He
was slippery but did not deny that he had agreed that we should negotiate on his behalf, but now he wanted to
handle the matter himself. He had worked with Granat for many years and never
had any problems, he said. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">He was worried about his livelihood,
but at the end of our conversation he did say that he was glad we had raised
the issue since Granat was now listening to him, and that he would get to
negotiate his terms. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Then I called Ragnar. I would have
preferred not to, as he had just had heart surgery, but I had to get there
before Granat. He was glad I that called, and thought we had done the right
thing, but said he would go to Granat on Thursday, and talk to him directly.
"In that case we'll wait and see what happens," I said. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Finally, I called Martin and gave him
the background, as he has to negotiate without me tomorrow.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">January 4, 1986, Saturday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Celebrated Christmas Eve with Penny,
Christmas Day with Georg and Eleena, as well as New Year's Eve. They served
lobster! I called mom in Florida to wish her a happy new year.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">January 7</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Anders resigned today.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">January 9</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Talked to Penny. She had spoken to
her mother, who said that Christmas had been subdued now that her brother was
gone. She was also told that she should move back home and get married. She
said that she was thinking about getting an internship in England, and that I
could rent her flat. If she continues to work there, I would be able to rent it
on a long-term basis. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"But what about us?" I
asked. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She said she is torn as she wants to
be close to her parents and her nephew. Again, I am on the verge of being
devastated. Yet I cannot judge her, but only curse my fate and my patience.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">January 23</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Yesterday I submitted my reply to
Granat's request and proposed to cut my hours to 50 percent. I asked for 6,500
kr/month. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I quizzed Penny ahead of her
statistics test. She knew her stuff. After the exam, her whole class is going
out for dinner and dancing. I don't mind, but it makes me sad that she won't
even tell me where they're going.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">January 31</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Just returned from the annual meeting
of the journalists' club. Nicke and Kohl were furious and wanted to leave when
they weren't allowed to vote. But they are not members! A new board was
elected: Martin became chairman, Torsten vice, Ann treasurer and I secretary.
All's well that ends well.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 2, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Penny makes me so sad when she
refuses to include me in her future. I exist only in the present.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 6</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My mom is coming home on March 9.
Where should I stay?</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The office receptionist Anneli
resigned. A new salesperson quit after four hours. Christer said in confidence
that he is applying for the job of editor-in-chief of our main competitor.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 9, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I left her and went to Vau-de-Ville
where I ordered an Irish coffee and tried to formulate a poem, the first in a
long time. Ann told me at lunch on Friday that I must break away, get a
mistress and dare to be a little "crazy." She had asked how I was feeling,
and I had replied that "I feel drained." She grabbed my thoughtless,
but not entirely untrue expression and gave it a decisive meaning. Her
"attack" shook me, even though I argued against it with all the force
of reason. She protested that I always come up with a "but." I didn't
know how to respond after she disarmed this defense. I searched but found no
answer without a "but." </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We had dinner at restaurant Kanton on
Swedenborgsgatan. She wanted to go home afterwards, but I wanted to go out
dancing. She gave in and we went to l'Etoile, where we danced a few dances, but
she wasn't very lively. At quarter to twelve we went to her house, but she
didn't want to make love. It's like she's always tired when she goes out with
me, but when they had a class party she managed to stay up until four in the
morning.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 12</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Today was the announcement. Granat</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s
lawyer Rådvill and Ekblad from the Union of Journalists have finished
negotiating Ann's salary. She will get 9,000 kr per month, and retroactively
from October 1.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 21</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We celebrated our colleague Frans who
left this week. Ann, Anders, Martin, Frans, and I went to restaurant Jakob Skr</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">äddare.
Martin, Frans and I continued a little later to the Ritz, where Frans got us
past the queue. Two girls around 25 came over to hug him. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Frans, Martin, and I discussed the
70s versus the 80s. Frans rejected most things in the 70s, while Martin and I
defended the essence if not the extremes. Martin left around noon, but Frans
and I stayed behind.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Come and I'll show you my
secret places at the Ritz," he said, guiding me to a double door at the
bottom of the entrance stairs. Next to it sat some girls he knew. He got one to
join us, and carefully opened the door.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Come along, but quickly so that
no one sees us," he said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We entered a corridor in the basement
of Hotel Malmen. There was a piano and a couple of small sofas. Frans sat down
and started playing while singing Ain't misbehavin. After two songs we returned
to the Ritz. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I've known about the hidden
rooms since last fall. You can sneak away there if you want to talk to girls or
make love to them," he said. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">A little later he met a girl he knew,
and they left together. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"She'll sleep with you if you
just tell her," he told me the next day.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 22, Saturday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It is almost midnight, and I am
drinking my whiskey listening to Andrew Lloyd Webber. A moment ago, I was lying
in her bed, dressed and disappointed. One of three girls in a party was
flirting with me in the subway. I looked at her but couldn't bring myself to
smile at her.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I slept with her on Friday night, and
on Saturday she made herself unusually pretty with dark red lipstick and a
black bow in her beautiful hair. We walked down to Sergels Torg, where we both
bought a bag of books at the annual book sale. At Vau-de-Ville she had a croque
monsieur and I had a baguette with brie. We drank red wine and it felt like a
vacation. The sun was shining, but it was cold, too cold. I had some errands to
run, so we split after agreeing to go out tonight.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">When I came to her around six, she
had changed into her pajama, which made me disappointed. I insisted that we go
out and she went into the bathroom as if to get ready. But after a while, she
came back out, laid down on her bed and impishly said, "I refuse." It
annoyed me, but there wasn't much I could do about it.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">March 1, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Palme was murdered last night. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It's incredible and scary.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">A shadow hangs over the city and the
country. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I was not particularly fond of him,
found him too fixated on the exercise of power, too much of a Jesuit. The
murder, however, shifts the perspective and gives him a different historical
role than if he had lived on. He died in the midst of success, just like JFK. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I feel sadness, a feeling reinforced
by the collective grief conveyed in the press, radio, and TV. We must all
reprogram ourselves, learn to live without him. He had become a constant
feature of everyday life, whether you loved or hated him, but now this
polarizing personality is gone. I sympathized with his quest to live without
bodyguards and have seen him walking alone in the Old Town. He looked so small
and fragile, which gave a more human image than the one we saw in the media.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">March 11</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Mom came home from Miami on Sunday,
looking tan and healthy. Her stay there has been good for her, but I no longer
live alone.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">March 12</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Penny had friends from school over we
didn't see each other. I had been looking forward to go out with the gang from
the paper, but that fell through, so I went to Vau-de-Ville alone with two New
York Review of Books in my back pocket. I read an essay on Czes</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">ław
Miłosz's latest book and an interview with him. It dealt with existential
issues, human nature, rationality and religion, democracy, and totalitarianism.
Among other things, he said that while rationalism has given rise to utopian
dictatorships, it has also given birth to Western democracy. Metaphysics, on
the other hand, has only given birth to dictatorships.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">April 5, Saturday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Torsten resigned on Friday. Louise
said that Tom in the graphics department has resigned and that Lotta intends to
resign immediately after the holidays. Kristina Kohl is also considering
quitting.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">April 6</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I want you to touch me down
there," she said as I caressed her breasts.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Then you'll have to show
it," I said. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"But I'm telling you."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Show it with your body," I
said.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">April 19, Saturday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Torsten worked his last day on
Wednesday. Lasse, who started a month ago, quit that morning. Ann intends to
resign next week. She told me that Lapri had said that all the trouble was
because of me, and that they had noted in my "dossier" that I had
called him paranoid. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I resigned yesterday. Granat said nothing,
but Lapri congratulated me, and gave me a bottle of whiskey as a farewell gift.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
</div>
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br clear="all" style="break-before: page; mso-break-type: section-break; page-break-before: always;" /></span><div style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><i>Trying to be Normal is the third part of novel with the working title Shifting Passions.</i></span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-7349682879871072872023-07-31T09:24:00.009-04:002023-08-26T22:27:46.660-04:00To Betray and to Forgive - Trying to Be Normal (Excerpt 4)<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4wba1NZPIwSJbW1bCMKDkH8RFEH9u7KQ1dSHwLK6gJAoYySHeFE3LmhjIpzXh2J97NSZEORPX1hHd-lqGzkZa4l7GC7EWmsJqG90cOywN7hwEVEtmz1mrRrohhGwf-QRCvuQJ6d4KXPp6gqqFmSaY4W6oLSFDkF9Fb5N8ZA8iwYt4obMkiK4LJt5UWm8/s1824/Trying%20ro%20be%20Normal%20-%20SP%20Part%203.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1824" data-original-width="1152" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4wba1NZPIwSJbW1bCMKDkH8RFEH9u7KQ1dSHwLK6gJAoYySHeFE3LmhjIpzXh2J97NSZEORPX1hHd-lqGzkZa4l7GC7EWmsJqG90cOywN7hwEVEtmz1mrRrohhGwf-QRCvuQJ6d4KXPp6gqqFmSaY4W6oLSFDkF9Fb5N8ZA8iwYt4obMkiK4LJt5UWm8/s320/Trying%20ro%20be%20Normal%20-%20SP%20Part%203.jpg" width="202" /></a></div></div><a name="A_Game_Gone_Awry" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">June 23,
Sunday</span></a><p></p><div class="WordSection1">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We were at the Daily News when she
suggested that we separately try to pick up somebody, just for fun. She placed
herself by the dance floor and was quickly invited to dance. I began looking
for someone to ask, but the pretty girls were difficult, and the others didn't
interest me. I saw that she was dancing vigorously, which she had not done with
me for a long time. I danced a bit, but it was of no use and at half past one I
went up to the bar and had a beer. I drank it slowly, but time got longer and longer,
and when I finally went down to the dance floor again, I saw that she was with
the same guy who had first asked her to dance. I signaled her to come over, but
she shook her head defiantly, so I went out and freed my bicycle from hers and
sat down by a flower terrace and there I sat until she came out at three in the
morning accompanied by two men. She saw me and came over. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Are you still here?" </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Yes, didn't you want
that?" </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I had so much fun." </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Do you want to break up?" </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She did not answer but looked at me
with a pleading look. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Is this what you mean by
freedom?"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"You were in on it," she
said. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Yes, but how far do you want to
take it?"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I'll call you tomorrow,"
she said and left with her new friends.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She called me in the morning and
sounded ashamed. He had followed her home and shared her bed. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Why was I so mean to you,"
she said, assuring me that she had not slept with him.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">June 24, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I broke up with her, and then we took
the train to Saltsj</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">öbaden in the archipelago where we
sat down by the sea. It was a wonderful Sunday in June, and two white swans
were swimming in the bay while we were cried our hearts out. I have never cried
so much for a girl. It was the bitter chalice of misery I emptied, this
toxic mixture of hate and love.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I took a walk and followed my usual
route, along V</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">ästerlånggatan,
through Kungsträdgården and back across Riddarholmen. Sobbing, I stood on Evert
Taube's terrace, looking out over the water and the crescent moon in the
crystal blue night sky. The bay was almost silent, and you could hear the
clacking from the quay until a breaking subway train disturbed the idyll. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Why did I break up? </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Because after eighteen months she
insists I'm not the one, because my pride can't let it go on any longer,
especially after what happened at the Daily News, when the game got bloody
serious. I feel like I built a house only to find it burned down.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">June 25, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I called Carl who thought I had done
the right thing, and said he never thought it would last. Then I called her,
and her voice was sad. She had just written to her mother to tell her what had
happened, and her emotions had unraveled. Myself, I felt calm and at peace.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">June 26</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She said she had been putting ice
cubes on her eyes for half an hour before going to work so that the swelling
from crying would go down. We agreed that she will come over tomorrow night. I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m
looking forward to it and hope to make love to her again. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Carl was very confident. He didn't
think we were suitable for each other. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">“You
have to be able to talk politics with a girl if you are really interested in
this,” he said. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I hesitated but saw the strength of
the argument. Perhaps I would eventually tire of her if she continued to reject
all political discussions.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The first week of vacation has passed
and my soul is as black as coal. The boredom of life sets in and I feel sick
and ugly.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">June 27, Thursday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She was here. I served white wine and
a Greek salad that I had made myself. For dessert we had strawberries, whipped
cream, coffee, sherry, and sex on the sofa. When I was done, I massaged her
until she came, and then we did it again. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">How will I manage without these
meetings?</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Carl emphasized the intellectual
difference between me and Penny, but for marriage, the erotic connection is
perhaps the most important thing, given a certain minimum level of intellectual
exchange. She is intelligent and interested in culture and debate, but not in
politics. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She slept over at my place, but we
were too tired to make love again. She woke me up at 5:30 to say goodbye before
going to work. I looked at the face I love so much and looked into her eyes. I knew
I still loved and wanted to own those eyes as well as their owner sitting on
the floor by my bed. Yet something inside me told me that our paths were now
diverging, that she would never change because she had never been passionate
about me.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She told me yesterday, as we hugged
each other in the sadness of the split, that she had never met anyone as
generous and appreciative as me. For me, she is the angel of everyday life who
manages to make every encounter a small miracle even if she never reaches the
really high heights intellectually, emotionally, or erotically. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Her room is about safety.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She was a bit reserved when I spoke
to her on the phone. I don't know why. Maybe she was not alone in the room. Of
course, my hypersensitive self reacted by getting hurt like a thorn in the
heart. My God, haven't I broken up with her?</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I don't know if my heart is shaking
and my fingers are trembling because I am sick, or if it is the shock of the
breakdown.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">June 28, Friday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I haven't spoken to her today and I
don't think I will. I am waiting for her to call me. I can't do it myself. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My pride forbids me.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I was reading my diary from the fall
of 1983 and found the pages about my first meeting with Penny, that wonderful
time when every action tasted of passion, and it was so easy to push aside the
premonitions of what was to come. Reading it opened up fresh wounds and I
finally had to put it aside. It is too painful to watch the beginning of
another painful defeat. My self-confidence is again in turmoil. The tension
between security and insecurity makes me oscillate between the extremes.
Doubtful one moment, despairing the next. I've been shaking inside all evening.
It feels like an iron spear has been sunk into my heart and is now forcing me
to the ground. I am tired, stressed, and sad. Life is no longer appealing. I
want to hide inside myself and just cry. I want to write a poem about my fate.
I want to write and receive compassion. I want to recreate my lost love. It
hurts so much to have been so thoroughly tested and so sympathetically
rejected. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">For the moment I don't believe in
love. I am burnt and pessimistic. Sometimes I think it's crazy to keep hoping
for a lasting love relationship. All my experience speaks against this. People
get married either because they are in love and therefore unreasonable, or
because they are reasonable and have given up on love.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">June 29, Saturday.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I can't imagine what the girl I want
will be like. Don't have the faintest.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">July 1, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">What a night! I went to Caf</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">é
Opera where I was given the phone numbers to two lovely ladies. The depression
was gone. I was attracted to Mariana, but she was mostly there to dance. Sofia was
more interested, and we danced for a long time. When we parted at two, Mariana
smiled, but it was difficult to interpret the meaning. Sofia was more direct. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"You have my phone number."</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Slept at Penny</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s
place last night. We made love in the evening and again in the morning. We lay
half-naked in bed, and I read to her about my flirtation at the Café Opera.
From time to time, she had little outbursts of jealousy and we wrestled
playfully a little, a game that soon became erotic. I entered her in a mixture
of love and erotic aggression. We struggled, but the power was mine and she
enjoyed being defeated.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Öland.
July 2, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Georg and I started at six in the
morning and the trip went smoothly. We are here to repair the summer house.
There's a lot to be done, rot that forces us to replace the wood planks and the
whole house must be washed and repainted. I called her from the car. She told
me that her brother was in hospital. The tumor had come back.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">In the evening we drove to Byxelkrok
and had a beer in the bar overlooking the Kalmar sound. He asked why Penny
wasn't there. I told him that it was over. He said he got that impression when
he called her last night to get hold of me, and she didn't know where I was. We
talked about women and relationships. He said that you should never cling to a
broken love. Both should go their own way in the first six months. Then maybe
you can become friends. There's something to it, and like all good advice, it's
not followed!</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">July 4, Thursday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Georg said that he usually asks
people he knows well what they think they</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’ll be doing in five years. We had a
late dinner at Hotel Borgholm. He would never have asked five years ago,
because from his point of view it would have been pointless. I responded by
telling him what I told Ville Lapri and Christer Hurtig at Data Sweden when
they asked me about my future plans: </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Poet!"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I think you should focus on
business instead. Now is the right time to do so. You are unmarried, have no
children and know a lot. In five years, you won't be as interesting."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"It's just that business does
not attract me, not because there is anything wrong with such jobs, but simply
because culture and journalism interest me more," I said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">He said that he will have his own
company in five years. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I pull in thirteen, fourteen
million kr a year for my company. It would be better if I could capture the
money myself."</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She is having a hard time now. Her
brother lies in a coma and the doctors have given up hope. I called her at
lunch and then again just after ten. She had just spoken to her father who said
that her brother had woken up and tried to eat, even though he can't eat
anything. He said he wanted to go home. Her father suggested she should hold
off coming home. It's expensive, and she was home last spring. She said that
she might come down to see me on Monday, and that she was glad that I care about
her. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"You know I still love
you," I said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">And I do, although not in the same
way as before. I don't really know what the difference is. There was one piece
of good news. She was accepted to the school of computer programming at
Stockholm University.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">July 7, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s raining. We have finished the
paint job. Last night we slept in the car after going to Hotel Borgholm. We
were too tired to drive home.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">On Tuesday she arrives. Her brother
is back on his feet, but according to her father, it</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s
only temporary.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">July 14, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We've been watching the Band Aid gala
since one in the morning. It's a big deal and for a good cause, but the
commentators brought it all down. There was, of course, one 'progressive' music
writer in attendance, and he was skeptical of the effort which, in his view,
was excessively humanitarian. The Swedish music movement was much more radical,
he explained, pointing to alternatives such as actions for Chile and Nicaragua.
The German entries to the gala followed the same line. They played boring rock
and read out long declamations about the threat of war. It's as if they don't
care about the children in Africa because they know so damn well how everything
is connected. I recognize this from my time on the far left. We despised
humanitarian actions that only alleviated hardship. All they did was provide
bread for the day, while we aimed at the structures of power, and could
therefore turn a blind eye to the suffering here and now.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m on Öland making love to Penny,
whom I no longer love as I used to, but still depend on and care for. I am reading Strindberg's </span><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The Son of A Servant </span></i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">and feel like a failure when I think of his
literary debut at the age of twenty-one. Middle age is scary. I thought I had
read the book in high school, but now doubt my memory. Some sections feel
familiar, but not the novel as a whole. The two volumes hit home, and I recognize
much of myself in the book's Johan.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I had hoped — one of my eternal hopes
that all end in nothing — to start writing my novel here, but the work on the
house took over a week and then Penny came. She helped me paint, but deprived
me of solitude, for which I am both happy and worried.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Today is Sunday. The vacation is
almost over, and I am going back to the city. The time with Penny is sweet, but
it is over, and we know that these days are just a pause in the separation. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I dread the idea of new relationships
and feel like my life is going nowhere. Everything is going well for me, except
for when it comes to what I really want. My career is in my hands, but I don't
want it. Only art and its freedom attract me. Only there pride.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I am tired of the soul-searching. I
want to speak again, but from what position?</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Humanity's .... and my own, as part
of it.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">July 15, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The doctors say that her brother will
never wake up again.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">July 16</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She left today and I am sitting here
crying. I love her and feel so sorry for her.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">July 17</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We are together again. I realized it
the day before yesterday, and she wanted it. I love her and she needs me. I'm
bad at breaking up.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Stockholm. July 19, Friday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She flew home today. Her brother died
Wednesday morning. I came home yesterday and spent the night with her. She is
composed, almost too composed. Is she emotionless, I ask myself. No, but grief
forces us to be strong. If we give in, we can't cope. The reaction comes later.
We made love this night too. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"It feels like you opened a
crack in my heart," she said in the morning.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">This is the first time she has
indicated that she loves me, that she wants to marry me. She has tried me out
in both joy and sorrow and found that I hold up.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">But do I want to? I think so.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I bought John Gardner's <i>The Art of Fiction - Notes on Craft for
Young Writers</i> and have read just over half of it. It is exactly what I
need. Now all that remains is to resume the daily practice in the art of
writing.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">July 20, Saturday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Almost done with Gardner. Wandered
around in the city for several hours. Restless, as usual. Frustrating. Thinking
of Penny. Just tried to write a letter to her but failed. She would receive it
a few days after the funeral. What mood will she be in then? How do I write?
Compassionate and sharing the grief, or about love? I tried to imagine myself
in her situation, but I couldn't.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">August 7, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Another article written on my laptop
computer. Well, it's not mine, but I have it at home for a few weeks. I sit
with it on my lap and silently type on the keyboard. When I have finished a
text and made any changes, I save it and copy it to a 5.25-inch floppy disk
which I take to work and put into the PC XT I have there. Finally, I let a
dot-matrix printer put the text on paper. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">By the way, it's 00.00 and I have to
crash.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">August 18, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I left her at half past eleven. On G</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">ötgatan
I see a boy and a beautiful girl walking along. She is slim, has long hair, and
a white jacket with a knee-length, slit skirt.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Suddenly a passer-by explodes. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Fucking immigrant," he
yells at them. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">He is dressed in an old denim suit,
has long and dirty blond hair. He has an almost empty backpack on his back and
is swinging a red Tempo shopping bag with his hand. He continues a few meters,
turns around and shouts: </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Go back to Congo!"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">He then waits to see if the guy, who
seems to be from southern Europe, will answer, but he gets no answer, and
disappears into the subway.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">August 21</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It is seventeen years since Soviet occupied Czechoslovakia.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
</div>
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br clear="all" style="break-before: page; mso-break-type: section-break; page-break-before: always;" /></span><div style="text-align: right;"><i>Trying to be Normal is the third part of novel with the working title Shifting Passions.</i></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-81387646137190420792023-07-30T23:10:00.009-04:002023-08-16T08:59:06.108-04:00The Wait - Trying to Be Normal (Excerpt 3)<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4wba1NZPIwSJbW1bCMKDkH8RFEH9u7KQ1dSHwLK6gJAoYySHeFE3LmhjIpzXh2J97NSZEORPX1hHd-lqGzkZa4l7GC7EWmsJqG90cOywN7hwEVEtmz1mrRrohhGwf-QRCvuQJ6d4KXPp6gqqFmSaY4W6oLSFDkF9Fb5N8ZA8iwYt4obMkiK4LJt5UWm8/s1824/Trying%20ro%20be%20Normal%20-%20SP%20Part%203.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1824" data-original-width="1152" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4wba1NZPIwSJbW1bCMKDkH8RFEH9u7KQ1dSHwLK6gJAoYySHeFE3LmhjIpzXh2J97NSZEORPX1hHd-lqGzkZa4l7GC7EWmsJqG90cOywN7hwEVEtmz1mrRrohhGwf-QRCvuQJ6d4KXPp6gqqFmSaY4W6oLSFDkF9Fb5N8ZA8iwYt4obMkiK4LJt5UWm8/s320/Trying%20ro%20be%20Normal%20-%20SP%20Part%203.jpg" width="202" /></a></div></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><a name="Waiting"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">May 2, Wednesday</span></a><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We visited Dad's grave yesterday and
planted roses, daffodils and pansies at the headstone which is finally in place.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">May 6, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Is man monogamous? </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I check out girls every day and want
to conquer them all to share a moment, although not a lifetime. That's the
difference. I'm willing to sacrifice every possible moment if I can just get
Penny. Do I really mean this? Yes, I must mean it. I love her (when she is kind
and gentle with me. Here comes the first reservation!) and I have asked her to
marry me.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">May 7, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Mom turned 64. I celebrated her with
a homemade cake, and a gift from Crete. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I went to R.E. Quant's lecture on
"Rationing as an optimal policy." It was interesting, but I wonder if
the secret of economics is not, after all, that it silences the rest of us.
When I see them — these believing economists — I feel like a stranger. I refuse
to bend even though they are better than me at math and statistics.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">May 9, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I wander around the library, scanning
the spines of the books. I find interesting titles all the time. I take out a
book, read the cover, and skim the table of contents, but thinking of the dozen
books I'm already reading makes me hold off for now. I take down the title, and
head over to the magazine section where I get stuck for two hours. I browse, search,
and read.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">May 10, Thursday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I got a letter from Cecilia today.
She is still in love with me and does not want postcards mentioning that I have
another. I had used her as a pastime, she wrote.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">May 11, Friday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Sitting under the elm trees listening
to Leonard Cohen. It's sunny, but not very hot. I enjoy the here and now,
watching the city and the people. That's how I want to live. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Last night I went to her place to
make love, but the letter from Cecilia had put me in a bad mood. According to
Penny, my gloom was due to the fact that we had not made love for a week and a
half. We made love, and the gloom disappeared. Then we talked, about children
and so. She said that she would like to see her children grow up close to her
family. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She likes me, but perhaps even more
her way of life. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Is it the difficulty of winning her
that drives my passion?</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">May 15, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Worked the fourth night. Biked home
listening to Leonard Cohen. Depressed. I see no future, but I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m
considering taking a big trip in a year or two. Towards China.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She has not yet responded to me
proposing to her, although she said I would not have to wait long. My proposal
was obviously impractical and left her with the choice of taking a big risk or
losing me. I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m
forcing her to choose as time is moving so fast, at least for me.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">May 16, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Cecilia's letter opened me up to her
suffering. I see her lying alone in "our" bed, crying out of
desperation. Until now, I have not seen it. I was blocked and sad after the
loss of my father. She just disappeared from the picture. Still, I think I did
the right thing by breaking up. It's not my place to apportion blame, but our
political involvement meant that we made too few human demands on each other.
When the political passion dried up, there wasn't much left. She blames me, but
I think she is angry with herself too.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">May 17, Thursday</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Man
does not change his passions, only the object of them."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0in;"> </span></p></blockquote>
<p align="right" class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(John Donne, quoted in Artes 1/82 p
3)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">“Pride and curiosity are the two
scourges of our souls. The latter prompts us to poke our noses into everything,
and the former forbids us to leave anything unresolved and undecided."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0in;"> </span></p></blockquote>
<p align="right" class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(Montaigne, quoted from Artes 1/82 p
7)</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt; text-align: left;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">May 20, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I had lunch out with Penny on Friday.
It was warm and nice in the sun. Afterwards Bj</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">örn and I met under Almarna. He had
read my paper, and was predictably critical, but not too bad. We discussed
politics and economics, planning and freedom. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">And we looked at girls. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">But I had to move on as I was going
to meet Penny on the steps of the Dramatic Theater. We saw an English guest
performance of Sheridan's <i>The School for Scandal.</i> and had dinner at The Prince before
going to her place where we went to bed, but it was slow going and after half
an hour she said she didn't want to continue.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"It's like you take it for
granted, and I feel like I have to do it," she said. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I felt snubbed and unfairly treated,
so I retreated to the far end of the bed, close to the cold wall and used as
little of the blanket as possible. I felt like I was washed up on a deserted
beach, but unlike Robinson Crusoe, I did not build a home. Instead, I withdrew
into the past, to old memories and dreams. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I thought about getting up and going home
but stayed in silence. My chest felt swollen and my heart weak. I stroked my
tender soul as one explores a sore spot, but eventually fell asleep, only to
wake up to her seducing me. It was half past three in the morning.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">May 22, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Still no answer, but she treats me
tenderly. I wonder what she's thinking.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Mom is having many lonely nights now.
For us, it is natural not to take care of a parent. In other societies and at
other times, the opposite was just as obvious.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">May 23, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Yesterday she had dinner with Arne
and now Klasse is calling. She sounded very happy and said that she had tried
to call him last week. I was waiting for her to mention me. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"You understand that I have
Johan with me. We can talk, but another time," she said, suggesting that
they might meet next week. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Jealous? Well, a little bit. Not of
Arne, but Klasse worries me. Not much, but still.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">May 26, Saturday</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"What!
Am I to waste seven or eight years. I shall get to twenty-eight in such
fainthearted way! That would bring me to my twenty-eighth birthday; by that
time Bonaparte</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s
greatest achievements were behind him.”</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0in;"> </span></p></blockquote>
<p align="right" class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(Stendhal, <i>The Red and the Black, </i>1970, p 83)</span><span style="background-color: yellow; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">“Like Hercules, he found himself
caught, not between vice and virtue, but between mediocrity leading to
guaranteed security and all the heroic dreams of his youth. ‘So there is no
real firmness of purpose in me,’ he said to himself. This was the doubt that
hurt him most.” (p 83-84)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p></blockquote>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">May 27, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Before going upstairs to my place, we
went to a convenience store. On the way out, I recognized the handwriting on a
small note on the bulletin board. It was Cecilia's. She wanted to exchange our
(now her) apartment for a smaller one in the city.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">May 28</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Penny wants to live in a house with a
garden in England. To say yes to me is to kill, or at least shrink, that dream.
Can I give her what she wants? It</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s not at all certain, but I can
compensate her in other areas. I would be deeply unhappy if she said no, but on
the other hand, I cannot wait forever.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Birds are singing outside the window.
A diesel car drives by on Hornsgatan. Why don't I write anything? Why so
silent? My ambivalence towards life deprives me of the pride I need to write.
My intellectual hubris makes me too self-critical, so I suffer and remain
silent.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Darkness. Shoes on wet asphalt.
Incoherent chatter. Drunken laughter. Birds. Taxis. The clock strikes a quarter
past two. Wet leaves. Humid air.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">May 29</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I called her, but no one answered. I
suspected she was seeing Klasse which worried me. What was I afraid of? That
she would return to him, or fall back on him after me? If she wants to move
back to England more than anything, there's a good chance we'll break up. Then
it might be convenient to have someone she doesn't love, but who she can rely
on for the time being. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">On Wednesday we</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’re
going to Öland. I hope.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I feel like a guest of reality. I
can't live like other people, can't be social and nice. Keeps me to myself.
Reading, reading, reading.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The sun breaks through the clouds. I
eat breakfast and feel warmth on my right arm which is closest to the window.
Penny called and woke me up at ten o'clock. She started talking about the trip
and was in a good mood but said nothing about yesterday. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I called you, but you weren't
home."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"No."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">After a fraction of a moment's delay,
the conversation continued about the trip. Why didn't she say anything about
meeting Klasse last night? </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"What did you do
yesterday?"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I visited Klasse."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I knew it," I said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"How did you know?"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I just felt it." </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Yes, I told you I was going to
see him."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She told me that Klasse had made grilled
sandwiches but burnt them. As if that would make him less of a threat in my
eyes, but he is muscular and quite good looking. And she admitted that he
probably loves her.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Öland.
May 31, Thursday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We are in the summer house and the
sun is setting. Penny is cooking dinner. It's beautiful but windy outside. This
is the first time I've been here since Dad died. We met farmer Herbert when we
went shopping in the middle of the day. He came cycling along and looked the
same. Bent and crooked and with piercing eyes. He pushed back his hat and
lamented Dad</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s
passing. Then he told me about someone else in the neighborhood who almost
died. But he was eighty.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">June 1, Friday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Thunder rumbles and the house shakes,
rattling the windows. I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m reading a long essay by Vaclav
Havel about Europe and the intellectuals, about humans and power. He wrote that
he defends anti-political politics, that he wants to draw on man's inherent
sense of morality and nature. But why so long and complicated? They talk deeply
and well about Western democracy but forget that democracy is also the result
of popular struggle, of common people’s resistance against the strong state.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Perhaps the "dissidents"
are enjoying their martyrdom? </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I write in freedom and prosperity.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"He
would never make a good priest, or a great administrator. A soul so moved is
good at best for giving birth to an artist."</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0in;"> </span></p></blockquote>
<p align="right" class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(Stendhal, <i>The Red and the Black, </i>1970, p 199)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">June 2, Saturday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My six months with Penny have been a
happy part of my life. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We hitchhiked to Borgholm after
lunch. The morning haze had been replaced by warmer weather, and eventually the
sun came out. We had coffee and sat and read in the garden of Ebba's pastry
shop. A little later we strolled around in the town and ate pizza down by the
harbor. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It took four rides to hitchhike back
to our summer house. At S</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">ödvik we had to wait a long time, but
it was sunny and almost no wind. We listened to birds singing, and a cuckoo bird’s
koo-kooo call in the northwest. A few kilometers before Högby town, we ran into
a thick fog, but we were lucky to get a ride all the way to our exit.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">June 4, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Back home in Stockholm after a
nine-hour bus ride. I'm tired and my back hurts. I'm also a bit dissatisfied
since we didn't make love last night or this morning. (Yes, I admit it, I have
been spoiled.) We took a walk down to the marshes where we saw lapwings, terns,
swans and a dozen birders with binoculars and tripods. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I finished the first part of <i>The Red and the Black,</i> and began<i> </i>reading <i>Return to Ithaca</i>, Eyvind Jonsson's reinterpretation of <i>The Odyssey</i>. Also reading <i>Shifting Involvements,</i> Albert O.
Hirschman's analysis of the 1960s revolt. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">June 5, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She told me that she had received a
letter from her mother who is worried that she will get committed in Sweden. I
see a conflict with all the potential of becoming tragic. If she chooses me,
her mother will be sad. If she chooses England, I will be unhappy. Worst of
all, she won't find a husband or be able to move back. I think she should
choose me. After all, the greatest happiness she can give her mother is to find
a man who loves her and can be a good father. There is no guarantee that she
will be happily married if she moves back home, but the years are going by, and
she cannot — the biological clock is ticking — wait too long to start a family.
Would she rather be childless than remain here? I get almost desperate when I
think about it. Why should I have such bad luck in love? My life is
degenerating, and my talent is being squandered.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">June 6, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">What ties me to Sweden? My mother, my
brothers, and my friends. But it could be a useful experience to move to
England for a few years.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">June 8, Friday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">People consume and economists record
it as an expense, a cost, but the sacrifice contains elements of pleasure which
makes consumption productive. By abstaining, I gain value in the form of moral
satisfaction. Hence, I can increase my marginal utility by doing nothing.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="BlockQuote" style="margin-left: 58.3pt; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"-But what party do you belong
to? </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="BlockQuote" style="margin-left: 58.3pt; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">-None, and that has been my undoing.
Here are my politics: I love music and painting; a good book is an event for
me; I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m
going on forty-four."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="right" class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(<i>The
Red and Black</i>, 1970, p 235)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We talked on the phone. I said that
maybe we shouldn't see each other because of my cold. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She makes me gloomy. A fog has
settled over my inner fields. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Will you find an equally good
guy in England," I asked.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Well, it might not be easy, but
I'm sure it's possible," she said. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We had lunch at Strindbergs and then
walked to the Tegn</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">érlunden park where we sat down for a
while. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Her gray skirt fluttered, and her red
curls were lifted by the wind as she walked back to work with light steps
without looking back once. You won't have to wait long, she said when I
proposed. It was a long time ago, but I don't blame her. She doesn't answer
because she can't. But for me the fog rolls in. I'm freezing. Where should I
go? <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">According to Alberoni, love is born
in a depression, and since I’m depressed, I am at risk. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">There's not much I believe in these
days. Not science, not politics, not love.... <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">But death, lies and grief are
irrefutable.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"You can't put me in a
cage," she said on the phone.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I don</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’t
think I’m doing that," I replied.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Not yet, but sometimes I feel
tied up," she said.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We have now come so far that one can
divine the dividing line, even if it is not yet fully visible. My only asset is
that I love her, but there are others who can do that. Will she leave me, or
will I leave her?</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">June 10, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Been with Penny. In my heart I have
returned. When I recover my consciousness at the end of intercourse, I see my
girl beneath me. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"You would see yourself. Your
face contorts and the muscles in your body tense up like you're going to
explode. It's almost like I'm afraid you're going to pass out," she says. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I walk home with light steps. What a
difference from last night, when she complained that we were doing it
"just because it's Saturday." Now, that's not how I felt at all, but
because she said it, it became so. I went to sleep hurt, angry and
disappointed. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The bed felt cramped and the room
cold.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">June 11, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Sitting on a bench in R</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">ålambshov
Park. I’ve got to decide. As methodically as I read, I must write. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Starting tomorrow, Tuesday, June 12,
1984, I will spend at least 30 minutes a day writing. It doesn't matter what I
write. It</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s
daily, systematic practice I need.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">June 13, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I sat down to write. Now the paper is
no longer white. I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’ve won, but not triumphed. My
imagination is covered in old dusty cobwebs. If I lie down in the water and try
to float, I sink. I don't float if I don't move. Arms. My hands. It doesn't
take much. The main thing is to get going. To move. To decide to move and overcome,
no, to push back death and stillness.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Who am I who writes? A person who
wants to live by being, who refuses to bend, refuses to become false. Rather
than draw the shortest straw in the game of self, I wait and build up my
strength.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Not that I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m
unable to adapt. My God, I was a revolutionary for almost 15 years. I gave
everything to the cause. I even gave away more than I owned. I gave away time
that wasn't only mine.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">But the egg cracked, and I was born
again.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Writing is a form of enjoyment. I
enjoy life when I communicate with people I like. I am an exhibitionist who
enjoys unfolding my soul, seeking confirmation of my most sensitive memories,
of being recognized.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Writing can be a way of making a
living — i.e., making money. The role of a writer seems to me to be the only
fun and at the same time morally acceptable one. A great writer can both make
good money and care for humanity. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The author is also not a slave to the
division of labor. In other words, he is less dependent on adapting to his
fellow human beings on a daily and hourly basis. He does not have to be
considerate.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My analysis is becoming
uncomfortable. Is it recklessness and selfishness that attracts me? Every
person wants to be able to control their life situation. Is it so obvious? Do
we not also dream of becoming children again, of not having to take responsibility
for what we do? We want someone we can trust completely. In the throes of love,
we have it, we think we have it. We trust the person we love, and we trust
ourselves. Our project is crystal clear, and we don't ask for proof and
definition. We know what we know in the wonderful sequence of heartbeats.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">But then we wake up. We are out of
paradise and start asking ourselves questions. Who can you trust? The answer is
simple, myself, no one else.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">From that moment on, we crave power.
We carry our cross, our life in our hands. We make decisions and realize that
we are not alone. More people make decisions. It is crowded. We argue. We
fight. We learn to cooperate. No more absolute freedom. Now we are dependent.
Now we must adapt, negotiate, agree. It's not fun anymore. We don't sail on
clouds. We eat, drink, make babies, watch, and think. We get bored. We start
longing for sensations. Dreaming backwards and forwards.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The Golden Age – whether in the past
or the future.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">June 14, Thursday</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Whoever
with intent, by word or writing, blasphemes and defames God, his holy word and
the Sacraments, shall lose his life."</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0in;"> </span></p></blockquote>
<p align="right" class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: right; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(<i>Svea
Rikes Lag, /</i>Sweden’s Civil Code/ 1734.)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">A lot has happened since then. Not
even in the Soviet Union is the punishment for dissent as severe.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Under Mao, Chinese people carried
portraits of the leader. "Mao is like the sun," his admirers sang.
Something similar happened in Egypt three thousand years before Mao. Pharaoh
Amenhotep IV replaced Amon-Ra with the sun disk Aten. In the sixth year of his
reign, Aten worship was elevated to a state religion. And Pharaoh Amenhotep IV
changed his name to Akhenaten. His name was now one with the sun disk. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Like Mao, pharaoh Amenotep IV
defeated the bureaucrats-priests with the power of religion, but today the military
once again wears its decorations on their new uniforms as they march with goose
steps during parades.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">You are sitting inside yourself in a
subway car looking out at the others in it. Old ladies with pocketbooks and shopping
bags. Narcissistic kids and other kids. You have your freestyle on, listening
to Grace Jones' carnally raw voice and harsh rhythms. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The train enters the station. You
look out the window. The doors open and people rush on and off. You see a
pretty woman. You see a drunkard. You see the Pressbyr</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">å
kiosk with all the newspapers. The doors close and the train jerks as it
starts. The train car has closed around you again. Across from you sits a tall
man. He doesn’t care about you. Your knees are engaged in a hidden battle for
space. You are annoyed that he doesn't do anything to prevent your knees from
bumping into each other. I won't budge, you think, and almost imperceptibly
press your knees against his. He's reading his newspaper and doesn't care. You
feel the discomfort of his disgusting knees.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Take away your fucking
knees," you don't say, but move backwards and straighten up. Your knees
follow and the contact with your fellow passenger is broken.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">June 15, Friday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Read Ralf Dahrendorf's essay
"Reflections on Social Theory and Political Practice" (in <i>Social Theory & Political Practice.</i>)
Now I can step out of the circle of Weber and Popper and open my feelings to
the world. My pathos has the right to burn again. Hallelujah!</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The cold persists. Listening to
Handel's <i>Music for the Royal Fireworks. </i>Reading,
reading, reading.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Rational
love is doubtless more intelligent than true love, but it knows only brief
moments of enthusiasm; it is self-conscious; it judges itself continually; far
from leading thought astray, it is built on thought alone."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0in;"> </span></p></blockquote>
<p align="right" class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(<i>The
Red and Black,</i> 1970, p. 358)</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"...and when the coterie comes
into its own, all the good things of society rain upon them. Woe to the
intellectual who is not allied to a clique; even his smallest, most dubious
success will attract nothing but blame, and lofty virtue will triumph in the
act of robbing him. Well, sir, a novel is a mirror being carried down a
highway." (p 359)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p></blockquote>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Fallen
into this last abyss of wretchedness, a human being has no recourse but
courage." (p 360)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;"> </span></p></blockquote>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"As for Julien, he had acted, he
was less miserable;" (p 405)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p></blockquote>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She called me half an hour ago.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Hi sweetie!!!"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She had been eating salad and
drinking ros</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">é
wine.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Come over!"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She no longer felt bad from her cold.
</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The temptation to go over was strong,
but I was too sick, so I said no.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Her hair is straight and black. It
hangs over to her narrow face, which is unadorned except for the mascara around
her eyes. She is punkishly pale and wears a black round-necked T-shirt under an
open 7/8-length coat in gray. The pants that end high on the ankle are tight
and have a leopard print in black and yellow. She holds her left hand against
the green park bench under one of the big green chestnuts in Maria Church</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s
Cemetery. She is a little shy. The rain has stopped, but clouds gather in the
sky like giant mushrooms high above the chestnut trees, and the houses on
Bellmansgatan.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">He is standing close to her keeping
his hands in his pockets. He has blond hair, but his forehead is bare. He is
wearing a black leather jacket with a dark shirt that is open at the neck. His
black pants are a bit baggy, and his wet white gym shoes look gray.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The trees stand still, and the clouds
look frozen for a person strolling up Hornspuckeln. The fl</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">âneur
sees a couple who are probably talking under the impressive chestnut tree whose
lush greenery has been deepened by lingering raindrops.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She runs her hand through his hair.
Corrects something. He shakes his head and doesn't answer.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Have they been to church, the
observer wonders from behind his window. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">No, they probably only met there
because it is such a beautiful and discreet meeting place. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">A few more people have appeared
before the observer, like animals in a laboratory. They move behind the window</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s
glass, but no one controls this experiment. On both sides of the glass, life is
uncontrolled. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I, who is the observer, choose to
watch the couple under the chestnut tree. But I don't learn anything, except
that it is beautiful. </span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">June 18, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Having an evening coffee at
Riddarholmen. M</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">älardrottningen
— the floating hotel that was once Barbara Hutton's luxury yacht — is rubbing
against the quay on my left. I'm not sitting in Paris or Menton, or in any
other beautiful city where the evening light disappears like when you turn off
the power. I'm in a city in the far north where the sunset is a slow-moving delight.
The sky is clear and blue, even though the fiery red sun disk is already
balancing on the roof of the City Hall. In front of me I can see the water
shimmering of the sun, and further away the row of old retired barges and
fishing boats permanently anchored at Söder Mälarstrand. A faintly sweet scent
rises from the Riddarfjärd. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">A seagull glides across the deck and
returns over the bowsprit. The anchor and the slowly rocking chain cast a sharp
shadow over the sunlit bow. A short distance away, tucked away on the Maria
cliff, the M</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">ünich
Brewery makes me think of the Cité island in Paris, an association that is
immediately shot through by memories of the struggle to preserve the old
brewery built with red brick. It’s a memory of a victory over a false
rationality, like when we saved the elm trees in Kungsträdgården, which is why
you can still have a cup of coffee in the shade of the majestic trees. The bay
is calm and metallic blue all the way to Västerbron. Right in front of me is a
gray and lonely sail. I have never appreciated the statue until today when I
can reflect on it while having coffee. You should not walk past statues. They
require time, time that they can give us if we make ourselves receptive.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Across the street, five middle-aged
gentlemen with two umbrellas, and four ties gather around a map. They look up
at the Wrangel Palace and probably know more about Riddarholmen than most of us
Stockholmers, who only live here.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">June 19, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Today I have not spent the half hour
writing as I intended to. I got a fever in the middle of the day, but still
went to meet Bj</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">örn
at Falén's antiquarian shop on Vasastan. We bought books and went to a Chinese
restaurant, but I got worse and worse, and walked over to the Urgent Car Clinique
where I got an appointment in an hour. I called Penny who wasn't feeling well
either. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I think you should come here
too," I said, but she said they were so busy at work. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"You know how I am. I think I'll
go home and have a cup of tea, and if I'm not better tomorrow I might go to a
doctor."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The doctor listened to my heart and
lungs and told me I had bronchitis. I had tests done to see how many white
blood cells I have. That would determine the treatment, he explained. My blood
count was very good, so penicillin and cough medicine were enough. He asked
about sick leave, which I declined. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I bought the New York Review of Books
and took the prescription to the pharmacy at Hamngatan. I tried to find a phone
booth to call Penny, and then Mom to tell her that I would be late for dinner.
Four phone booths were out of service, and in the basement of NK department
store, the lines were long. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I barely got inside the door before
Penny called. She wasn't feeling well and had made an appointment too. Now she
was having a </span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">“Happy
Hour” dinner at restaurant Hubertus. She wanted company, but I hesitated, since
Mom had just started cooking and I thought I wouldn't be able to get there
until it was time for her to go back to the Urgent Care clinique, but I heard
from her voice that she would be sad if I didn't come, so I left and Mom
understood.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Penny didn't look much to the world
as she sat alone at a table for six. Wearing a yellow sweatshirt, she was just
a tall, thin girl hiding from the world for the moment. Her doctor diagnosed a
kidney infection, prescribed penicillin, and gave her Alvedon. We took the
prescription to the emergency pharmacy on Torkel Knutsson</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s
Street and continued to my place where she laid down to rest while I picked up
the medicine.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">June 21, Thursday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I didn't write anything yesterday
either. I was so sick that I had to stay in bed and rest so that I could go to
work.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The day before yesterday I received a
letter from Cecilia. It was longer than the previous ones, and between the
lines she apologized for her previous letter. She still misses me, she wrote,
but has started looking for a new guy. Along the way, she has found a guy who
is in love with her, at the same time as she wants to break up with him! I was
touched and a bit nostalgic. Still, I don't want to go back.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">June 26, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m reading to prepare for the chapter
I’m writing for the China Yearbook. By chance, I came across </span><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The
State in Socialist Society, </span></i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">edited
by Neil Harding (Oxford 1984.) His introductory essay is intriguing. He
highlights Marx and Saint Simon's over-reliance on science. The latter wanted
to build temples of science and enlightenment dedicated to Newton! (p 34)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">“The
men of science in Saint Simon's credo ‘will establish laws of social hygiene
for the social body, and in their hands politics will become the complement of
the science of man.’ Their findings, based upon observation of indisputable
facts, would be applied to all political, social and economic questions, all of
which were resolvable through ‘scientific demonstrations, absolutely
independent of human will.’” (p 10)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span><span style="background-color: yellow; font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Harding showed how the Bolsheviks
realized their own version of the imperialist state apparatus, but this time
with the goal of increased productivity. The new state under Stalin was able to
increase the rate of accumulation far more than capitalism could.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">“Marxism in this guise became
pre-eminently an ideology of modernization appealing to the intelligentsia of
the underdeveloped world as a shortcut to industrialisation and national
grandeur.” (p 41)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p></blockquote>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I have the day off and the rain is
pouring down. A typical Swedish summer, I tell myself. It's cozy when it's
raining and you can hear the clatter against the roof, I try. But I don't hear
any clatter. Not from the roof, because it's two floors up, and not from the
windows, because the rain is falling straight down. There is a noise and the
cars in the street sounds differently, but that</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s all.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It's boring when it's raining and
you're not sitting in a countryside cottage playing cards or drinking tea. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My girl is a realist. She doesn't get
anxious when it rains, but she was born in the promised land of rain.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"It will soon be fine again. Sure,
it's boring, but just bring an umbrella if you want to go out," she would
say as if there was nothing more to it.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">But I'm not from England, and I think
it sucks.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It is boring....</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Lightning strikes nearby. The room
lights up. There is a violent crash as the thunder rolls. I jump and look
outside. The sky is uniformly gray, and the rooftops are wet and shiny. I hear
the leaves rustling as the wind shakes the elm trees in front of Maria Church.
The branches wave back and forth like sea anemones.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">There! I saw it! A streak of silver
that split the sky in two. The image is etched in my mind. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">When will the bang come? I'm
counting: one, two, three, four...</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Now! It probably took longer this
time. The lightning must have struck at Medborgarplatsen. The thunderstorm is
moving south, I analyze.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The spectacle has made me forget. The
moment I gave up the idea of doing anything, my anxiety disappeared, and I felt
like a Buddha's disciple sitting under a Bodhi tree. I was free from desire.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">And when nature didn't provide a spectacle,
man began to make his own. They told stories around the campfire. They imitated
nature in songs and dances. They made pictures and sculptures. From the myths
grew power, the ability to make us forget ourselves, to embrace the myth. The
Roman rulers offered the people bread and spectacle. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The superpowers are counting high
their missiles loaded with superweapons. We must forget that we exist. That's
the idea, even if no one has formulated it.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">June 29, Friday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I wake up from a dream where I was in
the middle of a tantrum after a strange ride on a seven-person tandem bike. I
had arrived at Dad</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s studio only to find that
everything in the room had been changed, not just my bookshelves and cabinets.
Mom and Dad had rearranged the furniture with all good intentions, but I felt
like my whole order had been torn up. The bookshelves were dismantled, and my
books were in paper bags. I was furious and threw the office chair right into
the book bags. The chair split in two, so I crouched down to try to put it back
together. Dad was also in the room. He was sad, but somehow understanding. The
story was set in Västerberg, but elements of later settings were also present.
I stormed out, even though I knew it was dangerous for Dad's heart. The dream
was probably a challenge, a distancing. Dad appeared weak and paralyzed. Mom
was nowhere to be seen, but it was her idea.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">July 1, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Mom left for her first vacation of
her own yesterday, a bus trip to the Riviera. Life goes on, but we all miss
Dad. It's as if the world has taken on a bad taste since that cruelly beautiful
morning.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">July 2, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We went for a bike ride on Sunday. I
asked about her feelings for me, but she dodged the question. I oscillate
between dark moments when I think she is using my love as long as it is
convenient, and light moments when I think she is just being cautious. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">July 3, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Seven months yesterday. I treated her
to dinner at restaurant Norr</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">ås. She ordered Beef Wellington with a
pâté. I had a venison fillet with stewed chanterelles. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">July 4, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Penny received an answer about a job
she had applied for. Thanks for your interest, but...</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m reading about China, trying to
crack the outline of my chapter for the yearbook. I read the second chapter —
"Restructuring the Economy" — of Yu Guangyuan</span><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">'</span></i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">s 776-page anthology <i>China's Socialist Modernization </i>(Beijing
1984). Received my first issue of China Daily today. A six-month subscription
by airmail costs me 800 kr.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Penny would like to be a housewife if
she could see herself with me. I have more and more doubts. There is something
wrong with me. I'm antisocial, a stranger in any environment.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Bought <i>Sutta Nip</i></span><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">āta
- Buddhist Ballads and Teaching Poems </span></i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(1976.)
Was reading it last night. I am not a Buddhist, but I recognize the consistency
of its teachings.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"He
who has subdued the pleasures of the senses, a shackle difficult to avoid in
the world, is free from sorrow and troubles, he is unbound and has cut off the
flow of needs." (p 140)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p></blockquote>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">If I renounce life, I will have
peace. Sure as hell! You will rest in the grave, as we Nordics often say.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">July 13, Friday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">DN is advertising for a layout and
text editor. It's tempting: 12,000 kr a month for a 34-hour work week.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">July 15, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Eventually,
the evening ends with both of them escaping into rather aggressively charged
sexuality, as neither has been able to break through and reach the other."
</span></p></blockquote>
<p align="right" class="BlockQuote" style="tab-stops: 1.5in 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span><span lang="SV" style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-ansi-language: SV; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(Thomas B</span><span lang="SV" style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-ansi-language: SV; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">öhm, </span><i><span lang="SV" style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-ansi-language: SV; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Efter f</span></i><i><span lang="SV" style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-ansi-language: SV; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">örälskelsen </span></i><span lang="SV" style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-ansi-language: SV; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">/After Falling
In Love/ 1984, p 66)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Was that the case last Thursday? No,
hardly, but we no longer reach each other. I fear that my passion will freeze
to ice while I wait for her answer.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"The
paradox is that they need to talk about how tired and bored they are with each
other and the relationship, in order to have a chance of saving and restoring
it." (</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">
66-67)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p></blockquote>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">What I would like to tell her? That I
am afraid of her, afraid that she will reject me, afraid of her demands, that
she will consider me useless.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"If
you hold on to your emergency exits, they will be used in due course." (</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">p
85)</span></p></blockquote>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;">I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;">’m thinking of that day in January
when she told me that she kept in touch with her former boys as a backup. What
is it that worries me since I’m thinking like that a quarter to two in the
morning on Sunday? That she is at her old disco, the Newsroom, with Anna. That
I'm afraid she'll find someone else. Yes, I'm afraid of that. Not very afraid,
but just the thought makes me want to cry.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"For
example, the woman is not sexually satisfied. It is difficult for her to be,
because satisfaction requires reciprocity, and she seeks to anxiously
control." (</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">p
102)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p></blockquote>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">That's how it was in the beginning.
She wanted to stroke herself. Now it's much better. When I massaged her on
Saturday morning she was relaxed and comfortable. She moaned and whimpered when
I made her come.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We have come a long way. For my part,
I know three things:</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 63.0pt; margin-right: -1.85in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in -1.85in 0in 63pt; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; tab-stops: 9.0pt 27.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: -18.75pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">1.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I
don't mind saying "we."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 63.0pt; margin-right: -1.85in; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in -1.85in 0in 63pt; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; tab-stops: 9.0pt 27.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: -18.75pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">2.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I
want to have children with her, now or in the future.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 62.6pt; margin-right: 34.2pt; margin-top: 0in; margin: 0in 34.2pt 0in 62.6pt; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; tab-stops: 9.0pt 27.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: -18.7pt;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">3.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I
want to grow old with her. I have never hesitated in the face of her fine
wrinkles.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I call her a second time, but no one
answers. At first, I thought she was sleeping and pushed aside the idea that
she was seeing someone else. Maybe she slept over at her friend's house and
didn't call because she knew I was working nights and needed to sleep in. When
I call again and no one answers, the fear grows. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The wait became unbearable. I lay
paralyzed, dressed and with my heart beating against the bed. I couldn't get up
to do anything. It was noon when I tried again. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Penny," she replied happily,
and I could hear music from her tape recorder in the background.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Where have you been?"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Home! I pulled out my phone
jack because I didn't want my Johan to call and wake me up at nine or ten. But
hurry over and I'll hug and kiss you!" </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I love you," I said. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She was in the shower when I arrived
with five tulips I had bought from an old man on S:t Eriksgatan. She gave me a
hug and we were so close. More importantly, she said that she almost felt she
was ready to say yes to me, but still needed time to think about it.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">July 17, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We live in the present. Yesterday I
can only reconstruct. A fragment of memory emerges from the oblivion of the
soul. I interpret and understand instinctively since memory is linked to a
strong feeling. Memory is the recollection of a reaction to something.
Sometimes I wonder if my difficulty in remembering clearly and in detail is
because I was so happy. I lived in paradise and did not accumulate as many
scars. I don't have to keep any doors open. There were no doors, no walls in my
childish landscape.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Or is it that I live too much in the
present, today, and therefore find it difficult to make time to look back?</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Recalling a memory takes time. I
rarely have it. The piles of unread books grow faster than I can read them.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I remember car trips. Both pleasant
and unpleasant. I remember when we went to </span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Öland and Dad told stories. I
remember when we drove with the caravan in tow down to the French Riviera, and
we were all so tired. Dad got so mad that he threatened to get out of the car
and leave us. At least that's what he said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Now my back hurts so much that I have
to lie down in bed.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Crime does not pay.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I must have been four years old and
had followed Dad to the Co-Op supermarket, which was close to the main square
in V</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">ästerberg.
The store was a big maze of shelves and freezers and cash registers. The adults
pushed the shopping carts in front of them as if they were driving on small
roads. They bumped into each other and queued up and got angry with each other.
But I was four years old and didn't think about the adults. I looked at all the
things on the shelves. I knew that you shouldn't touch anything unless you were
going to buy it.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">On a shelf I found something I liked.
It was a small empty plastic bottle. It was so small that it was not much
bigger than my hand. I stood looking at it for a long time. It was empty when
it should have been full. I took it. I didn't steal it because I knew I wasn't
allowed to. But the bottle was empty, and I thought it was useless, it was broken,
and the adults would have thrown it away anyway. So, I didn't steal it when I
took it. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">When we got out on the street and
were on our way home, my dad asked me what I had in my hand. Then I made up
that I had found it in the street. Dad probably wouldn't have liked it if I had
taken it from the store.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Throw it away," Dad said.
"Maybe some dog peed on it."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I knew that no dog could have peed on
the bottle, but I couldn't say that. I had to stand by what I had said.
Reluctantly, I threw away my plastic bottle.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">July 18, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I'm drunk. Five of us from the paper
took a taxi to restaurant KB after work. We're drinking beer and wine and
talking — gossiping, you might say if we had been women. I've spotted a
red-haired girl who I'm quite keen on, but I'm not here to flirt. I have my
little angel, and I'm going to meet her later. Oh, how I love her. Why? I don't
know, but she's great! Ridiculous? Okay, but why can't you be that? I'm drunk
and I'm in love!</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">July 19, Thursday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I am reading A.O. Hirschman's <i>The Passions and the Interests, </i>a
fascinating book on the world of 17th and 18th century ideas.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Love
is a restless and impatient passion, full of whims and variations. It rises in
a moment from an attribute, from the air, from nothing, and suddenly goes out
in the same way."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0in;"> </span></p></blockquote>
<p align="right" class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(David Hume, quoted in A.O. Hirschman,
p 54)</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt; text-align: left;"> </span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"The
triumph of capitalism, like that of many modern tyrants, is due in some ways to
the fact that so many people refused to take it seriously or to believe it
capable of great design or achievement..." (p 59)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p></blockquote>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The market is a non-violent solution
to the distribution problem.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"...it
is almost a general rule, that wherever there are mild customs, there is trade,
and that wherever there is trade, there are mild customs..."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0in;"> </span></p></blockquote>
<p align="right" class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(Montesquieu, quoted in A.O.
Hirschman, p 60)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Montesquieu on the relationship
between economics and politics.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"A
nation that is constantly excited can more easily be governed by passions than
by reason — the latter has never had any strong effects on the souls of men.
The rulers of the nation could easily induce it to undertake projects contrary
to its real interests."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0in;"> </span></p></blockquote>
<p align="right" class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(<i>Esprit
des lois</i>, cited in Hirschman, p 73)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">What is this if not a description of
Mao's 'Great Leap Forward'?!</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">July 24, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I am so peaceful. Hate to fight,
don't want to pursue a career, don't want to be a cowboy, but rather the
victim. So, my humanistic nature has a masochistic aspect to it.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Does my softness reflect feminine
traits? Dad was both hard and soft, both strict and kind. Maybe this confusion
is me, my fundamental maladjustment. Dad was not an oppressive father. He never
wanted to impose his logic. He was an artist in heart and action. In me, what
Fromm calls the "father principle" is weakly developed.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Fromm suggests a hypothesis:</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"...inability
to assert oneself and cope with life realistically, and depressions, result
from mother-centeredness."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0in;"> </span></p></blockquote>
<p align="right" class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(Fromm, The <i>Art of Love, </i>1956)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">July 26, Thursday 02.10</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I finished my shift at one, but it
was so nice outside that I walked home. I had preferred to go out and get
drunk, but I only had ten kronor in my wallet and there was no drinking buddy
available who could have lent me a hundred kronor. Lake M</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">älaren
was calm and shiny at Norr Mälarstrand and at Strandcaféet the tables and
chairs were desolate. I felt like sitting down, but continued up towards
Kungsholmstorg, crossed Hantverkargatan and walked along Scheelegatan past the
small park in front of Piperska Muren. I saw that the Newsroom on
Kungsholmsgatan was closed for the summer, turned up Kungsgatan, walked over
the bridge Kungsbron, and past the Fashing jazz club. A lone girl danced
drunkenly with herself on the other side of the street. I crossed Vasagatan
where a group of men romped in front of the hot dog kiosk. There was a
beautiful girl surrounded by men in front of restaurant Wallonen, but all I saw
was her backside. Hötorget was deserted and not much traffic on Sveavägen,
mostly taxis. Five immigrant boys dressed in Fame-style followed two young
girls. "I want to sleep with you tonight," sang one of the excited
boys. I crossed Sveavägen, passed the Sergel movie theater, and walked under
Malmskillnadsgatan, behind which Kungstornen — the twin towers who were
Stockholm’s and Europe’s first skyscrapers — rise up, and continued down to
Stureplan where I turned south into Biblioteksgatan which was empty and
deserted except for a two French couples in their mid-twenties. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Norrmalmstorg was livelier. A drunk
guy had laid down in front of the Pressbyr</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">å kiosk, causing his equally drunk
friends to rush forward shouting, and throwing themselves on top of him. I
hurried on towards Hamngatan, only to be met by seven young guys in full gallop
outside McDonalds. One ran so close that he just about touched me, probably on
purpose, maybe to test me...? and himself. Kungsträdgården was deserted, with
the exception of the hot dog kiosk in the northeast corner, where hungover
youths were waiting for grilled hot dogs with mashed potatoe. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It was quiet under Almarna and no
line in front of Caf</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">é Opera, but I wasn't in the mood, so
I walked over the Strömbron bridge to the the street Skeppsbron, where one of
the fountains at the foot of the Royal Palace was filled with a white foam,
probably from a prank. There was a changing of the guard on the ramp facing the
ship af Chapman on the other side of the bay. I cut through Slottsbacken and
slipped into Österlånggatan, where I chatted with two drunken men my age. There
was a fight going on outside Bachi Wapen between a drunkard who wanted to stay,
and a bouncer who wanted to get rid of him. I watched from a distance, hoping
that Penny, who had planned to go there with a friend, was not there. Now only
Slussen and Hornsgatsbacken remained on my lonely night walk. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Maria Church struck two just as I put
the key in the door lock. I was tired and a bit depressed. Thought about Penny,
and what she said when we had lunch at Norr</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">ås.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"You cook so well."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I'm trying to reverse the
version of 'the way to a man's heart is through his stomach'."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"You try too hard sometimes,"
she replied.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Why does she have to say such things?
Why does she have to bring me down all the time?</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I fear that she will make me so
depressed that I will eventually fall for another girl. I don't want it, but I
think it will happen.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Then she, like Cecilia, will discover
what she has lost. But by then it is too late.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">There is one thing that girls tend to
underestimate, and that is a man's pride.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">First question. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Who am I talking to? </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I speak because I want to be
recognized. I want to be admired.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">A poet as well as a writer.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The macho man has fragile eyes. His
entire tough demeanor is at odds with those delicate, vulnerable eyes. The
contrast between the body, clothing, and attitude on the one hand, and the eyes
on the other creates hope in the hunter.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Hunters fear the eyes of the victim.
They fear the disarming contact between two pairs of eyes.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The gaze stands for life.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">First the body stops growing. Then
the soul stops. At 20, your height is fixed. At 30, your future is usually
decided. This decision drives the valuation. At 30, you can make a first
forecast. It will disappoint you.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">A young punk girl comes walking on
Norrmalmstorg with her middle-class parents. The daughter resembles her mother
in face shape, but the daughter has disfigured her appearance. What did the parents
think? A child experiences its parents as its first perspective on the future.
Youthful ambitions must lead to criticism and a desire to negate the parents. Otherwise,
the child will not become independent. But, as A.O. Hirschman points out, our
human imagination is limited. We cannot imagine what we are not, i.e., a mature
individual. We do not know the future, but we must develop, we must break free
from our parents, we must become independent. What to do? Simple. We do the
opposite. We contradict what is. From this conflict, from this war between
parents and children, a new person grows. It</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s a simple dialectic.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">After separation comes the experience
of loneliness and sadness. Depression prepares us for falling in love, for the
new circle, the new family.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">All he wants is to sleep with her.
But is that true? Isn't it simply that he wants to dazzle her, to feel the
power of his charm? He wants the woman not to love, but to see himself in. But
isn't that what we all want? No! I want to unite with the woman I love. I care
for her. I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m
ready to give myself up to form a new unity. I’m not a slave to narcissism.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My
heart is shaking</span></i><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My
fingers trembling</span></i><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">All
adjectives </span></i><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">irremediably
pale</span></i><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">An
empty vessel</span></i><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Your
last red rose </span></i><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">has
turned black</span></i><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">All
my love poems</span></i><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">my
gifts, all my trying</span></i><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">turned
into stones</span></i><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It
was a kind of death, </span></i><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">yet
nothing had changed </span></i><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We
were both there, you were </span></i><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">who
you have always been,</span></i><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">but
I had given up.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">July 27, Friday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Home in my bed again. For the first
time in a long time, I feel like a hunter again. I had a glass of red wine at
the Palm House Cafe, but it started to rain, so I went home to watch Hjalmar S</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">öderberg's
</span><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The
Serious Game</span></i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> on TV. Once the sky cleared up, I
went out again, ending up in Kungstr</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">ädgården where I had a cup of coffee
under Almarna.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Reading about machismo in the All
About Books magazine, while listening to Chicago. And of course, I was looking
around for beautiful women. Chicks with a touch of macho turn me on. When I got
up to leave, my eyes met a pair of eyes who looked right into mine. She was
beautiful, probably from the West Indies. I first noticed her when she arrived
with a couple of other women. And now she was flirting with me. It excited my
manhood, but I went home anyway. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">There was a note saying that Penny
had called, so I called back. No answer. I called several times. She must have
gone out with Anna, I thought, and called Mikael, but he didn't answer either,
so I went back out, alone. The sky was clear to the south, but in the north, I
saw heavy dark-blue clouds coming my way. And I had gone out without an
umbrella! Fortunately, I made it to the Berzeli Park before the rain started,
and it was light, so I made it to The Prince without getting soaked and got a
table after a short wait. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Suddenly someone tapped on my
shoulder. It was my classmate Lena and her boyfriend sitting at my neighboring
table. She recognized me first and was delightful and sweet as usual. We talked
about work and studying. I wondered what she had heard about my infatuation
with Angela. What if she knew everything?</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Mom doesn't want you to come
with me when I go home in the fall. Everything is so difficult," she said,
sounding sad. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My poor girl! Where will she find her
safety?</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I understand why her mother doesn</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’t
want me there. She is afraid that I will take her daughter away from her. She
has read between the lines of Penny's letter, and understood what she may not
understand herself, that she loves me.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">July 29, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m an eagle that flies through time, observing
people and animals everywhere. I’m forever condemned to unseen see. I love to
dive through the glass that the earth's atmosphere is. Through it I see
clearly, but I can never penetrate its invisible surface, and never change that
which occurs.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m an eagle that flies in the night
through the dreams of men but is driven away in the day by the faster pulse of
consciousness in the human brain.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m an eagle who flies over the
continents and through the rooms, who has the sharpest eye but can never see
the whole picture.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">As I dive closer to the world, each
part becomes large and clear, but I can no longer see the whole. When I spot
the snake swimming in the water, I can't see the river's winding path through
the landscape. And when I fly high up into the sky, people and animals
disappear. Not even my sharp eyes can then help.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m an eagle that never rests, never
dies, and has never been an egg. I have a memory that no living creature has
ever had. I remember everything I have seen and heard, but that is far from
everything that has happened.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m the eagle of solitary majesty. I’m
the narrator and my speech reach only those who live outside the world. Do not
think I am indifferent – I am only outside.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">July 30, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Everything started so well. It was
warm and sunny, and we soon had a couple of liters of blueberries and
lingonberries, even though there had been many berry pickers there before us.
We also found mushrooms, but no chanterelles. At half past seven we were back
in her apartment. She made a fish gratin and a crumb pie with the blueberries
we picked. It was nine before we sat down to eat. After dinner, I suggested we
wait to do the dishes, but she just shook her head. Perhaps there was some
Freudian connection between dishwashing and mom that was haunting me. Why does
she have to do it now? I have four nights of work ahead of me, so this is the
only opportunity we have. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I dressed silently and intense. She
came to the door and said goodbye. To her everything is so damned practical, so
simple and logical, so impossible to reason against. Is there any room at all
for something as troubled and impractical as passions in her world? </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Tomorrow morning, she will call and
ask if I'm upset and tell me she really needed to sleep and reward me with
kisses on the phone and I will feel relieved and look forward to Friday when we
will meet again, but by then she will be tired and suggest we wait until
Saturday. If I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m
lucky, she will be "persuaded" and I will be happy again. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Emptiness is the enduring
intellectual feeling. Passion is my escape, but it always seems to end in the
same way. Love has always had a dark shadow. Is it my nature to be romantic and
inconsolable? How can such a person live with such a realistic lady?</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">When I go home, I check out other
girls. I'm always on the lookout for sexy girls, and I'm easily turned on, but
now that my heart feels like a crushed blueberry, I look in a more dangerous way.
I want revenge. I want to make up for my wounded pride. The idea germinates.
Another one. It feels sweet and pleasant, but I lead my bike home, and sit down
with my diary.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">July 31, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We spoke on the phone this morning.
The conversation was short and neutral. I hadn't planned to call her in the
evening because I was busy. Had to go out on a job with one of the paper</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s
cars. A woman — probably a prostitute — had been stabbed to death in the Klara
Tunnel. I called Penny when I got back around nine. She was frustrated that she
wasn't feeling well despite being on penicillin for a month. And I, the idiot
that I am, demand that she is always ready. Always these reinterpretations.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I keep reading Hirschman. The
medieval society suffers a catastrophe (the Black Death) which breaks the
legitimacy of the system. Society disintegrates and new ideas emerge from the
chaos, capturing new moods. The heresies lay the foundation for the
Renaissance, and a secularized and more commercial mindset. Then comes Machiavelli,
Bacon, and the Encyclopedists, not to mention Cervantes! </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Capitalism grows under the protection
of the new institutions created to hold society together. Crass exchange
relations based on sober self-interest replace the despotism and unbridled
passions of the previous era.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">August 4, Saturday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Mom flew to Miami this morning. She
will stay with her sister Terese in Palm Beach. She doesn't know how long she
will stay there, but it could be six months or more. In the meantime, I have
the apartment to myself.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">August 8, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I could have been dead by now but
survived with a scratch on my right leg a few centimeters above it. I was on my
way to work when a guy suddenly threw open his car door. I didn't have a chance
to dodge, and hit the edge of the door, first with my handlebars and then with
my leg. I was convinced I was going to flip and hurt myself, but I managed to
keep my balance, if not my direction of travel, so I went straight across the
street, stopping the bike first between two parked cars. Thank God there was no
oncoming car on Kungsholmsgatan.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The driver looked surprised but
managed to hide the guilt he might have felt. You should pay for the pain and
suffering, I thought, but didn't say anything. I checked to see if my clothes
or the Walkman had been damaged, but they were fine. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Check your rear-view mirror
next time," I said, and rode on.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">August 10, Friday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I dreamed of my childhood in V</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">ästerberg,
of the square courtyard between the residential buildings as a forum for life
and emotions, of the child's anxiety about a place where you had to be someone
and where you met the first hierarchy outside the family.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">August 20, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My nose looks like a sausage and my
lips are swollen and red. My chin feels stiff and sore and is angry red like a
fillet of ox. It's hard to breathe through my nose and my lower back hurts. No,
I have not been in a fight with skinheads, but simply got hit by a taxi. The
whole thing went incredibly fast. I turned left onto Lilla Nygatan in front of
a large truck that had stopped to let me pass. It seemed to be clear until a
red Mercedes appeared out of nowhere on the right side of the truck. I collided
with the front of the car and flew over the hood — I remember the beautiful red
color — and landed on the pavement. I pushed my arms out to break the fall, and
then the impact came when I my face hit the ground just half a meter from a
traffic post. I remember worrying about my teeth and clothes, feeling the blood
rushing out, but telling myself that I would be fine as soon as I got back on
my feet. Meanwhile, the American passenger in the taxi had rushed into the
Tyroler restaurant to call an ambulance, but I let the taxi driver take me to
the emergency room at the Sabbatsberg hospital.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">August 21, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I wake up with a sore back and a
swollen face. The nose is big and red and two diagonal stripes run downwards
from between the eyes. The surrounding flesh must have been pushed backwards
and out to the sides when my face hit the sidewalk.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It is sixteen years since Soviet
occupied Czechoslovakia.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We ended the evening with hugs only.
She still has her period. The last time we made love was Friday morning. Next
time will be in two to three weeks. She's taking it in stride, but I'm losing
my mind. Is it her illness that dampens her desire? Or is it just that she has
me pinned down? It makes me want to cheat.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Would you really want to live
with me? You know what I'm like," she said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Don't you think we could adapt
to each other?"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"No, not really. I like living
alone. I want to decide how I live in my apartment and manage my kitchen. It
would be hard to share the influence."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">How do you build a future with a girl
who doesn</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’t
want to sacrifice her freedom? What she demands is for me to surrender, but I
am not a man who surrenders. I believe in mutual concessions, but not
submission. Maybe my dream of an equal relationship is an illusion? A
"practical" solution would be to have both a wife and a mistress, but
what kind of life is that?</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">August 28, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She flew to England today. I called
her around nine in the evening to hear if the trip had gone well. She said
everything was fine, but that her mother thought we were engaged. She had
written that she had some news, but the news was my bicycle accident! I think
her feelings for me are deepening. We are talking about moving in together. She
has also been extra affectionate lately, especially after the accident.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 1, Saturday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’ve not yet filed my insurance claim.
I hate anonymous questionnaires that require us to squeeze reality into narrow
and rigid patterns. It was an accident. I flew through the air and saw the
bright red hood, and felt my face hit the street, and then the taste of blood
in my mouth. How do you put that into a form?</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 2, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She just called to remind me that
it's been nine months since we met.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">At work there is a wait-and-see
attitude. I've applied for a permanent position, but I don't think I'll get it.
The union doesn't like individualists, and the company is skeptical about
people with academic education, but what says that a person with less education
stays longer? I feel a Strindbergian defiance against society's web of lies. I
want to stand up against power, mediocrity and conformity. Do I have to become
a writer to survive?</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 4, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I saw Lars Nor</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">én's
play </span><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Natten
</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">är dagens mor (tr. The Night Is the
Mother of the Day) </span></i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">at
the Dramatic Theater. The play is well written and dense. Every word carried
and Ingvar Kjellson and Per Mattson worked as if possessed. The acting was
brilliant. The family in the play is a grotesque caricature but raises
questions about everyone. The father, the mother, the eldest son, and finally
the other brother, David. The warm relationship — the dependence — with the
cold and self-sacrificing mother. The compassion between the weak father and
the dreamy younger brother. The opposing lifestyles of the brothers. David's
inability; his analytical destruction of every lifestyle.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 6, Thursday 00.15</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’ve been to The Prince with Mikael.
Of course, we mostly talked about Japan, ASEAN, and NIC. Over there he has his
utopia, although he thinks he is a materialist and rationalist.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Stockholm, it</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s
a moment when the shadow of a seagull passes in front of my feet, and a gentle
September breeze strokes my hair on a sunny day where I sit on a green park
bench looking out at the bay and the City Hall while the sun warms my left
cheek, temple, and hand.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Stockholm, it's a skinhead leaning
over the edge of the floating helicopter platform in the Old Town to vomit at
one o'clock on a Thursday. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Even the tough guys sometimes need to
relieve the pressure.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The Chinese write goodness by
combining the signs for mother and child. Goodness is thus an extension of
self-love, but it is more than that. It</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s also the love of something new,
something we have created. Cf. the Christian god where goodness is expressed in
the giving the world a son.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Yes, I like my mother, but I don't
like the image she has created of herself.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">In autumn, we revere the sun like we
revere something we are losing.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 7, Friday morning</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"...I
think my mom set the stage for my anxiety by crying whenever I didn't do what
she said. It made me feel guilty. “ (Dagens Nyheter, September 6, 1984)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p></blockquote>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The reading reminded me of my own
childhood. We children had to learn to control our emotions since Dad had a
heart condition. Now we were pretty wild anyway, but I think Dad's physical
fragility made us more cautious or made us feel guilty when we weren't.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Mats Gellerfelt takes Anthony Burgess
to task:</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Had
Burgess bothered to study the — albeit enormous — Hemingway literature, he
would have discovered that many scholars emphasize Hemingway's commitment and
pathos." (Svenska Dagbladet, September 5, 1984)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p></blockquote>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Thus, without actually saying so — he
would be lying — he gives the reader the impression that he himself has read
the 'vast' literature in question. In the second part of the sentence, he
speaks more modestly about what "many scientists" think, but even
this more limited basis for the conclusion may have come from a work or article
about Hemingway. Bah, humbug!</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Is the novel a response to the
secularization from the 16th century onwards? Totalitarian systems restore
faith — ideology — and therefore kill the novel. Doubt can no longer be
expressed openly.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I had a wonderful afternoon out on
Djurg</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">ården.
Listened to Art Garfunkel while the ferry carried me across the water. The Old
Town, Nybroviken and Kastellholmen slowly turned around my wide-angle
perspective. What a feeling. It's like flying close to the surface of the
water. The city and I are waltzing around counterclockwise, and the sun is
unexpectedly warm on a September day. I settled down at Ektorpet on
Valdemarsudde. Listened to Beethoven's 9th and read poems by John Keats. I like
him.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 9, 01.40</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Another night at DN. Tom S was the
night editor. His facade is such an obvious facade, a polished surface. He
doesn't let anyone in and he never laughs naturally.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I have started studying Chinese.
Borrowed a Linguaphone course from the public library.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Bought two new books on the art of
writing:</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Lajor Egri: <i>The Art of Creative Writing</i>; and</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Rene Wellek and Austin Warren: <i>Theory of Literature</i>.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I have read half of Egri. He is
sympathetic, but I can't help being skeptical of his simple models. It seems to
me too schematic, like the models of economics. I am also skeptical of Egri's
emphasis on physical disabilities.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The man without characteristics is a
product of the large scale of modern life. In a small circle we are safe, let
lose, and nurture our uniqueness, but in the big city we are afraid, and try to
be invisible. Our characteristics disappear.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Yesterday I saw a duck walking on a
rope. I couldn't believe my eyes. It was in the canal in front of the Rosenbad
Palace. The duck was balancing on a green line that holds the warning floats. The
line was full of algae and the duck climbed it and grazed on the algae. Again
and again, it fell off, but climbed back up again.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Theme: The straight line bends.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Young man meets life. Starts with the
belief in the freedom to choose his life, an almost unlimited freedom. He is
born into a different family, and this leaves him alone in the world from an
early age. He cannot escape into the gang and seek safety there. He is heavily
dependent on his family. When he encounters society, it is in revolt and his
sympathy for the weak drives him to reject the existing world.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 11</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Lajos Egri advocates simple models
for building characters, similar to psychology's
"introvert-extrovert". This is pedagogical, of course, but it is a
pitfall, as it rewards superficiality. Multidimensional, complex characters are
also needed, even inevitable. The criterion for a good or bad story is not on
this level. It must be entertaining (which implies a basic moral!)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 12, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Penny is back! I met her at Arlanda
Airport. She had gotten a haircut, changed her hairstyle and bought a new
jacket. We hugged and kissed. I got lipstick on my cheek which she immediately
wiped off. She looked lively, happy and had painted her nails red. She looked a
bit different.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 16, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We lay in bed and took a personality
test while listening to John Denver. I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m stable and introverted, while she
is stable and extroverted. My libido is normal, as is hers. I’m slightly more
"psychotic" than she is, but we are both very much into affection and
such. I have strong male traits, but even stronger female ones, i.e., I am
androgynous. She and I have top scores when it comes to sexual satisfaction.
Judging by the tests, we are a good match.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 17, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’ve been depressed and melancholic
all day. How long can I wait for her without losing my self-respect? When will
she start despising me? Do I have to cheat on her to restore my manhood? I
thought I would pretend to be disinterested, to cool things off a bit, but how
could I hide my feelings? I'm afraid that by showering her with love, I'm
pushing her further and further away from me. In her eyes, I become gray and
dull. The only way to revive her feelings is to stop loving her, to fall in
love with someone else, but then I will gain her love by sacrificing my own.
Maybe I could fall in love with a neutral project or prioritize my reading and
writing. But would she bite? Maybe that's a risk I have to take.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Frustration
and disappointment are more often than not incentives to achieve something
great."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0in;"> </span></p></blockquote>
<p align="right" class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(Lajos Egri, <i>The Art of Dramatic Writing</i>, p 112)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Thank you!</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"His
plan to make his wife jealous was so transparent that, instead of being angry,
she encouraged his escapades, thinking that by doing so she might be able to
get rid of him more quickly." (p 123)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p></blockquote>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 18, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">An exhausting and boring evening at
work. I called her at nine. I held back and said it was okay if she wanted to
go to the Newsroom with a girlfriend. Then I suggested that we wait until the
weekend to meet.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Have you changed tactics?"
she asked.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"No, no," I said.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">When I told her that I was going to </span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Öland
next weekend with Georg, Per and Mom, she happily said that she could then take
the opportunity to go to the country with Arne and his friends. Just in case,
she reminded me that Arne has never been anything but a friend. If I make
demands on her, I drive her away. If I don't, I lose my pride. How far can I
raise my stakes in this game?</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 20, Thursday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I don't care if I don't get the job.
Alone and drunk, I walk home in the rainy September night. I don't believe in
anything. Absolutely nothing.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m waiting for her to call. I need
her care and comfort, but I don't want to come to her like this — weak and
humiliated.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Thursday morning.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My article on the tax problems of
small businesses in China was published in today's newspaper with a teaser on
the front page. I needed that consolation.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I feel resigned, but at the same time
a bit pissed off. I am provoked to do something. Maybe useful!</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I'm sitting right now drinking coffee
and waiting for her to call. I must refrain from seeing her, but can I do it? I
need her for comfort, but come to her weak, which is not good for us in the
long run.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Are we suitable for each other?</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I wish I was more realistic.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My darkness, my darkness, my
philosophizing, my intellectual flaw...</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">.... can it be combined with a
self-centered woman who has little interest in the world?</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;">My research has collapsed.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My future at the newspaper too.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My love life falls silent again.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I had a nasty dream. Walking around
on a big boat with a bunch of people I knew. Below deck. We were walking back
and forth through a corridor. Time and time again we met daring women. Suddenly
the boat tipped 90 degrees and I woke up.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 21, Friday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We made love for two hours, I think.
Afterwards we lay in each other's warmth and talked. I went over to her place
around six to setup the stereo I bought for her. I had planned to go home at
9:30, but that didn't happen.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 25, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">One moment I hope to win her with
security, the next moment insecurity.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 26, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My body is inevitably integrated into
the collective production of what we call time, but my soul turns in the
opposite direction. The body slowly rots while the soul matures. So eventually
it too is extinguished, like the flame of a candle.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 27, Thursday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We had lunch at restaurant Bajkal and
talked about morality. I said that love requires fidelity, but you have to be
prepared to forgive. She said that she also believes in fidelity, but not as
strongly. For her, it's only natural to cheat once in a while, maybe at a
company party, or on a trip. Her perspective is human, pragmatic, and not very
moral. She scares me. Here I am with my demands for security. Who is the
immature one?</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">With C. I had security without love. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">With P. I have love without security.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">September 28, Friday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Thinking about going to Paris in October.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Öland.
September 29, 04.35</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I haven't been able to sleep at all.
Too much coffee on the way down. The smell of fresh paint in the cabin. Per
snores. Besides, memories are coming to the surface, now that we are all here —
except Dad. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The sadness of selling </span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Öland.
For me, this is our cottage, a place full of memories, childhood, and Dad. It’s
the only place that feels like home to me. My childhood environment is still
here. Everything else is gone. Maybe I can recreate Västerberg in my
imagination? If we sell Öland, I'll be completely homeless. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Now I understand her.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I brood over her. Her feelings are
never released. My chances of making her desire me are gone. I loved her too
much. It's a lesson to be learned. What will happen on the Paris trip? I am so
charged up with what Alberoni calls depressive overload that the slightest
spark can light a new fire.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The autumn is apparently the time for
my crushes. So it was in the fall of 1982. The relationship with Cecilia was
running on empty. I started searching, without immediately thinking about
separation. I just longed for something. Then the opportunity came, and the
fire was a fact, which ignited Cecilia's love, but it was too late. I don't
know what to do. I'm afraid of myself. Of the intensity of my feelings. Afraid
of burning myself again. Fear of flying. Always afraid of flying. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Around two, I looked out the window.
I saw bright diffuse spots and realized that it was a starry night. I put on my
glasses and opened the window. It's been years since I saw such a bright night
sky, but my eyesight is worse, even with glasses. The Pleiades are just a misty
haze. I saw Orion very clearly. After a while I went outside. Looked at the Big
Dipper and the North Star. Saw the fog line of the Milky Way.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It feels spooky to stand alone in the
night, looking at the stars. Alone before everything, before the infinite
distances and eternity. Back to my youth.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Never for a moment had Georg thought
his father's profession was for him. He was practical. The first time he
thought differently was at the funeral coffee. He was impressed by all the
people who had come to pay their respects to his father. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Sometimes you wonder what you
are doing," he said.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">October 3, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Yellow leaves on the sidewalk. I look
out the window and put on a Mozart record. On Radio Stockholm, a male voice
warns of high exhaust levels on Hornsgatan.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">October 4, Thursday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My lecture on China went well. I was
really nervous since I wasn't prepared enough, but it went well, and my
students seemed happy. Then I went to the travel agency to buy my Paris ticket.
One week in an unspecified double room.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Paris. October 7, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The clock of the Palais Luxembourg
chimes softly at ten. Parisians and tourists stroll along gravel paths or relax
in the park's green wrought iron chairs. The occasional jogger runs past. The
sky is open and optimistically blue. The trees have not yet started to turn
yellow, but here and there you can see copper-red leaves. I'm sitting in front
of the large pond where two grown men are launching radio-controlled
submarines, meter-long technological marvels that glide along, and soon
disappear under the surface, while listening to a Parisian rock station on my
Walkman.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Sore feet! Hungry, tired, and sleepy.
That's Paris. Plus the beautiful Parisian ladies. I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m
especially thinking of the one who came jogging down rue Dauphine in a chic
tracksuit and a black leather vest.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">October 9, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Having a coffee at Les Deux Magots
after seeing The <i>Story of O, Part II </i>at
a cinema on the Champs-</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Élysées. I don't know how much I lost
by not being able to follow the dialog in detail. It was a French movie, so we
were of course treated to a lot of philosophical rhetoric. If I understood it
correctly, it was about the fact that you have to be humiliated in order to
live out your passions. Shame and innocence must be defeated by the sex drive. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Desire is truth, the only truth,
according to the movie, but the French also have a penchant for hypocrisy. The
sexual scenes may be ever so hot and intimate; but the men in the movie don't
take off their clothes any more than Dragos does. The women are more casually
exposed, but their vulvas are never exposed to the camera. And when the man has
finished his sexual act with the subjugated virgin, he gets up fully dressed.
He doesn't even have to retract his penis and close his fly. This takes nothing
away from the erotic tension, quite the contrary. The silence in front of the
flesh heightens it and exposes the theme of the movie: power and submission.
There are a few sadistic parts, but even those emphasize the symbolism and not
the flesh (no blood!).</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I remember a comparative women's
study that said that French girls are taught from an early age to flirt, but
also to humiliate themselves. Little girls are made to lift their skirts and
squat when they are out in the city and need to pee. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The film's sadism reflects man's
ambivalence towards women. They are so beautiful, even the ugly ones can have a
strong and personally sensual aura. Walking the sidewalks of Paris is a
constant battle with passion. It is as if I disappear every time I give in to
the feeling and let my eyes rest on a beautiful woman. Women have power here,
and they use it to put us in our place, pushing us to the limit, but not giving
a damn about us as individuals. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Alongside the na</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">ïve,
the film features brutal macho types taking revenge on the female gender, men
who fuck with no sense of the individual. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Men who love and give themselves
completely. Men who are rejected and hate. Hate and love. Love and hate.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">After the movie, I popped into a
small bookshop on boulevard Montmartre where I bought an issue of 'Paris Match'
from October 26, 1963. The issue was a tribute to the recently deceased Edith
Piaf. Who was she? The little girl. An ugly duckling who grew up and devoured
men in droves, who made love as self-effacingly, ruthlessly, and
self-destructively as men. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">After only a few days, I wanted to
conquer one of these beautiful Parisian women. Every time they don</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’t
give a shit about me, the desire for revenge grows. Imagine conquering one of
these delightful sensualists. What a triumph! I swell with pride every time one
of them gives me a look. Ha! Ha! I’m a man after all. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The cover of 'Paris Match' shows five
elderly women, grieving together. These are not beautiful women. They are not pretty,
just ordinary mothers, working women — what do I know? — but they all loved
Piaf. She gave them value, made them proud.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">A gray-haired woman is sleeping on a
bench at Station </span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Étienne Marcel. She is old and
exhausted; her pale blue legs do not attract anyone. She has slippers on her
feet. She too is a woman in Paris.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">While photographing a guitarist at
the Od</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">éon
station, a dark-skinned woman, about 25 years old, passes by. She takes my
breath away. Within a fraction of a moment, I am in love. She sees my gaze but
pretends not to.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Of course, the movie is also about
the orgasm, primarily the female. Only when she gives up all reservations, all
control, all inhibitions, only then can she enjoy it. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m having lunch at La
Crémerie-Restaurant Polidor, located near the Jardin du Luxembourg. I listen to
a French father talking to his children. I don't understand everything, but I
realize it's an intellectual conversation. I guess that's why I have problems
with intellectual discipline. My Dad never had a chance to go to college or
university. He had to acquire his education on his own. It was broad and very
human, but unsystematic. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">When people in French films elaborate
at the drop of a hat, it reflects a reality. This is, after all, a nation that
gave the world Descartes. Rationalism has penetrated deep into the people
through centuries of popular education.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">There are moments when I wish I had
an intellectual woman. Seduced by Paris!</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">With Penny I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m
at peace. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">With a Frenchwoman, it would be a
passionate war.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Pub St. Germain. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I feel a great desire to sin — to become
a pig like everybody else.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The devil — the individual.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">God — omnipotence (collective or by a
despot).</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">October 10, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">On a table some distance away sat a
young girl with golden blond hair and smart clothes. Under her right eye she
had a large mark, a red curved line, as if from a fist strike.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Back at the hotel. For three days
I've been searching for a gift for Penny, but when I see it, I realize that I
can't afford it.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I had a successful flirtation with a
young American beauty. She was probably of West Indian descent, tall, big hair,
beautiful face, flashing eyes, and terribly sexy. After a while — I was eating
a hamburger — I noticed that she was boldly and openly looking at me under the
cover of her friends. I met her gaze without being shy. I looked at her calmly,
and after a while resumed writing in my diary. I trembled at the victory, and
the sensual challenge, but ignored her as I left.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Followed rue St. Denis down to the
Seine. Suddenly I was in the Red-Light district (I'm not a moralist, but it's
wrong to call them pleasure quarters.) It feels almost unreal to be surrounded
by prostitutes waiting at their doorways — real, live and mostly vulgar.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">In Paris, you get lost. It seems to
be a law of nature that you get lost wherever you go.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I wrote a short story in a Chinese restaurant,
and then wandered around for a couple of hours. I revisited Notre Dame, which
was lit up and seemed more humane than ever. As I looked at the row of church
fathers I thought: In 1789 your symbolic power was so great that the
revolutionaries beheaded you. In time you got your heads back, but not the
power.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Jesus dragged his cross, and every
evening I drag myself along two quadrants of the cross of St. Germain de Pr</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">ès,
and boulevard St. Michel. There is a flood of people and in the middle of them a
young man looking for eyes that responds.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My roommate is from Bangladesh. Most
recently, he came from Israel where he was imprisoned for five months. His
crime? He had worked as a doctor among Palestinian refugees in Lebanon. He now
lives in Sweden and hopes to get a job as a doctor. For me, life is a game I
play. Morally, he is above me because he is doing something for specific
people. He has gone down to Paris to take part in a conference on the
disappeared in Lebanon. My alibi is the writer's dream.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">October 12, Friday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Leo Ferr</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">é
still echoes in my mind after his three-hour show. The audience was obsessed.
Ferré is a moralist who preaches love against power.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Your style is your heart,"
he said, letting his hands mimic a beating heart.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The passionate style against the
rationality of power. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">He switched from stating his opinions
to joking around. There were tearful children's songs, love songs, and songs
for Allende and Nicaragua. He heckled Thatcher, the US, and talked about the
revolution. The stage arrangement consisted of a grand piano. The rest was
controlled by a computer-controlled light organ, and smoke curtains. He relied
on a lot of church music and choirs. It looked like the light came in through a
church window only to land on his wispy white hair. The sacred atmosphere was
enhanced by the religious pulse, the passionate nature of the performance. It
was a wonderful emotional experience. It was like he broke the shell around my
heart. I felt that I wanted to write poetry again. He won the audience's love
through his naked, slightly childish self-disclosure.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">October 13, Saturday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I passed St. Sulpice on the way down
to the Seine. A soft sunshine made the walk pleasant. It's funny that I haven't
seen the church before, as it is so distinctive with its large dome and two
tall towers. I listened to a rock station and increased the pace, excited by
the music. I felt horny and aggressive until I turned off my Walkman and
entered the "Diderot on the Art of David and Boucher" exhibition down
at Quai Conti. The paintings were accompanied by small quotes with the master's
critical opinions. In many places, small loudspeakers had been installed to
play passages from Diderot's work. One painting that impressed me was "The
Death of Leonardo da Vinci." Diderot liked it too.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Apollon et Serp</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">èdon"
by Jean-Simon Berthélemy (1743-1811.) Note that a flap of the red cloak has
fallen, as if by chance, over Apollo's penis. Just like in the movie about
"O."</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">With their sophisticated elegance and
refined eroticism, the women of Paris ignite my pitiful Stockholm heart, which
sometimes swells like a red balloon, only to collapse like an old bag.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Stockholm. October 14, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I look out the window while listening
to Bj</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">örn
J:son Lind and Staffan Scheja's </span><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Europe</span></i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">. The big trees at the Maria Church
look gloomy and fragile with their huge crowns, all naked. Yellow and red
leaves cover the gravel paths and sidewalks at the Maria Square and along
Hornsgatan.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She called at half past eleven. She
is warming up more and more, but Paris has increased my distance. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Come here quickly," she
said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Yes, but I have to wake up
first," I said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"You can keep waking up with
me," she said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I have not sinned," she
said. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"And neither have I," I
said.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I spent the evening with Penny, and I
loved her and took her without a hint of hesitation. She raised her trembling
sex towards me while — according to what she said afterwards — thinking "Take
me! Take me!"</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She had been busy while I was in
Paris, baking pies, mini scones, and cakes for her birthday party. She wrote
half the invitations in Esperanto. She'd gone to the library after work to make
sure it was perfect. I am impressed. If only she could get a job where she
could make full use of her talent!</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">October 15, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I got the latest issue of Social
Sciences in China today and I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m reading Xu Simin's article
"Social Psychology: The Intermediary Between Social Existence and Social
Ideology." His view of how a people's social psychology develops is
consistent with my view of Christianity (and other religions) as cumulatively
evolved normative systems that hold society together. He refers to Friedrich
Engels' book </span><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Ludvig Feuerbach</span></i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">. My view may also come from Engels.
I read the book sometime in 1969 or 1970, and Xu Simin is only a few years
older than me.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">October 22, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I talked to Penny about separating.
Why would it ever "click" for her? The call came after I went to the
Stockholm Housing Agency, and was told there was a chance I would be allocated
a flat, but do we really want to move in together? She doesn't want to promise
me eternal fidelity, hence she doesn't love me. Or does she just see things
clearer than I? </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"You are not the type to fall
passionately in love. You want security. You don't want to unleash the passion,
because then you lose control," I said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We did not make love. She was tired
and so was I. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I didn't feel like it either.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I chose Cecilia because I had given
up on the big passion. I fell in love with Angela because I was bored with
everyday life. What was I looking for in Penny? Instant gratification?</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I curse the passion, the morality,
and the sex drive. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I curse reason, power, and the
desire.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Once again, I tread water.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We had a big birthday party in Mom's
apartment. Almost all the guests had dressed up in the international theme she
had chosen. We ate a lot and had a good time. She wore the white silk blouse I
bought for her in Paris.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">October 23, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We saw <i>Danton</i>, a movie about the revolution eating its children. It's very
good, but the Polish director Andrzej Wajda doesn't see where the revolution
came from. For him, the focus is on another problem: the emergence of
post-revolutionary despotism. Robespierre, small and intellectual, is forced to
guillotine the large Danton. The ascetic Robespierre lives for History, while
Danton enjoys life and savors every moment with a healthy appetite.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">October 24, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I don't want to speak. It's a
protest. I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m
silent. Who taught me that? My mom? She used to be silent when she was angry. I
remember that we hated it, but I'm not so sure that's where it comes from. I
don't want to just let the words flow and get watered down. Why am I such a
moralist? Always this moralism that makes life difficult to live. Others get
ahead while you are left with your anger — an inward consuming fire. She
doesn't love me. Soon we will have been together for eleven months. She feels
guilty for not falling for me, for just liking me.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Her mother is her security, but also
the one who holds her back. If she fell for me, her mother would lose her
daughter. Do I love her, or do I just want to set her free? I don't want to be
a Robespierre. I'd rather be Danton!</span><i style="text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">October 28, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It was a weekend fifteen years ago. I
was playing chess with Mikael. We played 32 games that weekend. I won two. If I
had wanted to, I could have won more. He was good, but I wasn't <i>that </i>bad. The only thing was that I
never wanted to win, that I have no competitive instinct. It's as if I would
humiliate myself if I competed. Is that why I became a socialist? Where did I
learn that competition is ugly? Where did all the other left-wing youths get
this emotional antipathy to the idea of competition? I think Mikael enjoyed
winning, or did he just want to explore me? I have always appreciated the game
itself, the journey, the present, but never been interested in the statistics.
Power has never attracted me. Never enjoyed giving orders. Afraid of criticism?
Probably. That is why I am still unknown. Same with my studies. I hate scores
and exams. Sure, I wanted excellence, but not for the sake of statistics. I'd
like an oral exam, or the writing of a paper, but why should I sit with 50
others and answer the same question with superficial stereotypes. I don't. I'm
antisocial. Why should I be social? My life revolves around my family. Not the
group. Not the class. I am my parents' child.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I was thinking of going to Caf</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">é
Opera after work. I must begin to look around and be seen. Penny's love is not
coming. She likes me, but that's all. Why should I wait, I asked her this week.
If eleven months weren't enough, isn't the matter settled? I should detach
myself from the fidelity requirement and be free. It's sad because I've really
loved her. If it is her maternal attachment that blocks her love, should I not
be more patient? But how long can I wait without her beginning to despise me?</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Dad has been dead for over a year,
and we all live on. How little a life means.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">October 29, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I went to Caf</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">é
Opera after being with Penny. Woke up early on Sunday morning but went back to
sleep and read when I couldn't sleep anymore. I wanted to drag out the time;
shrink the time when she and I could see each other. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I called her after ten and was with
her at eleven. We went out for a walk. The sky was clear and the air cool. We
went down to S</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">öder
and ended up on Fjällgatan via Sista Styverns Trappa. The view was crystal
clear. She was cuddly and clung to me, but I was distant and had no desire to
embrace or kiss her. Perhaps what I had feared and warned her about had already
happened. That was partly why I went to the Café. It's sad, but better than a
relation based on crass calculation.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Some
of them also believed that under socialism, all people will move forward
together. So they felt compassion for those who earned less." </span></p></blockquote>
<p align="right" class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(China Daily, October 3, 1984)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Outdated thoughts I guess ...</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">October 30, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Last night I read chapter 13 of James
Joyce's <i>Ulysses.</i> It was beautiful and
sensual. I've pretty much decided to throw economics under the bus. I choose
morality and the humanities.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"You
think you're escaping and run into yourself."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0in;"> </span></p></blockquote>
<p align="right" class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(Joyce, <i>Ulysses</i>)</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Infatuation is over when the time
with your woman feels long.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">October 31, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I see her so unpleasantly clearly.
She is a girl I feel great sympathy for, but no longer someone I want to share
my life with. In some perverse way, I take pleasure in the breakdown of my
love. It feels like revenge for her failure to fall in love. That's how
primitive I am. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">If only I was a seaweed at the bottom
of the stream, a straw willingly bending to the advancing water. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I read in SvD about depressive ideas that
constantly "hang around." I often think that I'm not supposed to fall
happily in love. You may very well call it an obsession, but in that case, it
has also forced itself on me.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">November 1, Thursday</span><i style="text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">Nature felt like a baby bird.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">Fear is not something you seek<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">It</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-ascii-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">’</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">s
possession</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-ascii-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">’</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">s
eternal companion<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">Today was a day for Mozart<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">The sun hung low over the city<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">November already<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">After lunch the clouds cleared<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">Anxious not to miss<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">precious moments <o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">I abandoned the books<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">and took the ferry to Djurg</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-ascii-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">å</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">rden<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">And Indira Gandhi <o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">was shot dead yesterday<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">by her bodyguards<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">Today the Sikh</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-ascii-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">’</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">s temple is burning<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">A new page in my diary<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">A new link moved<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">on my inner rosary<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">A growing feeling<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">of impotence<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">of mistrust<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">Is mankind lost?<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">The sun went down of course<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">But I was able to <o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">enjoy a moment<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">Now is gray and cold<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">The naked tree crowns<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">black against the November sky<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">Love died away<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">But I was able to<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">enjoy a moment<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">Mozart exists<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">when the strings reach <o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">my scarred soul<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">and the piano tickles<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">my tender heart<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">Flutes that heal<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">I love wholly <o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">without theory<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">the music he wrote <o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">for me to enjoy<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">It was a day for Mozart<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">nature was deadly mild<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">filled with delicate light<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">And the still green trees<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">were like baby birds.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">The darkness thickens<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">Should I go out again,<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">abandon the warmth <o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">I</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; mso-ascii-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">’</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">ve
become used to?<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">Out there, freedom,<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">cold and hope<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">The dream <o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">of a new opening<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">The thought <o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">that Purgatory <o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";">is but a stage.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: right;"><i>Trying to be Normal is the third part of novel with the working title Shifting Passions.</i></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-8707142135397245412023-07-28T21:48:00.008-04:002023-07-29T15:27:58.398-04:00Thinking that Goes a Long WayHaving finished Bill Deresiewicz's <i>The Death of the Artist,</i> which tells a sad story for anybody who loves and appreciates the work of artists of all sorts, I dove right into <i>The End of Solitude</i>, a collection of essays and commentary by the same author. The book covers a wide range of topics, from a take-down of Harold Bloom, to reflections on the elite capture of higher education, to the darker aspects of the Internet and unfortunately ubiquitous social media. He writes with honesty and intelligence, making you feel a little bit smarter once you put it down. It's a deeply personal book, written by a true intellectual who left the academic world to pursue his passion for art and humanity. My only quibble would be with the title, that subconsciously made me expect a book about loneliness, which it is not. Solitude is here seen as a foundation for independent thinking, something that makes Deresiewicz's work possible.<div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-9720146003405839532023-07-28T12:55:00.011-04:002023-08-26T21:38:34.046-04:00Into the Labyrinth - Trying to Be Normal (Excerpt 2)<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4wba1NZPIwSJbW1bCMKDkH8RFEH9u7KQ1dSHwLK6gJAoYySHeFE3LmhjIpzXh2J97NSZEORPX1hHd-lqGzkZa4l7GC7EWmsJqG90cOywN7hwEVEtmz1mrRrohhGwf-QRCvuQJ6d4KXPp6gqqFmSaY4W6oLSFDkF9Fb5N8ZA8iwYt4obMkiK4LJt5UWm8/s1824/Trying%20ro%20be%20Normal%20-%20SP%20Part%203.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1824" data-original-width="1152" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4wba1NZPIwSJbW1bCMKDkH8RFEH9u7KQ1dSHwLK6gJAoYySHeFE3LmhjIpzXh2J97NSZEORPX1hHd-lqGzkZa4l7GC7EWmsJqG90cOywN7hwEVEtmz1mrRrohhGwf-QRCvuQJ6d4KXPp6gqqFmSaY4W6oLSFDkF9Fb5N8ZA8iwYt4obMkiK4LJt5UWm8/s320/Trying%20ro%20be%20Normal%20-%20SP%20Part%203.jpg" width="202" /></a></div></div></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><a name="Greece"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">April 12, Thursday </span></a><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We’re flying! As always, it's
exciting, fun, and scary all at the same time.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Crete. April 14, Saturday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Hotel Neptune is located just 40
meters from the sea. It</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s small and simple, but the owner is
friendly and helpful. The first night was cold, and we were freezing under the
covers as the hotel doesn’t have any radiators. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Did you have a pleasant
night?" the owner asked after the first night.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Well, we actually had trouble
sleeping, because it was so cold in the room," I said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Then I'll make sure you get
some extra blankets," he replied.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">April 19, Thursday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We hitchhiked to Chania where we
booked a rental car and had lunch at the harbor. It was nice while the sun was
shining, but then Zeus must have gotten into a bad mood, because the clouds
piled up and the wind whipped the waves into foam. We put on our sweaters and
walked up to Stal</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">ōs, a small village on a hill west of
the city. There was a tiny church in the middle of the village, and from it you
could hear children practicing choir singing. In the street outside, an old
woman was setting off Easter firecrackers while old men were having lively conversations
at the café. Men dominate the public space, while women stay in the background.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">On Wednesday morning we drove east on
the highway that runs along the north coast of Crete. We quickly reached
Rethymnon where we turned south. The road up in the mountains was covered with
gravel and stones the size of tennis balls, and if there were no boulders on
the roadway, it was full of potholes big enough to swallow a soccer ball.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The journey to Agia Galini on the
south coast turned out to be a shaky experience along a winding road, but the town
itself was cozy. We sat down at a caf</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">é by the fishing port and enjoyed the
view.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">April 21, Saturday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She wanted to sleep in, so I had
breakfast alone. At nine, two representatives came to pick up the car.
I paid and then brought her breakfast which she took in bed. I had bought
freshly baked bread and yogurt from a small grocery store nearby, and coffee
from the hotel.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">On Easter Eve, we took it easy,
resting and washing clothes. When the sun came out, we took a walk east and had
a light meal in a taverna. We took a nap at the hotel around nine and then
hitchhiked to Chania to watch the Easter celebrations. There was a service in
the big church, and townspeople were preparing for the Easter parade in the main
square. Penny suggested that we take the opportunity to eat as nothing was
likely to happen until midnight when the priest starts the festivities. We were
tired of Greek food, so we went to Loukoulos, which promised an international
menu. We ordered some kind of schnitzel with spaghetti Bolognese and French
fries as sides.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Towards midnight we were the only
guests there, and it was obvious that the waiters did not want any guests at
all. In the end, they couldn't hold back any longer and ran out into the street
to watch the fireworks that started going off in front of the church.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Today is a very special day in
Greece," said the only remaining waiter. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We paid and hurried out. After
the priest declared that "Jesus is risen," people wished each other
Happy Easter, hugs and kisses were exchanged right and left, and the square
quickly emptied of people. While waiting for a taxi, we saw a cat get hit by a
car. The poor creature was thrown into a violent spin, screaming as it spun
around, but no one but us seemed to care. Minutes later it lay like an old rag
in the middle of the street.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">April 22, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">On Wednesday afternoon we drove east
towards Faistos, an ancient Minoan palace located on a hill overlooking the
Messara plain. Penny got a handle on the excavations using a guidebook that had
detailed maps and descriptions. We worked our way through the 4,000-year-old ruins
and tried to imagine what they once had looked like, but it wasn't easy because
Phaistos isn't reconstructed like Knossos, and almost all the vases, pots and
jewelry have been shipped out to distant museums.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We had planned to spend the night in
P</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">írgos,
which was marked on the map with a large ring but turned out to be a tiny town.
I had to shift into first gear to get up the hill that led to the village
street, which was also full of large potholes. I walked into a restaurant and
asked where I could rent a room for the night. An old lady dressed in black
greeted me with a toothless smile and pointed in the direction we had come
from, and signaling that we should come back to her place for a bite to eat.
We did indeed find an inn in the direction she had pointed, but it only had two
rooms, and both were rented out. By now it was pitch black outside and we
didn't know what to do, so we drove back to the old lady and ordered food in
the hope that she might take pity on us and rent us a room if we ate there. She
was happy to have us back and offered us a choice of two dishes — soup or pork
chops. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The waiter suggested in broken
English that we go back to the nearest town the size of P</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">írgo,
but we had no desire to renew our acquaintance with the lousy road that had
already tortured us once. We had already written off the other option, to
continue to Skinias, since the road there would be even worse. Then he
suggested that we drive down to Tsoutsouros on the coast. It was a tourist
resort with many hotels, he assured us. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We looked at each other as we sat by
the warming wood stove and had no desire to go out into the cold night again,
but we had no choice. On the way out of town I bought a flashlight, and a bit
of twine to secure the license plate that was about to fall off. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Shortly after we turned south towards
the coast, the road disappeared into a large puddle of water. I got out of the
car and examined the surroundings. To the left were reeds and to the right was
a stream. Chirp, chirp, chirp one could hear from the reeds. I shone the light
into the brown puddle that seemed to be one or two decimeters deep. We had just
decided to move on when we saw a pair of light cones approaching from the
opposite direction. It was a big truck and it drove straight through the puddle
without any problems. And so did we.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I took over the wheel as we had about
a mile of hairpin turns between us and Tsoutsouros and I had more experience
of mountain roads. It was a crawl without even a little moonlight to guide us.
We slogged our way up curve by curve to get over the ridge that separated us
from the coast. All I could see in the light beam in front of me was the dirt
road, or a piece of rock wall if I came out of an inside curve. Where there was
no gravel or rock, it was pitch black, which was nice in a way as we were
spared from having to stare into the void. From time to time the headlights
caught white shrines erected in memory of those who had perished, and to
protect people like us. At the highest point of the road was a small white
chapel. We thought about asking to spend the night there, but it looked so
desolate that we kept driving.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The fact that we were now starting
the descent gave us some hope, at least until smoke started to come out from
under the hood. The radiator water was boiling since I used engine braking to
avoid wearing down the brake pads. And since we didn't have any extra water for
the radiator, I had to keep up enough speed to drive in second gear. I could
see from Penny's face that she was scared. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We must reasonably have descended
quite a bit, but saw no signs of life, no lights revealing any small village
down there. The road became more winding, and the hairpin turns came more
frequently. When I opened the ventilation window, a cold wind howled. What if
the hotels have not opened for the season, what if the village is black and
deserted when we arrive? Is there even a village down there? Are we on the
right track? </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The first sign of life was an
oncoming truck that disappeared as quickly as it appeared. There was a moment when
our headlights caught a few treetops in the valley, but then it went black
again, and the road plunged further down into the unknown. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">But Tsoutsouros did exist, and before
we knew it, we heard the roar of the Libyan Sea a few meters away from us on the
left side of the car. It was half past eleven and we could see light from a
couple of small cafes. A young boy who knew a little English helped us find a
hotel where the hostess quickly prepared a room for us. It cost 500 drachmas
(40 kr) and had a wide bed, a sheet and a couple of blankets. It was probably a
room that the family used during the low season, but we were not very picky at
this point. The bathroom looked quite impressive with a bathtub, sink and
bidet, but we soon realized that there was no glass in the glass door, hot
water, toilet paper or soap. The towels did not seem to have been washed since
last season, and the sponge by the sink was probably five years old. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><div class="WordSection1">
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">April 23, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Feeling blue. Maybe it's the
realization that the trip is almost over. I also have a fever, headache, and a
stiff neck. Paradoxically, the sadness came at the same time as the sun broke out
and made a pleasant afternoon in Chania. We sat down at a caf</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">é
near the tourist office which is housed in the old mosque of the Janissaries. I
bought a large ice cream to go with my coffee. For a moment, just as the sun
was sinking behind the west side of Chania's Venetian harbor, a small lone
cloud, half hidden by the row of houses, acquired beautifully golden edges. I
picked up the camera, but the cloud had already lost its luster when I took the
shot.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We hitchhiked to Chania to visit the
archaeological museum located in an old Venetian church. The oldest finds date
back to 3400 BC and consist of fine bowls, pots, and cups. The objects are all
very light in shape. It is fascinating to look at 5,000-year-old objects and
see how little has changed over time. The objects are refined, but only
marginally. For us, living in the midst of a constant revolution, this
continuity of form is almost unimaginable. Around 1000 BC, the beautiful and
imaginative animal and human motifs disappear, and are replaced by dull
geometric shapes. Abstraction drives away the living.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">April 24, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We spent most of Easter Sunday
sitting in bed. The weather was bad, and we were catching up. We were both
tired and didn't think of making love, but we started anyway just after
midnight. I don't remember much more than caressing and massaging her for a long
time.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"It was the best time yet,"
she said afterwards while hugging me. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"It's good to see you so
relaxed," I said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I trust you," she said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">And me, I'm resting, I'm waiting, I'm
thinking. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">What an idiot I am.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">April 26, Thursday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We are sitting in a caf</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">é
in Rethymnon waiting for the eleven o’clock bus to Heraklion. The sun is
shining. There is a light breeze. She is reading H.G. Wunderlich's </span><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The
Secrets of Crete. </span></i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We took it
easy on Tuesday since I had caught strep throat. The weather was better, but no
swimming weather. We hitchhiked into Chania and stopped at a pharmacy. The
pharmacist was friendly and knowledgeable and spoke good English. When he heard
that I had pain in the back of my throat, he gave me antibiotics. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Ahead of us, Knossos is hidden behind
lush green trees. I sip my ouzo and wonder if this is the right place to
propose, but then began to doubt the idea. After all, Knossos symbolizes not
only Europe</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s
roots, but also a tyrannical empire. But who knows, maybe it's about the
progress of human culture, for better or worse. Then it might not be such a bad
place after all.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">April 27, Friday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Penny started taking antibiotics
yesterday sine her tonsils were swollen. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I held off on my proposal, or rather,
I hesitated. The mood never set in. We were sick and tired, and it was
exhausting to run around among the ruins to see as much as possible before they
closed. The sun is slowly setting over Chania and our trip is coming to an end.
I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m
dazzled by the glittering surface of the harbor’s water. We sit on the terrace
of Café Port, each having a metaxa. Hundreds of swallows fly aimlessly and
purposefully over the rooftops. To the south, the snow-capped mountain peaks
rise. I can't see a single cloud in the sky. A cool breeze blows in from the Aegean
Sea, and the square below us is filled with locals and tourists. Cretan
youngsters dressed in blue jeans sit outside the bar chatting while pop music is playing. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She writes in her diary while I
wonder if I will ever conquer her heart.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">April 28, Saturday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Only after we got back to the hotel,
showered, packed and each of us had finished a glass of whiskey, only then did I do it.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Do you want to take another and
longer trip with me," I said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Maybe..." she replied in a
slightly joking tone.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"One that lasts a
lifetime," I added. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I don't know," she said. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She caught her breath and her eyes
watered. Then she leaned forward and kissed me. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"It is so difficult. I'm so
afraid of making mistakes. I need more time, but I promise you that you won't have
to wait long for an answer." </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I gave her time.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Once again, I have taken a gamble. By
asking the question, I risk breaking up the best relationship I've ever had
with a girl. She has said several times that she distinguishes between being
fond of and truly loving. The latter means she wants to get married, and she
has never said that. So, I cannot propose to a girl who I know loves me! I can
only hope that my proposal will release her love, that through this total
revelation of where I stand, she will be able to listen to her inner self. Now
she doesn't have to worry about being rejected if she discovers that she also
loves the person she has fallen in love with. With my question, I wanted to
force us both out of a corner. I don't want to keep pouring my love on her if
she doesn't really want me. If I wait too long, the parting will be bitter. I
am no longer 22.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;"><i>Trying to be Normal is the third part of novel with the working title Shifting Passions.</i></span></p></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7091391601458003168.post-37089156679361595322023-07-27T22:14:00.035-04:002023-08-26T20:51:27.528-04:00A Fool's Confessions - Trying to Be Normal (Excerpt 1)<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4wba1NZPIwSJbW1bCMKDkH8RFEH9u7KQ1dSHwLK6gJAoYySHeFE3LmhjIpzXh2J97NSZEORPX1hHd-lqGzkZa4l7GC7EWmsJqG90cOywN7hwEVEtmz1mrRrohhGwf-QRCvuQJ6d4KXPp6gqqFmSaY4W6oLSFDkF9Fb5N8ZA8iwYt4obMkiK4LJt5UWm8/s1824/Trying%20ro%20be%20Normal%20-%20SP%20Part%203.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1824" data-original-width="1152" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4wba1NZPIwSJbW1bCMKDkH8RFEH9u7KQ1dSHwLK6gJAoYySHeFE3LmhjIpzXh2J97NSZEORPX1hHd-lqGzkZa4l7GC7EWmsJqG90cOywN7hwEVEtmz1mrRrohhGwf-QRCvuQJ6d4KXPp6gqqFmSaY4W6oLSFDkF9Fb5N8ZA8iwYt4obMkiK4LJt5UWm8/s320/Trying%20ro%20be%20Normal%20-%20SP%20Part%203.jpg" width="202" /></a></div></div></div>January 2, 1984, Monday evening<p></p><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I struggled with my supplementary task until ten in the evening. I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m making progress, but only after considerable effort.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She arrived on Saturday. I met her at the Central Station. She had bought a red hat inspired by me. I hugged her but did not kiss her. A kiss transmits infection. She complained about not being allowed to kiss me. Besides, it wasn't so easy to kiss when we were both wearing hats!!!</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Once at her place, we climbed into bed and began cuddling. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m not sure about her morals. I don't want to share her with anyone if she’s going to be mine. For the moment, I don't. But for how long?</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She is a girl made for love. Am I enough? In the long run? Will she betray me? In her letter she wrote:</span><i style="text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></i></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"You don't have to worry about me cheating on you, because I probably won't be going out at night... Actually, I don't feel the need. I still get a tingle when I remember our lovemaking."</span></i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s the first line that worries me, although I understand that it is self-deprecating. But no smoke without fire...</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Last night I was at her place. One of her former lovers called. She didn't mention that she had a visitor, and when I had a coughing fit (which I held back as best I could) she signed to me not to reveal my presence. Am I secret?</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I was reading John Gardner's <i>On Becoming a Novelist,</i> and had no intention of listening to the conversation, but then I hear that he wants to see her on Wednesday. She doesn't reply that she's going to the movies with me then, but says she probably has to work late!!! She keeps many doors open. That was also her response when I let her know my jealousy.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"You have to understand. We've only been together two weeks, and maybe it'll be over in a week."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">As usual, her English accent made the words smooth and tantalizing despite the harsh content. She is very realistic, very careful and practical. She loves the small life. She sees the big life as the man's world. Her views on politics are shaped by her father, who I understand is a middle-class conservative. Her alienation from newspapers and politics is a stand against her father and for her mother. She has been hardened in a harsh environment.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I wonder if eroticism is a way for her to escape real emotional commitment. She talks about marriage and children in a way that at first made me think she was marriage-minded (she's 30!) but now I wonder if it's the other way around. She fears the prison of marriage.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Five years ago, she hoped to study at a school for interpreters and translators. It was her dream of the big break, a job that would take her out into the world. That dream was shattered when she didn't get in. Disappointed, she took a job as an au pair in Sweden where she began a new life. Now she has been in Sweden for six years and has had several men. Not bad guys, but normal and nice guys. She wants to be loved and to give love. And love she got. Some even wanted to get married, but she did not.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Uncertainty can be seen in her face if you look closely. She is afraid of her fate. The world is evil and hard to understand.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">However, she has an excellent command of her personal and erotic relationships. And she cherishes her territory. By territory I mean her body and her dwelling. At the beginning of the fall, she got a small one-room apartment from the Stockholm Housing Agency. It was newly renovated and is now dominated by a large double bed with white tubular steel frames. Her white bookcase is full of books, mostly novels in English. Balzac, Colette, D.H. Lawrence, Tolstoy, popular novels, books on astrology and plant care, and Jane Fonda's workout book. The bookshelf also contains lots of cassette tapes — mostly English pop. There's also some wicker furniture in the room. Life happens in bed (whether reading, talking, or making love) and in the kitchen. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She has started to criticize me. I've been told off for watering a small palm tree to death, removing the flowers from the wrong cactus, opening the fridge door too many times, dragging gravel into the hallway, taking the vacuum cleaner hose off incorrectly so that she can't put it back on, etc. She emphasizes that it is her home, and that I have to adapt. And she's right, but hospitality requires a certain generosity, an indulgence. I think she is a bit too aggressive when she criticizes me.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">However, she thinks it's better that she tells me directly instead of walking around being annoyed in silence. I respect that argument, even if I have a hard time getting used to it. I also realize that her meticulousness and demand for order is perfectly logical. She is a lost bird. Her nest is her fixed point in life. My home is my castle, as they say in England.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Penny is similar to Terry in many ways. She was also a loving person and preferred the small world. She also surrounded herself with carefully chosen details. Little things that marked her territory. Here is mine.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Is that what she wants to say with her criticism? I am here.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Then it's a big deal.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Then I made a big mistake in killing her palm tree.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Then she is about to leave me. What should I do about it?</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Like Penny, I am afraid of the bond of marriage, but thirsty for love.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">January 4, Wednesday, 01:05</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I have been with my beloved.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I bought her a flaming sword plant as a penance for the palm tree I carelessly watered to death. On a small card I copied an erotic poem by Robert Burns. She opened the door slightly ajar as she was dressed in her nightgown. She was very pleased with the flower.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We sat down in her bed, had a whiskey, and she asked me to show her what to read in today</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s paper. She has never had a morning paper, nor does she have a TV (things that was her father's domain.) A few weeks ago, I responded to an advertising offer on her behalf. Now she gets the paper for all of January at 10 kr only.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She had made an effort to read the paper. That moved me. From the very first day we were together, she said that she would have to learn about politics to keep up with me when I talk. Now she really did it. What a proof of love!</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We went through the Monday and Tuesday papers. I checked the layout and editing and gave my opinion on the content. She listened and told me what interested her. Then we talked and cuddled until half past ten.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We made love. We talked about eroticism and love. We discussed her orgasm. She has been so keen to get good at pleasuring the guys that she has forgotten herself a bit.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">There was nothing left of yesterday's doubts. She revealed that she had thought of breaking up because of the flowers. Not for this particular palm tree, but for what lay behind it. But then she had thought that I didn't mean any harm and that she had to be patient.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">On the way to Penny, I found a passage in John Gardner's book that lifted me high, high. He writes in the chapter "The Writers Nature" about the intelligence a novelist needs. It is different from that of the mathematician and the physicist.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"It consists of several qualities that, in most normal people, are signs of either immaturity or rudeness: quick-wittedness (a tendency to make irrelevant connections); being obstinate and having a tendency to inertia (a refusal to accept what all sane people know to be true); childishness (a conspicuous lack of mental focus and a serious purpose in life, a fondness for daydreaming and telling pointless lies, disrespect, mischievousness, and an unseemly tendency to cry over nothing);..."</span></p><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: right; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;">(John Gardner, </span><i style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;">On Becoming a Novelist, </i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;">p 34)</span></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;">So my weaknesses can be a strength. Yet I fear taking the plunge. In the book, Gardner points out that writing is an all-or-nothing profession. A failed ambition in an ordinary profession just means a lower position. Not so for a writer. Gardner tells me that I have the character of a writer, but can I also write novels? It is not an impossible task, but I need time to concentrate.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Nothing is more damaging to a real writer's sense of security than a time of bad criticism, and this is unfortunately true in one way or another of almost every era." (p 36)</span></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;">I thought about Dad, about the critical discussion of his art that he, like most other artists, received so little of. This was one of the reasons why he enjoyed working here so much. Among all the artists, there was an opportunity to talk about art, to discuss and feel respected.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Once you realize that the writer should be able to advocate for all kinds of human beings, to see through their eyes, to feel for their nerves, to accept their stupidest fixed opinions as self-evident (to them), then you simply have to start doing it and do it over and over again — carefully rereading, rethinking, revising — then you get good at it." (p 31)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;"> </span></p><p class="BlockQuote"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Good writers can 'tell' everything in their fiction except the emotions of the characters." (p 31)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;"> </span></p><p class="BlockQuote"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"...the characters' emotions must be demonstrated..." (p 33)</span></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">January 7, Saturday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We made love, we slept, and we read. In the morning she served fried eggs, sausages, and toast with marmalade. In the evening she gave me dinner.... and more criticism. She interrupted me in the middle of an exposition on Gardner's view of the novel versus the distancing effects of Myrdal and Brecht and told me that I wasn't listening to her. At first, I was sad, but then I listened, and when I finished listening, I realized that in my egocentricity I had again forgotten her. She is intelligent and wise, and strong in spite of her brittleness. She fights with me — which means that she cares for me.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: center; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She has made me so happy, but also makes me feel inadequate. What security can I give her? Am I prepared to offer her my heart? Without reservation?</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"...he wants to be both independent and involved — an impossibility." (p 53-54)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">January 8, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We woke up but didn't make love because we wanted to leave early for the "Myths" exhibition at the National Museum. We wandered around the museum for almost four hours, and she devoured everything with great interest. For me, it was a testament to her intelligence and thirst for knowledge.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">After the exhibition, we had roast beef and potato salad at her place. I kissed her and we began making love. She lay on top of me while I had entered her from behind. She massaged herself but found it hard to let go at the crucial moment. It was as if she had built a fence around her orgasm, and over it she would not let anyone but herself go.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">January 9, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I submitted my supplementary task to Professor Sivertson.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"It was exactly what I wanted," he said when we later spoke on the phone.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"That's good to hear," I said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Then I stand by my part of the agreement and give you the highest mark for the paper."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I called Penny. I called mom. They were happy, very happy.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Jan Myrdal (referring to Scott, Balzac, and pointing to Brecht):</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"...he breaks the illusion by constantly pulling the reader out of the action and emphasizing that the event he describes is a past event that cannot be changed regardless of the reader's feelings. (...) In this book Balzac speaks to the reader's reason (...) The illusion has been broken and the event can continue."</span></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: right;"><span lang="SV" style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-ansi-language: SV; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(Afterword to <i>Katarina av Medici, </i>p 406–407)</span></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;">I understand that Myrdal cannot stand Andr</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;">é Glucksmann. Personally, I like both Glucksmann and Gardner.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"What matters in the end is not the author's philosophy (which will in any case reveal itself), but the fate of the characters." (Gardner, p 43)</span></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;">"If the writer understands that stories are first and foremost stories and that the best stories start a lively and continuous dream, he can hardly fail to take an interest in technology because it is above all bad technology that interrupts the flow of the dream and hinders its development." (p 45)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;"> </span></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">In yesterday's Expressen, Sven Delblanc wrote a few wise things about the puritanical contempt for entertainment. He cleverly mobilized a Brecht quote about the intrinsic value of entertainment.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">January 10</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I had a nightmare last night. Really scary. Science fiction.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Earth was invaded. First a big bomb went off. I crawled into a cylindrical hole in the ground and pulled the lid over. I barely escaped. I was afraid of the shock wave. Then Per came and tried to seek shelter.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"There is no room left!" I replied.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">He said something resigned and walked away.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I betrayed my brother and only thought about saving myself. Eventually, I climbed out of my hole. We were a few people wandering around defenseless. Suddenly we discovered a dead person on a spit over a campfire! We saw several such traces of the invaders. Cannibals from space. No weapons bit them. They just helped themselves to us humans. There was nothing we could do!</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Mom told me that Dad saw Paul Bjerre to undergo psychoanalysis in the 1940s (actually, it was psychosynthesis, a method developed by Bjerre). He was torn between his work as a hairdresser and his art studies, causing him to withdraw and become introverted. Bjerre treated him with hypnosis, allowing him to rediscover the world. One day he went down to Kungstr</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">ädgården, and for the first time in a long time he saw children playing. According to Bjerre, Dad was strongly attached to his mother, and had told him about dreams where he hit his mother across the face during hypnosis. It was an attempt at liberation.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">January 11, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I picked her up after work since she wanted to take me out for dinner. We went to a cozy little restaurant on L</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">ästmakargatan, and after dessert we got into a discussion about love and fidelity.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I think you have to be faithful in a committed relationship. How else can you have full confidence in each other?"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"That's true, but sometimes I miss my freedom," she said in a monotone tone making me wonder if she in the long run will be able to cope with a man as demanding as I.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I want to deprive the woman I call mine of her freedom, while giving up my freedom to love other women. I don</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’t believe love can survive lies and falsehood," I said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"You are absolutely right," she said after pausing for a moment.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">January 13, Friday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I was thinking last night about death and honor.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"One could think that people in this time did not know that the only certainty in our lives is that we will die."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0in;"> </span></p><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(Jan Myrdal, Fib/K No 1/84)</span></p></blockquote><p class="BlockQuote"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;">But just as certain as that we will die is that we are alive and that we are alive now.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"...man is a political animal. Or in other words, it is as a political — social — animal that takes the step to become a human being." (ibid.)</span></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;">We live in the collective, in society, but this is for better or worse. Cooperation is not an end in itself, it should not be pursued for the sake of some abstract principle (cf. Mao's perverted collectivism). The group is there to help and protect individuals. That is its legitimacy, nothing else.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">January 14, Saturday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"You must sleep at home tonight," she said as she gave me a hug.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She was annoyed that I woke her up at nine the last time I visited.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">January 15, Sunday.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">You know so well that I love you</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">You said on the phone that it was nice,</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">not to see me today, but that</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s not</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">how the one who loves speaks</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">I showered you with kisses, caresses, and honest speech.</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">I showered you with love, care, and sweet words.</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">I played all my best cards at once.</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">And you swallowed my love like a cat her milk.</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Then walked away satisfied from the empty cup.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p></blockquote><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">"-Love, my dear lady, is consciousness of possession in its greatest intensity. Jealousy is but the fear of losing what one possesses.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">-Possesses! Disgusting!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">-Mutually possesses, since each possesses the other."</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">(August Strindberg, <i>The Confession of A Fool</i>, 1913, translated by Schleussner)</span></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;">Almost instinctively, I throw myself into a </span><i style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;">The Confession of A Fool</i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;">, as if to inoculate myself. I have to build up the strength I need in case it cracks. She reproaches me for being jealous, having just told me that she is invited to dinner at Arne's on Tuesday and at her former partner, Klasse — who still loves her! — on Wednesday. She says that my desire to possess her could break our relationship.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I vacillate, driven on the defensive.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I told her that she must choose between him and me. But she carefully refrained from doing so, for her object was to have me, him, and as many more as she could get, kneeling at her feet and adoring her." (ibid<i>.</i>)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I grab brother August's hand.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I had made up my mind to return to work, determined to tear this love out of my heart, but I soon found that I had reckoned without forces much stronger than myself." (<i>ibid.</i>)</span></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;">She was the one who set the pace in our relationship. She was the one who called me twice a day and bound me with sweet words. She was the one who wanted me to come over. Last Thursday, I had planned to spend the evening reading, but she called and begged me to come over. An hour ago, she said as an accusation that we had met "Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday." Today she went for a walk with Klasse and invited him to dinner.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"The more I vacillated and humored her whims, the fonder she seemed of me, the more she praised my wisdom, my amiability. She swayed and bewildered me, but as soon as I opposed her seriously, she turned her back on me and treated me with dislike, almost with rudeness." (ibid<i>.</i>)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The first week we were together, I was afraid that she was too eager for marriage and felt I had to slow down. Now she is pouring cold water on me.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I appreciated her candid ways, her gaiety, her sincerity, her motherly tenderness." (ibid<i>.</i>)</span></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">"Don't imagine that I could ever debase myself and be content to share you with a third, never, never!" (ibid.)</span></span></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The woman in <i>The Confession of A fool </i>did not have access to birth control pills.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We did it again despite lingering questions and frustrations.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I loved her so much that I irritated her, and more than once she plainly showed me that my passionate temperament bored her. But everything was forgotten and forgiven at those rare moments when she caressed me, ..." (ibid<i>.</i>)</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0in;"> </span></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span><span style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;">"...and a distressed heart is not soothed by deceitful kisses." (ibid.)</span></span></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It's like my love was shattered today, and I no longer believe in us. Maybe I hope so but believe — no! If I manage to take it easy, she may begin to worry, and apply all her talent and intelligence to make me crazy about her again. She had said she had no time to see me tomorrow, but if I stay cold and calm when she calls, she will change her plans and ask me to come over. She will want me close to her, so as not to lose her power.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">January 16, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It was one in the morning, and I was falling asleep when the terrible truth suddenly hit me. So that's why she didn't want me to stay over that night. She has already betrayed me! The truth was as terrible as white in its logic. She had already planned at the beginning of the week to meet Klasse on Sunday and was just waiting for the right moment to let me know that she wanted to sleep alone on Sunday. Hence the accusation on Saturday morning that I had woken her up, which I didn't remember doing! The idea was that I would take it as a punishment, a fair punishment handed out by my "goddess" (Libra!) and now she is trying to make me believe that she is not making love with her ex-partner. She didn't say it explicitly, but that was the hidden message when she said he went home early to watch P.C. Jersild's movie on TV. (But what if they made love the first thing they did?!!!)</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Jealousy isn't pretty, and I know that these are terrible accusations, but now they are there, and if I'm right, I'll be a fool if I keep playing the game, although, if I'm wrong it's a great injustice I'm doing. But the chain of evidence seems clear. On Saturday morning, my beloved suggests that we should not make love and sleep together after having been to a party.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She is a woman who lives in the moment, meticulously planning and regulating her life. Nothing is left to chance. So, it was not a coincidence. I don't care whether she made love to him or not that morning, because she had already deceived me with a lie. I feel betrayed, but I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m at the same time happy to have seen through her ruse. Can I make love to her again after this? No, it's over! Shit!</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Monday evening</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The day began with an emotional hangover. I listened to the morning news on radio, masturbated, mostly to mark my independence from her, did thirty push-ups, had coffee, and read the morning papers. The phone rang sometime after nine, but I didn't answer.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Had lunch. Walked downtown to QuickPhoto to drop off a roll of film. I then stayed at the University as I didn't want to be home in case she called. Stopped by the Foreign Policy Institute where I read China Quarterly. When I finally got home, I was afraid she would call, so I went to the Public Library at Medborgarhuset where I borrowed books by T.S. Eliot, William Carlos Williams, and Michel Butor. I called up Bj</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">örn when I got home to block the line and discuss the matter with him. We talked for at least an hour. He urged me to calm down but thought her behavior — as I described it — was strange. I told him that I was going to break up with her, but that I first wanted to give her a chance to explain herself.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She called fifteen minutes after I hung up the phone.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"You sound weird, cold," she said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Yes, but it's not something I want to discuss over the phone," I replied.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Come on, Johan. Have I been mean to you? Are you angry with me?" </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I don't know what to believe, but it seems to me that the reason you wanted to sleep alone on Saturday night was that you already planned to meet Klasse on Sunday," I said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">'No, but Johan, then I would have cheated on you. It was a pure coincidence. I had called Arne, but he wasn't home, and then I realized that I had promised to call Klasse."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Her version was watertight, and now I was left with no proof. So, she was innocent! And more importantly, she cared about me, and said that if I tried to break off with her, she wouldn't accept it, but would fight for me.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Hugs and kisses," she said when we left, and now I love her even more.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"><br /></span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"...only the one who believes himself loved can be jealous..." (Barthes p 187)</span></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p>"...I who love am undesirable and are counted among the moments of initiation; consigned to the category of bores: the ones who bear down to hard, who irritate, encroach, complicate, demand, intimidate (or more simply: those who speak)..." (Barthes p 166)</p><p>"How exactly do we go from falling in love to love itself? By putting ourselves, our relationship, and the person we love to the test, that's how. (...) Some of these tests are crucial. Passing them means that our experience of falling in love has 'set', and that it has become the compact cluster of daily certainties that we term 'mature, stable love.'" </p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p style="text-align: right;">(Alberoni, <i>Falling in Love and Loving</i>, p 136)</p><p>"In the wings, however, lurks our unwillingness to yield to the existential risk of putting ourselves completely in another person's hands. It constitutes our <i>resistance to love</i>, which co-exist alongside our falling in love. If we continue to abandon ourselves completely, it's only because we allow ourselves to think that <i>this time is the last time</i>. By thinking that, we create a separation however brief between ourselves and the person we love. In this lies the 'truth test': we are pulling away merely to test ourselves, to see if after a separation occurs we notice that our desire returns and that we continue to be desperately in love; if so, we need another 'last time...and another and another." (p 138) </p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">January 17</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Attended Rudolf Fors' introductory seminar in his PhD course on the theory of economic systems. It</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’s stimulating to be part of a team effort, but economics feels increasingly alien.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">January 23, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Spent most of the evening studying Anthony Downs' book <i>An Economic Theory of Democracy </i>(1957).</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">January 25, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Yesterday I read all morning and then went to Fors seminar which was a boost. He gave an exciting presentation. When we introduced ourselves, he highlighted my paper, and recommended it for reading. One of the newcomers to the course was Stefan Kvartz. He had been asked by the Bureau of Eastern Economics to assess my paper and said that he liked it.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Mom is snoring in the next room. I can still smell Penny. We made love. She took me to restaurant Annorlunda and gave me a poem in response to the one I had sent her the day before yesterday. She described how she walked around, waiting for me at Galerie Gummesson, and the joy she felt when finally arrived. This is the first time a girl has written me a poem.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">January 28, Saturday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Johan, I thought of you today. I'm in love with you," she said, giving me a lock of her hair.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;"> </span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">My beloved</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Let me land</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">in your world,</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">in your room,</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">in your womb</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Like a pearl,</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">a red rose</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">an orchid</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">all in purple</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">is my beloved</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">I am with you</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">I am</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">only with you</span></i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p></blockquote><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">I am in her hair</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">in that small lock</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">she gave me today</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">I hover over my friend</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">and she has a name</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Full of love </span></i></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">I seek </span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">to move </span></i></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">her heart</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">The world is rocking</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">I'm coming,</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">soon I must,</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">always too soon,</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">return there</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">from where I came</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">You took me in,</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">made space for me</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">and I came for you,</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">in you, with you</span></i></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">January 29, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I gave her the poems on Saturday night. She had cooked dinner with both appetizer, and dessert. When we had finished eating, I gave her a massage all over her body, but she became sleepy, so it was a subdued lovemaking. In the morning we made love again. After I had come, she asked to be stroked, and then it happened! For the first time in our relationship, I managed to give her an orgasm. My arm was almost paralyzed afterwards, but it worked.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">January 30, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I called Sture Ljungberg about a temporary position as a writer for the business section of DN. We talked for a while and then I went up to the manager Kalle Ottendal who recognized me immediately and was friendly. He gave me the impression that I had a good chance of getting the job.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 1, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I took Penny to Caf</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">é Opera to celebrate the temporary job that seemed to be within reach. We had turbot fillet, drank white wine, and had a good time. It had snowed when we came out, but it was relatively warm, so we had to walk in the sleet to the Old Town subway station, where we took the train to her place.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">“If I get the job at DN, I was thinking of taking two weeks off in July. Would you like to go with me to France then," I asked as we walked to her place.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I don't know. I had planned to go abroad in April, and I don't think I can afford to go again in July," she said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Well, yes, of course..."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Do you think you could take your vacation in April instead?" she asked as she opened the door.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I think so."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Then we could go somewhere together. It would be really nice," she exclaimed. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We went in, and she changed while I sat down on her bed. She came over to me and soon we were kissing.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Is it just because you are turned on that you kiss me like this," she asked.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"No, it's my feelings for you that make me kiss you like this, but it's true that kissing you turns me on."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Sometimes I worry that you are so passionate."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Don</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’t you think we will be together this summer?"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I don't know. Maybe I want my freedom back."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Something stiffened in my stomach, and I fell silent.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I have doubts about the future. I don't know if I dare to believe in it. Maybe there will be a war, and then I don't want to have children."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"But isn't the war an alibi to avoid risking your feelings?"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I may not be as sure of my feelings as you are of yours."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"It's possible that I'm falling in love easily, but I'm would not propose easily. I'm careful, I want to be able to stand for what I do. I don't want to have children when I'm unemployed. Nor can I propose to you and ask your father for your hand if I don't have any solid ground to stand on."<o:p></o:p></span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I called her and at first everything was fine, but then it came.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I'm going to the movies tomorrow night."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"...really?"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(Silence)</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"With Klasse."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(Silence)</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Will you be sad?"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"You know what I'm like," I replied as my stomach filled up with bile.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Johan, you are pushing me so hard. It's as if I have no freedom left. There's no reason for you to feel threatened because I go to the movies with an old friend," she said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"But you know, and I know that he is interested in you. How can I see him as anything other than a rival?"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"There's probably something wrong with me because you're completely normal, but I don't want to change my ways since I like my freedom. And I've thought about going out and dancing by myself for fun."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Okay, you do as you please."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Don't get me wrong. We have a great time together, and I want us to be together," she said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"It's up to you."</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Am I the one who is crazy? Is there any reasonable reason why I shouldn't be hurt when the girl who claims to be in love with me wants to go to the movies with her ex who still loves her?!</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Perhaps I must break this bond before it kills me! She knows so well what I think, that I demand complete fidelity. Yet she does this to me. She does not love me, and she has never said so. She holds me dear, really likes me, but does not yet want to use her strongest expression: I love you. Do I love her? After this second hit — no!</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Is love impossible?</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(new page in the diary)</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">A new page. A new chapter. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">A man of thirty something plunges to Earth after spending time on cloud nine. Tomorrow night is two months to the day since we met. After we made love that night, she told me that I probably thought she was loose. I didn't, but now I wonder if she was just playing innocent, if I can trust anything she says. Maybe she's lying when she says it's wonderful to make love to me. Oh God, what a morass! Who can be trusted? Klasse had said that he would not have agreed to her meeting a guy who was interested in her. Yet she does this — with him! What does she want me to think? And what does she want him to think about me?</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“The second possible outcome is much messier. The other person does not fall in love, and yet this doesn’t rule out his or her thinking that he or she has. The demonstration that this is not true lies in the fact that he or she simply vicariously participates in the other’s authentic experience. Passively he or she accepts and participates in the use the other makes of the symbolic, but it is a game. He or she hasn’t out-and-out refused the other’s love, of course. He or she might feel flattered by it.” (Alberoni, p 102) </span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“By way of analogy, then, we can say that in an unequal relationship, the person who <i>is </i>in love tends to create an imaginary, poetic universe, while the other (who is <i>not </i>truly in love and who makes nothing but practical, concrete requests) reproaches him of her for.” (Alberoni p 105)</span></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“…the person in love in this lop-sided relationship is reproached for being unperceptive, selfish, and obscure, and for living in a dream world.” (Alberoni p 106)</span></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“Let’s say that the woman I’ve fallen in love with loves cars and is fascinated by race-car drivers. (…) Now, however her evident attraction to one of them makes me feel worthless. Our love has been invaded by an external force, which is little by little wreaking havoc on our joint value system. (...) The experience of falling in love here, however, has become no longer mutual...“ (Alberoni p 155-156)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif;"> </span></p><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“Oftentimes we decide to ‘fight for’ X, to win his or her love back with our charm, love letters, poems, music, or utter devotion and self-sacrifice; we try everything, we’re desperate. Unfortunately we realize all too soon that X still doesn’t love us, and then (…) we raise the terrible renting sword to divide ourselves from him or her…” (Alberoni, p 159-160)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 2, Thursday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I may not go to the movies tonight, but there may be problems in the future," she said when she called me, implying that I am depriving her of her freedom, but I am not.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 4, Saturday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She called me on Thursday morning to ask if I wanted to have lunch with her. I said yes and bought a red rose which I gave her when we met. She said she didn't deserve it, but I wanted to mark that it was our day. In a way, it was a declaration of war. I wanted to show her that I am prepared to fight for my love.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I realized that you were right the other day and that your jealousy would have been completely justified if I had gone to the movies with Klasse."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Thank you," I said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We talked and kissed and later in the evening I showed her the poem I had written on Wednesday. She liked it. We were reconciled.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"You know, now that you've shown that you're willing to sacrifice the meeting with Klasse, it's okay if you see him. I just wanted you to think of me first."</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I am thinking of proposing to her.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“But can it really take so little to reassure a person in love?” (Alberoni, p 171)</span></p><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 5, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She called and asked me to come over for dinner.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I explained to Klasse that I can't see him because I'm with you. He was not happy at all, but I stood my ground," she said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I love you. When should I come over?"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Now," she said. "Hurry up!"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We kissed passionately until I sank down exhausted at my lover's side.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"My feelings for you are getting stronger and stronger. Just so you know," she whispered in my ear.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">When I caught my breath for a moment, I kissed her again. We resumed making love, but I had a headache from the tension, so we stopped, and she offered me coffee and a Fat Tuesday bun instead. We sat in bed, talked, and ate. We were totally reunited. I love her. I am passionate about her. She makes me so happy.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 6, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">What a day. First Penny called and so far, so good. Then Monica called from DN and asked if I wanted to jump in at DN City. Could I start tomorrow? Of course I want to work, but not right now. I have a tight reading schedule, but how can I say no to a job, especially when I'm hoping to get the job at the business desk. I promised to pop in at two.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">At noon, I met Stefan Kvartz. We talked about China over lunch at Cattelins Bistro. He thought I could get a job at the Bureau if I was interested.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Monica said that Karl Lennartsson had changed his mind and would after all not be taking his paternity leave, so they didn't need a replacement at the business desk. And when it came to work in the summer, she said that it all depends on Ottendal. I went up and talked to him, but he didn't sound as positive as the last time, when he said I could work there either in April or June. Now it was just a matter of submitting an application like anybody else. </span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 8, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My first day at the DN City went well. The working hours are from 10 to 6, but the boss, Torvald Stensson, left at 4, and a quarter later, Stig Bervald, who does most of the editing and manages the the reporters, left. At half past four I left.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 11, Saturday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Tired. Satisfied. Having coffee. Sleepy.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 12</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I finished Anthony Downs' book and started on James M. Buchanan and Gordon Tulloch's <i>The Calculus of Consent </i>(1962).</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Been with my angel and danced on the clouds.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She called me at work yesterday. I was eating, but there was a message on my desk when I came back. I immediately called her back and she sounded happy, and a little impish. She suggested that we make love first — before going to my place to watch <i>Shogun </i>on TV. I left at two when I was done with the work, which felt a bit weird since the we are supposed to work until six. Nevertheless, I was the last one to leave for the day.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We met, kissed, and went downtown to buy wine and meat. At my place we made love, and eventually had dinner. After the movie, I took her home and spent the night.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">In the evening we watched <i>Dead Zone</i>. We snuggled and got cozy, but didn</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’t make love, just laid in bed massaging each other's souls until we fell asleep.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The eroticism was not as hot and intense this weekend, but on the other hand, I listened more than usual. Once I manage to forget myself, I find so much.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My love is growing, and she says she "likes me more and more." Sometimes we talk hypothetically about children and marriage. At one point she said that if I asked her now, she wouldn't answer yet. Sometimes it feels like there is only one more stanza to add to my serenade, but I still hold back.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I don't want to run amok, high on emotions, but who am I today? I want to see a light in my private tunnel (career choice!) before I strike, but I feel more and more strongly that it's her I want and I'm also afraid of holding oft too long. Anyway, we have decided to go to Greece over Easter.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 13, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Had lunch with Rudolf Fors. We talked a bit before the seminar on the Down's book. He told me not to worry, given the bright participants in the course.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I haven't noticed any lack of confidence on your part," he said with a twinkle in his eye.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="Verse"><i><span lang="SV" style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-ansi-language: SV; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">NAKED</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span lang="SV" style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-ansi-language: SV; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span lang="SV" style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-ansi-language: SV; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Under your blanket</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span lang="SV" style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-ansi-language: SV; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">I rest naked</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">while you curl up</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">facing me</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">In your eyes</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">glimmer of joy</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">"I</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m in love with you"</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">You said it,</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">and my ribs</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">was no more</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">and it was warm</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span lang="SV" style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-ansi-language: SV; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Under your blanket</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span lang="SV" style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-ansi-language: SV; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">I rest naked</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">with my chest open</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">and my heart</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><span style="font-family: Palatino Linotype, serif;"><i>defenseless</i></span></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">At once vulnerable</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">and completely calm</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Captured by you</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">exerting all my power</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">feeling the pull</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">of the wave </span></i></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">that </span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">washes over me</span></i></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 14, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Oh my God, I love that girl! There are no words for it. Still, I trudge on with my feeble language to prolong the presence of the past. She called me over a week ago to make sure I was available on this Tuesday evening. I wondered why but couldn't think of anything.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">At half past six I arrived at her little lair, or love nest as she calls it. I had been to a seminar and got hold of the World Bank's new report on China, three thick volumes, so in one hand I had a loaded attach</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">é case, and in the other the two volumes that didn't fit. Because I was so overloaded, I had neglected to buy roses, which I excused by saying that I had already sent her a letter with a poem, and an excerpt from </span><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The Song of Songs</span></i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She was wearing a red blouse and her hair was particularly beautiful. I had barely crossed the threshold before she embraced and kissed me. She was preparing dinner and gave me a glass of whiskey to enjoy while I waited.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">When everything was ready, she invited me to the table and turned off the lights, leaving only the lit candles. On the small kitchen table were Italian pasta in three different colors, a casserole with Bolognese sauce, plus cr</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">ème fraiche, and an endive salad. On the table stood a bottle of red wine — "Valentine" of course. I opened the bottle and filled the glasses. She watched me to see if I understood anything, but I didn't, so she had to explain what Valentine's Day was. Full of admiration, I leaned over and kissed her.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Penny, everything tastes fantastic. You must have spent a lot of time preparing it," I said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I enjoy cooking for my Johan since he really appreciates my efforts."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We ate and drank and then sat quietly looking at each other for a long time, but our romantic seance was soon interrupted by the whirring of the coffee maker. I poured the coffee, and whipped the cream for the dessert, which was a heart shaped Sachertorte that she had made the night before.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">When our hunger was satisfied, it was time for lust. We went into the bedroom and kissed while undressing each other. It went fast and she wanted me in her almost immediately, but I teased her and focused on her breasts. My tongue danced around her stiffening warts, and when they got really hard, I dove in. She gasped for breath.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I love you, Penny. You're lovely, you're wonderful," I whispered in her ear.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"You are wonderful too," she said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It was Valentine's Day and a wonderful evening, but it was still Tuesday, and we both had colds, so I said goodnight to my dear and went home to sleep.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 15, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I have a bad cold and fever, but I am happy. I called her and we talked for a while. Her cold was better. I read her yesterday's passage from my diary which she liked. She had also received my letter with the poem, which she thought was the most beautiful so far. We talked about a few things, but mostly about love. She told me that this year is a Leap year.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 17</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I love you," I said when we got inside the door after I had escorted her home and we were about to part for the night. I know I say it quite often these days, maybe a little too often. I don't want it to be casual, but I mean it, even when she's not wearing makeup. I have become deeply attached to her person.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Don't you dream of making a mark in the sand, of immortalizing yourself?"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"No," she replied without hesitation.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It puzzled me. Does she not want to go to the afterlife? Does she just want to live?</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Isn</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’t that enough?" she said, adding that you can't just live for your own generation, but must also think about what you leave behind for the next generation.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She called in sick today since her cold was getting worse. She called me at half past nine. I went to her house at half past three in the afternoon. On the way I bought five pink tulips. She was very happy with them. We had rice pudding and she talked about M</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">ärta Tikkanen's book </span><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Manrape</span></i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">. She said it had given her pause for thought. It had made her think about the role of women. It was clear that she had given the book a lot of thought.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Then we made love.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Then we took a shower.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Then we went to my place, where I treated her with waffles, coffee, and ice cream.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 20, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We met on </span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Östgötagatan and walked up to the cliff by Katarina Church. We stood for a long time in the sunny, but cold weather, and enjoyed the view. Saltsjön (the Salt Lake) lay clear blue, and we could count at least fifty white swans down by the Old Town. Boats from the archipelago, and ferries to and from Djurgården silently glided over the water.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Later, when we were shopping for food at Domus by Slussen, I saw her checking prices while I was packing. She wanted to make sure that the cashier did not enter the wrong amount.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Today I restrained myself and did not say once that I loved her, although she probably knew that anyway.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 21</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Last night I worked past two in the morning on my introduction to Anthony Downs' book <i>An Economic Theory of Democracy. </i>Today I worked 9.30-12.30 on the newspaper, had lunch before I went to the seminar that started at three. My preparations were clearly inadequate. I knew that, of course, but Fors had told me not to worry. Facing the seminar, I immediately felt I had too much floating around in my brain. I had no simple logical structure to line up, but only a basic structure. Intuitively, I understood Down's logical model of the political system, but as soon as I moved away from the basic structure, a lot of unpleasant complications appeared that grew and grew during the hour I talked. Eventually they seemed to fill the entire room, which thankfully only consisted of me, Fors and eight PhD students. Towards the end, Fors cut the presentation as it was obvious that I was stuck.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The discussion afterwards didn</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’t go well, but it was not all my fault. Some of the PhD students preferred to talk about how much they disliked models. They asked questions as if they wanted to burst the balloon I had inflated, and it burst when I was left with no answers to give. It was embarrassing to say the least, and I felt like a fool.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 23, Thursday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Mom told me that she was thinking of taking a trip to Cot</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">ě d'Azur. She wanted to travel on her own to find herself. She also wanted to revive old memories.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Read a third of Anders Ehnmark's <i>Arvskifte </i>(settling the inheritance).</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"The classic mistake of the left is to dream of the new way of governance. The dream has everywhere led to a nightmare. The modern error of radicalism, which Lenin did so much to nurture, is to believe that you have the political solution, a new system of popular government that allows the general will to be expressed, as opposed to bourgeois democracy, which allows only small groups to do so. The great Rousseauian speculation about such systems fails since they nowhere, after many attempts, have proved to be anything else than despotism. Incidentally, the despot is is already indicated in the texts, if you look closely, as a subject, a 'we' who decides what the will of the class or the people is."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0in;"> </span></p><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(Ehnmark, p 74-75)</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt; text-align: left;"> </span></p><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"The social goals of the left, justice and equality, require an extreme political pessimism, a Montesquieuian theory of the weakening the power, in order not to turn into its opposite, a new and worse class society." (p 75)</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify;"> </span></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">His reasoning is sympathetic, but he makes it a little too easy by simply dumping Rousseau and embracing Montesquieu. His criticism of liberals then becomes that they are inconsistent unless they are also anti-imperialists. In my opinion, he has a naïve view of the possibilities of democracy, and an overly optimistic view of the state. Kenneth Arrow already showed with his "impossibility theorem" that not even a perfect democracy can satisfy everyone. It does of course provide stronger feedback but does not abolish power itself. Strategic decisions on overall social action require a certain degree of Rousseau's <i>volont</i></span><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">é générale</span></i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">. Montesquieu was, after all, a conservative. In the US, it was the separation of powers that long blocked civil rights for the black population (Franz Neumann: <i>The Democratic and Authoritarian State, </i>New York, 1955).</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 25, Saturday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I sensed that something was going on when the phone rang. It was not Klasse, but Arne. She was cold and distant on the phone but said nothing about me. I went to the bathroom while she washed the dishes and took a shower afterwards. Then I put on my pajamas and got into bed. She came over too but was reserved. We talked about childhood memories for a while, but then she changed the subject, and said that she was not happy with the way I did the dishes on Wednesday. She went on to say that she didn't want to leave her apartment and her way of life. This was not an answer to a question, at least not from me. I felt a threat approaching.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"It worries me that you assume that it will be the two of us. You take it for granted, but I don't feel like I've arrived at the big love. I like you very much, and logically I should be happy, but that's not what my feelings tell me. I only say that because I want you to know how I feel."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Silence and heavy breathing.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I want you to let me know when you feel sure that it won't be the two of us. Then we have to break up, because I don't want to be cheated. When I go into a relationship, I do it with an open heart, prepared to go as far as it takes. If you have a reservation that says it can't be us, then I want to know," I said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She caressed me. I lay on my stomach and thought about going home. Her caresses were painfully tender, and at the same time restrained. She wanted to show warmth and compassion, but not to excite me. I controlled myself, put on my clothes and went home without bitterness. Grateful to my beloved for her honesty, but sad to be unloved.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">What the hell should I do now?</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I understand her. For me, she is fine as she is. She could be a mother and a wife. She could easily get a better job and more education in time, but what do I have to offer besides poems and tulips? I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m a big question mark. What security can I offer? I understand her, but the fact that I understand this doesn’t mean that I accept the fact that she doesn’t love me.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 26, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I was with her last night. We had met at McDonalds near Fridhemsplan. She noticed my coldness, but I thought that since she had wanted to cool my feelings, she had no right to complain. I was no longer infatuated but felt proud and independent.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I lay in her bed reading while she made a tuna salad. As usual, she put a lot of effort into making the food tasty and beautiful to look at. In the cr</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">ème fraîche there was a small bundle of sprouts. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Afterwards we crawled into bed. I kissed and massaged her naked body. She responded by caressing herself while I watched, whimpering of pleasure when she reached her climax. She was eager to have me, but I held back, teasing her, until I took the plunge</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;">. She moaned and scratched my shoulder blades with her nails. </span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;">It was perfect, strong, and beautiful, far beyond routine. </span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; text-indent: 0.25in;">Was it the aggression that increased the pleasure?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 27, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We went through the travel brochures again and decided on Crete. Then she read my latest poem, which she liked a lot.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="Verse"><i><u><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Hit</span></u></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Your words hit,</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">penetrated like</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">high-velocity</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">ammunition</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">into.... no,</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">right through</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">my heart</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">The hole of</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">entrance</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">was small</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">and fine</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">I did not yell,</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Didn</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’t jump</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">But I was</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">at once</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">annihilated</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">I was completely calm</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">when you took aim,</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">was almost naked</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">You didn</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’t want</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">to hurt</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Only kill</span></i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p></blockquote><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She asked if it didn</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’t mean anything to me, that she didn't care about politics. I said no. I myself am no longer as interested in politics, or rather, my belief in the miraculous power of politics has diminished over time.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I wonder if she is not essentially a puritan. A social and economic puritanism, combined with a deep sensuality. And sensual was the end of our evening. Although we didn't plan to make love, we did. She seduced me and then touched my hair. And she found a couple of gray hairs. At first, I didn't believe it, but the mirror in the bathroom was unrelenting. I pulled out my first gray hair.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 28, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-hansi-font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The job at DN has certain aspects of parody.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Paid working time: 40 hours per week.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Normal working hours: 30 hours.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Time actually working: 20 hours.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Time working effectively: 15 hours.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">February 29, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I was a lion and she a lioness. Later she told me that she never felt so appreciated as she did by me. What do I see in her? Is it her inner warmth and the way she receives me? There are more beautiful girls, but that doesn't matter so much. She is handsome, tall, and beauteous. I like the fact that she is slim, but not shapeless. I want a beautiful girl and she is beautiful, but also a delightful person, tender and sensual, wise, and intelligent. She devours with appetite the books and magazines I lend her. When we occasionally discuss politics, she is relatively open, but gets tired quickly when I get up to speed.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">But maybe that's a sign of health!</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">March 1, Thursday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I have a hard time sleeping. Worried about not getting the substitute reporter position this summer. Maybe not even a job on the foreign desk.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Grey hair too.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I have stopped reading left-wing magazines, but I have not given up on the world. I care about humanity, but my political beliefs have cooled.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">What to do about Beirut? Iran-Iraq? Afghanistan?</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">March 2, Friday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She was depressed when I called. She is also struggling to find a job she likes. It's sad to realize that the market demands different skills than the ones you have. She sounded so frail and fragile that I suggested that we go to the movies (even though I didn't have time!) When I got home, Mom said that Larry from Aftonbladet had called about a job. My God! What a great feeling. He called again around nine and sounded very nice, but it was primarily a text and layout editor they needed. We will meet on Monday.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">March 4, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She told me that her mother thought it was good that I have a job. She thinks it’s irresponsible for a man of 30 to "study."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Sometimes I wonder how long my feelings will last. She wonders that too. Or rather, it worries her. Can she trust me? She needs someone to trust. Last Friday night we celebrated three months.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We had dinner at the restaurant Vita Bergen on Folkungagatan and then went to her place. The first time was good. The second time dragged on and became increasingly exhausting and frustrating. My mind wandered back and forth between fantasies about my girl and other girls. Yes, it felt a bit awkward to think about others while making love to her, but they were just fantasies. Eventually I could sense a second orgasm rolling in with a violent force. She said afterwards that she was afraid that I was in pain because it sounded like I was suffering, but I wasn't in pain. It just felt so good that it hurt, and I wanted to cry, but it didn't hurt any more than that the cry turned into a sigh and a sob.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I was so happy.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">March 5, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I went to Aftonbladet for a job interview. They want me as an editor for three months. 31 hours work week and 11,000 kr per month in salary. They needed an answer no later than Wednesday.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">March 6, Tuesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It was difficult to get started this morning since I was hungover, but I pulled myself together and went to the business desk to inquire about jobs. Ottendal was there, and he was joking and noisy as usual. Yes, I was in a good position, he said. There were 90 applicants for the two positions in his department, and I was well positioned, but he couldn't tell me more until Friday.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">March 7, Wednesday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I talked to Ljungberg, who wanted to extend my temporary job, and I agreed to continue until Penny and I travel to Crete in April. In May the central news desk wants me, and in the summer, it could be an opening at the business desk. Ljungberg said that he had talked to Ottendal about me and had "spoken for the product."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My colleague Bervald was sick today. I worked alone and got a lot done. He said he would probably not come tomorrow, but I suspect that he will as he is afraid that it may look like one editor can do the entire section.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">March 9</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Death may have been like an old friend to Dad, someone he had met from time to time. I have no direct memory of him being afraid of death. Not before the big operation in 1973, when his artificial valve was inserted. What he suffered from was his forced powerlessness, the limitation of his creative ability. He suffered from constant aches and pains, from waking up soaking wet in the middle of the night as his heart was racing. He suffered from knowing that any cold or flu could kill him. He managed his health meticulously, checking his sugar levels every day. He took dozens of pills and drops for his cataracts. He didn't fear death, but he wanted to live, and if he couldn't be healthy, he at least wanted to feel relatively well. He did this when he could work, when it was warm, and the sun was shining. The warm weather gave him strength, and the pain was for the moment driven away.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Bervald was out today too, so it was quite a busy day, but no worse than that I finished at three. Went up to Ottendal after lunch. He looked a bit worried.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"No, I can't tell you today. There were more qualified applicants than we expected, and it will take time to go through all of them," he said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I thought I was in a pretty good position," I said.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Well, at least you're not in the no pile," he laughed.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I kept a straight face.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">March 12, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I talked to Ottendal and he said he had three or four people ahead of you in the queue."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">That was Ljungberg talking. I was not surprised, but of course sad. I had sought him out to be able to give an answer to Aftonbladet.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">March 13</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">For the past two days I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’ve felt the loss of Dad. I had the urge to call him from work...</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">March 14</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I overheard that one of the trainees from the College of Journalism got the temp job at the business desk. For me it was a personal defeat. To be rejected again after exposing my weakness by saying "I want." Going from disappointment to disappointment. Deep down in my stomach I</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">’m crying. Feeling weak and worthless.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Will she get tired of me?</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">March 15</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";"></span></i></p><blockquote><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Life is a collection of scars</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">written on the walls of the heart</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">With each new defeat</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">each new miscalculation</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">your heart is bleeding</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">And every bleeding</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">leaves a callus,</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">a line of hardened skin</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Each new scar</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">makes you less mobile,</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">more cautious</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">One is added</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">to the other</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">while you live</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">your only life</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Your heart</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">moves less willingly</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">acts more cowardly</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">You mature,</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">grow older</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">You die</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">scar by scar</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 11.7333px; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">Then one day</span></i></p><p class="Verse"><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">you die.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p></blockquote><p class="Verse"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"></span></p></blockquote><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We live in a world of losers. You can tell by the look in people's faces, by their facial tics, that they have lost.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I skipped the Journalist Unions' party. Not because I didn't get the job, but because I didn't have the strength. It was a busy day at work, and I had to work until half past six. The others left between four and five. I was editing an interview with Robert Rauschenberg, and it was taking too long. And since I didn't feel like meeting more colleagues on this day, I went to the Stockholm Public Library, where I borrowed a couple of books. Then home to read Amartya Sen.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">March 19</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Mom sometimes complains that she is depressed. What she misses is Dad's care and kindness, and someone to do the same to. She loves us "kids" of course, but we can't fill the void.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">March 21</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I signed a contract with DN. I’ll be starting on the night shift at the central news desk on May 3. Pay is 10,500 kr per month.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Her lips like peaches. We kissed, but did not make love, just cuddled. Then we lay in her bed and read T.S. Eliot. </span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">March 26, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I have been with her and once again reached brighter regions. When I called her this morning, it sounded like we wouldn't see each other until the evening, as she had to make a mandatory visit to a friend. When I called around one o'clock, she said she had baked a cake and asked when I was coming over.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Come," she said, and I came.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I received a promotional offer from Warner Bros, so we went to Astoria to see the new movie <i>The Big Chill</i>. It was about a group of 1960s American radicals who met at the funeral of a central character from the group's college days. Alex had committed suicide and his death forced the others to confront their former ideals and ambitions. This is the radicalism of the 1980s looking at itself.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We have the same trend in Sweden where Fria Proteatern, Mikael Segerstr</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype";">öm and others examine their lost illusions. After the movie, we went home to her apartment and settled down in her bed. She was reading the evening newspaper Expressen, and I wondered if she was up to making love, or if I would have to go home without doing it, but it turned out to be both kisses and love.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Mental healing!</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">April 1, Sunday</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Isn't it hard to live in another country," I asked her as we sat in the kitchen eating avocados with shrimp and curry sauce.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Well, it's difficult if big things happen, with my parents and so on. If I had children, I'd like to live close to my mother, but otherwise I'm not particularly attached to England. There are better opportunities here. At home it's so messy with unemployment and strikes."</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">*</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I am tired – tired and happy – because I have Penny. But I mourn Dad. In a way, I also mourn Cecilia. It was a long time we were together.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I didn't think I could fall more in love, but I did. I'm thinking of proposing.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">April 4</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"I wish I could say I love you completely," she said just as we were about to make love.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Is there something going on? Do you want to be free again?"</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"No, but I'm sad that I can't give back enough."</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">April 5</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Where is Grandpa," Tom exclaimed as we celebrated Georg's birthday. I guess it was the fact that we were all there that made him think about Grandpa's absence.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Grandpa is in heaven, he has traveled far, far away," was the answer, and something told him it was no use nagging. Grandpa would not come back.</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Death is so painful for the survivors. It is a bundle of emotional strings that has been cut off. For Mom, every night she sits alone in front of the TV must be difficult.</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 3.5in 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">April 9, Monday</span><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype", serif; text-indent: 0.25in;"> </span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="BlockQuote" style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"For Xenophanes there was only one God, a divine being who bore no resemblance to man and who was always present everywhere. No man had seen God and no man would ever know anything about God, there would never be any final knowledge of the ultimate things, only the opinions of different men."</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0in;"> </span></p><p style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"> (Hans Furuhagen, <i>Grekernas v</i></span><i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">ärld</span></i><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype",serif; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Palatino Linotype"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">, /The World of the Greeks/, 1982, p 165-166)</span></p></blockquote><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: right;"><i>Trying to be Normal </i><i>is the third </i><i>part of novel with the working title Shifting Passions.</i></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">My English blog - The Nordic Link
http://sandberghans.blogspot.com/
My Swedish blog - Sandbergs hörna
http://hanssandberg.blogspot.com/</div>Hans Sandberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18076379982007777341noreply@blogger.com0