It was a grim Christer who emerged
from the meeting with Granat. He went straight to his desk, picked up his car
keys and disappeared from of the building. We heard him start the engine and drive
off in his Volvo. Minutes later, Lapri came over and asked me to manage the
production. Two hours later, Christer came back, and asked me to meet him in
the kitchen.
"You know the new circulation
figures came out this morning. We're now the biggest computer newspaper and it's
all thanks to me. Per-Åke congratulated me this morning,
but he's actually going to take full credit for the success," he said.
Later in the day, Granat called a meeting to inform us journalists about the circulation success, which he intended to celebrate with a party. We would be there, but he reminded us that the feast was for the guests and not for us.
*
Thursday was the "big day"
and we helped set up two big tents in the parking lot for the buffet. When we
had finished, I wrote a short letter to Granat requesting a meeting to discuss
some union matters. These included the need for a petty cash fund, noise
reduction screens in the office, Ann's salary which should be converted to a
monthly salary, and the fact that we had not received the holiday allowance. I
put the letter in Granat's inbox and five minutes later he showed up at my
workstation. He didn't want to risk any hard feelings at the party, so he said
he was open to specific suggestions, but didn't think there were any in my
letter. As for Ann's terms, he referred to Hurtig who said that Granat would
not allow him to do anything, and when I asked him again, he referred to Lapri,
who in his turn referred to Hurtig!
"But this is ridiculous! Is this
some kind of game you're playing," I told Lapri.
"Okay, Johan. You'll get a decision on Friday," he said.
*
We journalists felt completely left
out of the party. When the advertisers and publicity people started to trickle
in, Micke Reija went over to the buffet and brought back two full glasses of
white wine. He gave me one and we toasted. The rest of the reporters soon did
the same thing, and when the glasses were empty, we went back for more. At
three Granat took the microphone.
"Welcome, dear friends! We have all gathered here today because we all have the same goal, to make money," he began, and then gave the new circulation figures, but did not say a word about Christer's or anyone else's efforts.
*
Christer didn't come to work on Friday,
so I called him at home. He said he was so depressed that he had called in
sick. He didn't give a damn about the production even though we were already
far behind because of Thursday's party.
“Johan,
what do you think we should do with Christer? Isn't there some way we can cheer
him up?" said Granat when he came by half an hour later.
"Why not send him and his wife
to Mallorca for a couple of weeks in recognition of his efforts," I said.
He jumped, but didn't answer, and
went back to his office. An hour later he came back and handed out leftover
bottles of champagne.
August 26, Tuesday
Pekka Neiman showed up with the pay
envelopes at two. I got 6,034 kr after tax, but Ann only got 2,200 kr, compared
to 3,600 kr the month before. I went with her to Neiman's office to look into
the matter, but he said he was in a hurry for a wedding. Then I went to Lapri.
"Why haven't you resolved the
issue of Ann's salary?"
"It's been so busy because
Christer has been making trouble."
"That not right. You promised to
fix this. There is only one acceptable solution, and that is to give her a
full-time job and 8,000 kr per month," I said.
"Okay," Lapri said, and
walked in to Granat’s office.
He came back an hour later and asked
to speak to me.
"It is not possible to make a
decision today because Christer has not submitted the personnel plan requested
by Granat for two months."
"No, no, you can't keep going
back and forth like this. You can't treat a person like this," I said.
"Yes, I understand, and I agree. We will have a decision on Wednesday. You can tell Ann that she will get her full-time position and a pay rise."
August 28, Wednesday
Ann finally received the news of her
full-time job and the new salary. It was undeniably a victory, because I had
told Hurtig that I would not give an inch here. At three we had a meeting with
Granat who promised to fix the vacation allowance quickly.
"In the future, could you warn me if you include something in the agreement that you suspect that I might not like," he said at the end of the meeting.
September 2, Tuesday
When I came to work this morning, I
was told that Christer had resigned. Micke, Torsten, Ann, and I met in the
kitchen, where the ad salesmen Johnny and Johan were sitting, as well as Mårten
from the Personal Computer magazine. Eventually Lapri showed up with a joke on
his lip, but no one laughed. I called him to account for the latest crisis, but
he downplayed it and said it was due to Christer's family problems.
"And we are supposed to believe
that? Doesn't anyone see that something is wrong when one after another jump
ship?"
He was under pressure and replied
that they had to reorganize the editorial team.
"First you'll have to call a
meeting to negotiate," I said.
While we were discussing, Christer
showed up.
"Why did you quite?" I
asked.
"Who told you that?" he
first replied, but then admitted that he had resigned.
"What happened?"
"I can't tell you."
We in the editorial team decided to keep working, but not to make any extra effort to save this week's issue. The management had to take responsibility for the crisis, which Lapri did by throwing himself into production and involving the other editorial teams.
September 4, Wednesday
Granat called and asked me to come
into his office.
"Johan, I hear there are
problems in the newsroom," he said as I sat down at the large mahogany
conference table.
"We are upset that Christer left
and think the management should take this as a sign that something is
wrong."
"Johan, you have to understand
that we work with a well-thought-out philosophy at this company. It’s
often difficult for entrepreneurs to take the leap from a small company to a
medium-sized one, and that is where we are now. If we are to succeed, we all
need to pull together. It would therefore be good if you could define the
conflict that you seem to see between me and Christer since I’m not aware of
it. It seems that we have been hit by psychological problems at the
company," he said.
"I don't think this is a
conflict that you solve with psychotherapy. I would suggest that you engage in
some introspection," I said.
"It's sad that you have such a negative attitude," he said.
September 6, Friday
Christer withdrew his resignation on the promise that he could continue to run the newspaper as he did in the spring.
*
"Johan, can you spare a
moment?" Granat called out. He was talking to Lapri and Christer.
I went there and was met with the
next question:
"Did you say that it is clear
that Ann has a monthly salary?"
"Are you going back on your
promise?"
"No, no, it will be fine, but if we expand one position from part-time to full-time, we have to reduce another from full-time to part-time," he said.
They left for lunch without waiting
for an answer. I thought about it for a while and then wrote a letter
explaining that I considered Ann to be a full-time employee from September 1 and
pointed out that Lapri had complained last week that Ann had left half an hour
before five "now that she has a full-time job." She had been working
full-time for a long time and was therefore to be considered a full-time
employee according to Swedish labor market practice.
He received the letter after lunch.
Then Ann went in and talked to him. He promised that she would be informed
before five o'clock, and indeed she was: full-time and 8,100 kr per month. We
celebrated with dinner at Café Opera.
I called Penny from the café. She was a bit suspicious and warned me not to do something I would regret.
*
Ann was so lovable, and her eyes shone with intelligence and human warmth. She wants to be a writer and I'm sure she will be. My conversations with her give me an intellectual kick, which makes me think about my relationship with Penny.
September 9, Monday
Granat seems to have decided to
micromanage the paper. Ragnar called in sick this morning, presumably in
protest at the imposition of a new layout.
"Ragnar is probably feeling ignored," I told Granat when he asked where he was.
September 10
"Were you sick yesterday,
Ragnar? I'm curious, because Johan says you were away because you were unhappy
with the new layout," he said over his morning coffee in the kitchen.
"I didn't feel so well
yesterday," he replied.
"Do you hear that Johan? I think
we should be careful about trying to read into what’s
happening here."
"Of course, the situation
affects my heart," said Ragnar.
"I don't see why the atmosphere
should be bad," said Granat.
"No, that's obvious," I said and left the room.
*
The day progressed quietly. Christer lay low and took no responsibility, sitting at his desk and writing news stories under a pseudonym. The rest of us did what we had to do. Granat occasionally came by to promote some idea he had cooked up.
September 11, Wednesday
Today one could tell that Christer had something up his sleeve, because he was suddenly on the ball again. He said he had met Granat last night and thought he would get tired of micromanaging the paper.
September 16
Granat has measured the articles in the last issue. I wrote 137 cm, Anders 53 cm, Martin 42 cm and so on. He was disappointed because the average was too low in his eyes.
September 17
Granat stuck his head into the
kitchen at around four.
"Is Christer gone?"
"He hasn't been here since
yesterday afternoon," I said.
"Did he say anything?"
"Yes, he said he's not coming
back until the issue is resolved."
"It was strange. I thought
everything was fine now," he said.
"It's just the usual, but I won't say anything, because I don't want to contribute to any misunderstanding," I said.
September 18
Wednesday afternoon down at Sjöcaféet by Lake Mälaren. The sun is shining, and a gentle wind is blowing. The lapping sound from the boats is calming. Pink pansies on the café table and Gunilla von Bahr's solo flute at low volume. It’s heavenly peaceful and a much-needed contrast to the circus at work.
September 26
Ann and I left around four. She took
a day off and I wrote in the time log that I would buy a dictionary for the
newsroom. It was a beautiful fall day, and the sun was shining. We took bus 41
to Östermalmstorg
and walked to Akademibokhandeln. Later we ended up at Café Panorama where we
talked about writing, life and other deep things until the place closed. She
gave me a kiss on the cheek when we parted in the subway under the Åhléns
department store.
I called Penny after watching the news show Rapport. It took a long time before she answered. I wondered what I should say about the afternoon, but she showed no signs of jealousy, which disappointed me. Instead, she was depressed as she had a fever, the programming practice had been difficult, and she had received a gloomy letter from her mother. We talked about Friday night, when she was going to a party. She said she wanted to go alone, which hurt me.
October 1, Tuesday
"It
is expected that each reporter submits at least 5 good proposals for articles
and justifies them."
(Memo from Granat.)
I spoke to Lapri who promised less direct involvement from Granat... if we just did exactly what he wanted!
October 8
Our new "star reporter" Nicke has distinguished himself after only a few weeks. He has no concept of journalism and knows nothing about computers but is shrewd and selfish. He borrowed a Macintosh indefinitely from Apple and got another company to lend him an ergonomic office chair.
October 13, Sunday
I spent the day alone since Penny is studying, and I need time for myself. Strolling through the city I enjoyed a cold an crisp day. The sun stood quite low. Winter is approaching. I had coffee at the Rålambshov Park, bought a magazine at Fridhemsplan, and took the subway home. Read Zhao Ziyang's preface to the report on the seventh five-year plan, and then the entire report, which was promising. If implemented, China will be transformed into a Keynesian market economy albeit with public ownership.
*
Cecilia called me on Saturday and asked me to help her move. She was friendly and it was easy to talk. I promised to do it.
*
I'm still sore from spending Thursday night with Penny. I must have pulled a muscle pretty bad and could barely get out of bed on Friday morning. My coworkers were amused by my discomfort since they knew where I had been the night before.
October 15
"This doesn't look good. We need
to have more eye-catching headlines! And why don't you have a bigger picture of
IBM? It's one of our biggest advertisers."
Granat was back from his vacation in
Spain, and bursting with energy. He sat in the kitchen reviewing last week's
issue while Ragnar puffed on a cigarette. Just before nine, Anders came in to
make himself a cup of tea. At first Granat followed Anders with his eyes as the
latter poured tea water into his cup. Then he struck.
"Anders, I thought you knew that
we take a coffee break at ten o'clock here."
"But I'm just going to have a
cup of tea and besides, I worked overtime all weekend on the new issue,"
he replied, his hands shaking and spilling tea on the floor.
"That has nothing to do with it.
In this company we stand for our principles. And I think it would be nice if we
clean up after ourselves when we spill," Granat said with a boyish smile.
Anders poured out his tea into the
sink, wiped up the spill and disappeared from the room red-faced. Meanwhile, I
stood with my back to the room and prepared the coffee maker.
"That goes for you too,
Videmark," Granat said sharply.
I turned and looked with disdain at
the little man with his slick hair, round face, and the fluttering hands. He
dropped his eyes and pretended to look at his papers.
"Can I take a cup of coffee back
to my desk," I asked.
"Yes, but then you can't take a
coffee break at ten," he replied.
I finished preparing the coffee brewer and left the room. Anders was still shaking when I came by his desk.
October 16, Wednesday
The negotiation with Granat lasted an
hour and a half without any agreement. He said he supported the agreement but
did not want to pay the contractual increase to everyone. This was especially
true for Ann's salary, as he said he had recently adjusted it. I told him that
he had to increase everyone's salary according to this year's contract between
the Newspaper publishers’ association and the Union of
journalists.
"But that is completely
unreasonable. As I see it, those who want an increase should ask for it,"
he said.
"We don't accept that," I
said. "Everyone should get the contractual wage increase and starting with
the October paycheck!"
"Johan, why don't you try to
find work at a place where you feel more comfortable? Last spring, I thought
you were open and positive, but I was wrong, because it's clear that you are
belligerent and can't take criticism," he said.
"It seems to me that you have
never heard of the word dialog. There is something called feedback, but you
don't seem to be interested in that," I said.
The newsroom was empty when I came
out from the meeting, and I felt a little disappointed that they hadn't waited.
The only person left was Nicke, who was sitting in the corner with his
Macintosh.
"How did it go?" he asked,
smiling.
"Bad! He doesn't listen to
anything we say," I said.
Then Ann came running towards me. She said that the whole gang was waiting for me in Christer's car.
October 17, Thursday
Granat did not show up at the office
before noon and looked troubled when I and the rest of the editorial team
returned from our lunch. At three Mårten came over and asked if I had
"problems" in my chemistry with Granat.
"No, I don't have a problem, but
he has a problem with everyone here, except possibly with you."
It was obvious that Granat was using
Mårten
as his lackey. He had previously refused to hear about the union, but when the
club was formed, he joined. And now he called for a union meeting to discuss
"the problems." I said that we had called for negotiations because
Granat did not want to follow the contract.
"But if we wait until January,
it's easier, because the cost will be in next year's budget," Mårten
said, adding that he had already spoken to Granat about this.
"We can't accept that," I
said.
"But are you sure the others feel
the same way?" he said.
"Yes, everyone here at Data Sweden," I replied.
October 18, Friday
"Johan, we're sitting here
working on the agreement. Can you come in for a minute," said Granat,
calling from his office.
I armed myself with a pad and pencil
and went in.
There he sat behind his elegant desk
with his lawyer Rådvill, a reformed hippie in a cream
corduroy suit. They had talked to the union, but there were a few issues left,
including Ann's salary. I insisted that we had no agreement to exclude her.
Then Granat changed the subject and asked if I share what we discuss during the
negotiations. I suspected that he tried to frame me for breach of
confidentiality, so I kept quiet and let him elaborate a bit. It was the
incident with Anders' tea that was at issue. He said that Anders had pressured
Kristina Kohl after hearing about my conversation with Granat. I replied that I
had to talk to Anders since the insinuations against him were so serious.
Granat had claimed that he had been sick on nine occasions over a short time.
"It's hard to avoid that his colleague could have gotten wind of this," I said.
November 2, Saturday
One year and 11 months with Penny. Where now? What will she do when she finishes her education?
*
Ann and I went to Café
Opera last Thursday evening. We talked about life and work. She is a wise and
keen observer.
"Too bad you're not my big brother," she said on the way there.
*
Granat asked if I had "five
minutes." He was worried about Tuesday's club meeting but approached the
issue gently and asked if the "chemistry" had improved in the
newsroom.
"I don't want to preempt the
meeting, but one thing is certain and that is that your decision not to give
Frans, Torsten and Ann their pay rises is not helping," I said.
He responded with a little speech on how to manage companies, and how important it is for advertising revenue that everyone arrives on time in the morning. In his scenario, the laxity of the us in the newsroom threatened to spread to other departments. I said that I find it difficult to see a direct link between late arrival and advertising revenue, but that I had no objection to people being on time.
November 10, Sunday
I invited Penny to dinner. She had bought me another birthday present even though my birthday isn't for a couple of weeks. I got two scarves, one turquoise and one burgundy.
November 14, Thursday
I called her from the Press Club
during the club meeting and heard that she sounded upset.
"I thought you left me because I
was out last night," she said.
I had said at the beginning of the week that I would stay at home on Tuesday evening, and go to the club meeting on Wednesday, but the meeting had been moved up a day. Her worry made me so happy!
*
Christer went ballistic again. He had
suggested that we rotate the job of proofreading and introduce a 12-hour
working day on Tuesdays for the news reporter on call. I told him that this
might be a reasonable suggestion, but that he needs to negotiate the issue.
"What kind of fucking contract
masturbation is this? If you're going to keep claiming all the positive things
in the contract, I'll make sure you get the negative ones too. You are a bunch
of lazy overpaid assholes! You can make your own damn newspaper," he
shouted and rushed out of the meeting.
When calm was restored, Lapri took
over and tried to lead the meeting, but he soon gave up and disappeared into
Granat's office. After an hour, he came by with letters to several of us. The
one to me was unforgiving and inappropriate. He wrote that I had refused to work
and had not submitted the five article proposals requested by Granat, but I had
given him eleven proposals a few days earlier. When he was asked to justify why
they were not counted, he could not come up with anything.
“Make sure you're on better footing before you threaten dismissal. It's pathetic," I said and walked away.
November 18, Monday
What else? Palme's tax affairs, an earthquake in Mexico, a volcanic eruption in Colombia, and Reagan meets Gorbachev.
*
The day before yesterday she talked about traveling to England for Easter to see her parents. What does that mean? That she loves me?
November 23, Saturday.
I am considering going cutting back to working three or four days a week instead of five.
December 2, Monday.
It’s two years since we met. We celebrated yesterday as she had to study for an exam today. She called me just as I walked in the door to congratulate me, and then told me that she had passed the data structures exam with distinction.
*
Ann was walking on clouds today. She
is in love and went out to dinner with her beloved last Friday, but also said
that her new man has two mistresses.
"I hope he doesn't intend to keep them," I said.
December 10, Tuesday
At the end of the day, Granat came
over to me, red-faced and struggling to put on his dark green loden coat.
"What kind of notices are you
putting up?" he said, referring to a note I had put up on the notice
board. It was titled "Union member information," and said that Granat
had threatened layoffs.
"Is this how you as a union
leader try to build a relationship of trust?"
"Well, trust is a two-way
process," I replied.
"That's really hurting a
business," he said and walked away.
"What you do is hurting humans," I shouted back.
*
A little later I suggested that I resign as chairman in favor of Martin, as the infected relationship with Granat makes it difficult for me to do anything useful. In the afternoon, Nicke said that he wanted to join the union. Then came Kohl, who usually says that she hates unions.
December 11, Wednesday
Penny and I have now been together for two years, and she still shows no sign of choosing me. She will leave me before the summer.
December 13, Friday
We had a Lucia party at work. Granat's wife Annette talked to me for a long time, which was both surprising and nice. She told me that she bakes all the bread herself, eight loaves at a time. Their household consists of seven people and consumes eight liters of milk per day. She said that her parents are from Småland and that she keeps in touch with some elderly people in her neighborhood, and usually invites them to the family Christmas dinner. She wants to preserve a culture of responsibility, order and personal relationships.
December 19, Thursday
Martin and I went into the conference
room and sat down on one side of the table, while Granat and Lapri sat on the
other. Then I handed over a paper with the salary demands specified for Ragnar,
Kalle, Ann and Frans. Granat acted surprised (although Pekka Neiman had been
informed well in advance) and referred to special agreements with Kalle and
Ragnar. He requested an adjournment for a "technical" examination,
and we agreed.
When we met again, he repeated his
claim that he had reached a verbal agreement with Ann, which she had vehemently
denied. Since he refused to budge, I told him that the club has the right of
interpretation here, and that he has ten days to take the issue to the Union
centrally. (He was later heard to describe this moment to Lapri as having been
punched in the stomach).
After the negotiations, the other
journalists were let in.
"The company is not doing well,
and Data Sweden is doing particularly badly," Granat said, proposing a cut
of four editorial positions.
However, he did not want to negotiate this since then he would have to follow the principle of rotation and fire his pet Nicke first. He therefore urged everyone who could to look for other jobs or reduce their working hours.
*
During the night I got sick and woke
up at half past one with chills. Went to the toilet and vomited violently. I
had a fever of 41 degrees. The next morning the chills had subsided, but the
fever was high. Only on Wednesday could I resume studying.
I called Kalle Tapp and Ragnar to see
if Granat had pressured them. Tapp said that he had had a long conversation
with Granat and written a letter in which he "washed his hands." He
was slippery but did not deny that he had agreed that we should negotiate on his behalf, but now he wanted to
handle the matter himself. He had worked with Granat for many years and never
had any problems, he said.
He was worried about his livelihood,
but at the end of our conversation he did say that he was glad we had raised
the issue since Granat was now listening to him, and that he would get to
negotiate his terms.
Then I called Ragnar. I would have
preferred not to, as he had just had heart surgery, but I had to get there
before Granat. He was glad I that called, and thought we had done the right
thing, but said he would go to Granat on Thursday, and talk to him directly.
"In that case we'll wait and see what happens," I said.
Finally, I called Martin and gave him the background, as he has to negotiate without me tomorrow.
January 4, 1986, Saturday
Celebrated Christmas Eve with Penny, Christmas Day with Georg and Eleena, as well as New Year's Eve. They served lobster! I called mom in Florida to wish her a happy new year.
January 7
Anders resigned today.
January 9
Talked to Penny. She had spoken to
her mother, who said that Christmas had been subdued now that her brother was
gone. She was also told that she should move back home and get married. She
said that she was thinking about getting an internship in England, and that I
could rent her flat. If she continues to work there, I would be able to rent it
on a long-term basis.
"But what about us?" I
asked.
She said she is torn as she wants to be close to her parents and her nephew. Again, I am on the verge of being devastated. Yet I cannot judge her, but only curse my fate and my patience.
January 23
Yesterday I submitted my reply to
Granat's request and proposed to cut my hours to 50 percent. I asked for 6,500
kr/month.
I quizzed Penny ahead of her statistics test. She knew her stuff. After the exam, her whole class is going out for dinner and dancing. I don't mind, but it makes me sad that she won't even tell me where they're going.
January 31
Just returned from the annual meeting of the journalists' club. Nicke and Kohl were furious and wanted to leave when they weren't allowed to vote. But they are not members! A new board was elected: Martin became chairman, Torsten vice, Ann treasurer and I secretary. All's well that ends well.
February 2, Sunday
Penny makes me so sad when she refuses to include me in her future. I exist only in the present.
February 6
My mom is coming home on March 9. Where should I stay?
*
The office receptionist Anneli resigned. A new salesperson quit after four hours. Christer said in confidence that he is applying for the job of editor-in-chief of our main competitor.
February 9, Sunday
I left her and went to Vau-de-Ville
where I ordered an Irish coffee and tried to formulate a poem, the first in a
long time. Ann told me at lunch on Friday that I must break away, get a
mistress and dare to be a little "crazy." She had asked how I was feeling,
and I had replied that "I feel drained." She grabbed my thoughtless,
but not entirely untrue expression and gave it a decisive meaning. Her
"attack" shook me, even though I argued against it with all the force
of reason. She protested that I always come up with a "but." I didn't
know how to respond after she disarmed this defense. I searched but found no
answer without a "but."
We had dinner at restaurant Kanton on Swedenborgsgatan. She wanted to go home afterwards, but I wanted to go out dancing. She gave in and we went to l'Etoile, where we danced a few dances, but she wasn't very lively. At quarter to twelve we went to her house, but she didn't want to make love. It's like she's always tired when she goes out with me, but when they had a class party she managed to stay up until four in the morning.
February 12
Today was the announcement. Granat’s lawyer Rådvill and Ekblad from the Union of Journalists have finished negotiating Ann's salary. She will get 9,000 kr per month, and retroactively from October 1.
February 21
We celebrated our colleague Frans who
left this week. Ann, Anders, Martin, Frans, and I went to restaurant Jakob Skräddare.
Martin, Frans and I continued a little later to the Ritz, where Frans got us
past the queue. Two girls around 25 came over to hug him.
Frans, Martin, and I discussed the
70s versus the 80s. Frans rejected most things in the 70s, while Martin and I
defended the essence if not the extremes. Martin left around noon, but Frans
and I stayed behind.
"Come and I'll show you my
secret places at the Ritz," he said, guiding me to a double door at the
bottom of the entrance stairs. Next to it sat some girls he knew. He got one to
join us, and carefully opened the door.
"Come along, but quickly so that
no one sees us," he said.
We entered a corridor in the basement
of Hotel Malmen. There was a piano and a couple of small sofas. Frans sat down
and started playing while singing Ain't misbehavin. After two songs we returned
to the Ritz.
"I've known about the hidden
rooms since last fall. You can sneak away there if you want to talk to girls or
make love to them," he said.
A little later he met a girl he knew,
and they left together.
"She'll sleep with you if you just tell her," he told me the next day.
February 22, Saturday
It is almost midnight, and I am drinking my whiskey listening to Andrew Lloyd Webber. A moment ago, I was lying in her bed, dressed and disappointed. One of three girls in a party was flirting with me in the subway. I looked at her but couldn't bring myself to smile at her.
*
I slept with her on Friday night, and
on Saturday she made herself unusually pretty with dark red lipstick and a
black bow in her beautiful hair. We walked down to Sergels Torg, where we both
bought a bag of books at the annual book sale. At Vau-de-Ville she had a croque
monsieur and I had a baguette with brie. We drank red wine and it felt like a
vacation. The sun was shining, but it was cold, too cold. I had some errands to
run, so we split after agreeing to go out tonight.
When I came to her around six, she had changed into her pajama, which made me disappointed. I insisted that we go out and she went into the bathroom as if to get ready. But after a while, she came back out, laid down on her bed and impishly said, "I refuse." It annoyed me, but there wasn't much I could do about it.
March 1, Sunday
Palme was murdered last night.
It's incredible and scary.
A shadow hangs over the city and the
country.
I was not particularly fond of him,
found him too fixated on the exercise of power, too much of a Jesuit. The
murder, however, shifts the perspective and gives him a different historical
role than if he had lived on. He died in the midst of success, just like JFK.
I feel sadness, a feeling reinforced by the collective grief conveyed in the press, radio, and TV. We must all reprogram ourselves, learn to live without him. He had become a constant feature of everyday life, whether you loved or hated him, but now this polarizing personality is gone. I sympathized with his quest to live without bodyguards and have seen him walking alone in the Old Town. He looked so small and fragile, which gave a more human image than the one we saw in the media.
March 11
Mom came home from Miami on Sunday, looking tan and healthy. Her stay there has been good for her, but I no longer live alone.
March 12
Penny had friends from school over we didn't see each other. I had been looking forward to go out with the gang from the paper, but that fell through, so I went to Vau-de-Ville alone with two New York Review of Books in my back pocket. I read an essay on Czesław Miłosz's latest book and an interview with him. It dealt with existential issues, human nature, rationality and religion, democracy, and totalitarianism. Among other things, he said that while rationalism has given rise to utopian dictatorships, it has also given birth to Western democracy. Metaphysics, on the other hand, has only given birth to dictatorships.
April 5, Saturday
Torsten resigned on Friday. Louise said that Tom in the graphics department has resigned and that Lotta intends to resign immediately after the holidays. Kristina Kohl is also considering quitting.
April 6
"I want you to touch me down
there," she said as I caressed her breasts.
"Then you'll have to show
it," I said.
"But I'm telling you."
"Show it with your body," I said.
April 19, Saturday
Torsten worked his last day on
Wednesday. Lasse, who started a month ago, quit that morning. Ann intends to
resign next week. She told me that Lapri had said that all the trouble was
because of me, and that they had noted in my "dossier" that I had
called him paranoid.
I resigned yesterday. Granat said nothing,
but Lapri congratulated me, and gave me a bottle of whiskey as a farewell gift.
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