Shifting Passions - Prolog

1968 

Raging hormones. I was neither child nor adult and every morning I struggled in front of the bathroom mirror to keep my pimples in check, or at least hide them with Clearasil. I was shy, blushed easily, and my voice tended to crack when I had to speak in front of the class.

I had gotten a Beatles haircut in the summer of sixty-seven, wore Jesus sandals and tight jeans that I had rolled-up over my ankles. On my left shoulder hung a Nikon F. I had given up on the dream of becoming an astronaut and now wanted to become a photographer like Thomas in the movie Blow-Up, a job where you were not only surrounded by beautiful women but could expose the evil in the world. 

This was the year when God had been declared dead, Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert F. Kennedy were murdered, American B-52’s bombed Vietnam, students protested, the Cultural Revolution raged in China, the Soviet Union invaded Czechoslovakia, and the Beatles sang All You Need is Love. 

It was also a year when we talked over the phone. Texting was done with pens or pencils. Every home normally had one phone line and there were no answering machines. Telephones were mobile, but only as far as the wire allowed. There was one television channel, and it broadcast in black and white. We had tape recorders and record players, but not video recorders, so if you missed a show, that was it.    

2018 

Carl waited patiently on the steps of the Dramatic Theater. I was half an hour late since I had landed the day before and still was jet lagged. I had woken up at three o’clock, taken a glass of Jack Daniels and written in my diary before falling back asleep. 

“It takes longer to adjust these days,” I said.

“Yes, it’s the same thing for me. Age takes its toll,” he said.

We crossed Nybroplan by the bus stop and continued along Strandvägen. In the background we could hear seagulls, tourists, and lapping water. Once the sun peaked out, it felt warmer in the air.   

“The last time I was here we had Obama and looked forward to the future. Now we have Trump.”

“Everybody here thought Hillary would win.”

“So did she. After all, it was her turn.”

“It would have been nice to have a female President though.”

“Sure, but the arrogance was a bit too much,” I said.

“As I saw it, she had the knowledge and skills needed,” he said.

“Sure, but the enthusiasm was terribly low. Obama nailed it when he said that Hillary was likeable enough, but the democratic party’s leadership had decided that she was invincible,” I said. 

“She would have won if the electoral system had been fair,” he said.

“Certainly, but all the experts and strategist know how the system works. It was arrogance that led her to bungle the campaign. I remember a giant billboard in Hoboken which said, ‘I’m With Her’ as if voting was a declaration of feminist loyalty. She was tone-deaf as far as ordinary people goes.”

We crossed the bridge to Djurgården and continued east along the northern side of the island. It was leafy and nice and many sun bathers on Lejonslätten. A family had parked their baby carriage near a large oak tree and spread out a blanket in the grass for a pick-nick. 

“It’s fifty years since 1968,” he said. 

”It feels like a very long time ago,” I said.

“That’s my point. It’s as far to 68 as from 68 to the end of World War one,” he said.

“We experience time subjectively but measure it objectively. I began to take interest in politics in the spring, but I wasn’t politically engaged. When I was asked which party I would vote for, I said Folkpartiet (the liberal party) since I hadn’t thought much about it.”

“For me it was a done deal. Capitalism was a rotten system and socialism the solution. I was a Marxist and were planning to vote for Vänsterpartiet kommunisterna in the school election,” he said.

”Do you remember the poster we did?”

“It was Mikael’s idea. He felt we had to act fast,” he said.

“The message was simple — Stop! Think! — written in all caps. I borrowed Dad’s spray paint so that the text would come out looking psychedelic. How on earth could we have thought that two words could save the world?”

“Like, Jesus comes!“

”The next morning, I rolled up the poster and brought it to school. Mikael and I were afraid that some teacher would discover us when we put it up with tape,” I said.

“It was a pretty lame protest, but it was at least a beginning,” Carl said.

”If people just understood the state of the world, they would start protesting.”

“As I saw it, politics was about organizing people. That’s why I joined the student council.” 

“Why didn’t you become chairman? You liked to be a leader, which I never did. Why did you nominate me instead?” 

“It was a tactic from my side. I had opened my mouth too many times, and I was afraid that somebody would nominate a right-winger if I was a candidate. You were radical too, but not as known, and you were more diplomatic. And it worked,” he said.

We had planned to have lunch at Djurgårdsbrunns Wärdshus, but the wait was impossibly long, so we turned back the same way we came. Fortunately, we found a café near Skånska Gruvan where we got beer and sandwiches. 

“Why did we become so radical when we had it pretty well overall?”

“The fifties’ optimism had been punctured by the Vietnam war and left a vacuum behind,” he said.

“To us, this optimism looked really naive. Unlike our parents, we had no clue about what it was to live during war or threat of war. They had lived through a depression and a world war. Collective needs had been prioritized, while private needs had been rationed. Dad told me that he used to trade his liquor coupons for coffee coupons. Then came peace and freedom. They had children, bought a car, and moved to a bigger apartment. It must have been a little bit like China after Mao. God was dead and materialism ruled. Private interests were no longer a vice,” I said.

“It was such a positive time despite the Cold War. Welfare Sweden grew like crazy and life improved. We had enormously good artists and we won silver at the 1958 Soccer World Championship after having lost to Brazil, which was nothing to be ashamed of. People loved the US and everything that came from the US, but then the wind turned. Was it the Cuba crisis, McCarthyism, or the race riots after the murder of Martin Luther King?”

“I don’t think it was a single thing that awoke us, but a kind of mental domino effect that culminated with the Vietnam war protests,” I said.

“The US had been seen as a moral example, but the B52s and the napalm bombs could not be matched with the moralism the US was preaching. It was the same thing with the racism,” he said.

“Our reaction had a lot to do with television. I spent a week with a friend who lived outside Eskilstuna during the summer of 1968. I remember one night when we watched student protests on the TV news. His dad said that it was terrible, but I thought that they did the right thing,” I said.

“The older generation didn’t understand what was going on. They had been taught to shut up and obey, but young people began to talk back and raise questions.”

“We stepped out of our childhood and into a world that had lost its footing,” I said. 

“And the pop musicians who used to be neat and well-dressed let their hair grow and turned up the volume so that it hurt the ears of the adults. That was the real cultural revolution. The music gave us an identity that was entirely separate from the adult world,” he said. 

“We joined Vänsterns Ungdomsförbund (VUF) that autumn,” I said.

“There were a lot of nice people there, but now and then some dude would pop up and declare that everybody else were misinterpreting Marx which led to ideological wars and splintering. We got a lot of new political acronyms,” he said.

“Once we had five different groups peddling their papers outside the Systembolaget in my neighborhood. It was VUF, KAF, KFML, KFML(r) and DFFG. People laughed when they came out with their bags,” I said.

“It wouldn’t surprise me if the Salvation Army was there too,” he said.

“You had to read a lot just to keep up. All groups had their own newspapers and theoretical magazines where people threw quotations at each other,” I said.

“I dropped out when VUF split up. After that I spent a lot of time sitting at home playing on my guitar while you went to your meetings. I didn’t understand it then, but the ship had sailed. The revolution was over. I didn’t like the dogmatic fights over text interpretations and all the talk about the people and the masses. That’s why I joined the Social Democrats who had roots in the real working class. That’s something I have never regretted,” he said.

”My life would have turned out very differently if I too had dropped out at that time instead of ten years later.”

“You wasted a decade that you could have used in a much better way.”

“True, but it was not easy to escape the maelstrom, especially not when you thought you were surfing on the waves of history,” I said.

“Like Jesus comes,” he said.

“We told ourselves that we had the situation under control, and we had excuses for all setbacks.”

The above texts form the prolog to a novel in progress called Shifting Passions.

Shifting Passions - Excerpts

I: My Future Is With the People

Revolution in Ninth Grade

High School Passions

InterRail

II: Love without a Compass

The Cook and the Cannibal

Desiring the Impossible

The Body Remained 

III: Trying to be Normal

A Fool's Confession

Into the Labyrinth

To Betray and to Forgive

IV: Zigzagging in the Middle Kingdom

Change Money! Change Money!

Three Days on the Yangtze River

Filling a Vacuum

If you would like to read
a pre-publication digital copy of the novel,
please send me an email at h4sweden@gmail.com   

When Premier Zhou Enlai Sacrificed His Adopted Daughter Youmei

The New York Review of Books (December 7, 2023) has a very interesting article by Professor Perry Link where he discusses Ha Jin’s The Woman Back from Moscow. The novel tells the tragic story of Premier Zhou Enlai’s adopted daughter Sun Weishi, who called herself Youmei. The book provides insightful into what Link calls “the Communist superelite” under Mao Zedong, who despite professing to serve the people, never forgot about themselves.

“From the dusty caves of Yan’an in the late 1930s to the red-hot ‘class struggle’ of the late 1960s in Beijing, there are always maids to peel pears, orderlies to deliver lunch boxes, and guards to watch doorways, and when a child arrives the family goes out and hires a nanny.”

Life in China under Mao could be extremely brutal and full of hardship, but the elite enjoyed a protected life as long as they were completely loyal to the prevailing power. Link writes:

“They live in a cocoon, but the culture inside is hardly protective. It is tense and bereft of trust. Familial affection is present, but it gives way to politics whenever necessary. President Liu Shaoqi is willing to derail the marriages of two of his children, who have non-Chinese partners, because of ‘revolutionary needs.’ Zhou Enlai clearly cares for his adopted daughter. He coaches her in how to survive: ‘Just be careful about what you say in your letters. Always assume that some other eyes will read your letters before they reach me.’ But during the Cultural Revolution, when Zhou is faced with the dilemma of whether to sacrifice Yomei in order to protect himself from Jiang Qing, he signs a warrant for her detention that leads to her torture and death in prison. An aunt of Yomei’s, observing Zhou’s maintenance of a suave exterior, calls him a ‘smiling snake.’

Zhou is no anomaly. He lives in an environment where, in the end, people can trust only themselves. The distinguished Australian Sinologist Simon Leys once observed that comparisons of the CCP elite to the mafia are in a sense unfair to the mafia, in which a certain loyalty to ‘brothers’ does play a part. Losers of political battles at the top of the CCP generally are not relegated to comfortable retirements—they go to prison or worse. Zhou did not wish to seal Yomei’s fate; he was forced to when it became clear that it was either him or her.”

Living under an authoritarian system leaves little room for moral considerations, and people respond by developing a ‘split consciousness.’

“This distinction between unofficial and official life holds from the bottom of society to the top. The actual life of the red elite that Ha Jin depicts could hardly differ more from its officially projected images of giving speeches, doing inspection tours, and in other ways focusing on ‘service to the people.’ The questions ‘What best fits the system?’ and ‘What best serves my interests?’ are asked in parallel by people at all levels, and they seldom have the same answers. In his memoirs the dissident physicist Fang Lizhi recalls how Teng Teng, vice-chair of China’s State Education Commission in July 1989, summoned American ambassador James Lilley to berate him about how the US was allowing Chinese students who had spoken out against the Tiananmen massacre to remain in the US indefinitely. An hour after returning to the embassy, Lilley got a telephone call from Teng Teng’s secretary asking him to give special attention to Teng’s wife and children, who were seeking that same ‘indefinite residence’ status in the US. There are plenty of other examples like this. The ‘split consciousness’ of Chinese people in recent times has been widely noted.”

Although common in authoritarian systems, the roots of this phenomenon do in China's case go back two thousand years to the era when Shi Huangdi conquered the “warring states” and formed the Qin Dynasty. The French Catholic missionary Abbe Huc who lived and traveled in China and spoke Chinese discussed the impact on the citizens and rulers of this system in his 1855 book, The Chinese Empire.

“The inhabitants of the Celestial Empire, being wanting in religious faith, and living from day to day, without troubling themselves either about the past or the future, profoundly skeptical, and totally indifferent to what touches only the moral nature of man, having no energy for anything but the amassing of sapecks (money), cannot, as may easily be supposed, be well induced to obey the laws from a sentiment of duty. The official worship of China does not in fact possess any of the characteristics of what can properly be called a religion, and is, consequently, unable to communicate to the people those moral ideas that do more for the observance of the laws, than the most terrible penal sanctions. It is, therefore, quite natural that the bamboo should be the necessary and indispensable accessory of every legal prescription, and the Chinese law will consequently always assume a penal character, even when it has in view objects purely civil.

Whenever a legislature is compelled to be lavish of punishments, it may certainly be affirmed that the social system in which it is in force is vicious, and the Penal Code of China is an illustration of the truth. The punishments awarded by it are not graduated according to the moral gravity of the crime, considered in itself, but merely on the amount of damage that may be occasioned by it. Thus the punishment of theft is proportional to the value of the object stolen, according to a scale drawn up expressly to that effect, unless the theft be accompanied by circumstances that bring it under some other head. The penal legislation of China is based on the utilitarian principle, and this need not excite any surprise, for Chinese materialism does not consider the act so much in a moral point of view, as with respect to its consequences.”

Perry Link: A Fallen Artist in Mao’s China (NYRB, December 7, 2023)

Mark Weiser’s Quest for Calm Computing

I never cried before when I read a book about computers and their creators, but this time I did. Mark Weiser's death from cancer in 1996 was both sad and tragic, but he imbued his last few weeks with meaning by making a choice demonstrating what his life's philosophy had been all about, to be present and engaged with his fellow human beings, in particular his family, friends, and colleagues. When he was diagnosed with cancer and told that he had only three weeks to live, his first thought was to isolate himself and write the book he had always dreamt of writing, laying out his philosophy behind ubiquitous computing, an approach to computing that wanted to get them out of the way, so that they didn’t become a distraction from our humanity and human social life, but in the end he decided to spend the time with his ex-wife, daughters and friends. On the brink of death, he chose to be present.

The Philosopher of Palo Alto, written by John Tinnell, director of digital studies and associate professor of English at the University of Colorado at Denver, captures Mark Weiser's long struggle to keep the exploding new information technology from overwhelming us as humans. 

Wherever you look in 2023 it seems that he lost his battle as parents and children, friends and lovers, stare down at the mobile phones to count Facebook likes or laugh at Tik-Tok videos rather than look at each other, talk and listen. But the battle is not over, and Mark Weiser's ideas are still simmering and nurturing many information technology developers, researchers, and critics.

It was at Xerox PARC's legendary research lab that Mark Weiser developed the concept of ubiquitous computing, a radical paradigm for what computers could and should do, as well as what they should not do. He was influenced by philosophers such as Michael Polanyi, Martin Heidegger, and Maurice Merleau-Ponty, an influence that made him question the impact on computer research and development of the Cartesian split of mind and body. 

I interviewed Mark Weiser at his Computer Science Lab in early 1992, and he immediately made a strong impression on me, and I would never forget his basic ideas infused with humanity as they were. Half-way into the book Tinnell writes about Mark Weiser's visit to the MIT Media Lab where he was going to challenge the rest of the panel, which included the Lab's founder Nicholas Negroponte who touted software “butlers” that knew what their master’s wanted. It is a dramatic moment as he took on the more well-known and established digiterati. At this point, I found myself quoted in the book. 

"Weiser, meanwhile, sporting a rare tie and his trademark red suspenders, waited for his turn to address the crowd, aware that the other speakers were likely aligned against him. Weiser had picked fights with a few of them in his interview with reporters over the summer. Most pointedly, for example, he told a Swedish technology magazine shortly before the symposium: ‘I feel sick when I hear Alan Kay, Apple's research guru, talk of intimate data processing as the next step. Computers are a part of my life, like paper, pens, and chairs, but I don't want to become 'intimate' with them.’" (A footnote points to my 1992 article in Datateknik. John Tinnell, The Philosopher of Palo Alto, University of Chicago Press, 2023, p 156)

This was a time when the computer world was centered around personal computers or workstations, linked by local area networks, and maybe networks connected to universities, corporations, or government agencies. Lacking such a connection, you relied on CompuServe and America On-Line to get access to their respective and separate online worlds. It was before WWW, laptops, tablets, and smartphones, and a time when many industry players thought television would be the center of the connected and interactive home.

The book continues by exploring how the computer lab tried to move beyond the initial success for the concept of ubiquitous computing by collaborating with Xerox PARC’s inhouse anthropologists. Despite serious attempts on both sides, the two groups never quite connected since they had very different cultures and perspectives. Maybe one could say that it was a collision between anthropological fieldwork and engineers sprouting ideas in their labs. The problem for the engineers was that they must build the prototypes of ubiquitous computing with a technology that had a long way to go before it could be viable. During my visit, I was shown the three key components that illustrated the concept – tabs, pads, and boards, that is small, handheld devices with limited but context-aware functionality, electronic notepads, and finally a large electronic whiteboard. They were all connected through a primitive network that still enabled the user to pick up his work on a pad in another room or an electronic board, provided he had brought his tab with him. A fourth element in this model was a badge, that worked as an electronic ID-card, which could open doors and signal where a person was. The big difference between Mark Weiser’s approach and the rest of the computer world was that he didn’t want the system to spy on the user, not collect data that then could be used to influence or control the user. 

John Tinnell shows how the project lost some of its steam partially due to technological limits and the fact that the industry was heading in another direction. With the birth of the Web, and the explosive growth of both users and content, the world of information technology spun out of control. Mozilla became Netscape and suddenly Yahoo! was on everybody’s lips and screens. The old research labs funded by monopolies like AT&T and Xerox began to fizzle, and money started to flow from venture capitalists that had little patients for ideas like those of Mark Weiser.

All eyes were now on MIT Media Lab which became the shining star of the emerging digital age. On the one hand, projects like Thing That Think reflected some of the ideas behind ubiquitous computing, but the dominating trend was to use the new technology to track and predict what the users would do. Instead of freeing people from being stuck in front of screens, they were about to be sucked into a world where they were staring at screens of all sizes at every waking hour, which was more of a ubiquitous nightmare than anything else. An example of this brave new digital world was wearable computers, which the MIT Media Lab showed off at a big event in October 1997. It was quite a circus with Leonard Nimoy kissing a photo model on stage, causing his wearable gadget’s biosensors to signal more emotions in red lights than one would expect from Mr. Spock. 

Both I and Mark Weiser attended the event, but I was not aware of his presence, so I missed a chance to interview him, but later did an email interview with him on wearables.

In chapter 10, A Form of Worship, Tinnell explores the foundational beliefs that led Mark Weiser on his unique path as a computer researcher and the “philosopher of Palo Alto.” He wanted engineers to recognize uncertainty, the bottom of the iceberg. 

“If you were sure that your invention would be for others exactly what it was in your blueprint, then you were thinking only about the visible tip of the iceberg. You were presuming to know more than you did-your knowledge of other people was always incomplete. Even their own self-awareness was largely tacit, as was your own. Better to acknowledge these uncertainties, Weiser advised, than to presume yourself into an illusory state of omniscience. Adhering so doggedly to the pretense of certainty could push you to dismiss variables beyond your control or, worse, warp them to serve your design. Instead, Weiser urged his fellow engineers and technologists to cultivate an attitude of ‘deep humility,’ which ought chiefly to encourage ‘humility toward the role of [our] artifacts in other people's lives.’" (John Tinnell, The Philosopher of Palo Alto, University of Chicago Press, 2023, p 274)

It's a deeply humane and well researched book about a remarkable man who fought to “fit technology to humans.” (p 272)

Hans Sandberg

Mark Weiser on Ubiquitous Computing (Datateknik, February 18, 1992)

Mark Weiser on Wearable Computers (Email interview Oct 17, 1997)

Remembering Mark Weiser who Wanted to Get the Computers Out of the Way (May 26, 1999)

Remembering Mark Weiser who Wanted to Get the Computers Out of the Way (May 26, 1999)

(A brief article for Datateknik, May 26, 1999)

Mark Weiser was just 46 years old when, on April 27, he lost his battle with cancer that was discovered just six weeks earlier. Doctors had first given him a year and a half, then three months, and finally only days to live. He tried to use his remaining time to write a book on Ubiquitous Computing, the concept he introduced ten years ago, and which is now becoming a reality. But there wasn't enough time for even a first draft of the book. 

Mark Weiser's death shook many in Silicon Valley and beyond. Not just because he was the technical director of Xerox's famous lab, PARC (Palo Alto Research Center), but because of his character. Mark Weiser was the "soul and conscience" of Silicon Valley, and "he used his institution to remind anyone who would listen that in the battle between man and machine, we must let man win," wrote MSNBC's Bob Sullivan on May 5, 1999.  

I interviewed him during a visit to PARC in early 1992 and fondly remember his generosity and broad intellect. He and his team were prototyping a new kind of computing environment where computers were everywhere but not allowed to control our behavior. It was a foretaste of the "third wave," which he saw coming after the PC era, just as it replaced the mainframe era. 

"The old kind of computers, the ones that sit on your desk, require you to enter their world," said Mark Weiser, who was inspired by the German philosopher Martin Heidegger.

In an essay for Scientific American (No. 9 1991) on the computer era of the 21st century, he wrote about how writing technology faded into the background so that people stopped thinking of writing as technology. Similarly, he wanted computers to be, but not to be seen. He didn't like the idea of building even more personal, even "intimate" computers.

"It makes me sick when I hear that! Getting intimate with our computers is not the right way. We want to get computers out of the way! They should be part of our lives, like paper, pens and chairs, but we don't want to get intimate with them." (Datateknik, No. 5 1992.)

In the mid-90s, he coined the term Calm Computing, as a necessary complement to ubiquitous computing.

"With computers everywhere, we will want to use them while doing other things and have more time to be purely human. We will then have to radically rethink the goals, context, and technology of the computer and all the other technologies that intrude on our lives. Calmness is a fundamental challenge for all technological design in the next 50 years."

                                                                (Mark Weiser and John Seely Brown, head of PARC, wrote in The coming age of calm technology,, Xerox PARC, October 5, 1996.)

Hans Sandberg

US Correspondent for the Swedish computer weekly Dagens IT (Today’s IT)

Mark Weiser on Wearable Computers (Email interview Oct 17, 1997)

Email interview with Mark Weiser on Oct 17, 1997:

At 10:48 AM 10/17/97 PDT, you wrote:

Hi Mark,

I am a Swedish journalist based in Princeton, New Jersey, and I visited PARC five years ago or so for a story on Ubiquitous Computing. I just visited MIT Media Lab's symposium on Wearables, and I couldn't help but remembering what you told me about wanting the computers to disappear. What do you think about the wearable concept?

Sincerely,

Hans Sandberg

Mark Weiser's response: 

The wearable idea is terrific: one more way the computers are becoming ubiquitous.

Ubiquitous computing names the third wave of computing, where there are lots of computers in the environment, and they get lots easier to use.  It is ever more clear that the twenty-first century will be the age of ubiquitous computing, as I first said almost ten years ago. 

There are a few things that I think are dangerous in some of the wearable ideas. One insidious one is that idea that wearable means a safer, more private future, because all of my personal information will be on my body instead of trusting a server somewhere. (Ubiquitous computing as a concept is inclusive of either the server or the personal implementation.) What is insidious is thinking that there will *not* be data about you elsewhere, that keeping a computer close to your body makes you safe.  No, we will have to face up to serious new individual data privacy laws, and wearing a computer to solve privacy is a form of playing ostrich with your head in the sand. 

A second thing that I don't like about some of the wearable work is the extent to which it increases the obtrusiveness of the computer.

Translating mime language into English is pretty intrusive and anti-artistic, in my opinion. Having a 1-1 relationship with a special worn computer does not really make it very invisible to you.  As long as there is a special computer in your life, it is still the personal computer paradigm, not the ubiquitous computing paradigm, even if the computer is worn.  Invisibility means not just (and not necessarily) *physical* invisibility -- the most important thing is mental invisibility. 

Recently I have begun to focus on how we will feel as we use these ubiquitous computers.  Today clearly computers make us more frantic and overloaded.  So, I talk about the age of "calm computing", and how to bring it about.  See paper at

http://www.ubiq.com/hypertext/weiser/acmfuture2endnote.htm (Note 2023: The link is dead, but The paper can now be found at https://calmtech.com/papers/coming-age-calm-technology.html)

I hope this helps.

-mark

P.S. Xerox is a sponsor of some of the MIT Media lab wearable work.

Mark Weiser on Ubiquitous Computing (Datateknik, February 18, 1992)

Mark Weiser, Xerox PARC:

Computers Should be, but not be Seen

With ubiquitous computing (UC), Xerox's famous PARC research center is trying to turn the way we use computers upside down. Mark Weiser, head of PARC's computer science lab, wants to make computers ubiquitous and anonymous at the same time. 

Like most innovators, Mark Weiser is dissatisfied with the status quo. 

"The old kind of computers, the ones that sit on your desk, require you to enter their world," he says. 

"It's the computer at the center, instead of the person and their work. In extreme cases, as with "virtual reality" systems, you must put on a helmet and gloves to use them. 

At PARC, which is a neighbor to Stanford University in Palo Alto, California, they are trying to do just the opposite! 

The goal is an integrated computing environment, where computers are everywhere and always available. Instead of one computer on your desk, you will have dozens, of varied sizes and functions. Each room can accommodate hundreds of computers. We should not have to drag the computer with us when we go from one room to another, because we can just pick up one of the computers in the other room and continue what we were doing in the first one. Computers should know where they are and where you are and be constantly ready to serve you. This will create radically new conditions for collaboration and increased productivity in tomorrow's offices. 

It is, in short, the dream of ubiquitous but never conspicuous computing. 

Against this background, it may be easier to understand why Mark Weiser wrote in the September issue of Scientific American that "the very idea of a 'personal' computer" is misplaced. 

"The old-style computer visionaries are trying to radicalize personal computers and make them even more personal," he said. 

“Alan Kay talks about intimate computing as the next step. It makes me sick when I hear that! Getting intimate with our computers is not the right way. We want to get computers out of the way! They should be part of our life, like paper, pens, and chairs, but we don't want to get intimate with them. It's pushing the personal and individualistic to its extreme," says Mark Weiser and asks pointedly: 

“Are you intimate with your pen?”

(Alan Kay was one of PARC's founders and is today one of the leading researchers in Apple Computer. He coined the term "dynabook," which Apple popularized with the term "knowledge navigator.") 

Paper and pencil are also technologies, but we have stopped seeing them as such. We unthinkingly take them for granted, which for Weiser is a sign of how deeply a technology has taken root in our society.

“Ubiquitous computing is the first attempt to apply in-depth what we have learned about humans over the last 20 years," says Mark Weiser.

“It is often psychological insights that drive changes in computing. For example, screens and computer graphics are responses to input from psychologists.” 

“Ubiquitous computing could only happen in a place like PARC, where you have computer scientists and anthropologists under the same roof. I came up with the concept when I was thinking about how we could respond to what the anthropologists were telling us. They studied how people use technology and talked about 'situations.' They said that we had misunderstood technology; that we had overlooked the myriad details of real situations, real spaces. About relationships between people in a room and the cultures they come from," says Mark Weiser. 

This led to a radical rethink of the way we use computers. Mark Weiser and his colleagues realized that rethinking details such as the graphical user interface (GUI) would not be enough. 

“Since a serious model of ubiquitous computing requires us to consider the details, we had to try to build elements of it and start using them as soon as possible. This was not something you could study theoretically, it had to be studied practically.”

“We eventually came up with some stuff that indicated where we are going. We know they may not be exactly the right things, but they are different enough from the current computers to help us along the way.“

At first glance, PARC's model of the UC doesn't look particularly remarkable. We have a large electronic drawing screen ("Liveboard"), which you can draw on with a digital "marker." We have many pen computers ("Pads") and a variety of small pocket-sized digital notebooks ("Tabs.")

“We've created three sizes of computers: a few inches, a foot and a yard ("inch-, foot- and yard-size computers,") which we see as a natural scale, similar to what we have in the office and in the home. (If anyone wonders where to find a yard-sized information screen in a home, Mark Weiser points to the refrigerator door, which in the US is the standard bulletin board.)    

The first thing that makes me raise my eyebrows a bit is a special application of the smallest piece of this puzzle: the "active" ID tag that Mark Weiser wears on his chest, which is  computer with a built-in infrared transmitter. This smart badge, developed in collaboration with Olivetti researchers, is constantly communicating with small antennas on the ceiling of each room. 

Smart badges can be used to both control and serve people. They can be part of a system that selectively opens doors; they can direct telephone calls and electronic mail to a person regardless of which room he is in; they can inform the computers in a room who is there. 

They can also create automatic diaries, with the system continuously recording where you are (unless you put the ID badge in a pocket, which blocks its infrared signals). The system creates an automatic log of where you've been and who else has been in the same place, a list that can be a valuable memory aid. (Mark Weiser is aware that many fear that this is an invasion of privacy -- "Big Brother is watching you" – but he believes that this can be avoided through social norms about how the system is used and by allowing individuals to control such private information themselves.)

The smallest computers in the UC system, let's call them tabs, are intended to function as a very simple writing tool, an electronic scratch paper. Once could compare them to simple pocket calculators. Mark Weiser imagines a hundred such tabs in a typical office room.

The next step in the scale is "Pads," electronic notebooks. (I refrain from suggesting a translation of this term!) They are similar to pen computers, but serve a different function, as illustrated by the fact that a room can have 10-20 "Pads." Just like in Windows you can have several programs open at once, you can have several "Pads" active on your desktop. The difference is that the previous window environments are crowded on one and the same screen, while the PARC model can have them lying next to you in full scale. 

Each room will also have one or two "live boards", which can be used for communication (e.g., video conferencing) or presentations. 

The basic elements of "ubiquitous computing" are based on technologies that either already exist or are imminent. Lightweight handheld computers, pen computers and projection screens with a pen input system (an infrared camera records the movement of the digital "pen"), a largely wireless local computer network, and a number of networked computers.

What makes the system as a whole unique is the total integration of such a large number of computers, all communicating with each other in a uniform way and each part knowing where it is. 

While Mark Weiser is drawing on his "big screen," I can give him written comments, directly from my "Pad." They will appear on his screen. I can also take the content of his screen and save it as an icon on a "Tab" to later call up the same image on another "big screen". The system is everywhere, and I can access it no matter where I am in the building. It's completely different from carrying a pen computer from room to room and connecting to a local network.

"Some people think we're going to get there anyway, more or less automatically, but I don't think so," says Mark Weiser. "Instead, we're going to have clusters of networks communicating in different niches, like pagers, mobile phones and personal computers of various kinds. Compare that to the access we have to literature in this room. We have immediate access to all the words in the room, without having to worry about what format they are printed in. As long as we (in the computer world) are dominated by these niches, we will never have "seamless" access to the world of information, where you can pick up a scrap computer and just start working. 

It is important to remember that UC is still only a research project, which may change considerably before Xerox decides to try to bring it to market. First, some of the difficult technical challenges the system faces must be addressed. 

"We're going to need much more wireless communication than any company today can imagine," says Mark Weiser. "We need connections between hundreds of computers in a building, whereas companies in this field think in terms of one person, one computer.

PARC researchers have therefore had to develop their own wireless networks with tiny cells, each covering a room.

Another problem is building a stable system, with so many loosely linked computers. 

“You must make sure that the whole system doesn't collapse if one computer fails, something that current distributed computing systems are poor at. We need a much more robust technology for networked computers," he says. 

Both computer operating systems and window management technology need to undergo major changes to enable ubiquitous computing.

The third challenge is the ability to build small. This is a prerequisite for producing sufficiently small, lightweight, and inexpensive tabs.           

Even if the Xerox researchers in Palo Alto succeed in meeting these and other technological challenges, it remains to be seen how the parent company meets the market challenges. In the 1970s, Xerox managed to fumble a series of brilliant inventions, losing both its geniuses and the markets they created. 

Hopefully, the 90s harvest from PARC will not suffer the same fate.

Hans Sandberg

Background:

Xerox: Not only copiers

But what does Xerox have to do with computers? Quite a lot and for three reasons. 

First, because in 1970, CEO Peter McColough set up a research center to study how complex organizations use information. This center, the Palo Alto Research Center, located in a hilly area near Stanford University, would prove to be extremely creative. For example, the first Alto personal computer/workstation was invented here in 1974. Although a commercial failure, it introduced many concepts that would shape the personal computer revolution and Apple's successful Macintosh: overlapping windows, icons, mouse, bitmap graphics. PARC also led the development of local area networks with its Ethernet and was the birthplace of the first object-oriented programming language, Smalltalk.

The second reason is that Xerox for a long a time had the ambition to become a computer company. In 1987, it gave up on selling its own computer systems and exclusive operating systems in favor of Sun's SPARC computers and the SunOS operating system. Today it focuses on developing and selling applications for office automation and in particular advanced desktop publishing and image processing. 

The third reason is that Xerox digital copiers are computers. They contain networks of microprocessors and advanced software, including expert technical monitoring systems. 

Media Circus - Trying to Be Normal (Excerpt 5)

August 25, Monday

It was a grim Christer who emerged from the meeting with Granat. He went straight to his desk, picked up his car keys and disappeared from of the building. We heard him start the engine and drive off in his Volvo. Minutes later, Lapri came over and asked me to manage the production. Two hours later, Christer came back, and asked me to meet him in the kitchen.

"You know the new circulation figures came out this morning. We're now the biggest computer newspaper and it's all thanks to me. Per-Åke congratulated me this morning, but he's actually going to take full credit for the success," he said.

Later in the day, Granat called a meeting to inform us journalists about the circulation success, which he intended to celebrate with a party. We would be there, but he reminded us that the feast was for the guests and not for us. 

* 

Thursday was the "big day" and we helped set up two big tents in the parking lot for the buffet. When we had finished, I wrote a short letter to Granat requesting a meeting to discuss some union matters. These included the need for a petty cash fund, noise reduction screens in the office, Ann's salary which should be converted to a monthly salary, and the fact that we had not received the holiday allowance. I put the letter in Granat's inbox and five minutes later he showed up at my workstation. He didn't want to risk any hard feelings at the party, so he said he was open to specific suggestions, but didn't think there were any in my letter. As for Ann's terms, he referred to Hurtig who said that Granat would not allow him to do anything, and when I asked him again, he referred to Lapri, who in his turn referred to Hurtig!

"But this is ridiculous! Is this some kind of game you're playing," I told Lapri.

"Okay, Johan. You'll get a decision on Friday," he said. 

* 

We journalists felt completely left out of the party. When the advertisers and publicity people started to trickle in, Micke Reija went over to the buffet and brought back two full glasses of white wine. He gave me one and we toasted. The rest of the reporters soon did the same thing, and when the glasses were empty, we went back for more. At three Granat took the microphone.

"Welcome, dear friends! We have all gathered here today because we all have the same goal, to make money," he began, and then gave the new circulation figures, but did not say a word about Christer's or anyone else's efforts. 

* 

Christer didn't come to work on Friday, so I called him at home. He said he was so depressed that he had called in sick. He didn't give a damn about the production even though we were already far behind because of Thursday's party.

“Johan, what do you think we should do with Christer? Isn't there some way we can cheer him up?" said Granat when he came by half an hour later.

"Why not send him and his wife to Mallorca for a couple of weeks in recognition of his efforts," I said.

He jumped, but didn't answer, and went back to his office. An hour later he came back and handed out leftover bottles of champagne.

August 26, Tuesday

Pekka Neiman showed up with the pay envelopes at two. I got 6,034 kr after tax, but Ann only got 2,200 kr, compared to 3,600 kr the month before. I went with her to Neiman's office to look into the matter, but he said he was in a hurry for a wedding. Then I went to Lapri.

"Why haven't you resolved the issue of Ann's salary?"

"It's been so busy because Christer has been making trouble."

"That not right. You promised to fix this. There is only one acceptable solution, and that is to give her a full-time job and 8,000 kr per month," I said.

"Okay," Lapri said, and walked in to Granat’s office.

He came back an hour later and asked to speak to me.

"It is not possible to make a decision today because Christer has not submitted the personnel plan requested by Granat for two months."

"No, no, you can't keep going back and forth like this. You can't treat a person like this," I said.

"Yes, I understand, and I agree. We will have a decision on Wednesday. You can tell Ann that she will get her full-time position and a pay rise." 

August 28, Wednesday

Ann finally received the news of her full-time job and the new salary. It was undeniably a victory, because I had told Hurtig that I would not give an inch here. At three we had a meeting with Granat who promised to fix the vacation allowance quickly.

"In the future, could you warn me if you include something in the agreement that you suspect that I might not like," he said at the end of the meeting. 

September 2, Tuesday

When I came to work this morning, I was told that Christer had resigned. Micke, Torsten, Ann, and I met in the kitchen, where the ad salesmen Johnny and Johan were sitting, as well as Mårten from the Personal Computer magazine. Eventually Lapri showed up with a joke on his lip, but no one laughed. I called him to account for the latest crisis, but he downplayed it and said it was due to Christer's family problems.

"And we are supposed to believe that? Doesn't anyone see that something is wrong when one after another jump ship?"

He was under pressure and replied that they had to reorganize the editorial team.

"First you'll have to call a meeting to negotiate," I said.

While we were discussing, Christer showed up.

"Why did you quite?" I asked.

"Who told you that?" he first replied, but then admitted that he had resigned.

"What happened?"

"I can't tell you."

We in the editorial team decided to keep working, but not to make any extra effort to save this week's issue. The management had to take responsibility for the crisis, which Lapri did by throwing himself into production and involving the other editorial teams. 

September 4, Wednesday

Granat called and asked me to come into his office.

"Johan, I hear there are problems in the newsroom," he said as I sat down at the large mahogany conference table.

"We are upset that Christer left and think the management should take this as a sign that something is wrong."

"Johan, you have to understand that we work with a well-thought-out philosophy at this company. It’s often difficult for entrepreneurs to take the leap from a small company to a medium-sized one, and that is where we are now. If we are to succeed, we all need to pull together. It would therefore be good if you could define the conflict that you seem to see between me and Christer since I’m not aware of it. It seems that we have been hit by psychological problems at the company," he said.

"I don't think this is a conflict that you solve with psychotherapy. I would suggest that you engage in some introspection," I said.

"It's sad that you have such a negative attitude," he said. 

September 6, Friday

Christer withdrew his resignation on the promise that he could continue to run the newspaper as he did in the spring. 

* 

"Johan, can you spare a moment?" Granat called out. He was talking to Lapri and Christer.

I went there and was met with the next question:

"Did you say that it is clear that Ann has a monthly salary?"

"Are you going back on your promise?"

"No, no, it will be fine, but if we expand one position from part-time to full-time, we have to reduce another from full-time to part-time," he said. 

They left for lunch without waiting for an answer. I thought about it for a while and then wrote a letter explaining that I considered Ann to be a full-time employee from September 1 and pointed out that Lapri had complained last week that Ann had left half an hour before five "now that she has a full-time job." She had been working full-time for a long time and was therefore to be considered a full-time employee according to Swedish labor market practice.

He received the letter after lunch. Then Ann went in and talked to him. He promised that she would be informed before five o'clock, and indeed she was: full-time and 8,100 kr per month. We celebrated with dinner at Café Opera.

I called Penny from the café. She was a bit suspicious and warned me not to do something I would regret. 

* 

Ann was so lovable, and her eyes shone with intelligence and human warmth. She wants to be a writer and I'm sure she will be. My conversations with her give me an intellectual kick, which makes me think about my relationship with Penny. 

September 9, Monday

Granat seems to have decided to micromanage the paper. Ragnar called in sick this morning, presumably in protest at the imposition of a new layout.

"Ragnar is probably feeling ignored," I told Granat when he asked where he was. 

September 10

"Were you sick yesterday, Ragnar? I'm curious, because Johan says you were away because you were unhappy with the new layout," he said over his morning coffee in the kitchen.

"I didn't feel so well yesterday," he replied.

"Do you hear that Johan? I think we should be careful about trying to read into what’s happening here."

"Of course, the situation affects my heart," said Ragnar.

"I don't see why the atmosphere should be bad," said Granat.

"No, that's obvious," I said and left the room. 

* 

The day progressed quietly. Christer lay low and took no responsibility, sitting at his desk and writing news stories under a pseudonym. The rest of us did what we had to do. Granat occasionally came by to promote some idea he had cooked up. 

September 11, Wednesday

Today one could tell that Christer had something up his sleeve, because he was suddenly on the ball again. He said he had met Granat last night and thought he would get tired of micromanaging the paper. 

September 16

Granat has measured the articles in the last issue. I wrote 137 cm, Anders 53 cm, Martin 42 cm and so on. He was disappointed because the average was too low in his eyes. 

September 17

Granat stuck his head into the kitchen at around four.

"Is Christer gone?"

"He hasn't been here since yesterday afternoon," I said.

"Did he say anything?"

"Yes, he said he's not coming back until the issue is resolved."

"It was strange. I thought everything was fine now," he said.

"It's just the usual, but I won't say anything, because I don't want to contribute to any misunderstanding," I said. 

September 18

Wednesday afternoon down at Sjöcaféet by Lake Mälaren. The sun is shining, and a gentle wind is blowing. The lapping sound from the boats is calming. Pink pansies on the café table and Gunilla von Bahr's solo flute at low volume. It’s heavenly peaceful and a much-needed contrast to the circus at work. 

September 26

Ann and I left around four. She took a day off and I wrote in the time log that I would buy a dictionary for the newsroom. It was a beautiful fall day, and the sun was shining. We took bus 41 to Östermalmstorg and walked to Akademibokhandeln. Later we ended up at Café Panorama where we talked about writing, life and other deep things until the place closed. She gave me a kiss on the cheek when we parted in the subway under the Åhléns department store.

I called Penny after watching the news show Rapport. It took a long time before she answered. I wondered what I should say about the afternoon, but she showed no signs of jealousy, which disappointed me. Instead, she was depressed as she had a fever, the programming practice had been difficult, and she had received a gloomy letter from her mother. We talked about Friday night, when she was going to a party. She said she wanted to go alone, which hurt me. 

October 1, Tuesday

"It is expected that each reporter submits at least 5 good proposals for articles and justifies them."

(Memo from Granat.) 

I spoke to Lapri who promised less direct involvement from Granat... if we just did exactly what he wanted! 

October 8

Our new "star reporter" Nicke has distinguished himself after only a few weeks. He has no concept of journalism and knows nothing about computers but is shrewd and selfish. He borrowed a Macintosh indefinitely from Apple and got another company to lend him an ergonomic office chair. 

October 13, Sunday

I spent the day alone since Penny is studying, and I need time for myself. Strolling through the city I enjoyed a cold an crisp day. The sun stood quite low. Winter is approaching. I had coffee at the Rålambshov Park, bought a magazine at Fridhemsplan, and took the subway home. Read Zhao Ziyang's preface to the report on the seventh five-year plan, and then the entire report, which was promising. If implemented, China will be transformed into a Keynesian market economy albeit with public ownership. 

* 

Cecilia called me on Saturday and asked me to help her move. She was friendly and it was easy to talk. I promised to do it. 

* 

I'm still sore from spending Thursday night with Penny. I must have pulled a muscle pretty bad and could barely get out of bed on Friday morning. My coworkers were amused by my discomfort since they knew where I had been the night before. 

October 15

"This doesn't look good. We need to have more eye-catching headlines! And why don't you have a bigger picture of IBM? It's one of our biggest advertisers."

Granat was back from his vacation in Spain, and bursting with energy. He sat in the kitchen reviewing last week's issue while Ragnar puffed on a cigarette. Just before nine, Anders came in to make himself a cup of tea. At first Granat followed Anders with his eyes as the latter poured tea water into his cup. Then he struck.

"Anders, I thought you knew that we take a coffee break at ten o'clock here."

"But I'm just going to have a cup of tea and besides, I worked overtime all weekend on the new issue," he replied, his hands shaking and spilling tea on the floor.

"That has nothing to do with it. In this company we stand for our principles. And I think it would be nice if we clean up after ourselves when we spill," Granat said with a boyish smile.

Anders poured out his tea into the sink, wiped up the spill and disappeared from the room red-faced. Meanwhile, I stood with my back to the room and prepared the coffee maker.

"That goes for you too, Videmark," Granat said sharply.

I turned and looked with disdain at the little man with his slick hair, round face, and the fluttering hands. He dropped his eyes and pretended to look at his papers.

"Can I take a cup of coffee back to my desk," I asked.

"Yes, but then you can't take a coffee break at ten," he replied.

I finished preparing the coffee brewer and left the room. Anders was still shaking when I came by his desk. 

October 16, Wednesday

The negotiation with Granat lasted an hour and a half without any agreement. He said he supported the agreement but did not want to pay the contractual increase to everyone. This was especially true for Ann's salary, as he said he had recently adjusted it. I told him that he had to increase everyone's salary according to this year's contract between the Newspaper publishers’ association and the Union of journalists.

"But that is completely unreasonable. As I see it, those who want an increase should ask for it," he said.

"We don't accept that," I said. "Everyone should get the contractual wage increase and starting with the October paycheck!"

"Johan, why don't you try to find work at a place where you feel more comfortable? Last spring, I thought you were open and positive, but I was wrong, because it's clear that you are belligerent and can't take criticism," he said.

"It seems to me that you have never heard of the word dialog. There is something called feedback, but you don't seem to be interested in that," I said.

The newsroom was empty when I came out from the meeting, and I felt a little disappointed that they hadn't waited. The only person left was Nicke, who was sitting in the corner with his Macintosh.

"How did it go?" he asked, smiling.

"Bad! He doesn't listen to anything we say," I said.

Then Ann came running towards me. She said that the whole gang was waiting for me in Christer's car. 

October 17, Thursday

Granat did not show up at the office before noon and looked troubled when I and the rest of the editorial team returned from our lunch. At three Mårten came over and asked if I had "problems" in my chemistry with Granat.

"No, I don't have a problem, but he has a problem with everyone here, except possibly with you."

It was obvious that Granat was using Mårten as his lackey. He had previously refused to hear about the union, but when the club was formed, he joined. And now he called for a union meeting to discuss "the problems." I said that we had called for negotiations because Granat did not want to follow the contract.

"But if we wait until January, it's easier, because the cost will be in next year's budget," Mårten said, adding that he had already spoken to Granat about this.

"We can't accept that," I said.

"But are you sure the others feel the same way?" he said.

"Yes, everyone here at Data Sweden," I replied. 

October 18, Friday

"Johan, we're sitting here working on the agreement. Can you come in for a minute," said Granat, calling from his office.

I armed myself with a pad and pencil and went in.

There he sat behind his elegant desk with his lawyer Rådvill, a reformed hippie in a cream corduroy suit. They had talked to the union, but there were a few issues left, including Ann's salary. I insisted that we had no agreement to exclude her. Then Granat changed the subject and asked if I share what we discuss during the negotiations. I suspected that he tried to frame me for breach of confidentiality, so I kept quiet and let him elaborate a bit. It was the incident with Anders' tea that was at issue. He said that Anders had pressured Kristina Kohl after hearing about my conversation with Granat. I replied that I had to talk to Anders since the insinuations against him were so serious. Granat had claimed that he had been sick on nine occasions over a short time.

"It's hard to avoid that his colleague could have gotten wind of this," I said. 

November 2, Saturday

One year and 11 months with Penny. Where now? What will she do when she finishes her education? 

* 

Ann and I went to Café Opera last Thursday evening. We talked about life and work. She is a wise and keen observer.

"Too bad you're not my big brother," she said on the way there. 

* 

Granat asked if I had "five minutes." He was worried about Tuesday's club meeting but approached the issue gently and asked if the "chemistry" had improved in the newsroom.

"I don't want to preempt the meeting, but one thing is certain and that is that your decision not to give Frans, Torsten and Ann their pay rises is not helping," I said.

He responded with a little speech on how to manage companies, and how important it is for advertising revenue that everyone arrives on time in the morning. In his scenario, the laxity of the us in the newsroom threatened to spread to other departments. I said that I find it difficult to see a direct link between late arrival and advertising revenue, but that I had no objection to people being on time. 

November 10, Sunday

I invited Penny to dinner. She had bought me another birthday present even though my birthday isn't for a couple of weeks. I got two scarves, one turquoise and one burgundy. 

November 14, Thursday

I called her from the Press Club during the club meeting and heard that she sounded upset.

"I thought you left me because I was out last night," she said.

I had said at the beginning of the week that I would stay at home on Tuesday evening, and go to the club meeting on Wednesday, but the meeting had been moved up a day. Her worry made me so happy! 

* 

Christer went ballistic again. He had suggested that we rotate the job of proofreading and introduce a 12-hour working day on Tuesdays for the news reporter on call. I told him that this might be a reasonable suggestion, but that he needs to negotiate the issue.

"What kind of fucking contract masturbation is this? If you're going to keep claiming all the positive things in the contract, I'll make sure you get the negative ones too. You are a bunch of lazy overpaid assholes! You can make your own damn newspaper," he shouted and rushed out of the meeting.

When calm was restored, Lapri took over and tried to lead the meeting, but he soon gave up and disappeared into Granat's office. After an hour, he came by with letters to several of us. The one to me was unforgiving and inappropriate. He wrote that I had refused to work and had not submitted the five article proposals requested by Granat, but I had given him eleven proposals a few days earlier. When he was asked to justify why they were not counted, he could not come up with anything.

“Make sure you're on better footing before you threaten dismissal. It's pathetic," I said and walked away.  

November 18, Monday

What else? Palme's tax affairs, an earthquake in Mexico, a volcanic eruption in Colombia, and Reagan meets Gorbachev. 

* 

The day before yesterday she talked about traveling to England for Easter to see her parents. What does that mean? That she loves me? 

November 23, Saturday.

I am considering going cutting back to working three or four days a week instead of five. 

December 2, Monday.

It’s two years since we met. We celebrated yesterday as she had to study for an exam today. She called me just as I walked in the door to congratulate me, and then told me that she had passed the data structures exam with distinction. 

* 

Ann was walking on clouds today. She is in love and went out to dinner with her beloved last Friday, but also said that her new man has two mistresses.

"I hope he doesn't intend to keep them," I said. 

December 10, Tuesday

At the end of the day, Granat came over to me, red-faced and struggling to put on his dark green loden coat.

"What kind of notices are you putting up?" he said, referring to a note I had put up on the notice board. It was titled "Union member information," and said that Granat had threatened layoffs.

"Is this how you as a union leader try to build a relationship of trust?"

"Well, trust is a two-way process," I replied.

"That's really hurting a business," he said and walked away.

"What you do is hurting humans," I shouted back. 

* 

A little later I suggested that I resign as chairman in favor of Martin, as the infected relationship with Granat makes it difficult for me to do anything useful. In the afternoon, Nicke said that he wanted to join the union. Then came Kohl, who usually says that she hates unions. 

December 11, Wednesday

Penny and I have now been together for two years, and she still shows no sign of choosing me. She will leave me before the summer. 

December 13, Friday

We had a Lucia party at work. Granat's wife Annette talked to me for a long time, which was both surprising and nice. She told me that she bakes all the bread herself, eight loaves at a time. Their household consists of seven people and consumes eight liters of milk per day. She said that her parents are from Småland and that she keeps in touch with some elderly people in her neighborhood, and usually invites them to the family Christmas dinner. She wants to preserve a culture of responsibility, order and personal relationships. 

December 19, Thursday

Martin and I went into the conference room and sat down on one side of the table, while Granat and Lapri sat on the other. Then I handed over a paper with the salary demands specified for Ragnar, Kalle, Ann and Frans. Granat acted surprised (although Pekka Neiman had been informed well in advance) and referred to special agreements with Kalle and Ragnar. He requested an adjournment for a "technical" examination, and we agreed.

When we met again, he repeated his claim that he had reached a verbal agreement with Ann, which she had vehemently denied. Since he refused to budge, I told him that the club has the right of interpretation here, and that he has ten days to take the issue to the Union centrally. (He was later heard to describe this moment to Lapri as having been punched in the stomach).

After the negotiations, the other journalists were let in.

"The company is not doing well, and Data Sweden is doing particularly badly," Granat said, proposing a cut of four editorial positions.

However, he did not want to negotiate this since then he would have to follow the principle of rotation and fire his pet Nicke first. He therefore urged everyone who could to look for other jobs or reduce their working hours. 

* 

During the night I got sick and woke up at half past one with chills. Went to the toilet and vomited violently. I had a fever of 41 degrees. The next morning the chills had subsided, but the fever was high. Only on Wednesday could I resume studying.

I called Kalle Tapp and Ragnar to see if Granat had pressured them. Tapp said that he had had a long conversation with Granat and written a letter in which he "washed his hands." He was slippery but did not deny that he had agreed that we should  negotiate on his behalf, but now he wanted to handle the matter himself. He had worked with Granat for many years and never had any problems, he said.

He was worried about his livelihood, but at the end of our conversation he did say that he was glad we had raised the issue since Granat was now listening to him, and that he would get to negotiate his terms.

Then I called Ragnar. I would have preferred not to, as he had just had heart surgery, but I had to get there before Granat. He was glad I that called, and thought we had done the right thing, but said he would go to Granat on Thursday, and talk to him directly. "In that case we'll wait and see what happens," I said.

Finally, I called Martin and gave him the background, as he has to negotiate without me tomorrow. 

January 4, 1986, Saturday

Celebrated Christmas Eve with Penny, Christmas Day with Georg and Eleena, as well as New Year's Eve. They served lobster! I called mom in Florida to wish her a happy new year. 

January 7

Anders resigned today. 

January 9

Talked to Penny. She had spoken to her mother, who said that Christmas had been subdued now that her brother was gone. She was also told that she should move back home and get married. She said that she was thinking about getting an internship in England, and that I could rent her flat. If she continues to work there, I would be able to rent it on a long-term basis.

"But what about us?" I asked.

She said she is torn as she wants to be close to her parents and her nephew. Again, I am on the verge of being devastated. Yet I cannot judge her, but only curse my fate and my patience. 

January 23

Yesterday I submitted my reply to Granat's request and proposed to cut my hours to 50 percent. I asked for 6,500 kr/month.

I quizzed Penny ahead of her statistics test. She knew her stuff. After the exam, her whole class is going out for dinner and dancing. I don't mind, but it makes me sad that she won't even tell me where they're going. 

January 31

Just returned from the annual meeting of the journalists' club. Nicke and Kohl were furious and wanted to leave when they weren't allowed to vote. But they are not members! A new board was elected: Martin became chairman, Torsten vice, Ann treasurer and I secretary. All's well that ends well. 

February 2, Sunday

Penny makes me so sad when she refuses to include me in her future. I exist only in the present. 

February 6

My mom is coming home on March 9. Where should I stay? 

* 

The office receptionist Anneli resigned. A new salesperson quit after four hours. Christer said in confidence that he is applying for the job of editor-in-chief of our main competitor. 

February 9, Sunday

I left her and went to Vau-de-Ville where I ordered an Irish coffee and tried to formulate a poem, the first in a long time. Ann told me at lunch on Friday that I must break away, get a mistress and dare to be a little "crazy." She had asked how I was feeling, and I had replied that "I feel drained." She grabbed my thoughtless, but not entirely untrue expression and gave it a decisive meaning. Her "attack" shook me, even though I argued against it with all the force of reason. She protested that I always come up with a "but." I didn't know how to respond after she disarmed this defense. I searched but found no answer without a "but."

We had dinner at restaurant Kanton on Swedenborgsgatan. She wanted to go home afterwards, but I wanted to go out dancing. She gave in and we went to l'Etoile, where we danced a few dances, but she wasn't very lively. At quarter to twelve we went to her house, but she didn't want to make love. It's like she's always tired when she goes out with me, but when they had a class party she managed to stay up until four in the morning. 

February 12

Today was the announcement. Granat’s lawyer Rådvill and Ekblad from the Union of Journalists have finished negotiating Ann's salary. She will get 9,000 kr per month, and retroactively from October 1. 

February 21

We celebrated our colleague Frans who left this week. Ann, Anders, Martin, Frans, and I went to restaurant Jakob Skräddare. Martin, Frans and I continued a little later to the Ritz, where Frans got us past the queue. Two girls around 25 came over to hug him.

Frans, Martin, and I discussed the 70s versus the 80s. Frans rejected most things in the 70s, while Martin and I defended the essence if not the extremes. Martin left around noon, but Frans and I stayed behind.

"Come and I'll show you my secret places at the Ritz," he said, guiding me to a double door at the bottom of the entrance stairs. Next to it sat some girls he knew. He got one to join us, and carefully opened the door.

"Come along, but quickly so that no one sees us," he said.

We entered a corridor in the basement of Hotel Malmen. There was a piano and a couple of small sofas. Frans sat down and started playing while singing Ain't misbehavin. After two songs we returned to the Ritz.

"I've known about the hidden rooms since last fall. You can sneak away there if you want to talk to girls or make love to them," he said.

A little later he met a girl he knew, and they left together.

"She'll sleep with you if you just tell her," he told me the next day. 

February 22, Saturday

It is almost midnight, and I am drinking my whiskey listening to Andrew Lloyd Webber. A moment ago, I was lying in her bed, dressed and disappointed. One of three girls in a party was flirting with me in the subway. I looked at her but couldn't bring myself to smile at her. 

* 

I slept with her on Friday night, and on Saturday she made herself unusually pretty with dark red lipstick and a black bow in her beautiful hair. We walked down to Sergels Torg, where we both bought a bag of books at the annual book sale. At Vau-de-Ville she had a croque monsieur and I had a baguette with brie. We drank red wine and it felt like a vacation. The sun was shining, but it was cold, too cold. I had some errands to run, so we split after agreeing to go out tonight.

When I came to her around six, she had changed into her pajama, which made me disappointed. I insisted that we go out and she went into the bathroom as if to get ready. But after a while, she came back out, laid down on her bed and impishly said, "I refuse." It annoyed me, but there wasn't much I could do about it. 

March 1, Sunday

Palme was murdered last night.

It's incredible and scary.

A shadow hangs over the city and the country.

I was not particularly fond of him, found him too fixated on the exercise of power, too much of a Jesuit. The murder, however, shifts the perspective and gives him a different historical role than if he had lived on. He died in the midst of success, just like JFK.

I feel sadness, a feeling reinforced by the collective grief conveyed in the press, radio, and TV. We must all reprogram ourselves, learn to live without him. He had become a constant feature of everyday life, whether you loved or hated him, but now this polarizing personality is gone. I sympathized with his quest to live without bodyguards and have seen him walking alone in the Old Town. He looked so small and fragile, which gave a more human image than the one we saw in the media. 

March 11

Mom came home from Miami on Sunday, looking tan and healthy. Her stay there has been good for her, but I no longer live alone. 

March 12

Penny had friends from school over we didn't see each other. I had been looking forward to go out with the gang from the paper, but that fell through, so I went to Vau-de-Ville alone with two New York Review of Books in my back pocket. I read an essay on Czesław Miłosz's latest book and an interview with him. It dealt with existential issues, human nature, rationality and religion, democracy, and totalitarianism. Among other things, he said that while rationalism has given rise to utopian dictatorships, it has also given birth to Western democracy. Metaphysics, on the other hand, has only given birth to dictatorships. 

April 5, Saturday

Torsten resigned on Friday. Louise said that Tom in the graphics department has resigned and that Lotta intends to resign immediately after the holidays. Kristina Kohl is also considering quitting. 

April 6

"I want you to touch me down there," she said as I caressed her breasts.

"Then you'll have to show it," I said.

"But I'm telling you."

"Show it with your body," I said. 

April 19, Saturday

Torsten worked his last day on Wednesday. Lasse, who started a month ago, quit that morning. Ann intends to resign next week. She told me that Lapri had said that all the trouble was because of me, and that they had noted in my "dossier" that I had called him paranoid.

I resigned yesterday. Granat said nothing, but Lapri congratulated me, and gave me a bottle of whiskey as a farewell gift.

Trying to be Normal is the third part of  novel with the working title Shifting Passions.